F110
White Ribbon Day
November 19 2014
Comments
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Hottie1
10 years ago
Can destroy you if you let it. My father was a hard man , devoid of any love or decency. I watched him physically, mentally and emotionally abuse my mother, he then turned it on his two daughters, my sister and me. Years and years of abuse ensued. My story though horrible and hard to recount is not one of being a victim but being a survivor. I left home the day after he pointed a loaded gun at me, my mother did nothing to protect her children. I know many of you will try to get me to see it from her point of view, she couldn't escape the violence blah, blah, blah. I'm a mother, my children's emotional and physical well being is paramount, no person will abuse them ever! Now I want to say to anyone who has or is experiencing violence, please seek help - YOU MATTER! Much love Mary xx Meander, thank you for your courage in raising this very difficult topic xx
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Twisted_Mister
10 years ago
And the results, at work. On a parallel note, I laughed my guts out when that nong Julien Blanc got effectively thrown out of the country because of his 'dating' workshops. I don't mind being dominant when the occasion requires and with the requisite ground rules are established, but some time back I met someone on another site who wanted to be choked, slapped (across the face, hard) and had all these rape fantasies. Please note I interpret this as the desires of one woman only, not all women. It was an immediate no thank you. I'm just not wired that way. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I've posted this before but it seems timely to mention it again. A family member experienced long-term domestic violence. She said she would leave many times but always went back. Eventually my husband and I sought advice from a DV crisis centre. They were great and talked through everything with us, and said one thing in particular that's always stuck with me: They said not to abandon the victim. While it can be frustrating as a family member to watch someone keep going back, each time they leave the chances are they're getting a little stronger. When they finally do leave for good they'll need a soft place to fall, someone to lean on, and someone to believe in them. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
To help raise awareness for a cause that affects more than people actually realise Meander. I was witness to this from an early age. Thankfully my mother was strong enough to break away and I knew it was unacceptable behaviour from then on. I encountered it again as a teen with an uncle of mine verbally abusing his partner at the time. This went on for some time with other family members intervening and encouraging the victim to get away with no avail. It wasn't until one time when I was staying with them when it got physical and had to step up to an elder relitive of mine to stop it and eventually calling the police. Hardest thing I've done in my life but the right thing. End result she got out of the situation she was adjusted to he went to prison and got rehabilitated and from what I hear they are both getting on with their separate lives. Anyone in this situation please just do the right thing you owe it to yourself. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I have come across both gender violence in my life and as you say both are horrible and often hard to recognize. In my case both the male and the female have hidden under excuses why she couldn't do things or go somewhere and he always played it down in a joking way.For me in both cases as it came out it was like a veil lifted from my eyes...and then everything made sense ..... Both have after being a long time in these relationships moved out and moved on. Sadly the female past away as a very sad person, both sons have been scared for life. The male doesn't like women as partners anymore and shares his life with a male now. He did a lot of counseling and found love and happiness. ..... Thank for this article.....L
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Missb4u
10 years ago
i really have nothing additional to add. having been through my own private hell I can honestly say survivors of domestic violence (whether male or female) are heroes in my eyes. Stay strong everyone and reach out when you are ready, there will be many hands waiting to grasp yours and pull you out.
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RHP User
10 years ago
When peolple play with BDSM How do you keep the violence and treating the submissive person in a none violated state? That's so often the question I ask myself. I am reading up on BDSM and went and watched some on Movies how can anybody distinguish what is abuse and what isn't?
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Lovinit28andKC72
10 years ago
This one is close to my heart..... If I can add anything, it would be. "Dig deep and find the courage within, where there is a will there is a way." When I finally found the courage to leave I did, I walked away, it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. When I left, I was just a shell, no voice, no love, no face, full of self hate and self doubt, but I still had the most important things, my children and I had my soul. It wasn't easy, it's taken 15 years to find myself again, to love myself again, to forgive myself and to forgive him. By breaking the cycle it's taught my boys that its not ok to treat anyone like that and taught my daughter that its never ok to be treated like that. It's made me who I am today, a beautiful, strong, independent, loving, honest, loyal woman.....I thanked him for that about 12 months ago....💋
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Lovinit28andKC72
10 years ago
The difference is it's consensual, it's that simple and that's a pretty big difference.... I could go on about the all the differences, but it really is as simple as that......
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RHP User
10 years ago
Seen as you asked to share experiences with you, I would like to share the experiences of my good, non-violent mate who thought he had finalised a messy dispute with his ex. Just when everything seemed to be finalised in a pretty civilised way, out she comes taking him to the cleaners just because she could, and because she has a court system that will defend her at all costs. No doubt this advice came from her scum bag lawyer who also profits along the way.At the start of their relationship, she had her own flat, he had his own house. They broke up and lived in their own place. Part of the reason they broke up is because she never thought his house was good enough to live in, yet low and behold, is now more than happy to take HIS house from him, just to have the last laugh.To prove it was about just having the last laugh out of spite, her and her lawyer walked past my mate in court after the case and gave the smuggest smile one could muster. Meanwhile, they have two children sitting back watching all this happen being thrown between mum and da and wondering what day it is let alone what is going on ? I should also mention that the lawyer for his ex was also a friend of the two when they were together. My mate knows for a fact that this female lawyer has been sleeping around behind hubbies back for 10 years, yet she has a job working in the family court. Where are her morals and ethics to be giving smug looks at an innocent victim. Who is she to say what is right or wrong when her private life suggests she would know the first thing about morals and ethics ? My mates ex somehow thought it would be a good idea to introduce her new 19 year old toyboy to my mate while dropping the kids off to him at his house, the same house she then tries to take from him, despite it being his house before they even met. This woman,to put it mildly, is not alone in acting like this. I just wonder, how many of those women then later claimed to be a "victim". The was no reason other to go back to court, other than her having to have the last laugh. I do not condone men using violence against women, but if it is all about us men looking at our behaviour, then when the fuck do SOME of you women start looking at your behaviour. If some women are going to deliberately drive a man to breaking point, then you have to expect some broken glass along the way. The is a HUGE difference between being an innocent victim as there is to majorly contributing to a problem and then claiming innocence and victim status to get the sympathy vote afterwards. I am not saying that all women do this, but I can prove that some do. This is why most men will ignore these causes because it never gives both sides of the story. I can admit that these scenarios would only count for a small percentage, but if you going to put up a list that is all about how woman can break free or who to report it to, but then the male side was all about what men need to do to stop it, then I thought it was time to look at a the other side of things as well. To the genuine innocent victims of male violence, I can only apologize on my sexes behalf, but with so many fuckwits in both sexes, I only like to speak for myself and not my whole sex. To the men that use violence as a form of constant domination, shame on you. But if my research has taught me anything, it is that those men grew up as kids in a home were the same thing happened and they will always revert back to that because that was their base as a child. In may cases, those young boys didn't receive any motherly love, or had a mother turn a blind eye to sexual or physical abuse. A young man needs a father in his life, but a young child needs a mother in his life [just my opinion]. When that young child cannot even turn to his own mother in his biggest hour of need, then I can tell you here and now that that child will grow up resenting women in general, and will show little signs of compassion or sorrow after committing violence.Don't forget that we live in a world where some parents will willing sell their children into the sex slave and mind control programs just for short term profits. What do those kids grow up to become in most cases ? They have been rejected by everyone that should of protected them. No one believes them when they speak out, so they grow up full of resentment and spite, and are merely a product of their own environment.Some of those boys grow up thinking it is acceptable to behave this way. Some of those girls grow up thinking it is ok to only see men as a cash cow or a financer to her desired lifestyle. The rest of us are just hoping that we don't end up with those types of people. This isn't a male/female issue, this is a society issue. And you did ask for our experiences :)
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Lovinit28andKC72
10 years ago
You'll be happy to know that I walked away with nothing, he got our family home that I helped pay for, he got all the materialistic crap in the house also, oh and he tried to take the children too. I never took child support or ask him for help from the day I left. It was a small price to pay to be out of hell is how I see it. I have never stopped him from seeing his 3 children, my second oldest son also took the brunt of his fathers abuse, until he was old enough (14) to fight back, he stop seeing his father that day. I had to look at a man that terrorised me for years, to drop the children off to him every second weekend, tomorrow my last child with him, my daughter will graduate year 12 and I will look at him again, as he sits beside me and pretends like nothing happen.... Not all women are dishonest or take their husbands to the cleaners, just like not all men abuse their wives and kids.... This is MY experience and this is only part of my story and if you wish to know anything else, send me a message and I'd be only to happy to share.....💋
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RHP User
10 years ago
Is today.
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Lovinit28andKC72
10 years ago
Ignorance breeds hate and violence... Quitefrankly is right it is a society thing, not a gender thing.....💋
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RHP User
10 years ago
I come across much domestic violence in my job as well, so it's a topic very close to my heart and I post a similar forum each year. Yesterday I received a message from a man who had been in a D/V relationship, thanking me for mentioning men are often victims too. I hope others (women and men) will share, because I think it is so important for the victims to know they are not alone and most certainly not crazy.
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RHP User
10 years ago
The Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR) is an annual observance on the 20th of November, that honours the memory of those people who lost their lives in acts of anti-transgender violence. Have a look at TDOR dot info for more about this special day. Hugs to all who have lost someone or have been victimized themselves because of their status. x
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abcplus1
10 years ago
We currently have someone near and dear (a close relative) in hospital currently due to DV. She has been there for weeks, likely to be there for months and faces more months if not years of recovery. Disgusting behaviour regardless of who commits it.
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RHP User
10 years ago
But on a slightly different note, there was a social experiment conducted in....err...geez, where was it?? Meh doesn't matter, but it showed many people who turned a blind eye to a guy roughing up a woman - yes they were actors for those who need crayons :p - without any consequences to the man at all. This outcome and overt ignorance displayed by the general public also needs to change, as when we stand united, we cause change; and I think it's a change that's very much overdue for ALL people, both women and men that have been, or still are victims to this sort of behaviour. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Strike not stroke - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'sir_stir' But on a slightly different note, there was a social experiment conducted in....err...geez, where was it?? Meh doesn't matter, but it showed many people who turned a blind eye to a guy roughing up a woman - yes they were actors for those who need crayons :p - without any consequences to the man at all. I've read advice from domestic violence workers who say that the best course of action if you witness what appears to be a DV related assault is to call the police. Trying to intervene yourself can just make the situation worse, e.g. the perpetrator may later take out their additional feelings of anger and embarrassment at being called out on their actions on the partner, or you can end up seriously injured yourself (it has happened).
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RHP User
10 years ago
I saw that experiment on Youtube. In the first video a man is verbally abusing a woman in a public place. People take it seriously, tell him to stop, etc.In the second video, the two actors swap roles, and she abuses him. The people who walk by think it's funny and no one thinks to intervene. Really sad. Like LD said, it's often best to not intervene, that's why calling to police is at the top of the "what to do" list above. Especially if the man and woman are a couple, he may end up hurting her more afterwards.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I'd agree that a level of triaging the individual circumstances before jumping into it is a definite good idea, as there's always a risk of post incident repercussions, but also the risk that the victim may also turn on the Good Samaritan in order to defend the perp to prevent such an attack later. I think that that's one of biggest factors in why people are so reluctant to intervene at all and choose ignorance over intervention....it's something though that I'd like to see change in society, but I doubt I'll see it in my lifetime. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Lovinit28' Not all women are dishonest or take their husbands to the cleaners, just like not all men abuse their wives and kids.... This is MY experience and this is only part of my story and if you wish to know anything else, send me a message and I'd be only to happy to share.....💋 I walked away from everything just to get away - it's annoying when all women are painted with the same "taking the men to the cleaners" brush.
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RHP User
10 years ago
There's another one from Switzerland or similar where it appears that they're in a bathroom or a lobby or something... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Why would i be happy to hear that about you ? If you took my words as an attack at you, then you mistook my words. I was giving specific examples I have seen for myself. I wished you no bad will or anything like that. I don't like seeing anyone "lose" in these situations. But don't you also think it would be more logical to include ALL victims in White Ribbon Day, rather than suggesting that the only victims are female ? The OP correctly added her own bit by saying that she would also like to acknowledge male victims as well, but the White Ribbon Day description provided was "white ribbon day is about violence to women, from men". She added her view at the end of that. "To women, from men". Not my words, not my description.
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RHP User
10 years ago
... could very well be the difference between life and death. Domestic violence is a repetitive cycle of 4 stages (1) There's the build up (2) The violence itself (3) The blame (4) The remorse Worst case scenario, when he/she misses the remorse stage (stops being sorry and goes straight to the next stage in the cycle), that is when you need to be fearing for your life - that's when you need to get out and stay out - that is when they're at their most dangerous - ... if he/she is going to kill you ... they will at this point.
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RHP User
10 years ago
are also victims of domestic violence...like Mary's situation my mother stood by and did nothing...my earliest memory of my father's violence towards me was at the age of four...At the age of sixteen I hit him back,he never touched me again..he then resorted to emotional abuse......I ran away from home at seventeen.....I am who I am in spite of,not because of what happened to me xxFreya
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Lovinit28andKC72
10 years ago
No not at all, I was simply making a point that not all woman, me being one, take everything. I was explaining my experiences a little better and really I only just touched the surface. I don't look at it like I lost, as far as I'm concerned I won, because I walked away from it, I leant from it and as I said without those experiences I wouldn't be the person I am today.... Yes and I acknowledge that violence is not gender related, but nor is being taken to the cleaners.... The truth of the matter is people get fucked over all the time, because there are some nasty, selfish, vindictive, bitter, cruel people in the world. But you know what, there are also some wonderful, loving, genuine, honest, gentle people out there also...... 💋
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'QuiteFrankly' No one ever wins, except the lawyers ! QF, When it comes to D/V, I really disagree with that statement. Leaving a violent relationship is not about who wins, but about who survives (in any way, shape or form). I do understand where you're coming from with the story about your friend though. I've seen situations where the woman was physically abusive to her male partner. When the police intervened they would more often than not handcuff the guy without asking questions. My brother is being accused by his ex of similar things, and not once has he been asked if he actually did the things she said. The question is not "Did you?", rather "Why did you?"
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RHP User
10 years ago
Point taken :) The only reason I gave the example of my mate getting taken to the cleaners out of spite was to show how sometimes why people might go on to "snap" and then have a life long record or "woman basher". I'm not defending straight out domestic violence, but that's my point, sometimes it's not as straight out as the "victim" will imply. So after she takes my mates family home [his parents former house], despite having her own place before they met, what does my mate do now ?Does he just laugh it all off and start again, minus his house and everything he worked for over the last 20 years ?She will TWO houses, he will have none. Yet she will still expect him to take the kids when its "his turn", yet where do they stay when they come to stay with Dad ?Or, does he say "fuck this" and go and give her what she deserves, and more ? Does he drink himself into a state where he then goes and necks himself ? I wonder what mummies smug look will look like when she has to explain to her two kids why they don't have a dad anymore. Do suicide statistics count towards domestic violence. All those men that killed themselves due to bias, ugly custody disputes or divorces. Aren't they victims of domestic abuse as well ? But society doesn't like to talk about suicide because it highlights the REAL problems with society !
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RHP User
10 years ago
No, but the example I gave was in relation to an ugly divorce, also highlighting how so domestic violence issues can arise.Didn't think I had to point that out, but I really wouldn't expect any different from RHP anymore !
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RHP User
10 years ago
I understand what you're saying but I think that by discussing people being taken to the cleaners and suicide stats, this thread will seriously go off topic. Also, you'll have seen I agreed with your previous message about the man being seen as the instigator/perpetrator even when it's not the case, so the "Didn't think I had to point that out, but I really wouldn't expect any different from RHP anymore !" was really not necessary I think.
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RHP User
10 years ago
From the Australian domestic violence website: Often there are warning signs present early on in a relationship that can alert you to the fact that the relationship could become abusive. The signs are usually there but often people mistake or confuse them believing they are just romantic or they are concerned about you. Use these warning signs to alert you that you may be in danger:- He comes on very strong to begin with, is extremely charming and a smooth talker. - He gets serious very quickly in a relationship. - He gets extremely jealous of other people. - He isolates you and tries to make you feel guilty for wanting contact with family, friends or for participating in activities outside the relationship. - He never takes responsibility for himself, always blames others or something else. - He abuses drugs and / or alcohol. - He acts hurt when he doesn't get his own way. - He takes offense when other people disagree with his opinion. - He has been cruel to pets or other animals in the past. - He has threatened you with violence. - He calls you names, puts you down or swears at you. - He is extremely moody and switches quickly from being nice to explosive anger. - He intimidates others e.g. uses threatening body language, punches walls or breaks objects. - He holds you against your will to keep you from walking away or leaving the room. - He has abused children. - He has hit a previous girlfriend. If this is you, please talk to someone you trust and/or call the Domestic Violence helpline for advice and suppport. The nationwide free number for women is 1800 007 339 The number for both male victims and perpetrators is 1800 000 599. Stay safe.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'sir_stir' I'd agree that a level of triaging the individual circumstances before jumping into it is a definite good idea, as there's always a risk of post incident repercussions, but also the risk that the victim may also turn on the Good Samaritan in order to defend the perp to prevent such an attack later. I think that that's one of biggest factors in why people are so reluctant to intervene at all and choose ignorance over intervention....it's something though that I'd like to see change in society, but I doubt I'll see it in my lifetime. I can be a "damned if you do" situation, as quite often the victim will indeed return to her partner and not only recant her story, but defend him and call other people liars. I comes with the territory. The police are equipped to deal with situations like this, so when in doubt call them, do NOT do nothing. There was a very disturbing commercial on Youtube a while back that showed a victim being beaten up by everyone she met (her kid, the neighbour, a teacher, etc.).It was to demonstrate that all those who witnessed the (aftermath of) the domestic violence were guilty too by not doing anything.Personally I found that video far too strong, but I do believe that by looking the other way we are perpetuating the problem.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Told me of a guy he used to work with...quite a sad one at that.... He turned up to work one day and a colleague of his had a grazed face....dad; like me is a little cheeky, and said "looks like you walked into that pain in the arse door at the depot person a*" The persons face just looked down and said slowly "yeah I guess." Later that morning dads colleague pulled dad aside and asked for 5 minutes of his time. It turned out dad's colleague had been beaten up by their partner.....nearly 4 days prior, and their grazed face was in fact all that was visible.... Dad's heart sunk. He had no idea and felt like crap for poking shit at him. Dad's colleague feels as though there's no one to turn to, no one that can help really as they feel defeated by their partner after the proceeds of a property sale was deposited into their partners bank account. The person doesn't feel like they can start over again so they just put up with it..... This kind of scenario makes my blood boil as all too many people are in these situations. It makes me wanna turn vigilante and set up a charity type organisation that not only surgically removes people from the clutches of their abusers, but also helps to set them up to an extent financially and emotionally through counselling services.... If only more people could just wake up and see that they're worth more than the bag of shit their abusers make them believe they are. * name withheld deliberately for obvious reasons. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Is White Riibbon day... If you are a man who has difficulty in controlling your anger please seek help....in 2013 there were 375 incidences of reported domestic violence in Australia per week....xx Freya
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Burning_Love' I've posted this before but it seems timely to mention it again. A family member experienced long-term domestic violence. She said she would leave many times but always went back. Eventually my husband and I sought advice from a DV crisis centre. They were great and talked through everything with us, and said one thing in particular that's always stuck with me: They said not to abandon the victim. While it can be frustrating as a family member to watch someone keep going back, each time they leave the chances are they're getting a little stronger. When they finally do leave for good they'll need a soft place to fall, someone to lean on, and someone to believe in them. ... more often than not, the victim/s will continue to find reason(s) to justify going back until they have made the conscious decision and fully reconciled to leave.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' From the Australian domestic violence website: Often there are warning signs present early on in a relationship that can alert you to the fact that the relationship could become abusive. The signs are usually there but often people mistake or confuse them believing they are just romantic or they are concerned about you. Use these warning signs to alert you that you may be in danger:- He comes on very strong to begin with, is extremely charming and a smooth talker. - He gets serious very quickly in a relationship. - He gets extremely jealous of other people. - He isolates you and tries to make you feel guilty for wanting contact with family, friends or for participating in activities outside the relationship. - He never takes responsibility for himself, always blames others or something else. - He abuses drugs and / or alcohol. - He acts hurt when he doesn't get his own way. - He takes offense when other people disagree with his opinion. - He has been cruel to pets or other animals in the past. - He has threatened you with violence. - He calls you names, puts you down or swears at you. - He is extremely moody and switches quickly from being nice to explosive anger. - He intimidates others e.g. uses threatening body language, punches walls or breaks objects. - He holds you against your will to keep you from walking away or leaving the room. - He has abused children. - He has hit a previous girlfriend. If this is you, please talk to someone you trust and/or call the Domestic Violence helpline for advice and suppport. The nationwide free number for women is 1800 007 339 The number for both male victims and perpetrators is 1800 000 599. Stay safe. But this is exactly what I am referring to. Have a look at the first word on every point..."HE", not "THEY", but "HE". This is why myself and others are giving real life examples to show it happens to both sides. Yet where is there shown in the White Ribbon mentality, or on this forum ?But when i give these examples, I'm going "off topic". Since when has showing both sides of an argument every classed as going off topic ?Maybe if it wasn't such a one sided point of view, the other side wouldn't have to be pointed out, or dismissed as going off topic.It's funny in how we enter this day and age of "equality", yet we keep only hearing one side of the story. There is only ever one side that is a "victim". How many more examples do we have to give to prove this mentality wrong ?I can admit that men seem more likely to offend, but that doesn't mean that every man does it, and it definitely doesn't mean that women are immune from this behaviour either. Why isn't this reality reflected in the wording of White Ribbon day ?But no, let's make it ALL about women, with ONLY men to blame and then wonder why you can't get more men to support this cause. Really ???
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RHP User
10 years ago
My first long term girl friend of 11 years had bipolar disorder. Though neither of us knew at the beginning. I can tell you that you do not want to experience an violent psychotic episode. The first one was a shock to me and I was left battered and bruised, but after time we got together again, then it happened again. If I had know I could have got some help, I had not made the link between her mania (Making jewelry) and the psychotic episode. This time it was even more violent. She vanished only to contact me 2 years later, we got back together. I was then told what had happen, both times she ended up in Mental health hospital under lock up for some time. She was taking medication and all was good for 5 years, but then it started again, more and more obsessive over her jewelry. I knew what was coming, though it is very subtle and she had hidden the fact she had stop taking the medication. This time I called her parents, it was not completely free of aggression as she refused to leave. Luckily her dad had call for PET and they and the cops managed to calm her and get her to hospital. I could not go back, I feel guilty as it is not her fault, but her violence was something I could not deal with, it scared me. Though I would never call my self a victim of abuse, I do not consider it abuse, I was a victim of violence. I just wanted to highlight the roll of mental health in domestic violence. Especially for those that are undiagnosed, and those that must deal with unpredictable nature of health issues like Bipolar disorder. Domestic violence does not always include a cycle of abuse, and psychological disorders are a major contributing factor in many cases. People should be careful when attributing blame as many times there is no one to blame.
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Violetincredible
10 years ago
Bipolar psychotic episodes can be extremely violent and very frightening and yes I class it as domestic violence. They know how the episodes hurt (hospitalise innocent children) and you yet they refuse to take their medication because it is obviously your fault somehow for causing the episode when in reality they just don't like the medication. I sought police and psych help and they classified this violence as domestic violence. Xxviolet
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RHP User
10 years ago
I've been vocal about my stand on D/V against ANYONE many times... so will just say... Love the White Ribbon profile pic Meander SG
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RHP User
10 years ago
Loving yours too and good to see you! x
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RHP User
10 years ago
This subject came up when a friend rang me and said his friend was in a relationship with a Dom, however was confused as the way she described him, it didn't sound right. After his description (obviously second hand) I told him to do a search on 'the signs your in an abusive relationship', yep this guy ticked all the wrong boxes, I only hope through extra knowledge and friends, she gets strong enough to realise this.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Fact is men represent a major percentage of the statistics of who perpetrates.... It's not sexist or missandry it's just fact... So call it what you will, but white ribbon day is essentially violence against women.... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Why is it that whenever sexual, physical or other abuse against women is mentioned, at least one man has to say "but what about violence against men by women?". Noone is saying that women aren't ever violent against men - and it's terrible that it happens. But it's extremely disproportionate to the violence inflicted on women in and out of the home. The Australian Bureau of Statistics did a survey on violence and found that 73.8% of violent acts towards men were committed by other men; and women are much more likely to be victims of abuse by men. Women are more than twice more likely to be sexually abused than men; 64% of women who are physically abused don't report it to the police, and that figure increases to 81.1% for sexual abuse. They are more likely to be the target of sexual violence in the military, sexual harrasment in the workplace, but the majority of physical abuse is likely to be suffered inside the home (64.1% of violent abuse). Today is a day to spread awareness against the disproportionate violence women face by men in and out of the home. On average, one women each week is killed by a current or previous partner in Australia. We all need to be more vigilant and report violent acts against women - society needs to change. It's not difficult to see that there is a culture of aggression and violence against if you've heard about the "skype scandal" in the military, gang rapes by professional athletes (usually AFL), and other Australian actors and celebrities who have been arrested for hitting their wives/girlfriends. It's not OK.
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RHP User
10 years ago
However as a different twist....... My mother abused us children, well not all the children, only the 4 girls, the eldest boy was pampered......... My mother would show her wonderful side to husband, family and friends, all would tell us how blessed we were to have such a wonderful role model in our life, then the doors would close and all we could think was 'did we put away the baseball bat, who hid the flower belt (that one would leave flower bruises), did anyone do anything that got a 'look'.......... It didn't matter, there was always something................. I found out many years later that my mother was emotionally abused as a child, to the point her father did not acknowledge her existence in the household for many years and whilst that does not make what she acceptable, it did help in breaking away from that cycle of abuse........... It took a lot of help from professionals to help me accept my son as my child and not a male who I resented.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Today is a day to spread awareness against the disproportionate violence women face by men in and out of the home. Faced by women** in and and out of the home
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'QuiteFrankly'But no, let's make it ALL about women, with ONLY men to blame and then wonder why you can't get more men to support this cause. Really ??? As I stated in my original post, White Ribbon Day is about violence against women, not men. Therefore the things I copied and pasted from websites relating to White Ribbon day refer to "she" as the victim, and "he" as the perpetrator. I wish men (as victims) were included in this day.I clearly stated in my OP: Important to remember that all the advice for women I posted above is applicable to men too. Surely posting that disclaimer once was enough? You went off topic by talking about other issues beside domestic violence, not because you were talking about men being victims. Yes, men are victims too. I think both I and several others here made that clear (thanks all). I think you are reading what you want to read, not what is actually being written. Anyone who reads my posts will know I'm an advocate for gender equality and am vehemently against man bashing. Peace out.
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RHP User
10 years ago
At a very young age , I watched my parents physically abusing each other , something I never forgot. The upshot of this was it taught me what not to be. To this day ' I dont tolerate seeing any male standing over a woman. Unfortuneately' my father ( a renowned boxer in his day ) lost his way resulting from too many blows to the head. He also lost his family because of this... Everybody loses...
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Violetincredible' Bipolar psychotic episodes can be extremely violent and very frightening and yes I class it as domestic violence. They know how the episodes hurt (hospitalise innocent children) and you yet they refuse to take their medication because it is obviously your fault somehow for causing the episode when in reality they just don't like the medication. I sought police and psych help and they classified this violence as domestic violence. Xxviolet Thank you for sharing that. Though it was well over a decade ago and pretty much water under the bridge, I have never heard from anyone that was in a similar situation. Thanks.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I was just trying to get people to see the relationship between mental health and domestic violence as I experienced first hand, I defiantly was not trying to rain on anyone's parade. Sorry.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Blindman67'I defiantly was not trying to rain on anyone's parade. Sorry. Why would I think that, I hope you didn't think my last post was aimed at you? I agree that there are often mental health issues involved, yet another major grey area when it comes to D/V. Thank you and the others for sharing such personal stories, I sincerely hope those in similar situations felt strengthened by reading them. x
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Luckdragon23' Quoting 'sir_stir' But on a slightly different note, there was a social experiment conducted in....err...geez, where was it?? Meh doesn't matter, but it showed many people who turned a blind eye to a guy roughing up a woman - yes they were actors for those who need crayons :p - without any consequences to the man at all. I've read advice from domestic violence workers who say that the best course of action if you witness what appears to be a DV related assault is to call the police. Trying to intervene yourself can just make the situation worse, e.g. the perpetrator may later take out their additional feelings of anger and embarrassment at being called out on their actions on the partner, or you can end up seriously injured yourself (it has happened). I've tried to intervene a couple of times, me taking the guy aside and the girls in the group taking the lady aside, but both parties got aggressive and told us to keep our nose out of it. One lady I saw the next day with a black eye and she wouldn't talk about it. The cycle of abuse is hard to break. Calling the police is the best option. It would have saved me a sore jaw with the other situation.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Congratulations on bringing further awareness to the issue of DV. To anyone who shared their story also I say thanks. While I find it unacceptable to be violent to any human regardless of gender, it's great that you have shared your stories. You might never know it but you could of just helped/saved someone from a dangerous situation. As a generalization men of earlier generations were emotional brick walls. Our grand fathers and fathers fought wars, saw ghastly things and became road blocks to dealing with emotions. So as the generations past they haven't handed down the software needed to deal with such things. We were sold on that old "you're a man son, men don't cry" bravado bullshit. Days like white ribbon day are so important on both levels. To women, to show that it's unacceptable and the many levels of support now available. To men, to be aware that any form of emotional or physical abuse is totally unacceptable. Men have a habit of not knowing how to get out of their own way. One of my roles involves coaching up to 100 men aged 17-30. While I coach them in a sport, I see my true value is to teach them to be better men. Every year we put them through a welfare seminar that covers a wide variety of topics but with a heavy focus on the respectful treatment of women. I encourage anyone to share their story in life with those around them, as I said earlier, you might never know but doing so can help someone. I encourage you all to support women who are battling against such issues, sometimes the greatest thing you can do is tell them that you believe them. They have someone not only abusing them but their trust also, so they need support, love, trust and belief. As a final note, my generalization on males was made on a majority basis. I don't believe all men are emotional brick walls. I do believe it's the responsibilty of all men to be positive role models for males around them. To quote Gandhi "Be the change you wish to see in the world". Peace ✌️ - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I was distracted and did not read what was going on in this thread, skimming rather than reading, and typing without thinking, once you hit post you cant retract on this site. Apologizes
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RHP User
10 years ago
Seen as you quote the ABS as some sort of credible source, what about they survey results I seen that showed if you include prison statistics, MORE men are raped than women each year. If you include child molestation figures which then show that more MALES are likely to be raped than females each year, then keep preaching about your ABS figures. Is rape not a form of abuse when it applies to male, or does that ruin the argument of this clearly bias agenda ? Hence the point of males are victims TOO ! Why ignore those victims and reality to promote a biased view point ? What about all the examples that have been given to show it does happen to BOTH sides ? Do we just ignore that do we ? White Ribbon day should be for ALL victims. If people want to separate it into only one sex being the victim, then only one sex, and a few stupid men would fall for it. But apparently pointing out that men are also victims is not loking at it right......................work that out ?
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Bigmamma1' However as a different twist....... My mother abused us children, well not all the children, only the 4 girls, the eldest boy was pampered......... My mother would show her wonderful side to husband, family and friends, all would tell us how blessed we were to have such a wonderful role model in our life, then the doors would close and all we could think was 'did we put away the baseball bat, who hid the flower belt (that one would leave flower bruises), did anyone do anything that got a 'look'.......... It didn't matter, there was always something................. I found out many years later that my mother was emotionally abused as a child, to the point her father did not acknowledge her existence in the household for many years and whilst that does not make what she acceptable, it did help in breaking away from that cycle of abuse........... It took a lot of help from professionals to help me accept my son as my child and not a male who I resented. Yet look at the lack out outrage by those with an agenda despite you basically pointing out EXACTLY what I was saying. Listen here "certain people that know who they are". Go and do some research into sex slavery and come back and tell me that ONLY women are victims ? Go and do some research and tellme that women do not abuse their children [sometimes MALE] as well. Go and do that research and THEN come back and preach your biased AGENDA !This lady is showing you THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FENCE. But those with an agenda already have their mind made up and refuse to listen to any other view point. Go and do the 10 years of personal research into child abuse and sex slavery that I have done, with the RESULTS, not opinions, but RESULTS that clearly show men are also victims, and women can also be offenders.Now, with that said, please tell me WHY white ribbon day is ONLY about ONE sex ? I have admitted that men are more likely to offend, but if this white ribbon shit was serious, it would address ALL victims, instead on this one eyed SHIT that those with an agenda keep promoting. Facts should always over rule opinion, but how does it work on this site ?
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'sir_stir' Fact is men represent a major percentage of the statistics of who perpetrates.... It's not sexist or missandry it's just fact... So call it what you will, but white ribbon day is essentially violence against women.... - Posted from rhpmobile You are killing your own argument by trying to argue the point. I have at NO STAGE mentioned that men aren't the most likely offenders, but I have at every FUCKING STAGE pointed out that men are ALSO victims. Why is this NOT recognised in the one suded story known as White Ribbon day ?Answer that question and you just addressed your own response !Lets get one thing straight here, I am concerned for ALL victims. Anyone taking issue with what I said clearly only looks at one side as a victim. Now, you tell me that I am the one with the problem with that in mind ?So keep digging your own grave, it's poetry in motion to watch ! Go and look at the wording of white ribbon day and take your issue up with those that worded it. Don't take it out on me for pointing our the hypocritical nature of that wording !
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Lovinit28andKC72
10 years ago
Yes I agree QF, that it should indeed include all victims of violence, women, men and children..... But here are just a couple more facts about White Ribbon, from the website....Seems the originality of White Ribbon was foundered by men for women.... On the afternoon of 6 December 1989, a man walked into the École Polytechnique University in Montreal and massacred 14 of his female classmates. His actions traumatized a nation and brought the issue of violence against women to the forefront of our collective consciousness. Two years later, a handful of men in Toronto decided they had a responsibility to speak out about and work to stop men’s violence against women. As a result, the White Ribbon Campaign in Canada became an annual awareness-raising event, held between 25 November and 6 December. In 1999, the United Nations General Assembly declared 25 November as the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, with a white ribbon as its iconic symbol. White Ribbon began in Australia in 2003 as part of UNIFEM (now UN Women).
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meander'*White Ribbon day is about violence to women, by men, but I want to recognise thatmen can be victims too. Quoting 'Meander'I wish men (as victims) were included in this day.I clearly stated in my OP: Important to remember that all the advice for women I posted above is applicable to men too. Quoting 'QuiteFrankly' What about all the examples that have been given to show it does happen to BOTH sides ? Do we just ignore that do we ? White Ribbon day should be for ALL victims. If people want to separate it into only one sex being the victim, then only one sex, and a few stupid men would fall for it. But apparently pointing out that men are also victims is not loking at it right......................work that out ? You're still not reading, because you're too busy arguing. You're repeating what I (and others) have already stated without even realising. Enough already. I will no longer reply to you on this forum.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I did not know that!
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RHP User
10 years ago
Thanks and thank you too. Great post!
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RHP User
10 years ago
Perhaps surgically removing your head for 5 minutes from the victim mentality then you'd see that no one here advocates, defends, or condones violence against their partners period. But "White Ribbon Day" is an awareness day centred around women.... So... If you can't accept it, and you feel the need to keep screaming from the tops of buildings about your cause then perhaps spending your energy on organising a similar campaign instead of preaching to the choir.. Enjoy your day :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Your efforts to hi-jack this thread bring your motives into question.You utter unwillingness to acknowledge that this day was initiated by MEN to raise the consciousness around the shocking amount of violence perpetuated by MEN against women.If one was to take your ridiculous argument to its illogical conclusion then we would make Anzac Day about women and children who are raped and or killed in war..human beings continue to cause death and suffering across the globe'perhaps we need a day to include it all...how about we have a World Peace Day and a moratorium on this forum Freya
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RHP User
10 years ago
To QF Sorry buddy but your missing the point, white ribbon day is set up to recognise domestic violence committed against women. Most foundations are set up to support the majority. While DV happens against males the foundation or day is not set up with that in mind. I wonder if the thread was about breast cancer awareness if you'd be pushing your barrow so hard. Men after all can get breast cancer. It's the same for charities set up with male issues i.e prostate cancer. They are totally designed to support those in the majority. It doesn't mean that they don't recognise other issues its just that is their focus. Sorry to hear about your mate, I've been through my own issues around this. You obviously feel strongly about male issues, you have a chance to do something about that. There's nothing stopping you bringing awareness to these by using your energy towards setting something up to help out. You could easily help your mate by having a positive outlook. He has a few kids, what a perfect way to put an end to abuse and greed issues by drawing a line in the sand. Life after all is 10% of what happens to us and 90% how we react to it. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
When I said I'd like to see men included in White Ribbon Day, I did not mean changing its history or meaning or making it equally about both sexes. I would personally like to see some reference to male victims added though, at least to point the men in some direction. (Hence I added "Oneinthree" to my OP.) Whenever I see the D/V helpline number on my screen after some episode of Law and Order or something about the issue, I wonder why they are not showing the number for men to call as well. Actually, it would be great if Oneinthree had ads on TV, it might help get rid of the stigma?
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RHP User
10 years ago
I just saw an NZ Facebook page promoting Black Ribbon Day over there (not to be confused with other Black Ribbon Days in the world.) This is from the page: We have a new campaign on the horizon - the Black Ribbon Day New Zealand campaign. I ts purpose is to remove the sex/gender, marital status, religious belief, ethical belief, colour, race, ethnic or national origins, disability, age, political opinion, employment status, family status, and sexual orientation - all those things that we are told by the New Zealand Bill of Rights Act we must not discriminate on the basis of - and simply focus on the problem: violent people. Violent people living in a violent society, with everything around them normalising and celebrating violence - because therein lies the core of our problem. #BlackRibbonNZ says that #ViolenceIsViolence and #ItsNotOK. Not for men. Not for women. Not for children. Thoughts?
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RHP User
10 years ago
Can I add my simple view to this agenda. Regardless of the history of the cause or its original purpose, you gentlefolk have spent four pages discussing it which can only be a good thing. I'm confident that whoever created the day meant it to create awareness about domestic violence and were probably agnostic toward the gender, race or any other orientation of the affected people (which is also a good thing). Can I also respectfully suggest that maybe it is now also time to start also talking about more solutions to the problem? Can families raise their children to know that arguments are OK but violence is not? Will government's budget more funds towards education in schools (that also may address "coward punches)"? Will the police respond quicker and will community services monitor children closer?....(add more ideas here)... I don't profess to have the answer or understand the pain this issue causes but I am confident that doing nothing isn't an acceptable option? If all a bystander did was call the police, then maybe we put a stop to another evil act? Bravo for doing something.
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RHP User
10 years ago
To me QF is saying that if a man is pushed to violence that in some cases it is acceptable because the woman drove him to it. But when is violence ever acceptable though? What that comment should have been is that women can also physical and mentally abuse men, children and animals and it is never acceptable or okay. PS: There are two sides to every story. Wonder what the wife would say if she could tell her side.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'bk262' To QF Sorry buddy but your missing the point, white ribbon day is set up to recognise domestic violence committed against women. Most foundations are set up to support the majority. While DV happens against males the foundation or day is not set up with that in mind. I wonder if the thread was about breast cancer awareness if you'd be pushing your barrow so hard. Men after all can get breast cancer. It's the same for charities set up with male issues i.e prostate cancer. They are totally designed to support those in the majority. It doesn't mean that they don't recognise other issues its just that is their focus. I think one aspect of the viewpoint QF takes is that there is an apparent hypocrisy in many of the supporters of White Ribbon Day - we frequently see it stated that the media pushing a certain image/message and omitting possible other aspects of that message implies that the image pushed is acceptable and the other aspects are not or don't exist. e.g. diversity of body shapes in advertising/media in general - that always pushing the 'pretty, thin people' and omission of fatter people (or skinnier, flat chested, massively bosomed, etc) implies that those are not acceptable body types. By application of that type of logic, it would seem that there should be condemnation of White Ribbon Day as exclusionary by its omission. I would personally prefer that White Ribbon Day were broadened to "End Domestic Violence" rather than focussing on genders - I don't think it needs to be a gendered cause (though I am aware of the statistics). I also support people's right to advocate for whatever specifically narrow or broad cause they wish to (that doesn't mean I wouldn't prefer that an established cause broadened its terms of reference and inclusion)
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RHP User
10 years ago
Guys please, just stay on topic. I'm actually finding your arguing really stressful. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Guys please, just stay on topic. I'm actually finding your arguing really stressful. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' I just saw an NZ Facebook page promoting Black Ribbon Day over there (not to be confused with other Black Ribbon Days in the world.) This is from the page: We have a new campaign on the horizon - the Black Ribbon Day New Zealand campaign. I ts purpose is to remove the sex/gender, marital status, religious belief, ethical belief, colour, race, ethnic or national origins, disability, age, political opinion, employment status, family status, and sexual orientation - all those things that we are told by the New Zealand Bill of Rights Act we must not discriminate on the basis of - and simply focus on the problem: violent people. Violent people living in a violent society, with everything around them normalising and celebrating violence - because therein lies the core of our problem. #BlackRibbonNZ says that #ViolenceIsViolence and #ItsNotOK. Not for men. Not for women. Not for children. Thoughts? but I don't think a blanket view works if the ultimate aim is to actually put in place strategies and resources to understand and deal with the underlying causes / problems. Despite what they say in that quote there is not one core cause of domestic violence, it just isn't that simple. For example there are a number of reasons why Australian Indigenous communities have higher rates of DV, related to complex social and economic determinants and inequalities that go back generations. So strategies to understand and address DV in these communities are not going to be exactly the same as they would be for affluent white people. And another example is people with disabilities, who are more vulnerable to abuse by family members than those without disability, again for a number of reasons that often go beyond the individual. It's all very well to say we should ignore all of these factors and pretend we are one big homogenous group, but to me that in itself ignores the fact that the differences are often the very things that contribute to the violence.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Then stop reading .... Simple eh?? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
when someone sets up a organization or foundation they usually do this based on something close to their hearts. I think it's ridiculous to turn that around with your own thoughts of bias towards one gender or another. Build a bridge people. White ribbon day is one day and instead of hijacking that wonderful awareness day with your own agenda lets recognise it for what it was set up to do. Raise awareness to a specific cause. After all if you actually cared enough to look past your own thought process then you'd be able to find out that there is a whole month committed to domestic violence awareness. May is Domestic Violence Prevention month, the month starts with Domestic Violence Remembrance Day to remember those who have lost their lives to this blight of society. October is also Sexual Violence awareness month. The above are the months Queensland recognise so I'm not sure if your own state follows but I'm sure they would have their own degree of acknowledgement. THURSDAYS IN BLACK Thursdays in Black is an international movement. People across the globe wear black each Thursday as a way of protesting against gender-based violence and gender discrimination. "Together we stand in solidarity with victims of violence and discrimination demanding a fairer world for all." im happy to support any and all of these causes, just don't find it appropriate to rain on one campaign's special day with a tilted look when there are options for you to support the cause close to you, on their own awareness day. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
This is a pretty great thread and heart-warming in terms of the thoughtful comments by many. Thanks for the meaningful reading folks.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Luckdragon23'but I don't think a blanket view works if the ultimate aim is to actually put in place strategies and resources to understand and deal with the underlying causes / problems. Despite what they say in that quote there is not one core cause of domestic violence, it just isn't that simple. For example there are a number of reasons why Australian Indigenous communities have higher rates of DV, related to complex social and economic determinants and inequalities that go back generations. So strategies to understand and address DV in these communities are not going to be exactly the same as they would be for affluent white people. And another example is people with disabilities, who are more vulnerable to abuse by family members than those without disability, again for a number of reasons that often go beyond the individual. It's all very well to say we should ignore all of these factors and pretend we are one big homogenous group, but to me that in itself ignores the fact that the differences are often the very things that contribute to the violence. I agree that there are a multitude of underlying causes/problems that will differ from the wealthy indigenous husband beating his wife to the down and out white guy enduring constant aggression/berating from his de facto... but you have just argued the same about White Ribbon Day - I don't think that day is just restricted to "white male beating his wife because his dad beat his wife and his dad beat his wife and they're just keeping the family tradition alive". ultimately though I'm just skeptical of whether all these "awareness" days actually do anything worthwhile but keep the people doing the NGO/NPO circuit employed. Generally the people talking about it are not the problem, ALS hit the jackpot by getting money, but I'm sure if next year they sent out a general call for donations most of those people will be back to "ALS what?", did we stop Kony? (what will the event planners do once we hit 365 causes that we really need to be aware of? hope for a leap year so they can break into the market?)
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'sir_stir' Then stop reading .... Simple eh?? - Posted from rhpmobile Are you serious? This is an important topic and discussion that I both want and need to be a part of. This year alone I have experienced physical abuse (to the point where police were involved), sexual abuse and ongoing psychological/emotional abuse from three separate men in completely separate incidences. I belong to this community just as much as you do and this forum is a critical element in connecting to our community for me and many others. Sir_stir, yours is the most facile, condescending and effortless solution to the issue I politely raised. More than that, your comment, "stop reading... simple eh?", suggests that I should remove myself from the discussion because someone else can't maintain their composure. As for your input Burning Love, there was nothing thoughtful about you supporting sir_stir's position. Why should I exclude myself from the discussion simply because others cannot refrain from arguing about a day, the purpose of which is to create and promote awareness around domestic violence against *women*. You two should be ashamed of yourselves telling me my best option, when feeling uncomfortable with the conflict, is to remove myself rather than politely ask people to refrain from arguing about what is a relatively sensitive forum topic.
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RHP User
10 years ago
One day I stopped to use a toilet in a park. While I was there' I could hear a guy outside shouting and went to see what was happening . Then I found a guy shouting and standing over his wife /girlfriend who appeared to be pregnant . He wasnt holding back and his abuse was foul.. I walked over and politely asked him to settle down and asked the woman if she was OK but he told me to fuck off and mind my own business . I told him I would be happy to fuck off once he settled and told him I wasnt leaving until he did.. He walked off calling me all sorts of things but the interruption seemed to work and is defused his anger.. The woman went on to tell me he has a short fuse and never knew when he was going to blow but was the opposite when he was calm. About 10 minutes later ' he came back asking her to pack her stuff up . I asked her if she was OK, she assured me she was.. Then they both thanked me walked off and that was that. I remember still feeling agitated not knowing if all was really OK, but you can only do so much. Its these type' s of guys who are the worry...
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RHP User
10 years ago
When threads and posts don't appeal to someone, yes they can choose to stop reading. However when it comes to a topic like this, I certainly understand (and hope) that people would be compelled to keep following it, despite some bad comments. I also however agree with those who confronted the behaviour person whose comments (rants) were off-topic. I don't believe any of them were out of line. I must say, I'm concerned for you. Quoting 'PlaywithAbby' This year alone I have experienced physical abuse (to the point where police were involved), sexual abuse and ongoing psychological/emotional abuse from three separate men in completely separate incidences. The fact that you encountered three men who abused you in an ongoing manner makes me think you are very vulnerable. Are you ok and do you have support? (I'm not expecting you to answer in public, but your comment has me worried.)
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RHP User
10 years ago
I have a friend that i have known since before high school. She is a very intelligent and attractive woman, she is also very head strong which I admire but she has a tendency to pick guys that are toxic. She has 3 daughters of which both fathers have ongoing restraining orders, her last relationship ended when she found herself waking up in a ditch, her last memories were of him throttling her. Her current boy friend is total low life scum I cant stand the guy and it will only be a matter of time before she is standing in-front of a magistrate requesting another VRO or worse. I am not afraid to voice my opinion and tell her she is crazy, get rid of him, but she tells me that he is a softy really, he would never hurt her. I am at a complete loss as I am utterly powerless to help, her family is also worried. It is very evident where she got her tendency to pick violent men as her father is someone that I can not find the words to describe the ugly nature of his character. Whether it would be different if he was not such a person is questionable as it could be in the genes, or it could be the environment of violence she grew up in. I do in no way blame her for the violence, she just falls for the wrong types. The cycle of abuse is not just isolated to a single person, it can span generations, her eldest daughter already has a VRO against some guy and she is only 18 years old. How does one stop such an ongoing problem? What makes some people so attracted to the worst type of violent men? I am at a complete loss as to how this type of ongoing abuse can be stopped.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Burning love's comments weren't in support of my comment... Chances are my comment wasn't even up when she posted it.... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
B_L liked your post in question, I think that is what Abby was referring to.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' B_L liked your post in question, I think that is what Abby was referring to. Yes you're right.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Burning_Love' Arguments are a reality of life, no matter what the topic or how personally impacted you might be by it. I don't believe for one moment that people on this thread owe you or anyone else an obligation to not argue or put forth a point. I especially think that when people are standing up against something they think is terribly wrong or inappropriate, then they're entitled to a voice. In much the same way that you've just strongly voiced your opinion and created an argument with me and sir stir, others have equally voiced their own strong opinions on different aspects of this thread. I might not agree with their opinions, but I agree with their right, and yours, to express them. I absolutely support the view that if a reader doesn't like a thread on this site, they have the choice to stop reading it. I don't think it's appropriate for them to tell everyone else on the thread how to behave. A specific beef with a specific person, sure. Just like the beef you have with me right now :) But a blanket statement requiring people to meet your expectation. No, I don't think so. And while I know that threads on this site do support a lot of people through difficult situations at times, I think it's foolish to rely on the site or a particular thread as a source of support. This is a forum, a place where people discuss opinions. It's not a place where people provide counseling. Just about every sensitive topic that is hotly debated on these forums - and there have been many over the years - will touch on very personal experiences for one or more readers. That's not a reason for people to stop hotly debating topics they feel strongly about. I'm not ashamed. I reserve my right to support any view I wish to. While I'm sad about the challenges you've faced and I hope you're able to get the support you need, I can't agree that this thread is about you and your personal needs. - Posted from rhpmobile You're so off base I really have to wonder if you even took in what I was saying. Comment 1: I asked people to stay on topic. A lot of the debate was occurring because people were straying off topic. Just like we are now. Thank-you for that. Comment 2: I was referring to your agreement with Sir_Stir that if I didn't like the arguing that was distracting from the discussion, because it was off topic, I should stop reading. Do you really think I should remove myself from the discussion because someone else can't maintain their composure? Do you think that was a heart warming and thoughtful comment that Sir_stir made? That if I don't like the argumentative, off-topic debate that was distracting me and others, I should just stop reading? Do you think your agreeing with him on that point was heart warming and thoughtful? And just to be clear, I don't have 'beef' with you. It's Contempt. That's the last I intend to say about it. You would do well to actually understand a post before answering it.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Of using the mobile app means that I don't ever know who likes it unless they write it.... However, I will apologise for my comment. I meant not to be insensitive to the position that abby holds. *takes tail and implants it between ones legs and cowers back in the corner I arose from* :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Thankyou Meander for posting a forum for white ribbon day. It has been insightful and informative. I understand the original point QF was trying to make , I believe that he was referring to the victim mentality that some women have used to win property and custody rights in court against men that have never abused them. I must add though that I read a terrible case of a man who was violent in the extreme towards his ex wife, (actually it was so bad what he did to her he was jailed for 10 years for it. )He used the family court to force her to sell the family home and put his share in his prison account. At least his demand for compensation for helping her with her education costs were thrown out along with his demand for alimony. So both sexes canand do misuse the family courts for their own personal agendas, sadly the poor children so often are the ones to suffer. I actually see this as a form of abuse in itself. To the children in those cases and to a parent who goes in trying to do the best by the kids yet is lied about in turn. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
We shall agree to disagree :)
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RHP User
10 years ago
In the SMH today: Pornography is fuelling an increase in the number of young people committing acts of domestic violence, one of the state's top cops says. NSW Police assistant commissioner Mark Murdoch said teaching young men how to respect women was a critical "battle front" in the fight against domestic abuse. "Common sense would tell you there has to be a linkage between pornography and lack of respect in relationships between young people," Mr Murdoch said. "The fastest growing part of the problem of domestic violence is young people. We are seeing more young people put before courts than we have ever seen," he said. "The high use of pornography by young men is astounding...the highest users are [aged] between 14 and 25." Mr Murdoch, the corporate spokesman on domestic violence, says it was critical for fathers to teach their sons and communicate about behaviour that was not acceptable."Researchers tell us that when young men, 16-year-olds have to be told and educated that it is not OK to have sex with a young woman without consent – that's not ok.""Some young men don't know any better unless they are educated. It's true that's the battle front." He said the alarming number of adolescents meant police had allocated domestic violence officers to Bidura and Parramatta Children's courts.The growing culture of domestic violence was not something police could arrest their way out of – it required a multi-pronged approach starting with conversations at home. "It's about awareness, education, getting it out there, people talking about , men talking about it and speaking to young people [is] critical," he said. "Men need to wake up to the fact that domestic violence is men's problem.…violence against women will only stop when men stop perpetrating the violence." The Men's Referral Service manager Nathan DeGuara said there was a strong correlation between pornography and domestic violence."Pornography sets up the expectations of what a man should expect from a woman. Pornography is typically about men doing whatever is it is they want to do to women." He said the service, which offered confidential telephone counselling for men with violent urges, often received calls about domestic violence stemming form unrealistic sexual expectations.And these were often created by pornography.He said it was not uncommon for men to keep a calendar about when they have sex with their partner as a means of making a point to her that she is not giving as much as he wants and not gratifying his needs," Mr DeGuara said. Violent examples included all forms of sexual assault. Sydney GP Dr Gary Franks runs pornography addiction courses and says men can often become more violent and aggressive with their partners as a result of being caught up in their fantasies."Men who become addicted to pornography both in and out of marriage tend to want more aggressive forms of sexual satisfaction, moving to aggressive acts, moving to force and to restraint because this is what they visualise they think this will give greater sexual fulfilment," he said. 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732): 24 hour, National Sexual Assault, Family & Domestic Violence Counselling Line for any Australian who has experienced, or is at risk of, family and domestic violence and/or sexual assault. Lifeline: 131 114 Men's Referral Service: confidential telephone counselling for men: 1300 766 491
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' In the SMH today: Pornography is fuelling an increase in the number of young people committing acts of domestic violence, one of the state's top cops says. NSW Police assistant commissioner Mark Murdoch said teaching young men how to respect women was a critical "battle front" in the fight against domestic abuse. "Common sense would tell you there has to be a linkage between pornography and lack of respect in relationships between young people," Mr Murdoch said. "The fastest growing part of the problem of domestic violence is young people. We are seeing more young people put before courts than we have ever seen," he said. "The high use of pornography by young men is astounding...the highest users are [aged] between 14 and 25." the fastest growing segment of road users has been young people, and young females - common sense would suggest that there must be a link between increased young people using cars and increased violence between young people. I've also noticed it is much easier to buy furniture over the internet, there must be a link there as well. I don't tend to put much stock in a lot of these "common sense" recommendations (e.g. the recent one from medics regarding raising the drinking age, where they back it up with common sense, but not the stats from studies - worrying from people who practice evidence based medicine) wonder if this text was accurately representing his views, or if they cherry picked quotes for the article?
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RHP User
9 years ago
Does this thread have the PLEDGE in it?
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RHP User
9 years ago
http://redhotpie.com.au/Adult-Forums/White-Ribbon-Day-42882 "I swear never to commit, excuse or remain silent about violence against women.This is my oath".
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RHP User
9 years ago
As a child I was a victim of family violence ..my earliest memory is when I was four and my mother and sister left me at home with my father on a Sunday night when they went to Church.I hid a carving knife under my pillow...my father hit,kicked,strapped me with a leather belt..My mother ever stopped him or helped me even though he never hit her.When I was sixteen he slapped me across the face for the last time.I hit him back and knocked him off his chair...the next year I ran away from home with my boyfriend...The only person who ever stood up for me was my sisterinlaw ,she was my witness.......I m a resilient woman,long ago I made peace with my father.I forgave him but I shall never forget...this week in Queensland two children have been murdered ,one by a father who was about to also kill her sister,the other by an ice addicted uncle..xxFreya
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Lifes_great
9 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' http://redhotpie.com.au/Adult-Forums/White-Ribbon-Day-42882 "I swear never to commit, excuse or remain silent about violence against women.This is my oath". After this horrific week in Qld. Perhaps just a bad week or are mental health issues and violence becoming a bigger problem? I urge anyone angry in any situation...just walk away L G
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RHP User
9 years ago
Way a brave and touching post. Just hug x
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TallBaldSexy
9 years ago
SADDENED. Freya I'm speechless/ typeless, and bewildered. That makes me soo fucking cranky. No daughter nor son should ever have to go thru that. Fathers have been gifted the most special role of caring for a young child in the most delicate caring positive way. I'm glad id not ever became a Cop like id intended years ago, not sure if id have been able to hold back in osme of the very bad cases, in fact i know I couldn't have.....I'm hoping you found a fatherish role model in your life ?????? Quoting 'Freya70' As a child I was a victim of family violence ..my earliest memory is when I was four and my mother and sister left me at home with my father on a Sunday night when they went to Church.I hid a carving knife under my pillow...my father hit,kicked,strapped me with a leather belt..My mother ever stopped him or helped me even though he never hit her.When I was sixteen he slapped me across the face for the last time.I hit him back and knocked him off his chair...the next year I ran away from home with my boyfriend...The only person who ever stood up for me was my sisterinlaw ,she was my witness.......I m a resilient woman,long ago I made peace with my father.I forgave him but I shall never forget...this week in Queensland two children have been murdered ,one by a father who was about to also kill her sister,the other by an ice addicted uncle..xxFreya
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RHP User
9 years ago
Thank you for your kind words but the reason I told my story is because children are victims of family violence ,sometimes they are the abused ones,..its not always physical abuse butoften the soul destroing emotional abuse ...sometimes they are the witness often conflicted in their loyalties...I work with children they deserve to grow in safe supportive environments xxFreya
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TallBaldSexy
9 years ago
This whole topic is so foreign to me, violence against kids and women...I really do not understand this issue. I mean I do not know a single person who has committed nor suffered family violence....well at least I'm not aware of anyone I know who has suffered form this one......well at least almost no one. As fucked up as it is - I did. My ex wife. I was so blind sided, a highly intelligent women at the top tier of intelligence and capacity......oh yes assumes a very meek and mild profile - but has incredible depths of emptiness and depravity.....I really really had no idea until it was way way too late.....Luckily for me I am an incredibly disciplined individual to the enth degree......Not one raised voice - by me at least - not one lifted hand not one argument in front of my kids - I refused to argue......anyway that was three years ago.......im free I have my kids 50/50 and am 99% completed property settlement.....it is what it is....ive learned a lot......about me and that "the cover of the book is ZERO indication of what lay underneath. SAxx
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RHP User
9 years ago
Have police taken "domestics" seriously ,it was considered to be something that just happened in the family.In the 70s shelters for women and children began to attract funding but now funding has been cut to services .. This is an issue for all of us,and yes men are also in family violence situations but overwhelmingly it's women and children.I don't know what the answer is but we all need to be doing more xxFreya
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RHP User
9 years ago
"Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk announced a number of changes on Sunday, some of which fast-track recommendations from the Not Now, Not Ever report handed down earlier this year. Ms Palaszczuk said priority will now be given to anyone who attends the front counter of a police station on domestic violence issues. Police supervisors will also conduct mandatory quality checks on all over-the-counter requests for domestic violence orders. "You will not be standing in a queue," she said. "My Government is acting quickly and responsibly," Ms Palaszczuk said. "We need the community out there saying enough is enough."" That is Qld, I hope the other states follow quickly.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Brisbane woman is being charged with attempted murder after deliberately running over her ex in her car.
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