M48
Dilemma, Please help ladies.
March 07 2014
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
To leave home or take out a restraining order or maybe just don't be such a gawd damn super Dooper stringless rooter....or meet them in a hotel,the park,the beach,just don't take those smitten kittens home xx Q
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uneventful
11 years ago
Fortunately or unfortunately - I didn't invite him home, We meet at the shopping complex for coffee and then a movie, twice 3 weeks apart. He knew my name and that I lived 'north' of his suburb but not too far away, He looked up my address in the electoral roll, and started leaving me gifts, on the windscreen of my car or on my front door. I asked him to stop, but to no avail, the gifts became more often, more expensive. He got abusive when I declined his gift of a ticket to see the rolling stones in concert (because I already had tickets to the concert) he bought without asking first. He followed me to work one day, and then started having gifts and flower arrangements delivered to my place of employment. As he had his own security firm, and held a gun license, my only avenue was to take out an AVO against him.. All this after only two trips to the movies ... God knows what would have happened if I had of slept with him. I would say - TAKE OUT THE AVO .. BUT .. 12 months after my AVO expired,., he contacted me on a different site, didn't really recall who I was, but I recognised him.. upon declining his communication, and without him even remembering me or my name... he was again abusive in his messages. 15 months later and history repeated it self yet again with same person on a third site, (and they were all vanilla sites) . Thankfully haven't encountered him here .. SO .. unless you really want to move house .. I say AVO...
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RHP User
11 years ago
You must be good looking, rich and be great in bed. NSA is thrown out the window when you meet a great catch. Why have they come back to your home? Why do they know where you live? There are some real "troubled" people on the internet. You should be careful. I am not saying these girls are dangerous... But you never know. You don't want an angry husband on your doorstep one day do you? Some caution amigo!! Now I have a spare room in my basement if you ever come to Sydney. :p
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Mr_MrsAraps
11 years ago
Lol. When I read spare bedroom in the basement I start thinking nut job axe murder ... :-P xx W - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Well some would call it a dungeon but I call it a spare bedroom where I keep my young men ;-)
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RHP User
11 years ago
and the kind of people that habitate it. Be afraid ... Seriously OP, if this kind of thing is becoming a pattern for you then maybe you should think about how much information you give out to your 'NSA's'. I know it's difficult in general 'get to know you' chit chat not to drop a few clues to our real life but it seems that your NSA's have more information than they need. Best of luck.
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
Well obviously my darling, there is some sort of string satisfaction going on!!!! Hang on, why does it appear to be all the ladies fault? What are YOU doing wrong, where's your string responsibility in all of this? And the ladies in this scenario, reading this......may certainly have their knickers in a knot, me thinks?? At least you received some lovely gifts...better than a brick threw your bedroom window or a horse head left in your bed! Foxy *doubles checks goods are fully stacked in violin case*
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RHP User
11 years ago
My suggestion is to be a little more like a woman. As a single woman I am totally concerned about keeping myself and life private. There's some really simple rules have helped me to stay clear of unwanted attention. It's great to get your needs met but I find that as much as I want it, it's always better to check people out a little first, ask questions, make them talk to you and form a sense of if they are a little um, well, prone to being awkward. Then the other rules are DON'T give people your phone no and if you can, try not to do stuff at your place until you kind of know they will be okay. Even NSA sex for me is personal so even if I never want to do it again I still want to make sure the types I do it with are going to be cool if I do have to see them again :) Long winded but so far never stood me wrong. Just sometimes means I gotta be WAY more patient that I want.
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thedevilsfantasy
11 years ago
Motel rooms and no last names... be careful how much info you give out... Obviously you're doing everything else right though... maybe too well 😆
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sweetgem
11 years ago
I appreciate that there are "one of a kind" people out there, but what have you done to attract this kind of "love"??? Did you keep the presents or return them to those ladies??? While AVO seems to be a good option, it won't be granted lightly as you would need to provide significant amount of evidence to prove the stalking, etc. perhaps report the incident to the police first so you would have a record of being stalked. - Posted from rhpmobile
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avidmale
11 years ago
.... mate. Would hate for it to go to legal restrictions but if that is what it takes....?
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RHP User
11 years ago
I don't encourage, I've returned all gifts, cards poems, got the florist to return the flowers. However this only made things worse. They have both become more persistent. I just got home and found my path to my front door lit with 8 candles and on my door mat rose petrels in the shape of a heart. Not sure which 1!!! kind of a little freaky.... I've kept copies of all things sent and photos too. Yes when I'm with someone I'm attentive, sensual, intimate. all the things you should be when with someone. I'm careful with what and how I say things as to not lead people on. NSA means NSA. I have no need to inform them of anything regarding my personal life. I'm here to shag, and shag I do. I'm nice, laid back and live in the moment. I have separate cars for when I go out. I may be good in bed, They enjoyed the moment as much as I did. I do look after my self, I don't think I'm a hot looker. Far from it. I have invited people back to my home. However after these incidents, no longer do this. I'm pedantic about my belongings. Tonight was beyond a joke though. I think an AVO may well be the right option, however I'm afraid they both will find a way. I'm just here to shag. I do have one special person I see regularly, our relationship is open. She knows I see others and isn't on any sites. I believe she would tell me. She was taken back by all of this, was a little upset understandably. So suggestions as to where to meet? Hotels are proving expensive. Koz.
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RHP User
11 years ago
do they know where you got this rash from? get a dish scrubber and rub some skin of your dick so it leaves a nasty rash LADY T and expert in getting rid of stalkersand you can borrow my German shepherd he don't care if he bites a dude or a chick
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RHP User
11 years ago
Lady T, you're hilarious; I notified the authorities this morning after sleeping on it. Lets see what eventuates over the next couple of days....hopefully nothing!!!. Thanks for all the advice everyone and happy shagging. Koz.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I may take you up on your safe room in Syd, if this continues. X. I may need to get a for a couple of days. Koz.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'm still surprised only one bloke has chimed in. For them Op you may be living the dream and wondering what your problem is because. .. (a) you seem to be getting the elusive "some" and (b) under the guise of no strings. Collective hi5 . Though yours seem to be more like Bungy cords that bounce right back at you! Highly unfortunate but then again refer back to (a). I think if this is actually happening to you, your screening process is faulty. Are you bedding them before you have certified they are what they seem?. And a little more effort then just upon meeting asking what they want from this. . I'd be doing that waaaaay before meeting them. P.s since you seem to have what most guys in forums bang on about not getting any where. Do you care to share how you get so lucky?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Just noticed in your profile you are looking for perhaps ongoing relationship. .. I'd take that out of your profile. You rather are looking for just random one off encounters more like.
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RHP User
11 years ago
OP, it seems that you've had rather your fair share of bad luck in this regard and that makes me wonder whether there's an element in poor judgement on your part. Don't get me wrong, NSA sex is clearly what you're saying you want but your profile blurb does say you're open to it being ongoing. Perhaps as a safeguard against future ladies who cannot resist the allure of your sexual prowess, you could re-word your profile to make it less confusing to some of the more delicate lady-folk among us. That said, I agree with the others - if you want a ONS only, book a room and split the cost. Taking strangers back to your home is risky. If you find one that you want to continue as a FB and she agrees, then sure, bring her home and introduce her to the cat. In terms of actually getting them to stop, perhaps drop them a message and let them know that if they don't stop, you will get an AVO so it's in their best interests to down tools and step away from the sex-god. If all else fails, give 'em each other's numbers and let 'em fight to the death! Problem solved. Seriously, good luck with that. Hope it settles for you. Kisses,Jak(Mrs)
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RHP User
11 years ago
I don think he should take that out of his profile, truth is he just wasn't into those girls enough to keep it as an ongoing thing. CoolK believes that all parties agreed that they would keep it at that, as he is stated in his question, and by that I assume he means that they won't see each other again. Is that right CoolK? Or do you mean you and the women agreed that it will only be sex and nothing more? Maybe these women are wooing you? Or they are just having a little fun and being flirtatious and don't see the harm in what thy are doing? Are you over reacting?? Or maybe this is a case of a classic miscommunication between all the parties.
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RHP User
11 years ago
You say you had several ladies overstepping boundaries, with two actually stalking you. Now, meeting one crazy can happen to all of us, but in this case I'm starting to wonder about these women's common denominator: You. It sounds to me there is a problem with your screening methods and this is an issue that may keep coming back. You may not be able to change their behaviour, but you can change yours.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I agree with honeyeclairI have two numbers one private, one for here (a cheap prepaid, well worth it, just throw it away and get another).I don not give out my name or address to anyone.Meet in anywhere but your house and be careful they don't follow you home.Do a shopping trip for a while after leaving them.Be super cautious....
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'uneventful' I asked him to stop, but to no avail, the gifts became more often, more expensive. He got abusive when I declined his gift of a ticket to see the rolling stones in concert (because I already had tickets to the concert) he bought without asking first. But does this mean you would have accepted the ticket if you didn't have them already? The way you wrote this makes me wonder if you were as clear as you think you were when asking him to stop. To me there's a big difference between saying "No, I already have tickets" and "No, this is not appropriate. Stop buying me things and don't contact me anymore." Please correct me if I misunderstood.
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
So... clearly... youre just TOOOO IRRESISTIBLE for all these ladies to leave you alone... hahahaha Meander has it on the money though. If you keep meeting people who you dont like...... start screening out people you dont like.And if you know what you dont like... you have to be able to PICK it. Clearly, your selection methods (if this story is to be believed) are in some serious need of a tune-up. Dont be all too eager to meet someone just because you think theres a hole you can put your penis into.Sometimes, the trouble of having sex with someone can be seen from a very long way away. DG
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RHP User
11 years ago
That experience from another user Uneventful and not with myself. The primary reason why I brought them home was, comfort. And I'm a bit of a stickler for clean sheets. Notwithstanding, food, I guess I may have treated them too well. I'd either make them breakfast or have a few drinks from the my bar. I do love the company of a lady and yes, I am attentive. I don't swear or carry on. I make our meet fun. Enough eye contact, however not toomuch, smile, a little innuendo (tasteful) and if they get that then some Monte Python,Black Adder, Red Dwarf sense of humour. People and conversations are dynamic. So I make things flow and adapt and try tobe ahead of whats being said. I'm confident and probably a little too charming. In saying the above now the guys have have an idea of what I do, competition mayget tough.... I'm straight to the point in my initial message, and those that want to play do.However, just for a ONS. However I do reaffirm throughout "The Meet" that it's only NSA and nothing more.And will only continue seeing someone if there's more than a flicker of the eye or semi hard on when we first meet. Yes, I agree I'm the common denominator in all of this, however communication is forward and up front. It's not in me to be harsh, I just love sensual, intimate, attentive, long loving sessions.And mixing things up. It's exciting when and fun when two people gel. Or the othergoes with the flow. May have to start dogging..... Nope, not my style!!! Thanks for all the tips. I appreciate them coming. Koz.
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bexta1971
11 years ago
Had a situation once ; met a woman who told me she loved me after 2 meets ; and after sex. Told her I was looking for something casual / nsa, before we met and after. What followed was 8months of stress. She stalked me and my extended family, Told me she would go to my kids school and tell them what an arsehole I was Told me she'd bail up my folks in the street Told me she'd broken in to my house while I was at work Even claimed to be pregnant, even though condom was used, and I didn't come anyway !! The things went on and on so had to get AVO, stopped her in a heartbeat ! My advice from experience, go legal, fast Good luck
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RHP User
11 years ago
is this legit.... ladies leaving underwear etc at your doorstep etc is a bit odd...... if this story is true........ i will buy you a beer meeting people who are NOT running like a swiss watch and acting like a "stop watch" is maybe the reason..... maybe improve decision making skills..... maybe pick up some cues before getting involved.... and consider how people react
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
Here's a thought.... Educate yourselves on what "Love Obsessive" is..it may just give some inside knowledge and triggers of why some people behave the way they do?? There maybe some tips in there to help/support how to deal in that situation..People behave the way they do because something may have triggered them off or life/childhood experiences. I guess what I am try to saying is try to understand why some people and put your self in their shoes and think why they do things and what am I doing? Guess it about seeing things from all angles. Foxy
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
To me NSA is a poor poor excuse to go out and get I root! Is it just the chase? The thrill? Excitement? There's always strings, and it starts with ones self! No matter how clear one is with others in what they are looking for there will always be strings..even talking about making it clear to another is still a piece of that string, in my eyes. I believe there is nothing wrong with ONS or NSA anything like that, we've all been there, however it all starts with taking ownership of self behaviour. No one can predict how another reacts. Foxy
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RHP User
11 years ago
I acknowledge and feel slightly responsible for what's going on. And yes there was a situation many years ago where I wanted someone I couldn't have. However we're much older and wiser, and feel site like this are relatively self explanatory as the descriptions and communications. So knowing what you know and looking through my profile; what should I change, suggest how I should approach things and maybe what I should be doing doing with The Meet. Not sure, I don't want people do feel attached, if they say they're not going too. Regards, Koz.
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
I read your last post. By inviting people over and catering to them maybe sending mixed messages?? Your actions and what your say are two different things..You're saying one thing and doing another..presents mixed messages. Foxy
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meander'You say you had several ladies overstepping boundaries, with two actually stalking you. Now, meeting one crazy can happen to all of us, but in this case I'm starting to wonder about these women's common denominator: You. It sounds to me there is a problem with your screening methods and this is an issue that may keep coming back. You may not be able to change their behaviour, but you can change yours. This message was aimed at you, my second one was for Uneventful.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Yes, You're right, However I like treating people well. Yes I love the sex, However They're still a person to me. Yes, I'm intimate and sensual with them and 99.9% of the time, I know I can't see them again due to the nature of work. (1) Ladies haven't stayed around due to me being on call and the amount of travel I do, time away. (2) In the past when I have told them what I do. They've said they'll stick around and when in a monogamous relationship I expect a commitment; have found they've been elsewhere. So this is what I've resorted to. (now I'm justifying....) and by doing this I thought no one would be hurt. I am single and I guess like to maintain that now; exempting one situation which is open. I am looking for something a little stable however, not sure anyone can cope with the amount of time I'm away.So I protect my self now by living like this. It's not ideal, far from it. However until work does me in, feel I have no other option. Koz
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RHP User
11 years ago
Has pretty much nailed it mate. You should listen to her wise words and really take a look a your behaviour. Seems like it is a gift you posses, so my advice would be to use it for your own, and others, good.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'SuperFoxxxy' I read your last post. By inviting people over and catering to them maybe sending mixed messages?? Your actions and what your say are two different things..You're saying one thing and doing another..presents mixed messages. Foxy And there you have to CoolKoz, I will give you some advice. Some women don't listen to what men actually tell them. They prefer to look at the things he does, and decide he wouldn't do those things unless he really likes me and they start planning the wedding. Some women don't get it and never will. It's just the way it is. Unfortunately I think some women are just not very good listeners. Personally I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a date and being nice or even cooking for someone even if though it is a casual encounter. I mean they don't all have to be a root in the park do they?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'SuperFoxxxy' To me NSA is a poor poor excuse to go out and get I root! Is it just the chase? The thrill? Excitement? There's always strings, and it starts with ones self! No matter how clear one is with others in what they are looking for there will always be strings..even talking about making it clear to another is still a piece of that string, in my eyes. I believe there is nothing wrong with ONS or NSA anything like that, we've all been there, however it all starts with taking ownership of self behaviour. No one can predict how another reacts. Foxy I disagree. What does that even mean? NSA is a poor excuse to go and get a root. I don't even get it? What is so wrong about the chase? or the thrill? Or the excitement? You say it all like it is a crime. And I think there are women who are very capable of having a casual friendship with people and have a genuine caring but it doesn't mean that they expect a commitment or strings or have to get all weird about it. CoolKoz you just need to be able to screen better and figure out if the woman is able to handle it I guess.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'CoolKoz' Not sure, I don't want people do feel attached, if they say they're not going too. Regards, Koz. Koz, you can't guarantee anything in life and certainly you can't guarantee your feelings wont change or develop if you see someone over time. I think it is naive to think otherwise. If you are already in a relationship and you do not want feelings to develop between yourself and your casual encounters then it probably is a good idea not to go back to your place, it is probably a good idea to not divulge too much about yourself and probably don't see anyone too many times either. Certainly keep any contact between meet ups to a minimum. I know it all sounds pretty cold though. Asking women how long they have been on RHP is good question I think, Or maybe if they have had casual ongoing friendships before for instance. Lots of people who are new to the whole casual thing, or FWB thing find it hard at first. I know I also made some rookie mistakes when I first joined RHP. The classic case of him telling me he only wanted a casual fling but I thought the increasing intimacy between us meant more, that feelings were developing between us. I really think that men and women see and interpret intimacy.... the kisses, and cuddles, etc differently. I learnt a valuable lesson I think........ it doesn't matter what a man does, it's what he is saying which is important.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Some women don't listen to what men actually tell them. They prefer to look at the things he does, and decide he wouldn't do those things unless he really likes me and they start planning the wedding. Couldn't agree more. Countless times have I heard women say things like: "Sure, he SAYS he doesn't want a relationship, but...he cooked me dinner, spooned me all night, drove me home, texted to say goodnight, etc.etc. That means he WANTS to be with me, he just won't admit it/doesn't know it yet." Do as you say, say as you do. A lot of women I know are very good at turning ambiguous statements into exactly what they want to hear.
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sweetgem
11 years ago
An AVO could only stop the non-criminal stalker(s) from harassing you. But the real criminal stalker(s) would not give a damn about it, because they have nothing to lose to breach the AVO! So be careful of what action you take too! Not sure if the legislation of getting an AVO has changed, but I think a report from the local police proving your situation is one of the required evidences??? However, I'm interested to know, why do you think hotels are too expensive for the NSA activities when you seem quite well off financially from the things you have mentioned in your previous responses??? Unless you're meeting people to shag 4-5 times a week and that you only like going to a 5-star hotel??? There are decent priced motels around, like the Ibis Style (former Formule1) motel, they have under $100 rooms during weekdays/nights. I understand that you like to pamper your company when you're with someone, but you can still treat them to nice drinks or dinners, like fine dining, and then take your bonking business to an average motel room. A lot more safer option I think :-) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'sweetgem' I'm interested to know, why do you think hotels are too expensive for the NSA activities when you seem quite well off financially from the things you have mentioned in your previous responses??? Are you basing this on the OP driving separate cars or him making a lady a drink from his bar? Maybe I missed something?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'sweetgem' you can still treat them to nice drinks or dinners, like fine dining, and then take your bonking business to an average motel room. Next time you're in Sydney I'll let you wine and dine me at Tetsuya's, then take me back to the YHA. Deal?
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Quoting 'SuperFoxxxy'I guess this is what I am trying to say. There's nothing wrong with what I said. It's not a crime, unsure why you would think I would think that??? I believe some people use "NSA" as an excuse, that's all. Koolz posted in his last post (which I admire for being so open and honest), that he's looking at something a little stable and that he's protecting himself. Sorry Coolz I'm going to say it..It just appears to me (by prior posts) Coolz behaves the way he does is because it wants to protect his sweet little heart. I get that and understand that totally, however in the mean time, people will get hurt and do get hurt and do some weird behaviors they wouldn't normally do. And this is the consequences that go along with it, there is and will be some sort of strings. I agree, some people are capable of having casual relationships. Foxy
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
CoolK, by your honest posts and how you have explained yourself, you've come across as a pretty cool guy. It's very admirable. Thank you. There is someone out there for you, they just haven't found you yet. Foxy
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RHP User
11 years ago
many women as others have said ,think that they must be "'special" because you have offered them the "boyfriend" experience....you say you like comfort, does that include sleeping with them,breakfast in the morning,all that Mea mentioned.....it's not so much sex that binds a woman to a man ,it's all of this.....if it's just uncomplicated ONS you want then don't have sleepovers etc.....you are saying one thing and acting another xx Q
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
Personally I believe taking out an AVO is going to the extreme, in this case at the moment. There needs to be reasonable action before the police will even go there. I would be holding off, for the time being and asking. * Do I feel unsafe? as in ALL the time? 24hrs a day? * Are these people actually causing harm to me? (as in physical and emotional harm) * Are they damaging my property? The first thing I would be doing is documenting documenting and documenting EVERYTHING! Are you doing that Coolz?? There is nothing worse than having that feeling of privacy invasion. Foxy
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uneventful
11 years ago
It did not meenI would have gone,if I didn't already have a ticket. I had told him that I was not interested in going to the concert with him. But 3 weeks later he tells me he has bought the tickets and virtually ordered me to attend. He was more than aware that I wasn't interested. But nothing worked until I took the AVO. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I still don't get it Foxxy.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Uneventful.
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
After reading your responses... Im beginning to think... maybe.... its not the women who need to gwet over you..... but you need to get over yourself. Harsh. But seems true. D to the G
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RHP User
11 years ago
If the OP was a woman would your comments be the same....flip the script as you so often say....xx Q
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RHP User
11 years ago
My my you are a fast mover or amazing story teller lol. You posted your first message in forums on 27th feb, just over a week ago.
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bexta1971
11 years ago
Are you ladies saying that if men treat you nicely, say by offering you a drink and maybe a meal before sex ; that means NSA is out the window ?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Read your profile, it's clear your saying fun times, nsa. But you do say there's a possibility of "ongoing".... maby they feel you could be an ongoing thing, and they're trying to get your attention. Think you need to choose your words carefully when you say goodbye to them after your nsa fun. Maby they have their wires crossed.? Hope you've been clear in your " leave me alone I don't want contact from you " conversations with them ? If they continue, take action........stalkers are no fun and a serious issue.
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RHP User
11 years ago
And install security camera's
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RHP User
11 years ago
Like all of us here, at some stage we have been squashed by the bitter hand love has once(many) dealt us. Irrespective of how, or why; Yes Superfoxxxy this is my way of dealing with it. The friend I have, I've known for some time. We have a mutual understanding andlive in separate states. We were Meeting prior to a serious relationship and recentlystarted again. It's the only way to protect ones self. Sure I am attracted to people and yes I do wonder sometimes what could be. And yes I'd love to come home to a constantmonogamous relationship. However, I've yet to feel it, nor want the risk of being destroyed. SuperFoxxy, Yes, copied everything to date and photos taken. including dates and times. Thank you. ybother66, yup I did, doesn't mean anything in the scheme of the NSA topic. Nor how long I've been living this lifestyle; whether it be here or other sites. I've been more successful here though. Another hand delivered note today. So I sent both parties a nice, forward text. No reply was a good thing. So far!!! As for hotels/motels; it's just a clean/comfort thing. However you're all right, That will need to change.In doing so, so will my habits. Looks like I'll have to relinquish some of the fun. And look into some hotel homework. Q; it's just the right way to treat someone after I've spent several hours with them. Better than handing them their clothesand showing them out. It's not in me to do that. Yes I don't want to get hurt again, however showing them out I think would make them feel like a bag of rubbish. It might be NSA however we should still feel good after it's over. I honestly didn't realise nor believe this would get so much attention. It has clarified several things for me though. I appreciate all of your comments and suggestions. Koz.
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
Quoting 'Qefenta2' If the OP was a woman would your comments be the same....flip the script as you so often say....xx Q Yep. I would. The Bullshitometer is gender non-specific. But its nice to se you're following my comments.... even at your age lol DG
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RHP User
11 years ago
Now why don't I believe you....I must buy a bigger magnifying glass because there must be something between the lines that I just don't see :-) :-) xx Q
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RHP User
11 years ago
I only just read your profile... And there it is...open for it to be ongoing....sometimes we have selective reading as wellas hearing xx Q
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'm still a bit new to all this and have only had one 'scare', but everones advice on this has definitely given me some food for thought. I have actually taken some notes so I don't get myself into a situation I can't get out of. It can be a bit difficult to protect yourself when you always think the best of people. Thanks again everyone Za - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
OP, you lost me when you wrote about the flowers in underwear in your first. You've been on the forums for two weeks, and have stated you're new to all of this. So, like ybother says, it's all very fast. I don't believe your story/stories. However, I've heard much crazier stories that turned out to be true, so who am I say what's true and what's not. Glad to be proven wrong. I suspect you and originalbadboy would get on like a house on fire though.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'bexta1971' Are you ladies saying that if men treat you nicely, say by offering you a drink and maybe a meal before sex ; that means NSA is out the window ? Only if you are rich, good looking and are very good in bed. I mean who wouldn't want more of that.
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RHP User
11 years ago
By the way....... what does every one mean by NSA??? Does it mean a one off root?? Just because some women might be having a little fun with some presents or being flirtatious or are keen to see you again DOES NECESSARILY MEAN SHE WANTS STRINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!
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RHP User
11 years ago
Oops that is meant to say. DOES NOT NECESSARILY MEAN SHE WANTS STRINGS.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' By the way....... what does every one mean by NSA??? Does it mean a one off root?? For me, NSA means just that. Not necessarily just a one off. I have met with the same person for months and for me, it is just NO STRINGS ATTACHED. We just meet for sex and nothing else. Most times there would not even be 5 words exchanged between us. To answer your question OP, to avoid this from happening, I have a few rules that I have set up for myself to protect my privacy. After being here for a couple of years now, only a handful of people know my real name. I tell the people that I meet that I don't give my real name out - but to call me by my pseudonym. I have a separate email address that is only for my Pie life. To sign-up for any app that is attached to my mobile no, I give out a different name (I have a few now that Im starting to have a personality problem ) this is to make sure that when I give my number out, they can't tell who I am by logging in to that app.I hardly give my number out to people from here. Only one person from on here has been to the house that Im living in now - and that is after seeing and cavorting with him for months. To stop the stalkerish behaviour, have you actually spoken to them and told them that it was a one-off for you and that you no longer want contact? If that doesn't work, I have found that ignoring messages and calls are a great way to stop them. Sometimes even replying with a single "no" seems to encourage them.
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RHP User
11 years ago
So the strings they've both mentioned is that they wanted to see me exclusively, that's strings enough for me to run.Notwithstanding this, the fact that they wanted to become more involved in my personal life and started asking questions. Yes NSA does mean either a once off encounter or more subject to chem between both parties. Should something change that and it's works both ways then that should be fine. It's happened to me and I walked, They either met someone they wanted more from or I wasn't able to provide them with what they needed. I don't feel threatened by much. However my home is my home. And these ladies were guests and invite only, not Fam or long time friends. Noted: No more fling invites back home; Found a nice convenient hotel, I'm relatively happy with. This has gotten out of hand!!! However like me I'm sure it's assisted others in ways too. Koz.
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RHP User
11 years ago
There's good pussy and then there's crazy pussy. It baffles me how you failed to recognise worrisome tendencies twice in you partners? I mean if it was just one girl I'd be like ah well, but 2? And you allude to other previous ones? I'd have to say it's probably more you and you need to make some changes in your screening processes. If you don't intend on seeing someone a second time then don't bring them home, why do that with a stranger and if it's just NSA? - Posted from rhpmobile
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
Everything one does to get the shag has attached somehow. The other person, the contact, the booking of the hotel, what the other person does to get them self to the meet (organizing babysitting for example), the messaging, the texting, the excitment one feels, in Cools case the changing and putting on new bed lines, the breakfast, maybe heading out to club and the conversation, drink buying, the time and effort put in..... ohhhhhhh the list is endless! Anything that is somehow related to getting that root, fuck, what ever one wants to call it. Is an attachment. , Another way to look at it, is all those little things two people do, are particles to make that piece of sting. That's the string Theory. Hope that makes sense? That's how I see it, and I believe in it. And ain't no one is going to pursue me other wise. Foxy
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
MEANT to say...Ain't no-one is going to PURSUAY me other way. Foxy
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RHP User
11 years ago
Persuade.
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
That's the word I was looking for! Thanks. Foxy
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
There's something to learn here....... just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Sometimes sex with person XYZ, just isn't worth the drama that you know is going to follow. Walk away.
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
I saw what you did. in other words, "you don't want to STING them along" Foxy
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
I've dam well done it again. in other words, "you don't want to STRING them along" Foxy
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RHP User
11 years ago
"I'm looking for a friend with benefits only, that means NSA!" Sorry, but I find the terms "friend" and "NSA" mutually exclusive. Even fuck-buddy implies some form of intimacy to me. NSA would be a random fuck in my opinion.
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
What is that?? I find that a bit weird when I hear that. There's always some sort of string or some sort of involvement of intimacy, physical or emotional, in my opinion. Even when I hear one say "OH OH BUT..we are "just friends" and we are just having sex" is crap too in my eyes. I don't know about others, I certainly don't have sex with any of my friends. If someone told me "Oh we are just friends, you know friends can have sex?" makes me icky as well as sends mixed messages cause it sounds like they are telling me, I should agree to just that and I have no choice or that it's excuse or somefink?? Sound like they are justify their self and poor actions/behavior to me anyways. Like I said before, adds to much pressure and that I should do what they want or say.... What ever!! Why does one have to name their sexual relationships for anyways? Why can't it be just what it is?? Foxy
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
As I've said before, I don't believe in the idea of "NSA"... simply because if you're seeing someone casually and want to keep seeing them - even if thats just for sex - then wanting to see them again IS a string... its an investment in them and their/your time. But as for the area beyond casual sex?I simply dont believe that I can rule anything in... or out. But that is most likely a function of being one of the GENUINE single guys in here. Its possible that, of the few people I choose to meet.... one of those people might just capture my attention in ways I wasn't expecting. And just maybe, I do the same for her. The lightening bolt.... so to speak. I dont believe in putting a line through the option to take things further, because if someone is good enough to shag.... its almost insulting to me to think theyre potentially not good enough for.... possibly more.... if theyre genuinely single too. Why?I dont look for a hole to get off in.I simply dont choose to meet people (in here, or beyond here) who fall outside the lines of what I find attractive, interesting, alluring, intriguing etc DG (Disclaimer... if THEY rule out more than casual.... thats different.... but that can change too)
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RHP User
11 years ago
I disagree. To me strings means no expectations or commitment or love feelings. You can be casual friends with someone and then never see them again and you hardly notice, and of course others you would miss like crazy. Maybe I am just heartless? Saying that texts and flirts, and just meeting up with someone creates strings, as someone has said above, is a little bit ridiculous in my mind. You don't even knew the person yet.... If you think that is a string then you may have problems.
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RHP User
11 years ago
You don't have sex with any if your friends Foxxy? Sorry to hear that you are definitely missing out.
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RHP User
11 years ago
You are looking for a relationship though... Eventually if the right person comes along. Lots of men on here are just looking for sex or to cheat, etc. Men seem to be very good at compartmentalizing their feelings and life, so I have found.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I think wanting to keep seeing each other creates a string, because are investing yourself.
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
Really?? Is that so? LOL! I like to call people I'm intimate with lovers. :) Foxy
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RHP User
11 years ago
But not friends? I am friends with my lovers. To me a lover is someone I love. So yeah I have some friends I go to parties with and have sex with, and I care about them as friends but I don't love them. They are still just a friends to me.
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RHP User
11 years ago
So they can send me filthy texts and pictures one day ... Then ask me dating advice the next. You know.... They are your naughty friends.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I think you should really start to see from this conversation what sort of questions you should be asking women. Lol.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' Quoting 'Qefenta2' If the OP was a woman would your comments be the same....flip the script as you so often say....xx Q Yep. I would. The Bullshitometer is gender non-specific. But its nice to se you're following my comments.... even at your age lol DG that was an ageist stupid comment and I thought you had a few more brains than that. The fact is if this were a woman, everyone would go poor luv that's shocking. you can screen till the cows come home, but you can never tell at all ,Its a great myth that you can see the bad guys. They don't all wear a black hat and look like a some seedy sex offender, just look at Ted Bundy. One guy here said, "so now you women don't want us to give you the boyfriend experience?" Ladies, you want a guy to treat you nice, you want him to take you to dinner, you want him not to treat you like a free slut, and then you say, if your nice to a woman its a mixed message? no bloody wonder men's heads are twisting on their shoulders like the exorcist. I do not do the dinner thing, nor hardly the coffee thing. I do not go out there and expect the boyfriend thing, I expect the lover thing, exactly what is on my profile. If you want a date, then say so and if you want a boyfriend then bloody say so, and stop putting up that your all sexy and no commitment, when in truth if you get the pillow talk then its ohh he weeely weeely likes me. He don't, his cock does. He may like being with you in a sexual way, he may like your company, but if he wants more he will sure as shit let you know. So never never never assume anything, just because a man is decent to you. If he says this is just NSA then your ear better not be deceived by the hearts need, or you will hear a different thing. To the OP, having a stalker is the most horrid thing ever, it stuffs up your life, it can terrify the bejesus out of you and you feel helpless. RVO is not worth the paper its witting on it only pisses them off even more. Why should a person have to go to hotels, or have two phones or what ever? Well because the crazy fuckers on RHP are alive and well , I know as it made me leave this site for a while. Having guys that don't take no for an answer is bloody horrible. I also know as a woman on this site is still here and has done it to a stack of guys. I have met her offline and she seemed normal to me, but then over time I saw the damage she does. she actually believes these poor guys are in love with her. Complete fantasist. Danger Will Robinson!
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RHP User
11 years ago
Lady T I think that was a reference to Q being 99 years old. :)
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RHP User
11 years ago
This has really moved in a different direction. I understand that this is an exceptionally delicate subject in the realm of meeting people they way some of us do. I think, I may move to Sydney. All of you seem to make more sense about this...lol. I need a break after the week I've had.!!! As mentioned, this has cleared up so much for me as I'm sure it has for others. In saying this I've had a long, good, hard look at the way I've leading my love life...or sex life!!!!After looking through the many comments and replying to some and most in general.I've realised potentially what I'm missing out on being in a relationship and continuing to explorethe needs of one person. I've got the skill set...lol..Is the risk worth it? I'm starting to think so! As for screening; Much of what some of you have said has hit home. So I guess moving on, I may now use these skills to find the one and who knows where that may lead. A bit freaking scary.... putting my self out there again.However deep down after thought it's what I know I want. To potentially come home to someone and give them my all in return for the same. My body isn't 21 anymore and although I can keep up with most of the younglings in my line of work, it's taking me longer to recover and that's not good. So "Cyclone Change" has come through. I guess a snow leopard can change his view on things. New outlook: Check.Screening process at hand: Check.Source field off: mmmmm lowered_acceptable level.Skill set from Superfoxxxy, Meeka, Q & Co: Check. Profile change: On progress on paper. Thanks all. Koz.
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RHP User
11 years ago
This is what I think.... Ongoing NSA, friendships, casual dating or lovers or what ever you like to call it means for most people that they are not looking for commitment or exclusivity. So it me, yes you start to care about people that you see often, if you want to call that strings so be it. As long as you don't use those strings to bind those people than it's all good.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Hi All, Well, you ladies sure know how to make me think!!! Going from freaking out at the thought to accepting it; only natural really!!! Profile has been altered, please let me know if you think it's suitable. Kind Regards, Koz.
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MsJonesy
11 years ago
Lady T, as usual you are so right - again! You and Meeka, with your words of wisdom, have kept me safe and sane for many many months. To the OP, if they contact you after the event, and want a repeat... be blunt. Say thanks, it was great the first (& second or however many times is appropriate).... but I'm not wanting to see you again. The more times you have got together, the more they will expect it to continue. Some of us are after longevity with our lovers and this may be where the problem is arising. NSA doesn't mean a one off event... it can as Meeka points out, mean an ongoing NSA. Be very very clear in your meaning when you discuss it with your ladies. Yes it is harsh to say I don't want to see you again, but it cannot be misinterpreted.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' This is what I think.... Ongoing NSA, friendships, casual dating or lovers or what ever you like to call it means for most people that they are not looking for commitment or exclusivity. So it me, yes you start to care about people that you see often, if you want to call that strings so be it. As long as you don't use those strings to bind those people than it's all good. NSA would definately be a unplanned ONS or a situation where nothing further extended from the sex. If I catch up with a person on more occassions I would call it a FWB only because there would then be a respect of some sort...we would interact in conversation etc. I have picked myself up and left after sex especially relating to NSA......if I expected nothing more it was fine. I have a friend who told me often after his first dates the women would ask him for a relationship. I would question him didnt you state thats not what you were after? I would quiz him if he had led them on?....but he was a nice guy with a lot going for him and I think he realised it was probably more financially driven (oh he's sexy too). I think it is assumed strings are derrived from the lead up to sex the interaction the flirtation these things may get miscontrued into desire for the person...I know foxxy some men lay it on thick and dont realise its gone too far. But in all seriousness if you have only fucked someone once I feel there should be no fear of strings unless that person then strings you along...sorry couldnt help it. Sex can be for some a deep emotional connection and some can not seperate their emotions from their orgasm. Then again when someone texts you everyday, wants you there all the time wants to know what you should make for dinner when are you coming back again involves you in their everyday life and decisions and expects it to be casual when they have listed more in their profile well then they are fooling themselves and the other person. Not you OP. This discussion has been brought up before and will be again. OP make sure you are clear sorry for your crazies they must have just liked the inner you which seems to be a nice guy.
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
How I see it is, everyone sees relationships differently due their core values, upbringing etc etc. That's what makes us all individuals, wanting different things and seeing things differently from others. There is not right or wrong to how one or others see things differently. I believe the main thing is to be honest with yourself and not to string any one along, misguide or deceit, cause that is when shit will hit the fan. Foxy
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RHP User
11 years ago
Make some friends first then when you know that they are completely normal or should I say RHP normal. Then start having some sex with your friends. Great benefits and no drama.
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gazpacho
11 years ago
This thread? I can't make any sense of it past page one. the poor poor lad has women beating down his door late at night leaving horses heads in boxes with the neighbours and al sorts of untoward stalking type behaviour. He could end up on the end of a skewer with his brains consumed by these freaks by the time you ladies work out what the difference between NSA and a lover is meant to be. Shit. NSA... No strings attached... not all bound up in twine and threatened with knitting needles by these freaks.... It's simple. How does he prevent it? Answer: Don't ever take one of them home. Don't ask for their name.... and use your RHP nick. If they start acting weird, like trying to send you jibber jabber on your message bank, just block them! They can stalk you on RHP for all it is worth. NSA... No STRINGS Attached. HugsGazpacho
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RHP User
11 years ago
Gaz, Foxy, Ms Silk, All valid, however have elected to find 1 real wonderful person, that's clever, intelligent, knows what they want and who they are as an individual. Someone that has dead lines to meet during the day pardon the pun!!! That wants to meet regularly for dinner, and other fun activities. So yes; Should any of you know someone on RHP that fit's these selection criterion make the recommendation. And has a sense of humour let them know. Koz.
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RHP User
11 years ago
But Gaz, what is a string? Seems some feel that the strings start from the first point of contact.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I agree, they do which is why it can get hard.
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RHP User
11 years ago
CoolKaz... You are saying strings start from the first point of contact? Seriously? Well I must have a commitment problem because I don't see any strings until both parties decide that they are there or at least you know each other a bit. Sorry if I choose to communicate with someone and meet up with someone that is just a bit of fun... I don't owe that person anything. There are no strings.
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RHP User
11 years ago
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RHP User
11 years ago
How many people join RHP because they are looking for the love of their lives?How many people join because they think they are guaranteed sex on tap? How many people join because they are just plain lonely?Does any of this matter? You need to decide what you are on here for and work out your vetting process from there. It doesn't matter if it's for NSA, a ONS, a FB, a FWB or a long term lover. Just be open and honest about it from the start. (although some people will tell you whatever they think you want to hear just to get into your pants.) If you connect with someone and have sex with them on a regular basis then it is possible to develop feelings for them but you have to keep on being honest about it. If you think they are wanting more than you do then walk away, otherwise someone will get hurt. And hopefully you get better at spotting the loonies.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'looking4quality' You need to decide what you are on here for and work out your vetting process from there. It doesn't matter if it's for NSA, a ONS, a FB, a FWB or a long term lover. Just be open and honest about it from the start. (although some people will tell you whatever they think you want to hear just to get into your pants.) Are you talking about the women? That they say they want NSA and then after one or two dates they suddenly tell you there are strings. So I think women are also disingenuous when it comes to dating.
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