M37
Is it ok for Heterosexual men to hit on women
October 30 2014
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
Did you actually watch the video? Because you left out quite a few relevant details in your summary and made the whole thing sound very innocent, which it certainly wasn't. For example, one guy said "God bless mami....damn" in a leering tone whilst clearly staring straight at the woman's arse as she walked past. Another followed his "God bless" with more arse-staring and "sexy....American eagle" (being the logo on the back of the pants she was wearing). Not to mention the creep who after saying his "God bless" then proceeded to stalk / walk right beside her for over 5 minutes, despite her showing no inclination whatsoever to talk to him. And that is much of the point....she was clearly walking quite purposefully and was visibly not interested in having any men try to hit on her / make unsolicited comments about her arse or how attractive they found her, yet they still did it and obviously believed that their perceived right to do so trumped her right to be left in peace to go about her day / night. It's pure entitlement mentality, and yes under those circumstances it certainly is harassment.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I really appreciate flattery and it's nice to know I'm attractive to men. I've enjoyed a wolf whistle from time to time. And as a result, I get that this is a really tricky issue. But here's the thing ... Anywhere and everywhere a woman goes, there's a chance one or more males will comment on her physical appearance. From a compliment, to a leering and creepy comment, to an insult because of her fat gut/muffin top/great bod shame about the face or whatever. In part the problem is WHAT is said, but mainly the problem is that anything is said at all. Women are more than their physical appearance, more than something to be commented on and leered at and flattered and insulted and hit on and so on in public. Until you've lived in a world where you simply cannot walk down a street anywhere, at anytime, without some man thinking it's his birthright to comment out loud about you, this whole thing might be very difficult to understand. Yes, a lot of the comments are completely harmless. But the sheer volume of them, for years and years from when puberty hits until god knows when, is not harmless. The impact of having to be on alert to know when a comment has an element of threat or risk attached to it, or to brace yourself against an embarrassing insult, or against the shame of being commented on as a sex object in public with your children or colleagues etc - that impact is greater than people bother to recognize a lot of the time. I remember being 15 with large breasts and having 40, 50 year old me leer at me and make comments when I passed them in the street. Comments that other people could hear. Comments that embarrassed the hell out of me. What gave those men the right to make a 15 year old child in her school uniform a sex object?! I'm a confident, bold woman, but I walk down the street - day or night - always with at least a small amount of alertness about the men that are about and what they might say or do to me. It's a natural instinct a lot of women develop, to be on alert and to protect themselves. Because everywhere we go, men are saying things and doing things to us and at us that they don't need to - and that make a woman's experience of walking through this world VERY different to a man's experience. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Luckdragon23'she was clearly walking quite purposefully and was visibly not interested in having any men try to hit on her / make unsolicited comments about her arse or how attractive they found her, yet they still did it and obviously believed that their perceived right to do so trumped her right to be left in peace to go about her day / night. It's pure entitlement mentality, and yes under those circumstances it certainly is harassment. She wasn't inviting these comments, nor engaging in any way. She was walking away from these guys, FFS. That was harrassment in my book too.
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JessicaRabbit
10 years ago
Creepy lewd comments and such are a whole different story. I love being complimented when it's genuine and not seedy. Two examples that show the two extremes: I had a tradie call out to me from atop a roof the other day to tell me that he loved my stockings and that I had sensational legs. It made me smile and did kind of made my day because he wasn't being seedy or harassing at all. I had a guy place his hands against both sides of my head when I was standing against a wall on a races day, essentially trapping me there as he stared down my dress then said 'nice.' Not nearly as complimentary. On an unrelated note, watch 'if women catcalled men' on YouTube. As Burning_Love said, women are more than their physical appearance, and I love how this video jokingly plays on the whole cat calling thing. Hilarious! Jess xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
there is a difference.
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MsJonesy
10 years ago
Fantastic posts. You have both nailed it.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Amen!!!! Took the words right out of my mouth..... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
To dismiss the issue to the extent you have, just makes me a tad inclined to call you a dumbarse.... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'JessicaRabbit' Creepy lewd comments and such are a whole different story. It is perfectly possible for men to approach / compliment women in a way that is still respectful to the woman. None of the examples in that video showed any sort of respect towards her or her agency as a person, and the guy who followed her was downright creepy / stalkerish and his actions would make many women in that situation concerned about their safety and what he might potentially try to do (I've read about plenty of cases of men getting verbally and physically aggressive with women who rebuffed their advances). Why some men think that women should be appreciative of that sort of attention is totally beyond me.
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RHP User
10 years ago
when I was younger, I go so much of men saying the most in appropriate things to me from the age of 12, It frightened me, I was unaware of the impact I had and why men were saying things like that to me. I was constantly touched. At school, at social outings, my dads mates etc As I got older I was constantly touched by men, and yes in NYC was followed up the street and comments made. Once while eating lunch in a deli a guy approached the window and made thrusting motions with his hips. the guys behind the deli counter cracked up. I like attention. However, now I am older I can take it now without being afraid and will slap a mans hand away if I choose to do that. this week in Northbridge I went out, nothing showing just a plain dress with red boots. I got hit on going out of the foyer of my hotel, it was nice couple of cheeky lads I got my bum pinched about an hour later as I walked up to a pub. The next pub two different men brushed my breasts as I tried to get past them. Again next pub two guys on the dance floor were grabbing what ever they could, so I grabbed the guys wrists and told him to fuck off. He mate came up behind me and started grinding into me so I just walked off the dance floor. I took it all with a grain of salt after all its a pub and guys get beer goggle fever, Its a double edged sword. I love the attention its flattering to know men think your attractive , it depends on how its down and by whom. but its not attractive if your clearly, not interested, frightened, and intimidated and your not smiling back. any idiot can see if your not remotely interested in your comments. A nice cheeky flirt is fine. But putting your hands on a woman you do not know in a public place is something else. Read the body language and think first before your testosterone makes you behave like a dick.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Agree with everyone above, LD, BL & JessicaRabbit. Horrible, more than harrassment some of that behaviour was threatening. A women does not feel safe when men start badgering like that. Problem is the minute you tell them no, or god forbid to get lost you are labeled a lesbian, frigid or just a plain bitch. Waiting for the usual culprits to come and say women are over reacting and should go with the flow or be more friendly. :-/
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RHP User
10 years ago
And I agree with Sir_Stir too. :D
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RHP User
10 years ago
Shocked that a guy saying "God bless mami....damn" sounded to the OP like "saying hi and god bless".
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MsSuperFoxy
10 years ago
for a man to "hound" women...it's down right rude! I watched the video- "hounds" is what came to my mind and not OK. It made me sad, that some of the men didn't even pick up that she was totally ignoring them, and then they had the hide to ask her questions! LOL Dumb arsses all right! I want to know who taught them or role model to them that this is how you treat women?? Obviously a learnt behavior from somewhere. Foxy
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MsJonesy
10 years ago
Quoting 'SuperFoxxxy' for a man to "hound" women...it's down right rude! I watched the video- "hounds" is what came to my mind and not OK. It made me sad, that some of the men didn't even pick up that she was totally ignoring them, and then they had the hide to ask her questions! LOL Dumb arsses all right! I want to know who taught them or role model to them that this is how you treat women?? Obviously a learnt behavior from somewhere. Foxy Its learnt behaviour... and quite often from their peers.
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MsSuperFoxy
10 years ago
The guy who said..."Here's my number, will you talk to me? *sounds very much like the kind of messages ladies receive on here* Foxy
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madotara69
10 years ago
The women are all over reacting and should go with the flow. Mado Mado Tara xx
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Mischeviouslad
10 years ago
Now..... I've stopped numerous women while they were walking purposefully through the street, in the supermarket, on a plane....... all of them going about their day. And while Im single, I will continue to do it because beautiful women are wherever they happen to be at the time Im where they happen to be. And its often been good. Some, Ive connected with and its gone further. Others, were merely a friendly chat, a laugh, and a friendly goodby and enjoy your day. Its rare that you get the total brush off. I think its a function of how someone is approached, that determines how they respond. DG
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RHP User
10 years ago
What's with all the honking of car horns guys? I usually run with my earphones in and had no idea how many men honked their car horn at me until one day when I forgot to take my iPod. About a dozen honks in the 40 mins I was out. What for? What are they trying to tell me? Watch out, you're about to trip over? Well done for working out on a hot day? Give up fatty, you'll never get there? Occasionally they wind the window down and yell something out but it's garbled sound, lost in the traffic noise. I have no way of knowing what all these men mean when they honk their horns and shout random things. My instant emotional response usually runs the full gamut of :)thanksfuckoffshitdoIlookthatbadmaybeallthisrunningisworkingforfucksakeijustwanttoruninpeace. It happened the other day when I was crossing the street too. Jeans, thongs, a singlet and arms loaded up with things, trying to get to my car. Honks galore. Was I in danger and they were trying to alert me? Did I have bird poo in my hair? It's not a compliment guys. It's a shock to have a sudden sound blast at you when you're going about your business. Car horns are generally intended to alert people to imminent danger so I usually get a small fright and have to quickly scan my surroundings to make sure I'm OK. Like I said before, it's tricky. Flattery is nice but really I think women just want to be able to go about their daily business in peace, without unwanted attention, ogling, comments, honking, and general objectification of who they are. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Lol somehow I think not :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Not only because of what it does to women but also the consequences it has for us men. Once again showing my age, but my generation has had the opportunity to watch Australia lose its innocence bit by bit over the years and one of the things that I am sad to see go is the ability as a man to walk down the street, catch the eye of a woman coming towards you and saying Hi with a smile. Years ago you would always get a smile back and some discrete eye contact, which was enough to make your stride a little lighterand if a woman showed any greater interest they always had a way of letting you know. What shits me is the Dicks that don’t have the judgement to know that someone being polite back is not a message to ramp up hitting on the woman. Because of this women today have perfected the “looking straight ahead” and “walking with intention” as a protection against this. Sometimes this is so obvious it is almost comical, but in reality it is just sad that we have lost those enjoyable transactions that when treated with respect opened up so many genuine opportunities to connect. All I can say to those guys is pull your f..ing head in and learn that being a man doesn’t start with your dick, it begins with your sense of pride and the respect you show others.
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RHP User
10 years ago
This guys vid is well worth watching all the way through10 Hours of Walking in NYC as a Woman REACTION!!! Tyrone Magnus
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'madotara69' The women are all over reacting and should go with the flow. Mado Mado Tara xx smarty pants
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RHP User
10 years ago
"and that make a woman's experience of walking through this world VERY different to a man's experience." I used to share a house with a nurse who would drive 600m from home to the (secured) hospital carpark, I had a go at her one day about walking to work instead of driving. She agreed, she should walk to work, but she can't. Because creepy scumbag men stake out the hospital to stalk nurses as they come and go. I was floored, it never occurred to me that a woman has to live her life like a hunted animal. Men need to be more aware of this, if you see a woman walking alone, leave her be, cross the street, don't hit on women with children in tow etc. Fuck it's not rocket science, it's respect. There is a time and a place for the chatup game, but exploiting fear and vulnerability is for cowards.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' Now..... I've stopped numerous women while they were walking purposefully through the street, in the supermarket, on a plane....... all of them going about their day. And while Im single, I will continue to do it because beautiful women are wherever they happen to be at the time Im where they happen to be. And its often been good. Some, Ive connected with and its gone further. Others, were merely a friendly chat, a laugh, and a friendly goodby and enjoy your day. Its rare that you get the total brush off. I think its a function of how someone is approached, that determines how they respond. DG That's all well and good because I know you are a thinking man. In a public area where the woman has confidence in her safety, no probs. But not in a quiet street, getting dark, you crossing the road to intercept her. Bad form. The trouble with common sense is it's not that common.
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RHP User
10 years ago
You are a brave man for putting a post like this up on this site haha controversial to say the least! But yes that video is disgusting, There is one thing flirting and trying to chat up woman......and then theres anther making it so obvious and the least appealing by calling out words to show their fascination of her... However, would this happen walking for 10 hours in the streets of Perth, Sydney or Melbourne? Would it happen in the streets of london? They should test that out
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RHP User
10 years ago
Well I must say I have been enlightened. I knew women were hit on, but i never realized it was so constant, so its interesting to hear from a woman's perspective on it all, and also rather sad really that women need to be so wary when going out in public. If only all men could be gentlemen.. until it got to the bedroom anyway ;)
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RHP User
10 years ago
Its interesting how men can look at women and treat women that are not related to them. I often think, ok this is your wife, your daughter, your mother your auntie or cousin. Its like a red rag to a bull My husband would rip a mans head of then shit down his neck if either of my girls was harrased. There is nothing wrong with a nice smile, an admiring glance , being polite and even a little flirt is fine. But its the step over the line that causes the problem its not rocket science at all. Pick your moment and the person and the circumstance if you wish to approach a woman. She will let you know in five seconds if she is interested. that is why a lot of men just do online stuff now. I did ask a guy about that, I said If i was so smoking hot how come every man in the street is not gagging for it when they see me. RHP penthouse pet, googles are free on here. He said that no way would he approach a woman in public, because he would not be able to know her circumstance so if he saw me on the beach, he would have totally ignored me. I do get that as a few drunk fisher men have sometimes said hey baby, you on your own come have a beer. I say no, I am with that German Shepard that's about to bite your arse.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' Now..... I've stopped numerous women while they were walking purposefully through the street, in the supermarket, on a plane....... all of them going about their day. And while Im single, I will continue to do it because beautiful women are wherever they happen to be at the time Im where they happen to be. And its often been good. Some, Ive connected with and its gone further. Others, were merely a friendly chat, a laugh, and a friendly goodby and enjoy your day. Its rare that you get the total brush off. I think its a function of how someone is approached, that determines how they respond. DG yes the way a guy approaches can have a lot to do with it. However, context does also. Fair enough if you find yourself sitting next to the woman somewhere e.g. on a plane and you strike up a conversation. Or even say if you were waiting in a long line or something like that (as long as the guy doesn't keep trying if it's obvious the woman doesn't want to talk to him). However, many women don't appreciate being stopped by some random guy on the street when they are just trying to get from A to B. In general though women are also socialised to always be polite so I can tell you for sure DG, not all of those women would want to talk to you when you stop them and some are just being polite when in their head they're thinking something like "FFS I just want to get home leave me alone". I know that you consider yourself to be different and the exception to all other men but I would encourage you to try and check your feelings of entitlement to the time of any woman you find attractive just a little, and think about the context you're in.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting '50zcool' In a public area where the woman has confidence in her safety, no probs. It's not just safety that is the issue here though. It's also the way that some men seem to feel that women owe them their time and attention on demand; that women should be available and willing to talk to any guy that finds them attractive. That attitude smacks of seeing women as objects existing only to please men.
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RHP User
10 years ago
... you see it all the time ... he tries ... she ignores ... he tries harder ... he gets the girl. I don't mind 'being hit on' at all & thoroughly enjoy it - especially when it's in the most unlikeliest of circumstances but then again I'm more than capable of dealing with it should it cross the line. Steel100 I don't believe there is anything wrong with it unless you persist when it is clearly unappreciated - that's when it becomes problematic and turns into harassment.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I think you might be surprised at the number of women you approach who wish you hadn't. Not because you're not a great guy - you might well be just that - but because you're one of countless men who approach her directly or indirectly, pleasantly or unpleasantly, all day. It can be tedious. Someone before you might have embarrassed the hell out of her. You get the gist. It's great that it's worked out OK for you sometimes, but those times when it didn't, did you ever reflect on why? Or ask the woman how she feels about being approached cold like that? I'm not saying there's anything wrong with what you do, and I haven't experienced it so I can't really comment. But I'm curious about whether you've truly considered it from a woman's perspective and not just the perspective of your own pick up methods. Three things make an approach OK for me - non-threatening (including not lewd, creepy or anything that makes me physically uncomfortable), discreet eg not loud or something that makes a spectacle of me, and completely respectful of my response, whether I ignore, politely reject, or engage. It doesn't mean I welcome the approach, it just means it isn't a black spot in my day. I'm polite so I'm not likely to outright ignore a man, but it might happen if I'm busy getting on with my day (see previous posts). I'd hate for men to think they shouldn't approach women at all. It's all a matter of intention, timing and style. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Mischeviouslad
10 years ago
Feathers about to ruffle and fly. Yes, I am a "thinking man" (thank you 50z), and I am observant and understand social context.These are facets I have learned. So I say it really doesnt matter if a woman wants me to talk to her or not.... because unless she shows obvious signs of wanting to be left alone by EVERYONE.... and in that case, who would want to approach anyway... ...... then how am I meant to know she doesnt want to be friendly without approaching her?!. Obviously, there is engaging, and there is unacceptable harassment (as in the video being discussed). If I want to approach, I will.... because I know with certainty that if Im curious to learn more about a woman I see, I can approach her in a way that is socially acceptable and engaging. If she isnt interested, thats fine, and there is no harm done. If I do create interest where previously there was nothing but two people going about their lives, the potential is unlimited. Why do people make such a big deal about engaging a stranger?!You just have to do it the "right" way. Women constantly say they wish they could just find the right guy.... that one day she'd meet him, randomly, and it would just be... good and wonderful and perfect etc etc. I know myself to be a fun, funny, intelligent and engaging Man who can communicate effectively with women. So If I know that I can approach, engage and brighten a beautiful womans day (or more, if things progress), why wouldnt she want to meet me?!! She just might have been waiting for a guy like me to come into her life. Well... people are where you see them, and there are no perfect scenarios that you dont create through opportunity and action. Are we all that narky these days to see a problem with that?! Really?? Not me. DG
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RHP User
10 years ago
Of course you don't need to change one little bit, imagine us silly women even suggesting that you think a little about your actions. Saying such things to the Pussy Whisperer...for shame!! Of course any woman should be thanking her lucky stars if you were to pay attention to her and 'brighten her day'. She could never feel even vaguely annoyed or that it is an unwanted intrusion...as long as you're getting what you want it's all good!! Carry on!!
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RHP User
10 years ago
The art of picking up has been lost! in it's wake all we are left with is the sexual predator. Perhaps if they'd actually said something along the lines of 'you're lovely, can I give you my number'? They'd have stood a better chance. Communication is massive and as a species we're getting worse at it the more technology comes into play. X - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Reading both of your comments I find myself agreeing with you both and I think it really comes down to extremes. The video showed everything from genuine compliments to straight out stalking. DG your confidence is great and the fact that you can just approach someone with no sense of insecurity is a wonderful thing. I suppose though the question I ask is when does that just become arrogance and a lack of respect for other people and what they are planning to do in their day? I have seen some guys who just have a talent for this in a very respectful way and you may be one of them, but if you don’t question your own actions at all, how would you ever know? On the flip side, there are situations when it is appropriate and as LD said earlier context matters. But even in the right context sometimes women seriously overreact to genuine polite gestures, even just starting a conversation for no other reason but to enjoy someone’s company. I still come back to what I stated in the earlier post, the complete disregard by guys for other peoples space and the belief that any woman out there is just waiting to be picked up has caused a breakdown in our ability to trust each other at face value and receive compliments from someone that maybe meant to achieve nothing but to compliment them. So for me it all just comes down to respect and regard for context. There is the other post going regarding being a gentleman and reading some of those posts there is a common theme of respect and valuing someone for who they are not just what they are, e.g. an attractive woman ready to be picked off the vine or someone who has a life that extends far further than some guys need to pick her up.
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RHP User
10 years ago
We'll have to take your word for the fact that you approach women in a 'socially acceptable' way. And most people have agreed that there's a difference between a thoughtful approach and harassment. Certainly it would be as sad world if strangers couldn't approach each other to see if there might an attraction or connection. The challenge is that the line between approach and harassment will be in a different place for different women. And different men will also have a completely different understanding of where the line sits between the two. A thread like this is an opportunity to have an open and frank conversation about the real world experiences of a large (relatively speaking) number of people, so that everyone can learn something. There will be men reading this thread who will no doubt reevaluate their views on calling out to women in public, their views on the kind of world they want their daughters/sisters/lovers/mothers to live in, their views on what is acceptable behaviour by everyone. There might be women reading the thread who decide to go a bit easie on men because they realise the issue is a bit of a minefield. This is a GOOD thing, and this is why threads like this one matter. Dismissing concerns or views as narky is unhelpful. Implying that your methods are infallible seems a little naive. The more people that acknowledge street harassment is a real issue, and the more who decide to stop it or stand up against it, the better for all. I just wonder if you could have put your posts here to better use. Does it really help the discussion to basically say 'I always get this right'? - Posted from rhpmobile
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MsJonesy
10 years ago
To quote:"And while Im single, I will continue to do it because beautiful women are wherever they happen to be at the time Im where they happen to be.""I know myself to be a fun, funny, intelligent and engaging Man who can communicate effectively with women. So If I know that I can approach, engage and brighten a beautiful womans day (or more, if things progress), why wouldnt she want to meet me?!! She just might have been waiting for a guy like me to come into her life."I’m sorry, this is part of the problem women have. You have mentioned in both of your posts you will approach beautiful women. You and every other man on the planet who thinks “I’d like a bit of that” will approach the 'beautiful woman', or look too long, grin, wink, turn round as she passes to catch the rear view. These reactions are the lighter end of the scale; imagine being followed, talked to a little too long, asked for your phone number, audibly commented on to the mates you are with, followed to your home or workplace.Imagine this occurring 5, 10, 20 times a day.Do you get it yet?Seriously, do not approach unless a woman shows some sign that your approach would be welcome. It doesn’t matter how polite you believe you are, how funny, how engaging. Unless she wants that contact with you, it is unwelcome.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I don't approach all day like that, nor do people in the pub hassle me. Sometimes but not all the time. I must be oblivious to it or I have simply lost it. :-/ Although men have been approaching me since I was 10 yrs old. I was an early developer. The looks on guys faces when I told them how I old I was... Hilarious! I also seeme to have a lot of guys flop their dicks out at me too when I was a teenager. But I hung around the beach a lot when I was growing up. Today I have mastered the don't look or engage on eye contact, particularly on public transport.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I don't get approached all day like that.
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RHP User
10 years ago
It's particularly bad. You get hassled all day. I have been in countries where hotel staff would knock on my door hoping to become friends. It's a constant harrassment .... But if course they are just trying to pick up the rich traveller to get some money or in some countries they that western women are all sluts. I did go the US when I was 23 and I was on my own and men would stop in the street and give me their number or ask me to dinner but I want hassled like the woman in the video.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Or are the spinsters spitting their bile early this year ? Be careful what you wish for ladies.
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RHP User
10 years ago
A woman's reaction to unwanted attention is probably based on all the experiences she has had in the past...I often think great beauty must also be a great burden for many people...I have a male friend who suffered greatly from all the attention he got because of how he looked...he is excruciatingly shy...and if you are extremely attractive and polite...you are not going to say.Fuck Off.....even though you probably want to..So chaps,how would you feel if ordinary women continually hit on you as you were walking down the street or trying to catch a plane,,a train,a bus to anywhere.... It kinda reminds me that"'Make my day" had a totally different connotation to the one you referred to DG.
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RHP User
10 years ago
50ozcool...... been having some Friday drinks have we?
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RHP User
10 years ago
I have met hundreds of women who wud love to be hit on by men. It's those women who have had the luck of nature to be blessed with beauty -a nice ass- good breasts who get uppity about this male practice. They shud stop getting up themselves and be glad of their lucky fate of nature. After all if we believe in Darwin these attributes are there for sexual attraction from men. If you do not believe ---go back to religion-- Moslem or Christian
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beebs
10 years ago
Passed a nice lady trying to decide on some grocery or other on the shelf. When we briefly made eye contact I said "there are way too many choices!" It got a nice laugh and we moved on. It doesn't have to be about the person.
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MsSuperFoxy
10 years ago
I got it....ya funny bugger!! Foxy
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RHP User
10 years ago
The woman in question walked around the wrong side of town for 10 hours... What else would you expect... Never been to New York , but if it's anything like Memphis Tennessee it's just the way the negro people are.. I was walking up and down Beale St looking for Sun Studios and the amount of times I got comments like ' hey my man , what's doin, ' or where you goin man. ' was incredible... When I watched this clip that's what immediately came to my mind... Saying something is part of their culture...
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moreforyou69
10 years ago
Here's the thing (and I'm prolly gonna get jumped on hard here). Modern western women enjoy the freedom to wear clothes/make up/shoes etc which make them feel attractive... Dare I say 'sexy'. Men, as dumb as we are, notice attractive women because we are attracted to them. Please consider for a moment the definition of the word 'attract' and it's contextual variants. Also consider that men are generally pretty simple versions of the species. We react in simple, and sometimes unrefined ways to all which interests us. Not all men understand the subtleties of modern social expectation, and what we would deem as a compliment to us, is often offensive to the opposite sex. In my view, this is a clear example of gender inequality, or more accurately, gender misunderstanding/misinterpretation. Viva la Difference! Another example, and much more socially destructive is the gender inequality surrounding our attitude to spousal abuse. But that topic is destined to remain under the carpet.... Sadly. So some men are idiots, and childish when they see a 'hot chick'? The term 'bigger social fish to fry' does spring to mind. Sorry ladies, but if being whistled at or having your asses leered at is the worst problem you have, then I reckon you're doing ok! Cheers - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Err 50zcool was being incredibly insulting to the women commenting on this forum. I Fail to see how that is funny.
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RHP User
10 years ago
she should be completely covered , with only her eyes visible, and those should be barely visible.... Wait.... What.....??!! Just joking kids.... I concur with others thoughts, there's compliments and then there's 'ewwweeeeeewwwwwwwww' Keep it clean team. - Posted from rhpmobile
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justfun83k_k
10 years ago
I read a book about body language once and from what I remember it said girls always make the first move contradictory to belief. It might seam like it's the man who typically walks across the dance floor and asks the lady to dance, hence making the first move. But really he only does it after the female gives him her subtle green light body language. Some guys are just to stupid to know the difference between the green light and the red leave me alone light. Can I ask though is it still ok to check women out in public if nobody busts you doing it?
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QLDtwo4fun
10 years ago
Its a bit sad to see so many women recounting stories of men behaving badly. Especially when you consider this is swingers sight, most of the women here are pretty open minded. So it appears that a woman is treated with more dignity and respect at a swingers club or party than in the street.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Any guys that think what was going on in that video is in any acceptable need to take a good hard look at themselves.It is nothing but sexual harassment. How would they feel if every time they walked down the street, went to work, or just went about their life they had to run a gauntlet of bigger, stronger, sexually aggressive men who made unwelcome and overly overt sexually comments, threats, and advances with the ever present danger of these acts being forced upon them ?I am sure they would not be so clever mouthed and insensitive. I even think the term "to hit on women" is so wrong. Call me old fashioned if you will, but I was raised as a Gentleman. To show respect to others, especially women ( okay, so i guess you could construed that as sexist in itself). So what is wrong with that ?But the way men, especially younger men today are regarding women is so very wrong on many levels.I am saddened by how these men are behaving.As a man, I am embarrassed and ashamed by how women are being treated. Not just as this video demonstrates but in all of lives aspects.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I, however, agree with Meeka. It was rude, insulting, and sexist. I notice that the trotting out of the old 'bitter spinsters' stereotype is done by a few of the men on here whenever women express opinions that these men don't like. It's getting really old and I for one am sick of it.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Single women of a certain age are far happier than single men of similar age...mainly because they have chosen to consciously uncouple...That remark 50z seems a little titter and bwisted to me.
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RHP User
10 years ago
It's a tired old cliche. Why not, you give the man no credit at all and just lump him in with all the other meatheads, or should that be dumb arses. Guys who are successful at picking up know when a woman is approachable or not, it's a scense. Any guy with an ounce of self preservation would stay well away when a woman reeks of "don't talk to me " Entitlement, what bullshit. Punch out a pillow.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I agree with LD. Women are taught to be polite and to stroke men's egos, so even if you are worried about your family or job, or you have a sick family member or just that you are going about your day minding your own business we are supposed to smile and be polite to any bloke who can comes up at any time he likes and says and does what ever he likes. Disappointed in 50ozcool comment. Not very cool at all.
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MsSuperFoxy
10 years ago
Just proved a point...actually LD and Meeka it was the quote I liked (as I've never heard that before), if you both cared to ask rather than assume... :-( I don't understand why you both feel insulted and offended for?? As far as I can read and interrupt the topic was discussing the clip and it's gone off Topic. I feel if anyone should be insulted it should be the OP. Foxy
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RHP User
10 years ago
Personally, I tend to treat women the same as men, kind of like non entities or gender neutral if you like. I just go about my business and figure if women want to talk to me they will, it's a strategy that ensures I don't offend/harass/annoy/invade anyone.Secondly, when they do, always assume they are merely being friendly/polite/need help and nothing more, unless they make it obvious otherwise. In summary an air of aloofness.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'SuperFoxxxy' Just proved a point...actually LD and Meeka it was the quote I liked (as I've never heard that before), if you both cared to ask rather than assume... :-( I don't understand why you both feel insulted and offended for?? As far as I can read and interrupt the topic was discussing the clip and it's gone off Topic. I feel if anyone should be insulted it should be the OP. Foxy It's from Michael Leunig by the way.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' Obviously, there is engaging, and there is unacceptable harassment (as in the video being discussed). Well... people are where you see them, and there are no perfect scenarios that you dont create through opportunity and action. At the very least, there's no harm done should there be no interest, but as you say "the potential is unlimited" and that's the beauty of it ... Serendipity - otherwise known as having your eyes wide open - finds you when you least expect it.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad'So I say it really doesnt matter if a woman wants me to talk to her or not.... because unless she shows obvious signs of wanting to be left alone by EVERYONE.... and in that case, who would want to approach anyway... ...... then how am I meant to know she doesnt want to be friendly without approaching her?!. Obviously, there is engaging, and there is unacceptable harassment (as in the video being discussed). If I want to approach, I will.... because I know with certainty that if Im curious to learn more about a woman I see, I can approach her in a way that is socially acceptable and engaging. If she isnt interested, thats fine, and there is no harm done. If I do create interest where previously there was nothing but two people going about their lives, the potential is unlimited. Why do people make such a big deal about engaging a stranger?!You just have to do it the "right" way. Women constantly say they wish they could just find the right guy.... that one day she'd meet him, randomly, and it would just be... good and wonderful and perfect etc etc. I know myself to be a fun, funny, intelligent and engaging Man who can communicate effectively with women. So If I know that I can approach, engage and brighten a beautiful womans day (or more, if things progress), why wouldnt she want to meet me?!! She just might have been waiting for a guy like me to come into her life. How on earth is it possible you are single?
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danger_mouse79
10 years ago
is very important, as shown by the opening two posts on this thread. And also I think mentioned by luck dragon in one of her later posts.... Engaging in a conversation with a woman , and as part of that letting her know that you are impressed with her looks or dress is one thing , the point being that you find her attractive and would like to get to know her better. However, as soon as she becomes objectified and spoken to like a piece of meat it is unacceptable. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Niceman101' I have met hundreds of women who wud love to be hit on by men. It's those women who have had the luck of nature to be blessed with beauty -a nice ass- good breasts who get uppity about this male practice. They shud stop getting up themselves and be glad of their lucky fate of nature. After all if we believe in Darwin these attributes are there for sexual attraction from men. If you do not believe ---go back to religion-- Moslem or Christian Are you actually saying I should thank my lucky stars I'm attractive enough to be hit on? And way to go, insulting two religions while you're at it.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I wonder how many of the men whistling and commenting are rapists. Or paedophiles. Or perpetrators of domestic violence. I'm a woman walking down the street. Various men comment, whistle, ogle, leer, compliment throughout the day. Which ones are which? How am I to know when I'm safe and when I'm not? I'd like to be free to just go about my business in peace but I know I have to be polite to these men, because goodness knows who I might piss of if I ignore him or put him in his place. And what might he do if I piss him off? Turn his compliment into a loud and obnoxious insult? Intimidate me physically? Something worse? Sure, this would be rare. But it happens and it's the kind of thing women learn to be ALWAYS alert to. Suggesting a few wolf whistles are nothing to worry about means you really don't get the broader issue at all. And the idea that what we wear justifies this behaviour is absolute bullshit. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' Quoting 'Niceman101' I have met hundreds of women who wud love to be hit on by men. It's those women who have had the luck of nature to be blessed with beauty -a nice ass- good breasts who get uppity about this male practice. They shud stop getting up themselves and be glad of their lucky fate of nature. After all if we believe in Darwin these attributes are there for sexual attraction from men. If you do not believe ---go back to religion-- Moslem or Christian Are you actually saying I should thank my lucky stars I'm attractive enough to be hit on? And way to go, insulting two religions while you're at it. Very little well thought out argument in this comment--rather just a pick of bits to be taken out of context--social media gives us all the chance to comment these days but still I hope to see some argument construction---but I never forget the current education situation in OZ as calculated by reputable research organisations that " forty per cent of Australians are illiterate
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MsSuperFoxy
10 years ago
I actually agree with you in regards to this statement "A woman's reaction to unwanted attention is probably based on all the experiences she has had in the past." Well said and actually I said the exact same thing to a GF this morning, then I saw your post. Foxy x
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moreforyou69
10 years ago
If men were as sensitive to the right type of attention, as easily offended, and therefore as unapproachable as women seem to be campaigning for (using this social experiment as an example), then this is proof of creationism! I mean really, if left to evolution based on how intolerant and precious we are becoming, we should be extinct by now! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
10hrs of footage condensed into less than 2 minutes, in New York City, different country, different culture. How many men did she encounter who said nothing ? And you extrapolate that into thats how men here treat women ? What a beat up.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Niceman101' I hope to see some argument construction---but I never forget the current education situation in OZ as calculated by reputable research organisations that " forty per cent of Australians are illiterate I must be illiterate, because I have no idea what point you're attempting to make.
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moreforyou69
10 years ago
You are quite right about the dangers facing women at the hands of men who are prone to 'objectifying' women. Being a male who abhors any kind of sexual offenders, I absolutely agree with you. But, and herein lies the problem, should it be considered a sexual offence to gawk at or vocalise appreciation for someone whom one finds attractive? Surely the opinion of each individual 'subject' of the 'offender' should determine if the attention is unwelcome (?) Secondly, the inference that a 'gawker' or whistler would be a likely perpetrator of domestic violence, is at best a VERY long bow to draw. As a male victim of domestic violence by former female partners, I personally cannot see how you could connect those dots. Finally, I agree also that the way a woman dresses does NOT justify this behaviour toward her. Actually, I stated that women today are able to enjoy the freedom of attractive/sexy dressing. More power to ya! What needs to be recognised though, is the more attention one draws to oneself, the more proportionately bad attention one will receive also. Not saying its right, just saying it is what it is. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'SuperFoxxxy'HA! Just proved a point... You did indeed, but about yourself rather than Meeka or LD.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Fantastic point. To hit on a woman, it's a terrible phrase really. It's all a game, to score, to hit a home run, get to second base, etc. The words we use do have a big impact.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I don't care if it was a quote, the intent was still there in the context it was used. Anyway, I'm glad you think you proved some sort of point, you are obviously happy with yourself and that's great. And now I'm bowing out of this thread because if I keep reading some of the crap that is being spouted on here I'll really say something I shouldn't. One last thing - Niceman101 you are anything but.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I hope that clears it up A girl I once knew, god bless her, once remarked "I wish they would stop staring at my tits and just take me home and fuck me"An ex would spend hours in front of the mirror to make sure she squeezed in and popped out in just the right proportions in just the right places. When the Adonis noticed her she would glow but god help the person she deemed to be of a lesser standard who even glanced in her direction.Others I have known just wanted to be left alone.Learn to read the situation you are in. If you wouldn't want your mother or sister spoken to in that manner then don't let it come out of your mouth. Show some respect, the world outside your front door is not a smorgasbord provided for you by some benevolent deity so that you can fulfil whatever desire you have.By the way I am not innocent, sometimes I look for a little too long before I catch myself or have flirted at inappropriate times. We live and learn though.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I'm gracefully bowing out too, like the lady that I am.
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Mischeviouslad
10 years ago
Look at the feathers fly Obviously its not hard to see the women who exhibit the "don't approach me" vibe. So I wouldn't. Problem solved really.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Agree agree :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Until you've walked a mile in public in a woman's shoes you can really only speculate on this topic. "Should it be considered a sexual offense to gawk at or vocalize appreciation for someone ... " The label is harassment, not sexual offense, though in some cases the line between will be thin. Still, an important distinction. If the gawking is lewd and offensive and implies sexual interest when I'm just trying to carry my groceries to the car, then yes, harassment. How about just a pleasant smile and looking me in the eye. If I smile back warmly, come and say hi. Two completely different things, gawking v making a connection. If vocalizing appreciation is loud, draws attention to me, draws attention to my body parts or the way I walk or what I'm wearing, is lewd or crude or sexual in nature, is sinister, is quiet but sexual or otherwise offensive or unwelcome in nature (should I continue?) then yes, harassment. How about just a pleasant smile and looking me in the eye. If I smile back warmly, come and say hi. Two completely different things, gawking v making a connection. I freely said my examples of high risk situations might be rare but they key is that they are still very real. And lots of time the behaviour or comments don't clearly fall into the completely safe category OR the completely threatening category. So the woman is left to use her judgment. Let's hope she gets it right. In my home town I distinctly remember guys driving past as I walked down the street with my boyfriend, calling out 'fuck her, I did!' This happened a handful of times, different cars, different men, different days. I didn't know these men at all. They probably weren't going to attack me but they were using me (and no doubt other women) for sport and amusement. Disgraceful. How about we keep it simple. Don't put women in a position where they're embarrassed, insulted, interrupted without warning or invitation, directly or indirectly threatened and so on. And, don't walk around assuming that every urge you have to 'show your appreciation' needs to be shared. Most of them don't. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Yes that is right, but not everyone one picks up on that. I often have people, men and women, telling me their life story... Some times complete strangers. It's weird to me and I definitely don't have the don't approach me face. :-/
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RHP User
10 years ago
Are people extrapolating from the video, or speaking from personal experience? Read a little more carefully, perhaps ;) - Posted from rhpmobile
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moreforyou69
10 years ago
Ok, so the general rule of thumb is don't be disrespectful and don't make a woman fearful of her safety. Be intuitive of her body language and learn to read the difference between a polite smile, and a 'lets exchange numbers smile'. Engage in conversation which is appropriate for the situation, (two complete strangers in a crowded public place with nothing more than that moment in time and space in common). Avoid the clichéd one-liners, be inventive and witty...... All in that tiny window, only a few brief seconds long. Got it! :-) On second thought, I might just go and fix something inanimate... Way less to think about! Cheers all, be well x x x - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I started being hit on by boys at school from the age of 12. It continued with male friends of my parents, married or not, my brothers friends, even though they're both younger than me, through university and I was like fresh meat in a piranha pool when my first job sent me to a small country town in my early twenties. I did not enjoy it at all. I often wondered if I had the word easy slut tattooed on my forehead that only men could see. I did nothing to encourage their behaviour, I did not dress provocatively, I did not act like an easy slut, but the harassment went on for years. Really not good for my self esteem. I became quite introverted around men and I never, ever flirted. Just a simple conversation would lead to pressures. I even had a work colleague find out my address and drop in uninvited (twice, after the first polite dismissal was ignored). I definitely had not given him any signals except to talk to him in a professional capacity. Eventually I figured out what was happening, but no idea why. I suppose I could be flattered by all this attention. I know my girlfriends didn't get the same degree of attention (which is why it made me feel so cheap). The last time I dealt with it was in the UK. Dancing with friends in a club, I was surrounded by a small group of men, asking to dance etc. I politely declined. I was wearing a top that zipped up the front. One guy wouldn't take no for an answer and started trying to pull the zipper down. After saying no and hitting his hand away a few times, I finally snapped and grabbed his testicles in one hand and said if you don't leave me alone, you'll lose them. His mates got a giggle and yep, he left me alone. But none of this was pleasant attention. It was intimidating, and unwanted. Thank God, you get wiser as you get older though.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Niceman101' I have met hundreds of women who wud love to be hit on by men. It's those women who have had the luck of nature to be blessed with beauty -a nice ass- good breasts who get uppity about this male practice. They shud stop getting up themselves and be glad of their lucky fate of nature. After all if we believe in Darwin these attributes are there for sexual attraction from men. If you do not believe ---go back to religion-- Moslem or Christian I am not a raging beauty, I am an everyday woman. I still suffered years of sexual harassment. But even if I was Venus reincarnated, my genetics do not give every male on the planet the entitlement to treat me like a walking vagina ready for their insertion. Go back to your club, furs and cave.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'xXxINDIGOxXx' Quoting 'Niceman101' I have met hundreds of women who wud love to be hit on by men. It's those women who have had the luck of nature to be blessed with beauty -a nice ass- good breasts who get uppity about this male practice. They shud stop getting up themselves and be glad of their lucky fate of nature. After all if we believe in Darwin these attributes are there for sexual attraction from men. If you do not believe ---go back to religion-- Moslem or Christian I am not a raging beauty, I am an everyday woman. I still suffered years of sexual harassment. But even if I was Venus reincarnated, my genetics do not give every male on the planet the entitlement to treat me like a walking vagina ready for their insertion. Go back to your club, furs and cave. Reading your two posts you really have had a bad time through out your life with unwanted hits. I have never heard such vitriol ---with reason if what you say is true. It is possible that you have such a high output of pheromones that you are driving men mad with out knowing it. Why don't you ask the next big hitter why he is doing it--- but don't grab his balls before you ask.----Oh are you suggesting that genetically men have changed since they wore furs had clubs and lived in caves? If you are you are wrong----the only way that cud have happened was for humans to reproduce far more rapidly--you never know the big hitters may be trying to correct for this---good bye Comrades-
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Seachange
10 years ago
I do get unwanted attention from men sometimes when I walk down the street in the city, regardless of whether I am in a suit, a nice cocktail dress or my gym wear. Personally, I do not pay attention as mostly is it harmless stares and hellos. I would just walk straight to where I was heading. I have been physically harassed before on my way to a girls night out dinner over 20 years ago. My friend and I were dressed in our cocktail dresses walking in Chinatown when a man walked from behind us and grabbed me from behind and squeezed my behind and laughed out loud. I was shocked and so was my friend. Then I got angry. I turned around and saw him leering at me and taunting me. So punched him on the throat (just as my older brothers taught me). It knocked him down gasping for air. I grabbed my friend, who was more shock at my reaction, and we ran away. I know he was okay as I did not hit him that hard. I dont know why I reacted that way but it shook me up. Just because we dressed up nicely is no invitation to be harassed, insulted and worst, raped. Since then I have always been wary of harassment and have taken self-defense lessons which I thoroughly enjoyed and lead to my love of martial arts and boxing which is part of my life til today. I vow never to be a victim and take more control of situations. A year ago, I was in a bar to meet a friend in St Kilda for drink and catch afternoon live jazz band. As I was chatting to a regular at the bar, a 50something sleazy guy with thick gold chains around his neck his neck came over and attempted to interrupt my chat with the regular. I told him I was not interested and I am talking to a friend. He got annoyed and gave me his business card while telling me he is a rich guy. I gave his card back and told him I still was not interested. He got annoyed and then tried to grope my breast. I saw it coming and knocked the glass off his hand and punched him on the sternum. He keeled over. The bar staff know me and kicked the guy out of the bar. Some men can't take NO for an answer and think we women are all helpless and witless. Surprise!!
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RHP User
10 years ago
I think it's quite obvious when somebody enjoys attention and more so when they don't which I feel a lot of men don't understand. I think our communication skills are definitely being lost as the world becomes cluster bombed with information overload. I think reciprocation is a massive part of what's "ok".it doesn't take a lot to read some bodies body language or tonality.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Yep, I'm just another bitter, twisted man hating female. Even if my pheromones are/were like fairy dust, surely mankind has evolved enough during our evolutionary journey to control their baser instincts, But you know, coming to think of it, it was probably the lower forms of life, intellectually and/or morally and inexperienced youth who were mainly to blame for this crass behaviour. As another forumite mentioned- "Niceman, you're not that nice."
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting Niceman101 " It is possible that you have such a high output of pheromones that you are driving men mad with out knowing it. Why don't you ask the next big hitter why he is doing it--- but don't grab his balls" Err are we on the same thread. That is the excuse premature ejaculators use. Seriously I have met men that came in their pants and we were only kissing! So, to be honest holding their balls down is actually helpful. You should try it NM101.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Actually NM101, are you suggesting that men are like animals and hey have no control over themselves? I know we joke that men think with heir little head but you seem to be suggesting that's true. Hmm so I just thought somebody else who make that excuse you have out forward. rapists and pedophiles.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Could trolling, man.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Good trolling, man.
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Splicey
10 years ago
I've gotten into many arguments about that video. I personally see no harassment in the video and think she's making a mountain out of a mole hill. Seriously - if she's going to make a point and goes walking for 10 hours THAT'S the wprst she got? Gimme a break
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RHP User
10 years ago
Now that made my jaw drop. Although in some countries the men will also grope you. I have been sleeping on buses to feel hands between the seats touching my legs, I have had men stop and start rubbing their cocks, I have seen women at their wits end because they have a trail of men flowing them and won't leave them alone, I have seen women minding their own business on a train and have a man out of the blue lean over and squeeze their boob. Mind you I am not talking about Australia here, but since we are talking about a US video I figure that's okay.
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Splicey
10 years ago
Yes... but Meeka, there was no physical contact so your post is kind of irrelevant to the movie in question. The creepiest thing that happened was a guy followed her for 5 minutes, which she could have said something to, but for the experiment she was told not to. That said a person is welcome to talk along a public street. I personally do not see any harassment or abuse.
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MsSuperFoxy
10 years ago
Why was it done in the first place?? And after the clip finished, they (meaning an organisation) was seeking donations.....I wonder how many people did donate ??? *curious to know* Foxy
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RHP User
10 years ago
It seems that's exactly what NM101 is suggesting, that men have no control over themselves. He's not the first person to suggest it though. Everyone who says 'this is just a sex site, men are sex starved and will do whatever it takes to get laid' is saying the same thing. Maybe it's true. Maybe that IS the world women and children have to face. One where men are out-of-control predators that we all have to be wary of. Maybe breastfeeding mums should accept that their breasts are ALWAYS sexual, even when they're just feeding their child and sex is the furtherest from their mind, and cover them up for fear of turning on a man who can't control himself. What crap. The idea that a woman's existence or actions justify a man's (or anyone's) behaviour is preposterous nonsense. Self-responsibility folks. That's where it's at. And thank goodness for all the men who do have great self control, or even moreso for those for whom this is a non-issue. Self-control in a man is super sexy x - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
So you think women enjoy that sort of attention then? Or is the fact that a lot of women have expressed that they don't like it, completely irrelevant to you?
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RHP User
10 years ago
Numerous women here have mentioned that they were "treated" ton that sort of behaviour since they were 10, as in my case, and upwards. So that is acceptable too? So I hope you will say that it isn't, so where donuou draw the line?
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