F48
Is it wrong to sleep with a married man?
August 10 2012
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
Although I hear it's quite unusual once married. ;)Serious now, I hate deception. It's not the act, it's the intention, and he's already guilty of that. Is it right for him to sleep with you? IMNSHO no. But that's not the question. The question is it ok for you to sleep with him. Some will say no, others will say yes. But the only one you should listen to is yourself. If you are ok with it, go for it. If it's not you it would just be with somebody else. The real question is, can you live with being 'the other woman'. Are you ok with the consequences if (actually 'when') his wife finds out? And what would you do if you were in her position (which I assume is missionary).Oh sorry, just realised this is RHP. Go for it, go for it HARD!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Put yourself in (I imagine) his unsuspecting wives stilettos If you were his wife , how would you feel if your hubby was doing this to you ? And how would you feel about the other woman and her fooling around with your man with only his words to say she doesn't satisfy him There in lies your answer. You are not responsible for his behavior but you are certainly responsible for your own and I always believe that you treat people the way that you wish to be treated yourself. Is this how you would like to be treated one day ? Cheated and lied to by the person who is suppose to love you unconditionally ? Don't you think that you two have cheated on her already ? At the end if the day although this liasion is all rather exciting, do you like the person that you are as a result of what you are participating in? If you feel good about you and this situation then more power to you but I doubt that is the case as why would you post on a forum asking opinions or are you asking for validations ? Either way good luck with it. I think you already know what you are going to do , it's what you should do is what this really is all about and in your heart you already know
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RHP User
12 years ago
you decide to have an affair with a married man OP,here are some of the likely cosequences for you. He will rarely be available,will not want to be seen in public with you....after a while he will say he is just wracked with guilt and cant continue. His wife might find out and call you,that can be a most unpleasant experience. You might become extremely emotionally attached to him and find that the time he spends with you is just not enough. I don't judge as to the morality of the situation ,I have been on both sides of this equasion in the past and in my opinion having a relationship with someone who is married is just too problematic. But if none of the above worries you ,then why notx Hugs
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RHP User
12 years ago
I guess it depends on how much you trust this guy and what you want from the situation..what is it your looking for ?
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RHP User
12 years ago
... in the sea. Single fish that is. KK xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
The 'Golden Rule' is the most widely accepted test of any ethical decision. I am not against extramarital affairs but I can accept being cheated on. I've always felt that, if my wife sampled something else then returned to me, I must be doing something right. Like that saying, "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was." Not everyone can be as philosophical about being cheated on as I. How would you feel about it?
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RHP User
12 years ago
... Note the pun.... Temptation, temptation, temptation!!! I so know the feeling... Oh just to have that man!! No, no, no!!
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RHP User
12 years ago
I've maintained a beautiful relationship with this man... Love him to bits....So glad he's still in my life - Not sure he would be otherwise ... Many,many more fish!!
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RHP User
12 years ago
No one can break up a HAPPY marriage.
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RHP User
12 years ago
If he cheats, on the love of his life (his wife), he will have no qualms cheating on you.Do what makes you happy but try not to get attached to him. Attached or married men break hearts
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RHP User
12 years ago
She's only talking about fucking him, not marriage. So the need for trust, while important, is not so extreme.But you have a point. Is he just a week man who wont get off his arse and fix things or leave. Are we talking charming passive aggressive here?This is not the sort of person I'd be wanting to share intimacy with...I think No..
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RHP User
12 years ago
:)
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Mr_MrsAraps
12 years ago
Am with Hesione and KK on this one. As long as you know what your up for then the choice is all yours. With the ratio of guys to women on RHP surely there are plenty of guys who aren't married?
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RHP User
12 years ago
"WOW.. I dont know what it is about you... I have never felt like this before... I would never have thought I would want to make love to some behind my wifes back...." That stuff... Fck, we lie well.. . males and females. Bellator... you are 35.. a big girl.. wear big girl pants... If you want to fck him.. go do it.. dont believe a single thing you hear from his mouth... He lied to his wife, he lied to himself, he will lie to you.. and to everyone else :) BUT... if he can fck good.... who gives a fck? Anyway.. if you met him at a hotel.. and you were horny.. you wouldnt even ask him of he had a partner would you? If you did, and you had a few drinks in you..and he said "yeah.. but, she is with her FB tonight... " would you care? Go hard girl.. and get us soem photos please.. "Believe NOTHING of what you hear...and only HALF of what you see"
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RHP User
12 years ago
in our eyes it has to be 'no'...dont sleep with him, if its as you say...'morally wrong'. besides, why would you want someone elses partner? when you might even find that the line he's spun you.....is 100% bullshit, which is so often the way of these things. why would you bother with someone who is happy to lie to his own wife/family etc, when, as cavey said, hes probably lied to everyone so far...including yourself. you should respect yourself much more than he obviously does, and give him the flick, you'll find that bedding someone and not ever having to hide that you have, is so much more fulfilling and memorable...do the single guy thing, not the married loser.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Such good advice from you all. Thank you, thank you, thank you for giving me some perspective. LittleRedEngine - I think you hit the nail on the head!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Oh and Cavey50, my big girl pants are now firmly in place ;)
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RHP User
12 years ago
I wouldnt become involved with a married man. Ask yourself some questions though...Does his wife know what hes up to?What is this man doing on a sex site when he can easily find a escort for the night?Is he being completely honest with you?And if hes playing behind his wifes back.. chances are he will do it to you too....But who knows.. maybe his wife has given him her blessing to fuck another woman..But think of this, If you were married to this man.... how would you feel if he was doing this behind your back???Is all this really worth a shag or 2?? Honey go find a single guy who isnt attached to any woman and have some fun.. Plenty of single men in here.. some spunks actually (lol) I dont know what this guys story is.. but please tread with care... And make sure you dont get the blame for a failed marriage because of it.. You sound like a lovely person honey, im sure a single man will sweep you off your feet.. Just be patientxxTRIPSxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
I slept with a married man for 18 months. Then I slept with a seperated man for another couple of years after that. Now I'm sleeping with another married man. Of course, I've been sleeping with the same man for the last five years :) I wish I could say "don't do it" but that would sound far too hypocritical. I wish I could say that after surviving the absolutely horrific slaughterhouse of a few years that followed after our affair went public I would never do it again. But, I think I would. It differs for each individual. I'm an emotional person, therefore I became emotionally involved very early on and once you're tangled up in each others emotions, "fucking a married man" becomes a whole different ball game. Think about what you really want, the most likely outcome if you do sleep with this man, and the price you are willing to pay to do it. I love my husband ardently and I would probably do it all again knowing that this is where we would end up. But the cost to us along the way, in every sense, has ben enormous so be smart and be careful.
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Smilingwithfun
12 years ago
If he can treat the person he is supposedly close to, how is going to treat the anybody else he meets & professes desire to?
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nortiesecret
12 years ago
there's an awful lot of moral preaching in the adult sex scene.... Bella you're looking for a FB, you're on a sex dating site.... leave the preachers to their high ground, enjoy yourself and make wonderful times.
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zoe69r
12 years ago
as having a x-gf who workd away in the mines while i stayd home to look after her kids , previoous marriage, and when she came home she was always tired or didnt want to be near/with me she proceeded to tell me over the phone that she was fucking a guy in the mines and was going to bring him home with her , and its no wonder i went loopy for awhile and see docs for depression and other things . so no i dont think its a good idea for you to fuck him if it devolps into some thing more for the 2 of you then how would you feel if he did the same thing to you in a couple of months
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RHP User
12 years ago
It depends on where your mindset is. Is it natural to want sex with someone your attracted to.? Yes.. of course it is... Is it natural to be in a sexless marriage and remain happy. ? No... of course not.. Is it normal for everyone to become uncomfortable thinking and commenting on this. Yes.. of course Do we feel for the person being cheated on. ? Yes. of course we do. Do we feel for the person who feels guilty about having a need for outside activity if nothing at home. Will we ever come out and support the one who went out and played up out of desparation. ? Probally not. Truth is, we are programed to know it is a unacceptable practice to be anything other than faithfull to the one we married. Which is very nice providing you are super human enough to keep things on a even keel forever and a day. I think its absurd to think any human, man or woman, not to be attracted to anyone other than the one you married. Just as the world changes, so do we. When we marry, we mean well and want to believe it will remain that way forever. Personally, i think its a big expectation of any couple. Thats why sites such as RHP haveb so many couples. At least they recognized this and made moves to play together. As they say, the couple who plays together, stays together... Regardless, it will always remain a minefeild.
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Playful2looking
12 years ago
Most married don't leave their wives. The wife finds out and dumps them. He wants a bit of sex on the side. Of course he will say the wife doen'st do it for him. If you realise that you are the bit on the side and are happy to just have him for sex go for it. If you want a realationship ask him to tell his wife. So they and you can make a decission if it is worth persuing. If this is about sex only; after all it is RHP then ask for a threesome with him and his wife. Don't let this man hide behind bullshit. Be upfront ask him why you cant all enjoy the sex together. Having a threesome might just revive his marriage or she may be gay and the girls can run away together. Honestly He just wants sex if thats cool with you why not.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Statistics indicate 45-55% of Married women are unfaithfull. 50-60% of males also do the dirty.I suspect the real number is somewhat higher.Clearly humans aren't great at monogamy.So personally I'm not going to get all high and mighty about this.Cheers Felonius....
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have done in the past and it was Ok, and I can live with it. You just need to know it is just for Now and not tomorrow. However isn’t this with nearly 90% of all fucks you have on RHP...so what is the difference? Why do all of us judge the male so harsh, what about all the married women on here? I have not seen a post from a man asking this question " should I stay away from a married woman"? What does anybody thinks? There is no judgement cast on women....why do we judge men harsher then women??? Why do we women cast this stone towards the male, and take pity on a sex starved woman? I think the one who cheats must live with the consequences. And when you read the female profiles.....there are many on here which are married. There is no right and wrong....otherwise we all would sit at home and play with ourselves and not on here.
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uneventful
12 years ago
As Litonya says ... the one who cheats must live with the consequences.If you can cope with it and your not looking for the romance and the shopping trips .. I say go for it .. The reason he is chatting to you for 6 months is evidence he has some sort of connection ..
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RHP User
12 years ago
So after chatting to him for 6 months, we clearly have an emotional connection. Is that worse than having a purely physical attraction to him? Surely it's better to just have sex and have no emotional connection with a married man, rather than have feelings and then complicate it further with sex. Thoughts?
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think you need to reference you stats man. Is that for Australia or the world? Does it include China were people only have sex once in their life. And what about New Zealand where they come to Australia for sex. Or england where there's officially no sex at all.It's important to couch your statistics properly man.. Sloppy work brother. Quoting 'feloniusfossil' Statistics indicate 45-55% of Married women are unfaithfull. 50-60% of males also do the dirty.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I've formed what I thought were extremely strong emotional attachments to folk online. Then I've met them and thought "Oh...??"So don't assume. :-)Anyway, If it's fun virtual, why not keep it that way? Quoting 'Bellator35' So after chatting to him for 6 months, we clearly have an emotional connection. ...
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RHP User
12 years ago
If you think its morally wrong to sleep with a married man then don't do it! It's that simple. Pusscat xxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Litonya' I have done in the past and it was Ok, and I can live with it. You just need to know it is just for Now and not tomorrow. However isn’t this with nearly 90% of all fucks you have on RHP...so what is the difference? Why do all of us judge the male so harsh, what about all the married women on here? I have not seen a post from a man asking this question " should I stay away from a married woman"? What does anybody thinks? There is no judgement cast on women....why do we judge men harsher then women??? Why do we women cast this stone towards the male, and take pity on a sex starved woman? I think the one who cheats must live with the consequences. And when you read the female profiles.....there are many on here which are married. There is no right and wrong....otherwise we all would sit at home and play with ourselves and not on here. THE TRUTH AT LAST !
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RHP User
12 years ago
@ Litonya, unfortunately, it's not always just the cheater who wears the consequences. spouse, children, extended family and friends all are involved in the fallout.@ Bellator, I think an emotional connection is far worse than just sex.I think if people weren't so possesive of their partners and didn't treat them as property owned, theire would be far less problems.Cheers Felonius
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'feloniusfossil' @ Litonya, unfortunately, it's not always just the cheater who wears the consequences. spouse, children, extended family and friends all are involved in the fallout. @ Bellator, I think an emotional connection is far worse than just sex. I think if people weren't so possesive of their partners and didn't treat them as property owned, theire would be far less problems. Cheers Felonius
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hi Bellator, you say: "Morally I don’t feel it’s right to sleep with a married man, but on the other hand surely that’s his decision to make and he has to live with the consequences." But quite frankly it will be on your conscience as you are already indicating that it is morally wrong. How do you know this guy hasn't spun you a line (as many do - the sad sob story) and has done this many a time before til his wife catches him, he says sorry, toes the line for awhile then does it again. And what if you happen to get emotionally attached to the guy and he says he wants a relationship, he has already considered cheating on his wife and when he does what's to say he doesn't get bored with you and cheats on you? Once a cheater always a cheater in most cases , if you can live with the situation and it isn't on your conscience then it is your choice totally, but no complaints that he might be cheating on your or maybe you get caught up in his web of deceit and a nasty consequence of his and yours actions - that is a possibility. Just a thought. Good luck in your decision, it's your choice, you are in control of the situation whether to or not.
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RHP User
12 years ago
PS. Why complicate your life, why not hook up with a single guy, nsa. No complications no nasty consequences, no guilty conscience knowing it is not morally or ethically wrong - you have already indicated the moral wrong part, can you live with it?
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RHP User
12 years ago
I am so happy we all have an opinion Its great to read and this is how it should be. Bad and sad things happen in a relationship when people dont communicate honestly with each other. And in any relationship when something isnt right...both are wrong. But again, we as women always think men are so bad.....why is this? Why do we as femalses have such a chip on our shoulders? Please tell me.....I have never been in a situation like this...I realy like to understand. I have so many male friends.....no lovers, just friends, which have been in very abusive loveless relationships.....and society is not acknowledging the male getting abused from the female, because the male abuse is no bruses and black eyes.......we all scream about the bad male........when a partner strays, I believe something is wrong in the relationship. I know what you will say.....why isnt he leaving......most men would love too go....but strangly they still love the wife and the children...and they know for sure they are losing more then just the children. I am for equal rights for all....and again....what are we all doing on here??? Playing cards? But to finish this here, I have to make up my own mind and live with my own decission when I have sex with a married man, and know one can take this away from me. Cheers Litonya
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Litonya' I have done in the past and it was Ok, and I can live with it. You just need to know it is just for Now and not tomorrow. However isn’t this with nearly 90% of all fucks you have on RHP...so what is the difference? Why do all of us judge the male so harsh, what about all the married women on here? I have not seen a post from a man asking this question " should I stay away from a married woman"? What does anybody thinks? There is no judgement cast on women....why do we judge men harsher then women??? Why do we women cast this stone towards the male, and take pity on a sex starved woman? I think the one who cheats must live with the consequences. And when you read the female profiles.....there are many on here which are married. There is no right and wrong....otherwise we all would sit at home and play with ourselves and not on here. The best comment on this topic I've reaad so far.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Sorry Litonya...that is a misconception and a genralisation ...and at times, that is the case....but for many cheaters - men and women ( no genderspecific here) They cheat Because a oppportunity presents itself Because they cant say No Because its about what they want Because they need it to stroke their ego Because they need to feel good about themselves Because its just sex to them - but sadly its not often "just sex' for the persont hey are cheating on Because they are addicted Because they are selfish and want it all Because they think they will get away with it - and they do for quite some time Not everyone cheats because there is something wrong in the relationship - some people cheat..just because they can..it can be that simple.. Now if your talking about cheaters that have a full blown affair then I would say that your comment is fair...they are cheating because somewhere along the line they are not feeling fulfilled, be it emotionally, sexually etc or other incidences and life situations have come into play (eg.Illness of a partner for instance) ...I dont condone those peoples actions but I certainly understand it......but the random cheater who fucks around for the above reasons whilst claiming to be in a happy and in a loving relationship, while their partner is totally unaware...sorry but in my book.......scum
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Dragonfyre2010'PS. Why complicate your life, why not hook up with a single guy, nsa. No complications no nasty consequences, no guilty conscience knowing it is not morally or ethically wrong - you have already indicated the moral wrong part, can you live with it? and true...why complicate your life? why waste your time, energy and effort on something that really is about disrespect (of his wife, of you) and deceit and deception? you'll get what this guy is already giving his wife, and probably worse....... he's shown you already that hes not one to be trusted....as his wife may yet discover.......
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platinumblonde69
12 years ago
To post...or not to post....I think I'll post...Sometimes an emotional connection is needed for the sexual connection to be a mindblowing experience...Or as some have said before...we may as well stay at home and masturbate...haha...Sometimes having a good "friend" can save your marriage...But one thing I totally agree on is the fact that only YOU can make the decision...You will always be the "other" woman....But another thing to consider...if you don't sleep with him he will eventually do it with someone else...so if you like him....why the hell not...Not saying it is right...or wrong...but hey...we are on this earth for who knows how long....I know I don't want to die wondering WHY...or WHAT IF.....Plat
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RHP User
12 years ago
I had a brief liaison with a guy who said he was single .............didnt last long...........but a few months later a woman called me and asked did i know such and such and said she was his wife!!! That was a scary phone call !!! I played dumb and said i didint know what she was talking about! so i slept with a married man ! Should i feel guilty?? No ! of course not ! but they will do it - women too - whether they say they are married or not! It is them that has to live with it and the consequences not you! If it not with you - they will find someone else ! Ive had it done to me, and yes it broke up our marriage! Maybe its my revenge! as one of the previous people said, you cant break up a happy marriage! there must be shitloads of people in crappy loveless marriages out there ! People stay married for all sorts of different reasons - who are we to deny them happiness! yes iM confused! lolno right answer, if youre in the right headspace not to fall in love JUST DO IT !
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RHP User
12 years ago
wish my wife would cheat more!!! i love seeing her with men or just knowing she is out with one.. mmmmm im a cuckold who also fucks
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RHP User
12 years ago
I would say he has already cheated on his wife with you. One definition of cheating is engaging in any sort of intimate/flirtatious interaction with another person that you would not be comfortable doing in front of your partner. Accordingly, by many people's standards you have already behaved unethically/immorally.I can understand you wanting to meet him, but what are the possible outcomes? Would you be content with good sex, and then never seeing one another in person, again? Or would you consider getting involved in an ongoing illicit affair? Or maybe you both have a wonderful time, but he starts to feel guilty shortly afterwards and decides to break off all contact with you.You need to consider where this relationship can possibly lead. What do you want? Why did you get involved with a man who is emotionally unavailability in the first place? What made this arrangement attractive? I suspect that most other single women on this site would reject a married man who approached them as soon as he made contact.Whatever happens, at least this experience will result in you learning something. :) If curiosity gets the better of you, and you do meet, be wary of trusting him. This husband's priority will most likely be on keeping his marriage intact, as opposed to any care and concern for your emotional well-being.In relationships with men, more often than not you don't get what you deserve, you get what you put up with.
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RHP User
12 years ago
The short answer is no
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RHP User
12 years ago
bella, seriously a lot of the people above have said its morally wrong but these are people who are on a sex/swinger site looking for sex sometimes outside their relationship and sometimes within their relationship - and yes u may all yell at me for that opening line...but if u were all living a morally north pointing compass life - u wouldnt be on this site most likely...this situation will be different for everyone - people click on different levels and not every couple clicks on all levels, but if he is seriously unhappy n u are totally aware of the situation n the consequences of same - u are just two consent adults n therefore there is nothing wrong with it... if he has a moral complex that is his problem, not urs, if his wife has an issue with it - its her issue to deal with not yours... ur issue to deal with is can u look in the mirror and be happy with ur decision at the end of the day - if the answer is yes u can then go n have some fun, if the answer is no then u have ur answer and u shouldntbe happy - we only live once, you may as well have fun and hand the shell back at the end saying at least i had fun :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Ummmm go for it....fck him hard ,have fun while it lasts BUT remember YOU are the one who will be hurt in the end Yah go ahead give him your body but don't give him your heart as he will break it without another thought when his wife reels him in and he's reminded his kids are his life not you.....not another thought of you...all you'll end up with is a heart that hurts like hell.Been there done that .... thought he had real feelings for me but no he was back on here looking for a replacement.... bet he felt good as he'd done the right thing by his wife and got rid of of me..... All any of them want is some fool to help them empty their balls a fun way..... GOOD LUCK
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RHP User
12 years ago
All very good advice but like so many have said, only YOU can decide what behaviour is right for YOU, and what behaviour YOU are willing to accept toward you.
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TheCatFritz
12 years ago
Greetings Bellator,Should one sleep with a married person? It seems you may have already answered your question as it applies to you. After all, you describe your options as follows: "I’m not sure how I feel about fucking him. Morally I don’t feel it’s right to sleep with a married man, but on the other hand surely that’s his decision to make and he has to live with the consequences. I’m torn between wanting to meet him, wanting to maintain our friendship and wanting to do the right thing."Thus, total agreement here with mikeandshel's advice : for you seem to say that you believe it's not right to sleep with a married man (or at least not in this case/situation); and if you think that (and this comes with any significant degree of conviction), then you already believe you shouldn't do it. Thus, don't do it. Temptation and all that is great, and often a powerful source of learning, including moral learning, but while being open to the splendors of the unknown is a great thing, doing what you do think is wrong is more likely to be a recipe for disaster than not, me thinx.(But in any case: best of luck to you: 'tis a difficult one, and I hope you'll find some way to go about this that is good for you.)Cheerio.T.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Best to leave this one alone..If his wife is such a dud, why doesn't he move on, as we all have this option when things aren't right in our lives. Theres lots more fish in the oceanthere girl, and its always nicer when you can go to sleep at night with no conscience of wrong doing..
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RHP User
12 years ago
Go for it! I was fucking a married woman for 6 months... they were the best 6 months of my life. He found out and threatened to leave her, only staying in the marriage for the kids' sake. I NEARLY got her! It's a fuckin cruel world :P
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RHP User
12 years ago
The process of vetting potential FWBs or FBs is to establish some degree of trust in them before taking the next step. We all need to know that other person is not going to become a threat to our safety and our everyday lives ...Why then would you start something with someone that has already got a strike against their name? ... Lies and deceit ... not to a stranger but to the person that is supposed to mean the most to them ... ???Would you employ them based on that character reference?Then why would you trust them when you are at your most vulnerable?
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RHP User
12 years ago
maybe if his wife was informed that he needs a little spark then things could change for him, maybe if she knew what his intentions were with you she could accept or reject it, he knew going into his marriage what she was like so its up to him to DEAL WITH IT! Not cheat, although its all exciting now, think of the people that could be hurt, family, friends, children etc. These type of scenarios never end well and how do you know he wouldnt do it to you if by chance you did end up together! Your decision at the end of the day but I dont think cheating is the answer that goes for both parties - Good luck with that one its a toughie!
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RHP User
12 years ago
we can go round in circles with this topic, should or should'nt we sleep with'a married man... HELL NO, it only end's up in heartache for all concern'd if found out, @ u got'a very part time lover who wil c u wen he can get away from the wife for'a few hour's... if his wife has never satisfied him from day dot, then he's got sum serious issues.. nup dont do't to urself girl, sleep'g with'a married man iz'a no wer thing, dont get caught up in the moment or hiz sweet talk, dont let him make u feel sory for him cauz of hiz circumstances, thats hiz problem not ur's.. if this guy cheats on hiz wife now, once a cheat'a always a cheat'a, he'l get the taste for't, a lepord rarely changes it's spot's... the consequences,afta hook'n up u both hav to deal with, takes 2 to tango babe... do u realy wana feel like shit the next day after hook'n up @ think holy fuk wot hav i jus dun, then guilt set's in.. by the sounds of things u no rite from wrong @ hav morals, stik to the frenship it's drama free, if thats not engh for him, then walk away.. r'mba y ur on this site, TO HAV DRAMA FREE FUN,not take on otha peoples baggage or hang up's.. good luck in the decis'n u make...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Being cheated on hurts. There are so many single men and guys ( and girls ) like this person are hunters. The thrill of the chase is the attraction. Like a dog chasing a car, once it is caught it loses all of its attraction. There are so many single guys out there and I am sure at least one that suits you down to the ground. And, believe me, 9 times out of 10 the spouse finds out. Feel the need to be involved in that? You know already you don't want to do this and as much as you value his friendship, it is tainted, and you would be better off without it. A lot of guys just need to know they still have it and then are ok for a few more months, rarely do they return to the same conquest. Just my thoughts, seems like you already know what you are going to do.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Surely you could see this coming, I mean the six months of chatter would lead somewhere.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hi what is different married or single I'm be married for 10 yer newer chiting wife she newer do noting in bed not attractive only open legs camon ewrivane different love different thinks you life you choice touday nothing wrong lock around
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RHP User
12 years ago
i have 4 sons all age range from 30 to 20 they i might add are all single as are there friends , some of them have girl friends, who i might add believe they are the ONLY ONES !!! they are not !! and if you were to seriously believe that a SINGLE GUY would swim around in the same pond then your kidding yourself. the woman likes the guy, she knows what she is in for going in , unlike some of the deceitful things singles will tell each othter to either not take them out that nite, or even see them again . relax enjoy yourself with the dude your only her once, i used to know someone who was in such a bad place, a single mum, i hooked up with her because i always loved her from afar, she was so sad, i still believe the connection we had then assisted her to get confidence back, and get back into the world.
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RHP User
12 years ago
we are still friends to this day
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hi. As a male I ama against a married man or woman for that matter sleeping with someone else, unless both parties are involved. He says he hasn't done this before, but I would wonder if this is true. He says she doesn't satisfy him anymore. To me if their relationship is strong enough to continue then he should get over this and not play up on her and stay put, otherwise if sex is that important to him that he needs to look elsewhere then he should terminate the marriage so that he can move forward to fulfil his sexual requirements. My answer in short - should you sleep with him - No. BUT! What do YOU want to do. How would you feel if it was your husband doing this to you. I know I would want to know and if I was mature about it I would either reignite the sexual spark or give him my blessing to have sex elsewhere provided it was protected (diseases) not saying you have any as I do not know you. The choice can only ever be yours but be wise in what you do. Think about all the scenarios of what can happen. But that is just me.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Assuming your looking to honour the connection you already feel and you can accept this gents situation as justifying his desire ;for me the first decision is whether to meet or not. An emotional connection formed around online chat is almost always founded in part on our own assumptions, desires and fantasy as well as the exchanged messages. Meeting face to face most often puts a whole new light on the situation and connection. Conversation in person does not allow for careful crafting and editing and we get to read the visual cues / body language that go along with the words.Whether or not you progress to the physical we be based on how you feel after meeting.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'L777xxx'The process of vetting potential FWBs or FBs is to establish some degree of trust in them before taking the next step. We all need to know that other person is not going to become a threat to our safety and our everyday lives ...Why then would you start something with someone that has already got a strike against their name? ... Lies and deceit ... not to a stranger but to the person that is supposed to mean the most to them ... ???Would you employ them based on that character reference?Then why would you trust them when you are at your most vulnerable?Very well said L777xxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
First of all thank you all so much for your comments and insight. You've all certainly provided me with lots of things to think about and given me a wake up call. I can't believe how much my judgement has been clouded by this man. I've always had a rule about not playing with married men... and yet here I am asking whether I should. So now I've started the process of disentangling myself from this man. I've made it clear to him that nothing is going to happen between us. ...and as it turns out he's already out there looking for someone else.
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RHP User
12 years ago
from a male perspective i was cheated on by my wife of 20yrs,if she had been honest i probably wouldnt have minded,but if he isn't honest with his wife he won't be honest with you!!!!!!there are genuine guys on here you just gotta find us lol.but you are an adult and do what is right for you,trust your instincts and remember karma
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RHP User
12 years ago
Cheating is the worst thing one person can do to another, regardless of whats happening between them. If it gets that bad, the smarter/bigger person needs to end it.I've been on both sides of the fence here and have concluded that its for the completely emotionally retarded people only. I've broken up an age old relationship that was heading in to marriage because the woman couldn't open her mouth and say no. And I've had the same thing happen to me twice by the one woman I loved more than anything.Let me say if he hates her so much and hasn't the balls to leave her, then he's just a fucking moron. Sorry for being blunt, but people are just not the least bit accountable these days and it pisses me off bad!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hi the advise on here has all been good and you and only you can make this call. When I was younger, I wouldn't hesitate, I would always say, it is his wife's problem not mine. But as I have gotten older I want more out of my relationships, other then the one night here or there. I have lost my heart a few times to married men and I can't blame them. I went in with my eyes wide open. If you know what you are in for, and it is what you want, then go for it. But if you are looking at going into it to loose your heart, or win this man, my suggestion is to go back fishing for another, because it will never happen. Take care and happy fishing
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'jensman1903' The 'Golden Rule' is the most widely accepted test of any ethical decision. I am not against extramarital affairs but I can accept being cheated on. I've always felt that, if my wife sampled something else then returned to me, I must be doing something right. Like that saying, "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was." Not everyone can be as philosophical about being cheated on as I. How would you feel about it? you said that so so well...and i couldn't agree more....i love my husband...unconditionally ....as he loves me...and if he ever got tempted by someone else...(despite the fact, that we are both allowed to play with others, in a threesome/foursome situation)...but he'd come back to me...apologizing...and admitting, that he was wondering, if the grass is greener,on the other side.....but now he knows, that it isn't...and he's sorry, and he won't do it again....i would most definitely not leave him, because of it...i love him too much....besides...he will be wondering no longer...and i'll know, that he is with me,and faithful, because he wants to be...not because that is the "right thing to do"..all the while he is aching to be free....that has to be a good thing, isn't it?
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RHP User
12 years ago
"Hesion's post has outlined the impacts of your actions if you choose to go ahead.. all very accurate I would say..My thoughts are that this is an opportunity for you to tell him that he has to go back to his wife and do some straight talking.. He may value that advice coming from you... she may get on-board with the lifestyle and this must not be coerced of course... or maybe he has some serious choices to make.. He either loves her so much that he will make her happy no matter what or he must decide to end it if his needs are not being met.. From your perspective and to answer your question.. Bellator, I feel your pain, but you really need to end this because you don't want to be party to the train wreck that may come... Just my humble opinion and I don't believe there is a right or wrong but just a personal values question... I think the doubt is already there in your mind, therefore... trust your gut...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Regardless of the ethics (which have been covered previously by others) you may also want to take two other aspects into consideration:(1) He may in fact be a dud root, and you may be missing out on very little. His wife may actually be awesome, but he may have neither the talent, attitude, patience, skill or equipment to satisfy her... and so she's just not going to get that turned on by him and that's not going to be working for him.(2) There is of course a real risk that his wife will find out, and come track you down. Having a hysterical wife pounding on your front door is something to be avoided, even if she is just upset, rather than by nature violent (or crazy).
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RHP User
12 years ago
Having slept with many married men and never regretted it. It might be just the little push he needs to make whatever decisions he is going to make.
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RHP User
12 years ago
both you and him have already damaged the relationship - I know my husband cheated on me with this online stuff - and yes we are now getting divorced _ i cannot tell you how horrible it feels.
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RHP User
12 years ago
wot happend to marriage vow's... thro the good times @ bad... marriage these day's iz'a load of shit, IT'S A FUK"G JOKE.. i'm o'l school, i took my vow's seriously, @ if 1 of us want'd to stray, we'd do't togtha @ cum home togtha..
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RHP User
12 years ago
So him saying to you that he had never done this before was obviously a crock. He was a player by the sounds of it if he is already looking for someone else. Best move you made was breaking away from him.
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RHP User
12 years ago
No its not ok at all........... Cheating is definatley for losers.. Ok if your partner has a medical condition or is in some other way incapacitated,, and they know about it then maybe.But no one likes to be cheated on... If his relationship is so unsatisfying,,,, leave..... Sex isnt the be all and end all of a relationship, but it is certainly a big part of itSo no way is cheating ok.....
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RHP User
12 years ago
First of all you have not meet him off-line, have you? It could be a chick or some ugly fucker tossing his cookies as you speak to him Second Most married men never say they are married in the first place, not the ones that want to get laid on RHP anyway, unless they are pretty darn hot and women would say what the fuck I want some of that. Third he may shit bricks and not show up at all Everyone on here from the moral high ground to the gutter( where I reside) does what they want, when they want and what’s best for their own needs. sex is like a heat seeking missile when your ridding it your cant see the Forrest for the trees anyway. If Brad Pitt had most of the women up against a wall and unzipping they would all say noooo Brad nooo I am not that kind of girl, what about Angie?
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RHP User
12 years ago
I can't believe how much my judgement has been clouded by this man. I've always had a rule about not playing with married men... and yet here I am asking whether I should. So now I've started the process of disentangling myself from this man. I've made it clear to him that nothing is going to happen between us. ...and as it turns out he's already out there looking for someone else. The above statement speaks for itself, it shows how sincere he is, obviously he is out for a root, if you can handle that then go ahead, he is obviously not worried, but don't get emotionally attached to him as he will do to you what he is doing to his wife, he gave you the sad sob story, you took it hook line and sinker, you changed your mind, now he is moving on, can you really trust what this man says, and is he truly sincere? I think not. A few guys layed the sad sob story on me, I smelt a rat, just kept them talking as it didn't feel right, so the long and the short is: if it doesn't feel right for you and you know deep down it is morally wrong for you then don't do it, if you couldn't care less then what the heck! Life is short.
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Cheekyarses
12 years ago
You are both adults! Sometimes sexual attraction is so strong that married or not married you just need to have sex... Life is short - do what makes you happy xxxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
I've been there, as the married fool that is. So I know what this guy is feeling, my now very much ex wife actually agrees with me that we should never have been together, she is now happy with someone she says is the love of her life. I genuinely believed we had a really great thing going for many years, that was until I came across another that sparked something inside me that I had thought did not exist or was just total BS contrived by advertising and the rest. It was a connection on a whole different level than anything sexual, and it scared the crap out of me. At that time I did not take it further(did not cheat), but I did go home and discuss it with my then wife, as any relationship of any kind is and always should be built on some kind of trust. I can tell you that it did upset her a great deal at the time, and we did separate shortly afterwards. Things did get quite complicated, and I never did do anything with this other person. The guy needs to man up.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Maybe you should ask him if he wants the wife to join in. You never know. It could turn out brilliantly for everyone.
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xFunlovingx
12 years ago
Quoting 'Litonya' I am so happy we all have an opinion Its great to read and this is how it should be. Bad and sad things happen in a relationship when people dont communicate honestly with each other. And in any relationship when something isnt right...both are wrong. But again, we as women always think men are so bad.....why is this? Why do we as femalses have such a chip on our shoulders? Please tell me.....I have never been in a situation like this...I realy like to understand. I have so many male friends.....no lovers, just friends, which have been in very abusive loveless relationships.....and society is not acknowledging the male getting abused from the female, because the male abuse is no bruses and black eyes.......we all scream about the bad male........when a partner strays, I believe something is wrong in the relationship. I know what you will say.....why isnt he leaving......most men would love too go....but strangly they still love the wife and the children...and they know for sure they are losing more then just the children. I am for equal rights for all....and again....what are we all doing on here??? Playing cards? But to finish this here, I have to make up my own mind and live with my own decission when I have sex with a married man, and know one can take this away from me. Cheers Litonya Your first post and this post (I haven't read past this one yet) are so spot on hun...I too know of men that are in abusive relationships and same as women...are too scared to get out of it! I know of women that close up shop and refuse to give their husbands ANY sex at all and yet play the "victim" very well when he goes out and cheats on her! We are all only human after all and if the sex dries up...then should your cock/pussy just grow cobwebs and shrivel up? No! Some women turn a blind eye to him having an affair...as long as he keeps his pay packet coming in and keeps a roof over her head and allows her to go shopping! This guy is married...you knew from the get-go that he is married...So to have an emotional attachment to him is your fault and not his...whether he lied to you or not! I had an affair with a married guy for 4 years and the only emotion was friendship the rest was just sex sex sex and we both loved it! If a guy tells you from the start that he is married...then he is not as big as a liar as alot of here make him out to be! The biggest liars are the ones that say they are single and are married... Hugs...xFunlovingx
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RHP User
12 years ago
this time I must disagree with you,I would definitely say no to Brad...George Clooney...now that is a whole other story x Hugs H....ps OP sounds like you had a lucky escape...NEXT
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RHP User
12 years ago
As the former wife of a prolific cheater, I would not sleep with him. But personally I would never put the blame on you. He is one that is married and it's his choice at the end of the day. But personally I would never put myself in that situation knowingly.
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RHP User
12 years ago
sorry, but yes it's wrong regardless of his reasons. forget him.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Funloving nailed it - large portion of those "single men" on here are looking for a root, and would keep telling you they are single unless you find out otherwise. I am looking for a friend - with benefits, no emotional attachment, told my wife I'd be looking, she is not involved but I'm after what Funloving described so brilliantly - a simple fuckbuddy that would work for all of us... so any local ladies please feel free to line up, and I also get down to Melb regularly ;-)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Yes!! if you want to be a cheater also and lower yourself to he's level, maybe thats why you's are compatible so far ??? No !! If you have self respect , ask yourself do you want the drama? feeling like a losser when you's have been caught out, as cheaters will always blame the other ??? If he is missing out on so much , why is he still with her? I'm thinking.. if hes missing out ! So is she!!!! Things you need to think about... He might be a different person behind closed doors.. Cheaters are always good with words.. Would he be happy to move on with you? as that's what your really hoping for.. Are you that desperate to take on someone excess garbage?? If your feeling a bit like a dickhead with the responces you are getting to this topic, Well there lies your answer!! If it makes you happy and you dont care what people think !! there lies another answer !! LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT. I made a promise to myself , never get invovled with someone attached again !!!! I'm in a very happy place right now due to that promise and have respectable men in my life ! Being happy makes for a beautiful smile! Tarlisa xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
It isn't wrong to sleep with a married man Bellator35 ... Its all about love and lust you both have on each other...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Sorry, but "MORALS"!
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Skippy78
12 years ago
No males need somthing diffent they wifes may not do things other chicks will
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RHP User
12 years ago
do want you want !!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Tarlisa' Yes!! if you want to be a cheater also and lower yourself to he's level, maybe thats why you's are compatible so far ??? No !! If you have self respect , ask yourself do you want the drama? feeling like a losser when you's have been caught out, as cheaters will always blame the other ??? If he is missing out on so much , why is he still with her? I'm thinking.. if hes missing out ! So is she!!!! Things you need to think about... He might be a different person behind closed doors.. Cheaters are always good with words.. Would he be happy to move on with you? as that's what your really hoping for.. Are you that desperate to take on someone excess garbage?? If your feeling a bit like a dickhead with the responces you are getting to this topic, Well there lies your answer!! If it makes you happy and you dont care what people think !! there lies another answer !! LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT. I made a promise to myself , never get invovled with someone attached again !!!! I'm in a very happy place right now due to that promise and have respectable men in my life ! Being happy makes for a beautiful smile! Tarlisa xxwheres the 'like' button....?
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RHP User
12 years ago
yeah, they should have one around here somewhere ;)
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twowithnolimits
12 years ago
many of you talk of him cheating on the one he loves...where did you read that bit??? just because a guy is married doesnt mean he is "still in love", most are there becuase of "money" or "kids" or "family" or ...who knows... though if thats the case he should man up and go, and weather the storm that follows...
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rk5tar
12 years ago
As some one who has been the "wife" and it didnt go too far(because I found out first). I vote no. Because you never know the full story.She could be putting out everyday but its just not enough for him. She could be a loving caring attentive wife, but that is not enough either. But in the meantime he is playing the poor neglected husband card.People will lie to you and say what they want you to hear to get what they want. Be that sexual or emotional. Either of those is damaging. Been through it once before. We worked through it, there were no more chances. You don't know if he has a brood of little kids he hasnt told you about etc.I know mine didn't even tell his "contact" he was married and had 3 kids, one of which was only a few weeks old. If you're comfortable with that not being your specific problem, then go for it. But remember you have a part in it all now regardless.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Life is not black and white. Firsty, this guy has been honest and said he was married, he could have lied? I am not a fan of people cheating when they have a good marriage and are just looking for excitement when they could be getting this from their relationship. But as I learn more about the world I get different perspectives. Some people stay in a marriage because the kids may be too young and they dont want to hurt them. So many kids go off the rails during a break up. Maybe one of the kids is sick? Who has kids here that would not do anything for them? Some people love their partner but maybe they have depression which kills libido if you have any experience with this horrible illness or there could be a number of other reasons. This guy could be "manning up" by staying and not by leaving. Is sex and love the same thing? Anyway, in terms of advice for Bellator35 he is attached and if you decide to sleep with him make sure you know why. People come in and out of your life for a reason. I have met women at certain times in my life when I needed emotional support or some love and/or sex and they also. We were there for each other and then they left my life again and I am a better person for having met them. Maybe he is genuine and this is a time for you two. This is not a long term relationship or riding off into the sunset. Your long term partner will come into your life another way. Or maybe he is a serial cheater just looking for excitement. You will work it out for yourself. You only live once!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hi! MikeandShel and Isadora_h here's your like button Tarlisaxx Dear beachbelle , once we reach an age and learn from our experience, us old gals have our own GPS once youv'e been lost , confused and hurt, you will never take that road again !! Now playing a song to Bellator35 ... It's Katie Perry's song WIDE AWAKE !! I wish you the best of luck in any path you take Bellator35 !! Tarlisa xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
Oh I've cried to this song ... Bellatore ... What kept me from sleeping with this married man was my girlfriends.. Women ... My mother and even my grandmothers stories ... Put her high heels on honey ... Listen to the ones that have been there done that ... He will highly likely leave you cold on the concrete... If you have a connection with this guy, keep it... Keep your dignity...Only yesterday this guy called me, out of the blew ... He is more dedicated than ever to his wife and kids... He was honest with her and changed ... I'm more attracted to him than ever!! lol ... I've made a life time friend, and stayed true to my values.... Too, I get to keep the fantasy - no consequences!! ... And then there's Kitten n Shooter ... Tricky. Follow your heart
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RHP User
12 years ago
Some people are advocating an affair without regard for consequences. This hedonistic attitude is a bit short sighted and can often end badly. There are those who say that, in their opinion, it is wrong and they would not do it. I can respect that especially where the person posting relates a situation they were in and stuck with their convictions. The people who post that such a decision is up to the individual and the circumstances they are faced with are showing how open minded and non judgemental they are.These are admirable traits and I'm very relieved that there are so many with this caring attitude. Unfortunately we still have those who wade into the discussion declaring that extra marital affairs are unequivocally wrong as though they are in a position to judge for all situations. They make assumptions on others' character without knowing a thing about them. They use terms to belittle these others like 'liars', cheats', losers', 'dickheads' and insist that anyone having an affair is beneath them. These people are arrogant, narrow-minded hypocrites. They would never allow anyone to dictate to them how they should behave but they steadfastly believe they have a right to do it to others.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think Bellator has got enough of a cross section for her to discern for herself what she wishes to do, while it is so easy to sit on the side lines and give an opinion and judgement etc only she knows the true situation, and as she seems an intelligent and savy woman can make her own informed decision, do what is right for you regardless of what others say and think
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RHP User
12 years ago
Bella...you know what u are going to do... you dont need us to help you...we all been in this spot... sticky..sytkee..hot...blethless....breath...lersse....enjoy it for what it is....great sex...now from my exper.........llalalalalaal
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RHP User
12 years ago
i can't talk as I've slept with a married man, but after 16yr's we're still best friends. the way I look at it is, if he's not getting it at home thats not ur fault. Thats his wives fault. At least if he's with u, u know where he is... plus it's just sex, if u don't have a guilty conscience at the end of ur conversations online then go for it, take the next step... He's the one who's gotta go home to her... also yes please dont become attached to him as it can hurt badly... talking from experience...
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