F48
Is it wrong to sleep with a married man?
August 10 2012
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
Cheating has been around as long as Monogamy, and wiill continue as long as thenotion of monogamy is practiced.Monogamy is actually a very usefull tool, shared resources, a stable environment in which to raise children, a sense of community, and was formally indoctrinated intotheology for these very reasons, even though it existed long before Jesus's sandals walked on water, or so the story goes.Monogamy is a very high ideal to live up to, unfortunately many struggle with these ideals.Often all that is required is opportunity coupled with a sex drive.My own belief, is that a couple's love for each other should transcend unfaithfullness.Instead the majority get caught up, in believing that they own each other, and any transgressionof the monogamous ideal, means that they should no longer be together.The more enlightened, find ways of circumventing monogamy, ie: swingers, open relationships,Of course they are still cheating, but are smart enough to allow each other a higher level of freedomwhilst maintaining an effective quasi monogomous relationship.Cheers Felonius
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RHP User
12 years ago
Great post Felonius!
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RHP User
12 years ago
I love this... To do so is to be completely open and honest - meaning each has 'faith' in one another and trusts their word... You both have a choice of polyamory or monogamy...if fundamental values clash it is wise to move on - both would be unhappy... To 'cheat', however, is to deceive ... It is the deception and betrayal in this discussion (should I sleep with a married man) which pertains to morals/values and dignity - and too - mostly- helping someone from possibly experiencing the pain/hurt that comes with it ... My ex came to me with his infidelity, and you could say we 'transcended'. But with him I chose monogamy, he also did - he did not want to loose his family - but essentially he was not satisfying his desires and it made him unhappy. This has not been a tidy process of transcendence however - it never is when children are involved... The key word you've used here Fellonius is 'open' relationships.... deception and betrayal is the 'sin' not sex - however, with who ever and as many as you want to do it with.
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RHP User
12 years ago
It's funny how when it is ourselves that is not cheating that we can find a way to justify it but when the tables are turned we find it deplorable put yourself in someone else's shoes and ask how you would feel if it was you being cheated on
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RHP User
12 years ago
I am married to a beautiful lady and we are both on here as a cpl and seperatly,we have an open relationship and a lot of trust,i have been looking for a lady friend for a while and after reading this i see why im having no luck.we can both verify that we are together and that we do play alone.so to me not all married men are on here cheating on there wives, we are just looking for fwb
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RHP User
12 years ago
I am married to a beautiful lady and we are both on here as a cpl and seperatly,we have an open relationship and a lot of trust,i have been looking for a lady friend for a while and after reading this i see why im having no luck.we can both verify that we are together and that we do play alone.so to me not all married men are on here cheating on there wives, we are just looking for fwb
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thats not cheating your not deceiving any body if his wife is power to him
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RHP User
12 years ago
Aware
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RHP User
12 years ago
IF "we" were only looking for love "we" wouldnt be on sites like RHP..... So leave the guilt trips at the door and do what they do on the discovery channel !!!... do what you wanna do , be what you wanna be YEAH !!! , fuck fuck ....oh yes!... and FUCK !!!!! Right on Ms PB
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RHP User
12 years ago
...and now here you are doing it to me. Amusing really (hehehe my first forum stalker). If you read my post on the 'older women' thread again, you would find that I actually wrote, "A woman who is comfortable in who she is DOESN'T need a toy boy to validate herself." This statement does not rule out the possibility that she may WANT to. Also in that post, I clearly stated that " I'm not talking for everyone here, just myself" so very obviously I was offering an opinion not dictating to others. Where I said, "It's really very shallow" I was refering to a man of fifty seducing a girl of twenty for an ego boost and I stand by that remark also. Did I at any point insist that it is wrong to do so or that it must not be done? No, I did not. If a girl of twenty were to come on to me, would I take her up on it? Well, ...maybe (who am I kidding, I'd be on her like stink on shit). Would it be a shallow thing to do? My oath it would but I would still have fun. I do not seek to dictate to another what they should do, I encourage consideration. I don't object to differing opinions, I welcome them but I strenuously dislike people who insist that their way is the only correct way. To put it succinctly, you people don't know shit.
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Ohtilts
12 years ago
it is very wrong....!!!
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think it is okay to do this on one proviso............. that their spouse is also in the bed xxxx enjoy
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RHP User
12 years ago
mh.. EMPHATY... karma... I have beig in the other side... does not feel good.but at the same time if not you , can anyone else As for me, married man say no straight away.As life get complicate enough , and in certain stage of life you want to have fun without complications , why put yourself in more troubles.You want to have a light enjoyable date and you get SORRY we must meet at 2pm cause cant do it after hours!!or WE CANT GO FOR DINER AS MUST BE AT HOME AT SIX !!! who want that shit !!! not only is not right but inconvenientPLENTY OF FISH!!! as for him he should try to fix things with his wife or leave.most of men anyway there are full of bullshit about how their wife dont understand them and blah blah, he should go to counselling or maybe someone should inform his wife about his secret life.that would be fun !!!!maybe I should consider that as a career....
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RHP User
12 years ago
They could not get their puny minds around the fact that there is no right answer to the question of what to do in a bad marriage. So instead they are here where the question is put in such a way that they can give their answer while maintaining their pretense of moral superiority. So, quoting me I (groom) take you (bride) to be my lawful wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish and worship, forsaking all others, to death us do part. In response to this, the bride repeats the vow substituting "obey" for "worship". These vows effectively admonish, divorce, extramarital afairs (either with or without the partner's knowledge), disobedience on the part of the wife and withholding love and/or affection. It amazes me how many people even here, on an adult dating site (read "sex site") will focus on "cheating" while disregarding the rest of the contract. We are alreay aware that a lot of the previsions in the marriage contract can no longer be legally enforced. A wife is not expected to obey her husband's whims. A husband rarely ever worships his wife or even cherishes her. Divorce is commonplace and swinging is a lifestyle. I know that there are many individuals who have been betrayed by their spouse. They have been faithful and worked hard to make their marriage successful while their partner has sought out other parties to have sexual relatuionships with for the sake of conquest and ego. There are others however, who have had love and affection withheld from them and sought it elsewhere. As far as I'm concerned, if there is no love in the marriage, the contract has already been broken so aithfulness can no longer be expected. There will be cynical people who then say, "If you're no longer in love, you should do the right thing and leave not play around." To this I ask, "The right thing by or for whom?" It's not the right thing by the vow. "Till death do us part." No divorce. Until you yourself are faced with making the decision, you can not know the conflicting thoughts and emotions that plague a person in a bad marriage. A woman can often be convinced by an abusive husband that no one else would ever want her. A man can fear the financial devestation of divorce. A parent might fear the effects divorce would have on the children. In some cases, it's understandable for a person to seek out an emotional contact from outside their marriage. I don't believe others have the right to pass judgement on them. To thine own self be true.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Don't get friggin married in the first place
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'jensman1903' They could not get their puny minds around the fact that there is no right answer to the question of what to do in a bad marriage. So instead they are here where the question is put in such a way that they can give their answer while maintaining their pretense of moral superiority. ... There will be cynical people who then say, "If you're no longer in love, you should do the right thing and leave not play around." To this I ask, "The right thing by or for whom?" It's not the right thing by the vow. "Till death do us part." No divorce. Until you yourself are faced with making the decision, you can not know the conflicting thoughts and emotions that plague a person in a bad marriage. A woman can often be convinced by an abusive husband that no one else would ever want her. A man can fear the financial devestation of divorce. A parent might fear the effects divorce would have on the children. In some cases, it's understandable for a person to seek out an emotional contact from outside their marriage. I don't believe others have the right to pass judgement on them. To thine own self be true. As someone who places extremely little traditional or moral value in the institution of marriage, I'm sorry to have missed that thread. Personally, I don't see the 'marriage' part here as much of an issue - to me it's the cheating. I would approach this situation pretty much from the same moral position as cheating with someone in a long term relationship, and even to an extent someone in a new monogamous relationship.Which is to say I wouldn't do it, and I wouldn't feel right about it.I can't personally justify a situation where you stay in a relationship but deceive your partner by having sex with someone else behind their back. I'm all for open relationships/marriages and polyamory if you can make that work, but I just can't see a situation where deceptive cheating is justifiable.I am one of those cynical people who would say "the right thing is to have it out in the open, and if it can't be resolved, leave". Fuck doing the right thing by the letter of the vow. I cringe every time at a wedding when I hear the 2004 amendment to the marriage act that "Marriage is defined as the union between a man and a woman to the exclusion of all others." Fuck that homophobic, Judeo-Christian government legislation. Any married couple on this site is already in violation of that legislated bullshit. Fuck the government for trying to tell us what kind of marriage is 'acceptable' between consenting adults.For the record, I have once been in this situation where I slept with a girl who had a boyfriend. I was utterly ashamed of myself (and I was a dick to her about it, which I'm not proud of,) and wouldn't want to go through with that feeling again.Everyone absolutely has the right to judge anyone else by their own moral code. It's enforcing that code on others where I draw the line. So I'm happy to tell others what I think, but of course it's up to them what they choose to do with it.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'd generally only give my opinion on this matter if it's asked for (like in this situation.) I wouldn't go out of my way to denounce someone for how they choose to live their life. I recognise that it's a deeply personal matter.
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RHP User
12 years ago
...and if I continue, I'll only be repeating myself anyway so this will be my last post, I promise. I just wanted to say that I agree with DGT entirely, the only way to safely avoid this dilemma is not to get married in the first place, and I would like to say I agree with Neptune to a point while respecting his view entirely. If a person is in a relationship that is not working out for them prior to getting married, buying a house and having kids, that person is a complete arsehole if they play around while leading the other person on. Get out before the complications arise. Okay, people, that's all from me. I'll now shut the fuck up. Hey! Who was that yelling, "Thank Christ!"???
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RHP User
12 years ago
hi ya bellator35 no its ok if there partners no about it like mine does
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RHP User
12 years ago
Personally, I dont think it's wrong if they are actively looking outside of their marriage then something is not right in the first place. He's going to fuck someone, if you have chemistry, why shouldnt it be you? Its not like youve gone to his house and said "oooh a married man, I want to have sex with you!" - you met on an online place for sex, fun and general naughtiness... just dont get hooked and think he'll leave her for you, he hasnt left her yet after years of not being satisfied, why would he now?
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RHP User
12 years ago
found this one while browsing, and it kinda sums up how i felt, and how i imagine others to feel, when confronted by the truth of their partners infidelities...Fuck You for cheating on me. Fuck you for reducing it to the word cheating. As if this were a card game, and you sneaked a look at my hand. Who came up with the term cheating, anyway? A cheater, I imagine. Someone who thought liar was too harsh. Someone who thought devastator was too emotional. The same person who thought, oops, he’d gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Fuck you. This isn’t about slipping yourself an extra twenty dollars of Monopoly money. These are our lives. You went and broke our lives. You are so much worse than a cheater. You killed something. And you killed it when its back was turned.” ― David Levithan, The Lover's Dictionary there is no defence for betraying your parner with another, its hateful, selfish and irresponsible to play with the emotions of anyone in this way. if your relationship doesnt fulfil you, move the fuck on....leave.... get the fuck out of there, and take responsibility for your actions, your future, and stop playing with other peoples lives, emotions and well being. nobody deserves to be treated with complete disregard, and thats exactly what happens when one adult decides to betray another, and for what? sex? if sex has died in your relationship, and you really cant survive without it.....go. its so simple...you wanna fuck around? then fuck off first!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Cheaters are horrible people!Fair enough his marriage is Shit and he can not get his rocks off but should he cheat??? NO Should you be the one he cheats on his wife with ??? NOShould he consider leaving his wife ??? Yes!This lady does not deserve this,so they are not sexually compatible does this make her a bad woman? NOI can see you are emotionally attached to this person through all your e-mails i know this can happen ( from experience)But Trust me you do not want to be the woman that destroys another woman's life do you ?Imagine how she will feel when she found out and how much she would hate you for it.My Advice is do not do this. This guy should get divorced than have a field day with him but is he worthy he sounds very untrustworthy to me.I am very Biased because i HATE cheaters!!! If it was an open marriage sure go for it I have had a guy drop his wife off for a play date but they were in it as a couple not as a low life cheating single selfish person.Sorry my thoughts are strong on this matter.I hope you make the right decisions for his wife's sake.Primal
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RHP User
12 years ago
I slept with a married woman for over 12 months (I too was married)...the sex was absolutely amazing....best ever and that's a fact. Trouble is emotions follow ...... now separated with divorce to follow I deeply regret cheating and also feel terrible for stabbing her hubby in the back even tho I don't know him. Short answer: not worth it.
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RHP User
12 years ago
What goes around comes around.........cant believe someone would have to ask this!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Please excuse my naivety but I always imagined this site to be for no strings fun. I never imagined that anyone would be on here to find the love of their life, unless of course sex is their number one priority in a relationship. I am married and have the most wild and honest relationship with my husband. You just need to be clear about where the line is with your own partner (if you have one) and any new partner - and don't cross it, EVER. It is wildly exciting to push things as far to the edge as you can without falling off...sometimes easier said than done. If you don't have any will power don't go there. If you do go there and feel like he's getting attached, STOP. And remember, you might think it's just about sex, but regardless of how you look at it or what your involvement with him is, emotions are ALWAYS involved. Ultimately, if you go there, can you keep your emotions in check...and his? xC
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RHP User
12 years ago
personally NO... if both aware/included then get it on if hes not happy he should either do something to fix it or end it and move on.....plenty of decent people out there to leave the bullshitters to there sad lives
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RHP User
12 years ago
If your partner was for some reason no longer able to have a physical relationship with you but relied on you for emotional and financial support would you leave them ,live without sex,or find sex outside of your relationship? Then there is the issue of children,if your partner refuses to have sex with you, do you stay for the sake of the children and live without sex or do you seek physical intimacy outside of the relationship? In these situations if you decide to stay and have a sexual relationship or relationships outside of the primary relationship without telling your partner does that cause more harm than just leaving? If only two people ar involved and they are both healthy then the solution seems to be simple,but when children are involved or illness impacts on the situation the solution is not simple at all.x Hugs H
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Hesione' you decide to have an affair with a married man OP,here are some of the likely cosequences for you. He will rarely be available,will not want to be seen in public with you....after a while he will say he is just wracked with guilt and cant continue. His wife might find out and call you,that can be a most unpleasant experience. You might become extremely emotionally attached to him and find that the time he spends with you is just not enough. I don't judge as to the morality of the situation ,I have been on both sides of this equasion in the past and in my opinion having a relationship with someone who is married is just too problematic. But if none of the above worries you ,then why note HugsThere is another option things could just go along nicely and both of you have fun and none gets hurts... it does happen
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'mikeandshel' found this one while browsing, and it kinda sums up how i felt, and how i imagine others to feel, when confronted by the truth of their partners infidelities...Fuck You for cheating on me. Fuck you for reducing it to the word cheating. As if this were a card game, and you sneaked a look at my hand. Who came up with the term cheating, anyway? A cheater, I imagine. Someone who thought liar was too harsh. Someone who thought devastator was too emotional. The same person who thought, oops, he’d gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Fuck you. This isn’t about slipping yourself an extra twenty dollars of Monopoly money. These are our lives. You went and broke our lives. You are so much worse than a cheater. You killed something. And you killed it when its back was turned.” ― David Levithan, The Lover's Dictionary there is no defence for betraying your parner with another, its hateful, selfish and irresponsible to play with the emotions of anyone in this way. if your relationship doesnt fulfil you, move the fuck on....leave.... get the fuck out of there, and take responsibility for your actions, your future, and stop playing with other peoples lives, emotions and well being. nobody deserves to be treated with complete disregard, and thats exactly what happens when one adult decides to betray another, and for what? sex? if sex has died in your relationship, and you really cant survive without it.....go. its so simple...you wanna fuck around? then fuck off first! If my Husband was honest and said you don't do it for me anymore,i would have more respect for him. Fuck him he wasted another 4 yrs of my life on not knowing what went wrong. Him fucking my friend I could of forgave,but wasting years of my life,unforgivable. Bella,when I found out about the affair, I was hurt but i was graceful, as I knew these 2 areholes would take this to their grave. so today I still say hello to my once best friend,she cnnot look me in the eye,she crys everytime she sees me. My husband remains a distant friend and everytime he thinks he is getting close I remind him why he can't have me and I tell him he had the best woman. This man isn't worth spitting on,he is a joke. He is living a lie,he is a weak specimen of a man. Anyone that stays for the children,have no idea what happens in the end to these kids,that have watched their parents live unhappily. staying for the money is a joke,that only says his money or assets are worth more then you.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Looking for the LIKE button again!! xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
I would say - Sometimes it is and sometimes its not.I would say that it doesn't matter what i think.I would say it matters more - whether yuo think its right for you - given where you are and where you have been.I would say if you honestly think its the right thing to do considering you and considering the other party - thenI would say you should explore it - providing you know you have honestly thought about it.I would say it really is such a subjective question that there is no single answer.2B A Good fit is the basis of Sustainability... in Everything :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'feloniusfossil' Cheating has been around as long as Monogamy, and wiill continue as long as thenotion of monogamy is practiced.Monogamy is actually a very usefull tool, shared resources, a stable environment in which to raise children, a sense of community, and was formally indoctrinated intotheology for these very reasons, even though it existed long before Jesus's sandals walked on water, or so the story goes.Monogamy is a very high ideal to live up to, unfortunately many struggle with these ideals.Often all that is required is opportunity coupled with a sex drive.My own belief, is that a couple's love for each other should transcend unfaithfullness.Instead the majority get caught up, in believing that they own each other, and any transgressionof the monogamous ideal, means that they should no longer be together.The more enlightened, find ways of circumventing monogamy, ie: swingers, open relationships,Of course they are still cheating, but are smart enough to allow each other a higher level of freedomwhilst maintaining an effective quasi monogomous relationship.very well said, indeed...monogamy is a very hard thing to live up to...and i personally don't believe, that we are designed that way...i find, that no matter how much you love someone....over time, after 5, 10, 15 years...you WILL have the desire, to sample others...but that does not necessarily mean, that you'll have to leave or cheat, to get it...if both parties are open minded...and willing to accept the fact, that it is natural, to have sexual desire for others..(and they don't feel threatened by that)...that there's a difference between love and lust...and that they are not owning each other....they'll find ways, to satisfy this hunger...together...like in swinging...there's no trust lost, as nothing is going on behind the other's back....and it is only the beauty, of sharing and being part of each other's fantasies and desires,that remains...i personally find it amazing, to be able to be fulfill my husband's fantasies...to be able to be part of his journey of sexual self-discovery...and i am also grateful for the gifts i have received from him..allowing me to explore and experiment...willing to share me, just to see the pleasure on my face...being part of each other's journey can be a beautiful, amazing thing...as long as there is communication...honesty...trust...and willingness to be understanding and open minded...we both have the desire, to be able to experience pleasure with others...have the hunger for a little excitement...but we don't cheat on each other, to get it...as we don't have to...all we have to do, is ask for it...(may have to say "pretty please" sometimes...but still...)
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RHP User
12 years ago
You won't find me using the like button for that tirade. I HAVE CHEATED. I was in an abusive relationship. It wasn't violent it was abusive and controlling. Even though I worked too he would hold back money from me to stop me doing the things I wanted. He told me he would never let me leave him and that no one else would want me anyway. I became an alcoholic because of his abuse. The only place I could escape him was in a bottle.I was scared of him but I got it in my head that I needed to find out if it was true that no one else would want me. I had an affair and he found out. The abuse became violent. He told me I had to give up work and stay at home. He told me I wasn't allowed to see any of my friends anymore because he thought that they all must have incouraged me to betray him and that they were bad influences. My friends came to my rescue and I was finally able to leave him. I now have a wonderul understanding husband. He doesn't tell me what to do or restrict me from doing what I want. With his support and patience I was able to overcome alcoholism. I'm not happy that you have decided that I'm a bad person when you don't know or understand my circumstances.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Cassandra_Jayne'Looking for the LIKE button again!! xx Yes if we play with these weak people we are only adding to anothers hurt. What comes around oes around. Wishing Bella all the best though. xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
The very last thing I do is judge you as a bad person (the people who know me, even here, and who know my situation, know I would not do this)... I express my "like" from my personal experience, and when I read mikeandshel's post I cried, realizing the deep grief and anger that his actions have brought me and my kids - healing is in time ... I understand the 'why' in his behavior and don't judge him. It just has no room in our lives... I'm so glad he's gone!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Now my ex-husbands hurt is more important then mine? Maybe I am weak but I prefer that to harsh and judgmental.
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RHP User
12 years ago
@jennylee - I've read back up the post a few pages and all I see is someone deciding to take other people's general comments personally. And..@beacbell - This could be applied to the people on the bus as well ~laughs.".... is either full of cheaters and liars or promiscuous and non monogamous people".
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RHP User
12 years ago
Is it wrong to sleep with a married man?My motto is 'don't do to others what you don't want done to you'.The question you need to ask yourself is:' If he was your husband would you want another women having sex with him?' The answer to this question is also the answer to your question.
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RHP User
12 years ago
my comments are not directed at any person in particular, if they were, i'd have put their name in somewhere, calling for their attention. so if anyone wants to take what i wrote and apply it to their own circumstances, they are welcome to do so.... but its they who make the judgement in doing so, not me. dont read something thats not been written, and then blame me for how that makes you feel. what i wrote, and quoted, was about me. how i felt, how I imagine others to feel. my sympathy and understanding will never be given to the one who strays, to the one who lies, manipulates and deceives, as thats simply not the person i identify with. this will never change, as i dont see being unfaithful, being deceptive, or being disrespectful of my partner, as something i could ever take on board ..... never been there, and refuse to consider it as an option...i'd rather be single, than fuck around and live all manner of lies while doing so............
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xFunlovingx
12 years ago
Quoting 'mikeandshel' my comments are not directed at any person in particular, if they were, i'd have put their name in somewhere, calling for their attention. so if anyone wants to take what i wrote and apply it to their own circumstances, they are welcome to do so.... but its they who make the judgement in doing so, not me. dont read something thats not been written, and then blame me for how that makes you feel. what i wrote, and quoted, was about me. how i felt, how I imagine others to feel. my sympathy and understanding will never be given to the one who strays, to the one who lies, manipulates and deceives, as thats simply not the person i identify with. this will never change, as i dont see being unfaithful, being deceptive, or being disrespectful of my partner, as something i could ever take on board ..... never been there, and refuse to consider it as an option...i'd rather be single, than fuck around and live all manner of lies while doing so............ I think that you missed TeaseGoddess's post straight after JennyLee's post! From what I read that wasn't directed to you at all. . This is a touchy subject...more touchy for some than others. And that is ok to have different views...We are all adults here and are old enough and ugly enough to make our own decisions in life! What is right for one person, may not be right or ok by the next! This paragraph is for all...not aimed at you at all Mike..I just can't be bothered posting twice! Hugs...xFunlovingx
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'mikeandshel' found this one while browsing, and it kinda sums up how i felt, and how i imagine others to feel, when confronted by the truth of their partners infidelities...Fuck You for cheating on me. Fuck you for reducing it to the word cheating. As if this were a card game, and you sneaked a look at my hand. Who came up with the term cheating, anyway? A cheater, I imagine. Someone who thought liar was too harsh. Someone who thought devastator was too emotional. The same person who thought, oops, he’d gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Fuck you. This isn’t about slipping yourself an extra twenty dollars of Monopoly money. These are our lives. You went and broke our lives. You are so much worse than a cheater. You killed something. And you killed it when its back was turned.” ― David Levithan, The Lover's Dictionary there is no defence for betraying your parner with another, its hateful, selfish and irresponsible to play with the emotions of anyone in this way. if your relationship doesnt fulfil you, move the fuck on....leave.... get the fuck out of there, and take responsibility for your actions, your future, and stop playing with other peoples lives, emotions and well being. nobody deserves to be treated with complete disregard, and thats exactly what happens when one adult decides to betray another, and for what? sex? if sex has died in your relationship, and you really cant survive without it.....go. its so simple...you wanna fuck around? then fuck off first! It takes two to tango!!!! isnt that the saying........if you do your as bad as he is............. if you "cheat" with this guy, i guess you would consider "cheating" yourself.................... If we let you ......cum fuck our men.............if we dont .....(im not going to get nasty,,thats not me....)....you know what I want to say!!!!!! By posting your Q: I think you already have your conscience in thought.......I think you'll do the right thing for yourself. (Mrs)
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RHP User
12 years ago
We'd like to know, "Have you been cheated on? Think of his wife! Even if he's in a poor marriage, or he tells you he is, he does have the option of leaving her and finding happiness, before inflicting sadness. There's plenty of other guys on this site that would probably walk a mile to get to you. Think hard, before you make him hard!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'mikeandshel' my comments are not directed at any person in particular, if they were, i'd have put their name in somewhere, calling for their attention. so if anyone wants to take what i wrote and apply it to their own circumstances, they are welcome to do so.... but its they who make the judgement in doing so, not me. Isnt your initial post directed at absolutely everyone who has cheated regardless of the circumstance? Quoting 'mikeandshel' there is no defence for betraying your parner with another, its hateful, selfish and irresponsible to play with the emotions of anyone in this way.You didn't say, "In most cases", or "In many cases", you made a blanket statement. You pretend that an abusive husband is more deserving of sympathy than a abused wife. I am very offended by your attitude. You are a harsh uncaring man.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'jennylee1903' You won't find me using the like button for that tirade. I HAVE CHEATED. I was in an abusive relationship. It wasn't violent it was abusive and controlling. Even though I worked too he would hold back money from me to stop me doing the things I wanted. He told me he would never let me leave him and that no one else would want me anyway. I became an alcoholic because of his abuse. The only place I could escape him was in a bottle.I was scared of him but I got it in my head that I needed to find out if it was true that no one else would want me. I had an affair and he found out. The abuse became violent. He told me I had to give up work and stay at home. He told me I wasn't allowed to see any of my friends anymore because he thought that they all must have incouraged me to betray him and that they were bad influences. My friends came to my rescue and I was finally able to leave him. I now have a wonderul understanding husband. He doesn't tell me what to do or restrict me from doing what I want. With his support and patience I was able to overcome alcoholism. I'm not happy that you have decided that I'm a bad person when you don't know or understand my circumstances. Sorry Jenny I never decided you to be a bad person. I do know where you have been. See i have walked a similar path. My 1st husband was mentally and physically abusive as well. My comment was not directed at you. I thought I had a understanding man in my 2nd husband too,but like the 1st he found the need to betray my trust. We all have our past,it is the future I look forward to. Keep smiling :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
So often on RHP forums i see the 2 get replaced for one another.Its surprising, really - and a little sad too.
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RHP User
12 years ago
2ballons,xHugs H
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'jennylee1903' Quoting 'mikeandshel' my comments are not directed at any person in particular, if they were, i'd have put their name in somewhere, calling for their attention. so if anyone wants to take what i wrote and apply it to their own circumstances, they are welcome to do so.... but its they who make the judgement in doing so, not me. Isnt your initial post directed at absolutely everyone who has cheated regardless of the circumstance? its not 'double talk'..its up to you if you want to apply it to yourself...thats your responsibility, not mine... Quoting 'mikeandshel' there is no defence for betraying your parner with another, its hateful, selfish and irresponsible to play with the emotions of anyone in this way.You didn't say, "In most cases", or "In many cases", you made a blanket statement. You pretend that an abusive husband is more deserving of sympathy than a abused wife. I am very offended by your attitude. You are a harsh uncaring man. i dont believe there is an excuse or defence..so dont feel compelled to qualify my statement in any way..you cite 2 different sets of circumstances, one of which i never even mentioned. doing wrong because someone wrongs you, doesnt make any of it 'right'... there is no 'mitigating circumstance' that makes it ok, to do things like this, just as theres no excuse to abuse your partner either, and if you ask whose fault it is that someone abuses...its always the other person..but the truth is that he chose to abuse you, something i also find intolerable and inexcusable...but, he didnt make you cheat by being abusive, you chose to go there of your own accord... i wonder if being the victim of an abusive partner, who eventually strayed as well, might be as driving force behind my beliefs.. to me, infidelity is abuse, end of story, its as hateful, as damaging and as soul destroying as being in an abusive relationship can be... and many of the lingering effects are absolutely the same... as to being 'harsh and uncaring' ? no...i just know what i wont have in my life, from partner, family or even friends, and choose to make it known.... if anyone wants to fuck around on me...whether that be sexually or figuratively...they can fuck off...
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RHP User
12 years ago
I was married for 15yrs.My x joined a site on line used the same old crap u know " my wife dont understand me its so hard at home we dont have sex no more " that sort of thing problem was I was pregges with my last kid at the time he joined the dating site " No Sex " mmmm I found out what he was up to and walked. U need to think about his other half how would she feel about his lieing his running around A lot of posts have said the same thing. Would I do it sleep with a married man hell no and if I found out he lied about having a partner at home I would run a mile. He lied to her is he lieing to u to ??
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RHP User
12 years ago
NO! I DIDNT "FUCK OFF" I WAS TOO SCARED. EVEN AFTER HE BEGAN HITTING ME IT TOOK OTHERS TO COME AND SAVE ME. YOU LIKE TO PRETEND THAT YOU KNOW THE ANSWERS FOR EVERYONE BUT YOU DONT. YOU DON'T CARE WHO YOU HURT AS LONG AS YOU GET TO TELL OTHERS WHATS WRONG WITH THEM. YOUR JUST A JUDGEMENTAL WANKER.
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RHP User
12 years ago
How an affair could save your marriage. Infidelity ends thousands of marriages every year, but a new book is suggesting cheating could help couples stay together. It is an opinion sure to prove controversial, but bestselling British author Catherine Hakim has written a self-help book explaining how having an affair could make your relationship stronger. An excerpt from the paperback — entitled The New Rules of Marriage: Internet Dating, Playfairs and Erotic Power — was published in the UK's Telegraph yesterday, and advocated infidelity as the way to reduce high divorce rates. Hakim thinks fidelity is a "trap" which turns humans into "caged animals". She advises men and women to explore their sexuality outside their relationships, comparing extramarital affairs to eating out at a restaurant. "The fact that we eat most meals at home with spouses and partners does not preclude eating out in restaurants to sample different cuisines and ambiences, with friends or colleagues," she writes. "Anyone rejecting a fresh approach to marriage and adultery, with a new set of rules to go with it, fails to recognise the benefits of a revitalised sex life outside the home." Hakim says the optimal time for an affair is 45 for women, and 55 for men. Herself happily married, the author says she wouldn't care if her own husband had an affair, and thinks others should be equally open-minded. "I am not saying that everybody should do it, and most people do not have affairs," Hakim said in an interview with BBC Radio 4. "The key point is that we need to be more tolerant of them. Sometime they can ruin marriages, but if you take the view that most of them blow over and a good marriage is still a good marriage we should be a bit more laid back about them like the French, Italians and Spanish. "The temptation is always there for everyone. I am happily married, and I would hope that if my partner had an affair he would be so discreet about it that I wouldn't notice anyway. Total discretion is the absolute rule, the other party should never find out."
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RHP User
12 years ago
We all have choices, if we knowingly go down a path that could lead to heartbreak then understand there could be consequences and be prepared for them if you put your head in the sand and don't want to know about it til it happens then no point in crying foul or acting the victim as you knowingly went in both eyes open, if you can stand the heat then you just have to wear it, some people don't have choices they unknowingly have a partner that cheats on them and find themself in a very sad situation, one can either learn from it and grow and move on or continue to be a victim, we all have choices
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RHP User
12 years ago
I totally agree Mrs.P,people in this thread have shared their deepest feelings and experiences.However I firmly believe if you don't move past the hurt and forgive the other person then that person is still controlling your life,because they are still in your head. Bitterness is a poison and it will continue to harm you,not the person who harmed you in the first place.The harm to you will not just be mental it will also be physical. It took me fifteen years to realize this and it was the most liberating experience of my life. On a lighter note,don't forget,Karma is indeed a bitch!!x Hugs H
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RHP User
12 years ago
"bitterness is a poison that will continue to harm you, not the person that harmed you.". Well said, and I for one after many conversations with yourself and others on here, has been a lesson that I've learned, and I might add, just recently. Once again, well said and I could not agree more.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I've come to a conclusion. Situations such as this, will always attract a very emotive audience. In the blue corner we have those that base their beliefs on a strict conservative moral ground. And god love yas for it. In the opposite corner, we have those that are the "each to their own" group. And personally, I'm with them a whisker more than those on the conservative. After many years, we have seen progression in social standing of a number of groups that people associate with. Be it women's rights, or native title decisions. Religion isn't all black and white as it used to be, and with so many "new age" beliefs, why should our morals, sexuality, and personal opinions be any different?? By robbing ourselves of choice we surely spell the end of the essence of life. The one thing we all crave. There's one commonality I feel exists within this thread, and I think that we can ALL AGREE on this. Being true to ourselves, and our own beliefs is all the justification we should ever need; however the cookie crumbles.
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