F50
Married Men!! Pleasure seekers?
March 22 2013
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
absolutely, some of us, (perhaps not all) are only looking to please. I personally only want to please, not get anything in return.
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inspirit
12 years ago
as I open my closed mind up to the pleasures married men do seek and WHY!!!!! It will certainly change my views on the topic of thinking married men are selfish!!!!!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Depending upon the man, and the reasons for the affair (in his mind), there may be certain degree of gratitude the married philanderer feels toward his lover. Also, he may enjoy having his advances and his efforts being seen to be appreciated and acknowledged, after having felt unwanted*. Would that make him a more attentive lover... hard to say, but it sounds plausible... An alternative theory is that good lovers stay married/attached, even if they are philanderers, but poor lovers end up single... I'd better go check my references :-/ * I'm referring to his perception, no comment on the "two sides to every story". - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Men are men... I don't think marriage does much to change that. If a person has a giving nature then they will give, if selfish then they will look after #1. Sometimes we change for our partners and sometimes we try and change our partners but on the whole our basic makeup doesn't' change that much. I enjoy giving and did so pre, during and post marriage.
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RHP User
12 years ago
in some peoples minds, oral sex is not sex....kinda the Bill Clinton thinking in reverse. For others the pleasure is in the giving of pleasure.It is afteral ,a very powerful experience to watch someone shatter ...orgasm..,because of you.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Sincerely, Constable_ Drift
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RHP User
12 years ago
I did a great job of making my response sound like detached, intellectual musings... It's actually from experience. - Posted from rhpmobile
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inspirit
12 years ago
Quoting 'neptune_drift' Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Sincerely, Constable_ Drift before I get nasty with your ass
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RHP User
12 years ago
So Drift...bugger off.......... Cause that damn fine pic...............is beyond distracting......... Now where are all these married male posters ???...hhhmmmm
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enduran
12 years ago
I think there is much more to it. giving pleasure to someone else so much more rewarding.that being said it also great to be given pleasure...but going down is one of the best things in the world for me.
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erotictouch4u
12 years ago
When we are ignored or abused at home we wish to find someone who appreciates our want to pleasure a woman...whether it be a full mutual pleasure session for both, oral only for her or maybe just a sensual massage. The enjoyment is not just in the giving but in being appreciated for what we do and how unselfishly it is given. ET xox
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Smilingwithfun
12 years ago
As a single male,why be in the relationship if it is that bad.Why run around around with other woman, life is too short to be not happy.
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inspirit
12 years ago
Quoting 'Messolonghi' I did a great job of making my response sound like detached, intellectual musings... It's actually from experience. - Posted from rhpmobile and how often do i see your posts as detached........when in fact they are wisdom and as we all know wisdom only comes from experience.
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inspirit
12 years ago
RHP why did my other post get deleted. Was an interesting topic.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Well, I love going down on my wife, and she loves me going down on her....so much so, that she encourages me to share the love/tongue around...I guess we are both into giving :). It's very Buddhist really....I'm a bit like a sex crazed Ghandi :)
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xFunlovingx
12 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit'RHP why did my other post get deleted. Was an interesting topic. The other Thread was interesting! I have no idea why it went away! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think everyone is different with their reasons for looking outside their marriage. I absolutely get off on making a woman climax and going down on her is an amazing way of doing that. The fact that you're using your tongue skillfully then looking up and seeing her facial expression as she tenses up is quite an empowering feeling. Knowing that you brought someone to that level is just priceless and I just can't get enough of it. Now as far as looking outside the marriage, every situation is different. I can only comment on my own situation and say that I'm here because my wife and I have grown too far apart and there is NO intimacy at all. Although she used to enjoy me going down on her quite a bit, our falling out meant that she didn't want anything to do with me on that level and that left me lonely and longing for someone to be intimate with. Now even though its greatly missed, it's not only about sex. I've been in situations where I've been lying down naked with a woman and didn't do anything sexual just cuddled and talked for a while which is what I yearned for. Now, I'm only days away from moving out and being single again after 15 years but I can assure you that I'd still feel the same about giving pleasure and do whatever is in my 'power' to give the woman I'm with the best possible orgasm. With that said,Melbourne women, get ready to be satisfied. Lol
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RHP User
12 years ago
Many women do not like oral sex either giving or receiving, they think it is ''dirty'' and some women are afraid that their partner wont enjoy the taste of them. Some men may of use the reverse Bill Clinton defence,oral sex is not ''real'' sex,and of course if their penis isn't engaged then of course it's not sex...perhaps that is why many married profiles have such an emphasis on oral only.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Well for me (Mr) it's about watching the woman your with being pleasured and knowing that you are the one making it happen. Although I'm not here to meet woman alone as we like to share.... I think for me it's just about the satisfaction it brings watching the woman your with melt... ;)
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Horny4you
12 years ago
Quoting 'Shinas' So Drift...bugger off.......... Cause that damn fine pic...............is beyond distracting......... Now where are all these married male posters ???...hhhmmmm
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Anais1' in some peoples minds, oral sex is not sex....kinda the Bill Clinton thinking in reverse. For others the pleasure is in the giving of pleasure.It is afteral ,a very powerful experience to watch someone shatter ...orgasm..,because of you.Anias, the second part couldnt have summed it up better, for me, it has a slight tinge of control as well. I love to bring a woman to the verge of cumming, then slow things down for a little before bringing them up again. The build up and sexual tension that doing this a few times , frustrating as it is for them at the time, brings on an orgasm that is simply to die for (or so I am told).
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enduran
12 years ago
Quoting 'onlyoral4u' Quoting 'Anais1' in some peoples minds, oral sex is not sex....kinda the Bill Clinton thinking in reverse. For others the pleasure is in the giving of pleasure.It is afteral ,a very powerful experience to watch someone shatter ...orgasm..,because of you.Anias, the second part couldnt have summed it up better, for me, it has a slight tinge of control as well. I love to bring a woman to the verge of cumming, then slow things down for a little before bringing them up again. The build up and sexual tension that doing this a few times , frustrating as it is for them at the time, brings on an orgasm that is simply to die for (or so I am told). That bit of control is awesome...its a bit of power while being in a more submissive position...very hot indeed
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Dazzman
12 years ago
as a married man yes I love to please,sometimes wives don't seem to appreciate that there husbands love to please and it comes down to the male wondering if he"still has his mojo"i guess what im saying is that its great to be appreciated
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inspirit
12 years ago
I am finding this topic an interesting read! It is giving me more of an insight as to why some men do "stray", I am not saying it is right or wrong! I am merely understanding. For some it is a powerful thing "to give" and be appreciated. Understanding "the man" is what is important in this topic to me anyway. Regardless of any "crime" committed.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'neptune_drift' Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Sincerely, Constable_ DriftI'm ready for my cavity search.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I too am with you on this Inspirit as I too want a better understanding.Great TOPIC and very Interesting reading so far. FOXY
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xFunlovingx
12 years ago
I have met single guys on here that proclaim "I love going down on a girl for ages or until she cums in my mouth" and they have never even gone below my tits! I have met married men from here that say "I love going down on a girl for ages or until she cums in my mouth" and ALL of them have lived up to those words! After I cum you can see them glowing (from more than my juices)...they LOVE it! They love that they made me cum, they love that I enjoy what they are doing to me! And they are all great at communicating out of the sack! I have yet to meet one married man that is selfish! Scouts Honour! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
12 years ago
What about post married (re-singled) men? Do we change or carry on the tradition of considerate cunning linguists or do we go back to being selfish lying bastards? Quoting 'xFunlovingx' I have met single guys on here that proclaim "I love going down on a girl for ages or until she cums in my mouth" and they have never even gone below my tits! I have met married men from here that say "I love going down on a girl for ages or until she cums in my mouth" and ALL of them have lived up to those words! After I cum you can see them glowing (from more than my juices)...they LOVE it! They love that they made me cum, they love that I enjoy what they are doing to me! And they are all great at communicating out of the sack! I have yet to meet one married man that is selfish! Scouts Honour! xFunlovingx
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enduran
12 years ago
Quoting 'xFunlovingx' I have met single guys on here that proclaim "I love going down on a girl for ages or until she cums in my mouth" and they have never even gone below my tits! I have met married men from here that say "I love going down on a girl for ages or until she cums in my mouth" and ALL of them have lived up to those words! After I cum you can see them glowing (from more than my juices)...they LOVE it! They love that they made me cum, they love that I enjoy what they are doing to me! And they are all great at communicating out of the sack! I have yet to meet one married man that is selfish! Scouts Honour! xFunlovingx Looks like married men will soon be very popular if every one of them lives up to these promises...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Funloving...I do believe you and what your saying. Reading these posts are what make me more open and convinced "its OK with Married men".. Yes I am convinced it can and has saved some marriages in some cases. I used to be so closed minded about being with a "married man" however these forums topics really do educate me in more ways than one. I still am stuck tho on "the lies and deceit" that go with....yet to be convinced on that. Many Thanks to those who have posted in this Forum. Foxy- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
On both levels, I cannot get off with my husband even though he would like to please me.No chemistry at all, but love him to bits For many married men the chemistry is gone, the wife is not interested and life goes on as a married person. They love their wives and family as do I as you know I do married men, and I have one at the moment who is very very attentive tactile and sex on a stick I do not find my married lovers to be selfish at all. Just as me as a married woman , enjoys myself with married men in a way I never could with my husband so its horses for courses.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I like to please my partner, nothing I love more than to see her wiggle n squirm in bliss from my efforts. In regards to other people I'm a giver not a taker and that nature will pass on to other sexual partners, but I probably will be more selfish than what I would be with my partner- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
We used to have a great sex life, and I love seeing the women getting off on what your doing to her, for me that's more powerful than my own sensations, although I enjoy those too of course :)Having been rejected by my wife emotionally and sexually , the chance to give pleasure and be appreciated and desired by a woman is very rewarding and validating. I love giving oral sex, love slow sensual sex and fucking too.To the poster about why am I still with her, we are separated but living in same house for the kids until they get to uni next year. Life ain't always simple.Happy to try my skills on any woman who wants to be spoilt ;)
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Mr_MrsAraps
12 years ago
FL yes as a guy there is nothing I love more when going down on a woman to see and feel her reactions. The moans, the grinding hips, hmmmm. The big attraction for me is knowing what I am doing makes her feel so gooood. On the married side of things I think I can safely say for any guy that has been through the whole loss of intamacy and advances being constantly rejected by a partner.... Once you have had a drought happen to you, its amazing how you value so much more a women who simply appreciates you wanting to please her. It's a powerful thing - Posted from rhpmobile
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xFunlovingx
12 years ago
Quoting 'Araps'FL yes as a guy there is nothing I love more when going down on a woman to see and feel her reactions. The moans, the grinding hips, hmmmm. The big attraction for me is knowing what I am doing makes her feel so gooood. On the married side of things I think I can safely say for any guy that has been through the whole loss of intamacy and advances being constantly rejected by a partner.... Once you have had a drought happen to you, its amazing how you value so much more a women who simply appreciates you wanting to please her. It's a powerful thing You got it in one! Good post! xFunlovingx
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inspirit
12 years ago
It has certainly opened my eyes.... Hope fully we will see some more. I will post later a twist as to how your honesty has helped me reflect.
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RHP User
12 years ago
In a word no! Mutual satisfaction would be my aim. I hope that any partner of mine gets as much or more out of any encounter with me as I do (not just sexually). I'm not here looking to fulfill any lacking need.
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xFunlovingx
12 years ago
Quoting 'Deviousbassman36' In a word no! Mutual satisfaction would be my aim. I hope that any partner of mine gets as much or more out of any encounter with me as I do (not just sexually). I'm not here looking to fulfill any lacking need. Open marriages and or relationships are different to being married and not gettng any at home anymore! You have someone to go home to that loves your sexual advances and loves your sex life together...Alot of guys aren't as lucky as you are! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
12 years ago
On either of my long term relationships, that's not to say that the thought didnt cross my mind. Coming from a relationship where intimacy was a distant memory I can understand the reasons but I never put myself in the situation where temptation could have become more. Out of respect for my ex I just couldn't do it to her. I don't think we would have the amicable split we do now if cheating had of played a part.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'm one of the lucky ones that has a wonderful wife that lets me eat her...and eat her...and eat her...lol granted I have to let her sleep eventually, so there is the little voice saying I wasn't done... I want to keep making you squirm...
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RHP User
12 years ago
It's good to know I am part of a group that loves to make a woman feel that special :) The love we do not receive at home seems to build into our tongues, fingers and arms and gets let out with someone who wants to be with us. I believe these ladies are very wise in knowing what us married men are capable of and over the last 8 months, I have built up so much confidence in what I can do with my tongue. To know a woman is thriving in ecstasy while I use my tongue and fingers and hold her tightly gets me off.....big time. I am in full control and when I look up and see their eyes rolling back makes me feel fantastic. And there is nothing better than when a lady looks at you and says how good it was, usually after they calm down. I know some people look down on married men playing but it's not for anyone else to judge us on what we do, it's our choice, no one is home wrecking, we are humans too. Thank you for having this thread, it makes me feel a little better.
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RHP User
12 years ago
this applies not just to opening a door upon entry/exit, etc. but for this married man it extends also to the bedroom. and for selfish? not I.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think that's very true, my old relationship was empty sexually and all I wanted to do like said above was enjoy seeing her melt.. the way I see it is im a man, im gonna get off regaurdess so why not try n make it something amazing for her n really push her buttons
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RHP User
12 years ago
so....when a maried guy approaches us...its for 'noble' reasons? he has a 'gift' he'd like to share with us? lol.....thats a gift we most certainly dont want, not for any reason...
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luvsilver
12 years ago
Married man here girls!! Mr Luvsilver
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RHP User
12 years ago
hi all I get more pleasure and enjoy ment from sattisfying a woman it what eva way it takes to get her into a state of loosing total control the look on her face and the body language is better than my orgasim.
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RHP User
12 years ago
you know me from our conversations... all i want is to please... no matter what it is the woman wants... from normal to extreme, if its HER turn on, i will do it.. no limits...... did that desire stem from being with my wife for 15 years? perhaps it it.... and only right this very moment do i ponder that.i am 31, been with her since 17.... we love each other, are happy, have 3 children who are my world... we have sex, we explore, we try new things......... but nothing can compare to that first time you meet with someone else... you can "FEEL" there excitement.... they look at me with pure lust which happens to everyone when you first meet a stranger for sex... the nervous feelings, the passion, the desire, the lust, the fantasy coming to life.... that thrill cannot compare... my desire to do anything that other person wants.... my total devotion to please them as you "feel" them respond to, the feeling you get when a woman has passed all limits of pleasure and it has become pure mind blowing.... its enough to send me insane with lust for them.. the hornier they are, the more they can have from me... i would not cap there pleasure due to "limits" i would go all the way and do anything they have ever wanted sexually.... that overpowering feeling of having a woman want you, need you at that moment... what man can resist!.... yes, i have a happy family life.... but maybe, if i wasnt getting that occasional pure sex goddess mind blowing sex as above, my desire to feel that could make couples split... how many marriages end due to either the husband or wife needing the desire to be wanted.... my wife has total freedom to fuck anyone else she wants.. she has had some 3sums, but says i fulfill everything she needs/wants.... but that doesnt include the pure lust in the eyes i get from other women... its that PURE LUST IN THE EYES that makes it mind blowing... the mental connection it creates makes even the most mundane vanilla sex mind blowing! i might get some haters from this post, but the world will keep spinning.
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xFunlovingx
12 years ago
Quoting 'xFunlovingx' Quoting 'Deviousbassman36' In a word no! Mutual satisfaction would be my aim. I hope that any partner of mine gets as much or more out of any encounter with me as I do (not just sexually). I'm not here looking to fulfill any lacking need. Open marriages and or relationships are different to being married and not gettng any at home anymore! You have someone to go home to that loves your sexual advances and loves your sex life together...Alot of guys aren't as lucky as you are! xFunlovingx How did that come up with your Quote? I was replying to ShyCouple's post! Weird!!! Quoting 'shycouple72'I'm one of the lucky ones that has a wonderful wife that lets me eat her...and eat her...and eat her... lol granted I have to let her sleep eventually, so there is the little voice saying I wasn't done... I want to keep making you squirm... See my answer above ShyCouple xFunlovingx
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xFunlovingx
12 years ago
I just knew the "high and mighty" would post on this...they just can't help themselves as the OP made it clear what answers she was after! But noooooooooooo they still have to come on to judge and go off topic! . I have had married/attached men tell me how great it is to actually feel wanted and sexually attractive again! They doubt themselves when their wives/partner won't let them touch them anymore and feel it is something they are doing wrong! Newbreak people...married men are still sexual beings as well! . To the married/attached men that get judged on here...I wouldn't worry about them...they have not been in your shoes and have no idea...their judgements should not affect you at all ... and actually this goes for married women too! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
12 years ago
This is a subject I have completely done a backflip on It is with great interest Ive read what these brave posters have written and I find I am empathising. There is someone close to me who is currently experiencing this situation and it saddens me....I have to say after reading on here and elsehwhere....and from discussions with both sexes, both partnered and single...Im nowhere near as black and white on the subject as I once was - I actually kinda of believe now that I may be wrong in my continual stance........ Its a subject of which I have definitely changed my view.....thanks to all you guys for sharing..
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thanks for the question Inspirit and nice to see a forum topic which tends to be controversial in these here parts, being discussed rationally and without any judgemental opinion.My profile description kind of dove tails into this thread a bit. I love to tease and please women. Nothing gets me hotter than seeing a woman so focused and involved in her own pleasure. It is beautiful to witness and even better to be part of it. I love taking the time to find out those spots on a woman's body that sends them up a level or two in arousal. I have always enjoyed this aspect of sex and following my first MFM 3-sum recently it only confirmed that it is exactly this which floats my boat. Watching this lady being teased by her husband initially and then being invited to touch her and watching her get more and more aroused as another mouth and pair of hands starts exploring her body. After about 45 mins to an hour of us the two of us teasing, nibbling, rubbing, licking, sucking all over her body, she was wriggling, writhing her hips and speaking but wasn't make much sense, almost like a foreign language. Awesome. That's not to say I am a saint and forgo my own pleasure. I am greedy but I am patient as well and enjoy the trip as much as the getting to the end destination. Hence the reason why I am on this site....but I am also married and yes I am a greedy bastard but in the nicest possible way ha ha .I love my wife. I love pleasing and teasing her so that she is so lost in her pleasure she until she is practically trembling and pretty much abandons all thought of anything else. She jokingly complains now that I am incapable of a quickie because I spend so much time seeing that she is good and satisfied before I dive in for my share and no complaints there because she pays me back in spades. I would like to share her with another (male or female) to watch her lost in her own pleasure. Talk of it gets her hot but she is not yet sure that is what she really wants but I hope one day she might. Still fun with us both fantasising about itI am always up front early to ensure people I am talking with know I am married but I guess I prefer the 3-sum thing as it reduces the chances of less emotional attachment for all concerned. Not to say I haven't met a couple of lovely single ladies who are in a good head space and understand the situation for what it is and they are quickly becoming good friends even though it is difficult to meet a lot of the time for some fun play time.I may have got a bit off topic and longer than I intended but I just want to be understood I guess....don't we all??
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Goldenage
12 years ago
When I was in a relationship it was always about her pleasure, getting her off with my tongue and fingers....even toys.Even now I get off more on her getting off, no matter who she is, it's all part of the fun in my opinion.I'll work on my partner for hours if need be just to see and hear her cum
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Twisted_Mister
12 years ago
Yet again, you've hit the nail on the head. Squarely, and with force. I have no issues whatever, as a married man, in saying that playing together and apart has saved my marriage/our marriage, no doubt about it. It has drawn us closer together than I would have ever believed. And as some of the other guys have said, going down on another woman and just watching her reaction when she cums is nothing short of the greatest mid-blowing aphrodisiac ever - and I mean EVER. And it validates you as a lover and a husband in your own eyes. It's natural for a bit of self-doubt to creep in every now and then, especially when things get a bit routine at home. Playing this way has made our sex life immeasurably better, and I refuse to be judged by the Morals Police for the way we live our lives together. 'Nuff said, I reckon.
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RHP User
12 years ago
we are happily married but find is stimulates our realationship having and sattisfying others in different ways to what we are used too. its not always that its not happening at home but the sparks it creates in our relationship. we can understand that some people belive this is cheating but in all honesty there is a lot more trust involved in an open relationship than one where a party feels the need to stray to find the self gratification that they need. if more people wernt so narrow minded and talked about their wants and desires and accepted that their partners may need something that they are not able to give and alow them some leeway to achieve that and stick to any rules agreed on i think you would find less straying and more loving!!! bundy couple
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RHP User
12 years ago
As a married man i love nothing better than to make a girl happy Several times i have been with a women and only ever used my tounge and fingers for her pleasure /and i am more than satisfied with just doing that
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RHP User
12 years ago
xfunloving,I too have spoken to many married men about this and what many fail to understand that is that marriages are being saved,not ripped apart by the partner who is constantly rejected seeking intimacy elsewhere. People are often mismatched sexually,for many different reasons. I have been in the shoes of the married person whose partner is not interested in having sex with them ,I wish I had left years earlier than I did . What most people fail to understand is that constant rejection is absolutely soul destroying ,and erodes at one's self esteem and confidence as a sexual being.I am not really sure that I have ever recovered from this experience even though it was so many years ago.A fact that is hard for me to admit to,soooo I thank my married lovers who love to give me pleasure and enjoy me for being me.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Love married men :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
I came from a marriage to a man that had not kissed me in over ten years. I never strayed so I just missed out on the affection that I deeply craved. Sex was great for the first few years and then next to nothing for many years after that. I was married for 16 years. I tried and I am an affectionate person. His idea of sex when it did happen was lying on his back hardly moving while I did all the work on top. He wasn't cheating on me. He just had no sex drive and still has none as he tells me and I left him over a year ago now. He openly states that he is not interested in relationships with anyone and doesnt care if he stays single and doesnt have sex ever again. He says he is happy just to wank. That's not a reflection on me either. I love sex and get no complaints from others since my marriage ended. I truly beleive its something physical and psychological with him and also part learned from growing up in a household where his parents slept in sepparate rooms and probably hadnt fucked in over 40 years. They never touched and never exchanged those loving glances as my parents did. So for those of you that stay in those loveless marriages all I can say is god help your kids and the example you are giving to them. They should see healthy interaction between parents. Stop the cycle and get out. I put myself on another adult site after leaving my ex. I met Mr Wefuk on that site I was litterally legless from all of his giving. So much so that my legs actually went out from under me when I went to walk after it . Prior to meeting him I met with and played with a couple of men, a woman and couple. The single men and the woman spent far more time going down on me than the married man. So I beg to differ on the general consensus of this forum. My experience has been opposite to those of others. Mr Wefuk is extremely giving and has never been married, so giving and oral is not just a married man thing. I beleive people are either givers or takers and it doesn't have anything to do with being married or single. Perhaps for others maybe more are married because a giver is a keeper compared to the selfish taker. I know I will be keeping Mr Wefuk. He loves going down on me and I love doing same to him. I am so greatful for what I have found. He has woken something up in me that I thought was lost and I will always make him feel special for that. He says it's about the giving to me for him because he receives in return through what he sees and what I do for him afterwards.
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inspirit
12 years ago
I thank each and every one of you for your honest posts. I am glad for some of you it has also helped to finally voice your feelings not actions!! For me, it has opened my mind as to WHY married men seek pleasure else where. I am certainly more wiser and have changed my views on infidelity. We are talking about feelings and emotions not just "the Act". I like to understand behaviours and this forum has certainly helped me to understand the behavior of a married man and "WHY"As for the moral police ..... thank you as well as it just confirms how small minded I was as well on the topic!
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RHP User
12 years ago
I love going down and I'm not married I'm always eager to please- Posted from rhpmobile
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inspirit
12 years ago
What i am about to post is honesty and a sense of remorseness. I generally do not post to much about my personal life in forums. So here goes.....I was married for some 18 years. One of the causes of my marriage breakdown was his infidelity. However it happened some 6 years before I finally decided to leave as I could not regain my respect, trust and unconditional love for my husband..... he was unhappy and so was I. Yes it took some time, I am well aware of that. You, however were not in my shoes with other prevailing circumstances. (before any one passes judgement)This forum has helped me understand his infidelity better. I do not condone his behavior though I now understand it better and the road to forgiveness has finally come to an end as I also take part ownership in it as well! Was he seeking closeness/intimacy in a another woman... YES... He worked O/S on a 12/3 (week) roster. When he was home "was he getting it from me". Not entirely as I also resented him to a point. He chased his career and did not have to deal with the every day pressures of life at home. Even when he was home he was not very hands on, which I understand as he was exhausted and quality time with our children/families with no stress was important.As I look back and reflect.. I was jealous and instead of discussing this with him, I withdrew (to punish him) and in doing so was detrimental to our relationship. Freya... Thank you for your post! I know i have cause an element of damage to my ex as well. Unfortunately he is unaware of the damage he caused me. Only oneday I hope he becomes aware and forgives himself and me. xxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'xFunlovingx' I just knew the "high and mighty" would post on this...they just can't help themselves as the OP made it clear what answers she was after! But noooooooooooo they still have to come on to judge and go off topic! . I have had married/attached men tell me how great it is to actually feel wanted and sexually attractive again! They doubt themselves when their wives/partner won't let them touch them anymore and feel it is something they are doing wrong! Newbreak people...married men are still sexual beings as well! . To the married/attached men that get judged on here...I wouldn't worry about them...they have not been in your shoes and have no idea...their judgements should not affect you at all ... and actually this goes for married women too! xFunlovingx And I am a married woman, yet nobody takes shots at me , its very unfair for men. I am very fond of my married lovers, but there is a big gap between an affair and sex only. Nobody wants to stuff up anothers home life. the High and mighty dont seem to get this difference at all. I am NOT having an affair I am having a good time with married lovers, and they with me. I do not ask too may questions we live in the now when I am having sex and I leave it in the now. Married men, line up here...............>
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Mr_MrsAraps
12 years ago
Quoting 'Freya77' xfunloving,I too have spoken to many married men about this and what many fail to understand that is that marriages are being saved,not ripped apart by the partner who is constantly rejected seeking intimacy elsewhere. People are often mismatched sexually,for many different reasons. I have been in the shoes of the married person whose partner is not interested in having sex with them ,I wish I had left years earlier than I did . What most people fail to understand is that constant rejection is absolutely soul destroying ,and erodes at one's self esteem and confidence as a sexual being. I used to be black and white about it but over time have come to understand that there are always two sides to every story and as you mentioned Freya, constant rejection coupled with unwillingness to communicate in any honest fashion can be soul destroying
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RHP User
12 years ago
Not necessarily, but that is certainly part of it. Obviously if they won't have anything to do with you sexually, or the only time they are interested in affection is when something has upset them and they need comforting then there is no other way you will get to.Not much better than a back arched, flushed, sweating woman after extended oral attention.Sure, you could break up, but what of neither of you wants to. If you are more mature than some screaming teenage-level bad movie of the week deal? A house, pets, car, children, business or whatever that would be a lot of hassles.Again, in a lot of cases the woman will have done it first. And if both are aware that both are aware of this fact? Should the guy in this case throw her out? Given than even now, the chance that he is paying the bills is somewhat higher. Could still be friends, someone might have an illness, cancer, heart condition, whatever.Even for the thick-skinned and easygoing being told you like terrible (especially if utterly ridiculous, and for your age, or from someone obviously out of shape) or to go away can get hard to take every so often. So having someone enthusiastically disagreeing can be good for them psychologically.Given some of those possibilities, if one spouse goes off to be with a lover is it realistic to expect the other to be 100% celibate forever?Was talking to someone the other day who said her last two boyfriends wouldn't go down on her. Crazy people, those! If that is all someone wants as a casual thing occasionally and both people are happy to be naked and agreeable seems perfectly fine to me.It isn't like experienced married people are in the super-desperate to be relieved of their virginity or similar such scenarios.
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RHP User
12 years ago
If I have ever been in out with mates, I dont introduce myself as married, if it comes up later thats fine. I find you get pigeon holed very quickly and people dont get to know the real you because its like your covered in some married disease.........yes we are humans!!!There has been some very interesting topics raised here and its good for people to read through them. Some married men do feel like they are trapped and may never have good sex again, no, once a month and a quicky does not do it for us and then made to feel guilty because she let you have it.....FUCK OFF!!!I actually shut my sexual side down years ago thinking this was it, I dont know what triggered all this off again but I am glad it did. I found a new more confident self, someone who can please, be great company and really enjoy the sensual touch of others.The judgemental people on here might be thinking, did you give your wife a chance??? Fuck yes I did, 12 years of trying to please her, trying to make her happy, back rubs, foot massages, cuddles. kisses, doing the washing, breakfasts in bed, looking after the kids so she could have time away from them, letting her go to the movies with friends, taking her to the movies, supporting her in everything she does. After all that, I gave up, sorry if that sounds weak but I could only do so much and I realised that I needed to give the kids time as well.I guess in all that, let he without sin cast the first stone.We dont judge others, please dont judge us.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit'What i am about to post is honesty and a sense of remorseness. I generally do not post to much about my personal life in forums. So here goes.....I was married for some 18 years. One of the causes of my marriage breakdown was his infidelity. However it happened some 6 years before I finally decided to leave as I could not regain my respect, trust and unconditional love for my husband..... he was unhappy and so was I. Yes it took some time, I am well aware of that. You, however were not in my shoes with other prevailing circumstances. (before any one passes judgement)This forum has helped me understand his infidelity better. I do not condone his behavior though I now understand it better and the road to forgiveness has finally come to an end as I also take part ownership in it as well! Was he seeking closeness/intimacy in a another woman... YES... He worked O/S on a 12/3 (week) roster. When he was home "was he getting it from me". Not entirely as I also resented him to a point. He chased his career and did not have to deal with the every day pressures of life at home. Even when he was home he was not very hands on, which I understand as he was exhausted and quality time with our children/families with no stress was important.As I look back and reflect.. I was jealous and instead of discussing this with him, I withdrew (to punish him) and in doing so was detrimental to our relationship. Freya... Thank you for your post! I know i have cause an element of damage to my ex as well. Unfortunately he is unaware of the damage he caused me. Only oneday I hope he becomes aware and forgives himself and me. xxxThanks for sharing..and like I said..Ive changed my mind on quite a few things.........and that is a good thing...thanks for a such interesting forum...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Yes, it's always fun to please a woman but it can be more than that. Sometimes something, anything different is good and I think can enhance and make your marriage stronger. If you're out enjoying yourself occasionally then surely you are just generally in a better mood and a happier person. As long as the wife isn't being neglected I think it's fine.
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nortyornice
12 years ago
Love eating in lmao nothing better than a women cuming sorry 4being so blunt - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I don't know. I have been with both married and single men and have only been disappointed once (by a single guy) I am always left satisfied and usually spent Mrs B
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SEXUALLIASON
12 years ago
I was married and separated now but I not long ago spent over two hours pleasing the female I was with that evening. I will never forget after she came a few times she said now its my turn to which she wanted to perform oral because she felt I'd go hone frustrated. She actually said "your turn" which I replied the pleasure I received just from doing the things I did to you and hearing and seeing you enjoy was plenty. This was such a shock to her that she cried and said "I've never had a man want to please me to the extent I was and many before had made it about themselves and never worried if she had or not. I found this absolutely odd . I would want to make my partner climax as much as I could and sadly for her not once did someone say lets make it about her. I still to this day treat her the same way and believe me it's the sexiest thing watching that back arch as she orgasm because of me. This is prior to intercourse. So I'm on the side of married men do take more steps to please their partner.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
im a single dude and its all about the woman... the more she gets the more i get in return!
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RHP User
12 years ago
There are many reasons people do what they do. Many ways of dealing with things. Taking accountability for one's own behaviour includes not blaming anyone else. I've seen women cop it on here as much as men. Too many generalities. I've had plenty of experience from all sides of the equation and still held myself accountable for my actions when I was acting in a way I knew was amoral rather than blaming my partner. The way I behaved at any time was never their fault. Can't say I've ever headr anyone admit as much on here. Lol at the whitewash that people cheat not because they are selfish but because they are unselfish. The fact is if they are not getting what they want at home and are going out to get it elsewhere that does not make it any the less selfish. Speaking as someone who knows I was being selfish and I take responsibility for that. Hope it's okay if I have a dissenting opinion but I'm sure I'll be labled as moral police as well. God knows, it wasn't because I was selfish but because I wasn't getting what I wanted at home and needed to give it to someone else to feel better about that. LOL!
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RHP User
12 years ago
who wasn't getting the male arse he wanted from me, so he had to go and fuck male arse behind my back because he was being unselfish. Doubt he used condoms either but that's not to be considered selfish I'm sure. Lol at the guy whose fiance was away, so he had to lie to me about being attached so I'd cheat with him, nothing selfish about that. Hmmm, I suppose he could have decided his fiance wasn't a suitable match for him and moved on honestly to find someome who was a better match rather than have her find out about me when she got back which put her and me in terrible situations. Nothing selfish about that. Lol at the friend of ours who was also engaged but would chat up girls whenever we went out together not for any reason other than to have another conquest. Oh yes, that's the same guy that instead of paying our rent, went out and gambled it away. There we were explaing to our house owners that we had paid it! Lol that the idiot laughed about it withus one day forgetting it was us he'd ripped off. Nothing selfish going on there. Lol at the woman friend I had who cheated on her fifo hubby taking a man into their house and putting him up at a hotel while hubby was ome, all on hubby's money of course. Nothing selfish about that. Lol that she sold us a car and then stole it back because we were trusting enough not to get on with the paperwork as we should have. Nothing selfish about that. Lol that there are too many examples in my experience of selfish people who failed their partners and other people because they were selfish. Yeah sorry, I cheated because I was selfish and I don't need anyone encouraging me to believe I was anything but selfish. I had other choices I could have made and that's what I did in the end, not out of respect for him, but out of respect for myself. I've never been happier than with my partner of over 25 years who I've never once been tempted to cheat on. Adieu.
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inspirit
12 years ago
I am not going to judge right or wrong on here or who is selfish and who is not. The forum is not about blame. It is about understanding. I do hope you fell better after your vent.
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RHP User
12 years ago
no comment on my post?
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RHP User
12 years ago
First up I want to "THANK" each and everyone one of you for sharing your thoughts and feelings...very brave of you. I just want to say, after reading many posts here I am worried a little... I read a lot of married people who seek others outside their marriage appear to be "Givers" and love pleasing the woman, love going down on her, its all her.. The bit that worries me is when do YOU guys get pleasured?? IF I were to be with a married man I would want to please him as much as he pleasures me..if I couldn't I would feel that's there's something wrong- feel guilty, feel it was all one sided. I as a single woman don't think I would like it, if it were all about me, just pleasing me-all about me. I adore pleasing the man I am with- love pleasing them as much as they please me....Call me whatever but I see Its about people being intimate not just one sided...that's the bit I need to understand more on this topic of married men. Foxy Inspirit loved your BRAVE post..
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have never had a lover where its all about just "ME"...wanting to just please me..just me me me..wanting that pleasure there and getting off with that... How does one cope with that, when I am a giver too- get off pleasing and pleasing partner.... I think some men here would think that too as they don't get that intimacy of feeling wanted or pleasure in their marriages...Don't you guys miss or want that? Foxy
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RHP User
12 years ago
Love to look into her eyes as wave after wave if pleasure flows through her body. This is living Simple really an experienced man knows that to honour her will create an experience that transcends all and everything. Yours. The Lion. Xxxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'm married, and I do have my reasons for being here! My wife is in interested in sex in any form... And is not often at home anyway!... I do love to see my kids every day tho!... Please don't judge me unfairly. Now, back On the topic, I do get satisfaction from pleasing a woman and I love to make them cum with my tongue, or my hands, my tool or a combination of techniques! My lovers needs are important to me too! This includes their feelings and emotions too! I am not selfish and I do know what it's like being with a selfish lover!... And it's not good for anyone. Not all men are selfish, as not all woman are selfish, not all marriages are perfect, and not all married but looking people are the bad egg!... Many good people are in bad situations (through no fault of their own!) I think sex is beautiful, and something that should be valued by both participants. I believe intimacy and respect are important. Kink, role play, fetishes and experimentation are important in keeping a relationship healthy too! I'd love to find a local playmate who thinks so too! Lol 8)
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RHP User
12 years ago
That should have read, she is not interested in sex (the wife)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit' I am not going to judge right or wrong on here or who is selfish and who is not. The forum is not about blame. It is about understanding. I do hope you fell better after your vent. You talk about understanding as if understanding why makes it OK to cheat on those you are supposed to be loyal to. That's fucked up. If it's broken get a new one. How sad it is that people cling to empty lives because of material posessions like a mortgage etc. That devalues people. There is no understanding that justifies children seeing fucked up relationships and lack of love in a household. I am guilty of hanging on too long so I can't be accused of not understanding why people stray. I can only say that now that I am out I am happy that my 11 year old daughter will now see that she is supposed to live a happy life with love and affection in it and never to accept anything less. She would rather see mum and dad live sepparate lives and be happy than be together and fucked up. I could have cheated but didn't, I could have lied and deceived and added to the tragedy of my marriage feeling oh so justified in my actions for lack of affections in my home. Life is about choices people and you are choosing what you do and having no regard for the children in your life if you have them. No children then do whatever you like but consider what you are doing to another human being (your partner). Happy trails people. Think about others for once and how you are affecting your children. Stop trying to understand it. It is what it is and it's selfish, dishonest and disloyal if your family and partner would disagree with it. Call me moral police, I don't care. Unless you are in an open relationship you have no right to shit on those you should be loyal to. Understand this - Is a stupid thing to ask because it's obvious why people cheat. No affection, no love and no touch can make people reach out but it doesnt make it right. It's kind of a suck eggs discussion here. I think we all know why. As I have said before - When the touch goes out of a relationship the relationship is dead and the emotional implications are hard to deal with for most people. Move on and find another one. That mortgage and that car and that boat are not more important than you or the people in your family and if you cling to those things at the expense of the ones you love then that is truly a sad thing. Yes it's a pain in the butt sorting it all out as I have done and you may well end up less financial as I have done. But you will survive, life will go on and you will be a better person for it. Who knows you might even find the love of your life like I have, but that wont happen if you cling to the shitty one you have. What you will achieve will give you more satisfaction after the initial hurt than you realise. Break the cycle for your kids sake. It takes a much bigger person to confront issues and sort them than it does one who hides behind excuses, lies, betrayal and understanding etc etc. I speak my mind as you can clearly see and I don't really care if some of you decide never to have anything to do with someone like me. I'm honest, I'm loyal, dependable and make a great trustworthy friend. I wouldn't want to play with someone that finds justification or understanding in cheating as they are not honest people and I value honesty and loyalty. Dishonest people do not make trustworthy friends because they are capable of lies and deception. Life is way too short. Go out and get the happy life you deserve and don't do it at the expense of others.
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inspirit
12 years ago
though I am not going to get into a right or wrong arguement here. I respect your views on the current controversial topic. Regardless of why people do what they do my aim on this topic was not about judgements! It is simply about WHY. Putting all judgements aside and simply understanding ONE aspect of infidelity.
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inspirit
12 years ago
Quoting 'SuperFox' I have never had a lover where its all about just "ME"...wanting to just please me..just me me me..wanting that pleasure there and getting off with that... How does one cope with that, when I am a giver too- get off pleasing and pleasing partner.... I think some men here would think that too as they don't get that intimacy of feeling wanted or pleasure in their marriages...Don't you guys miss or want that? Foxy There pleasure is seeing/feeling you are pleased. That is their Nirvana. It is kinda like when you give a child a lollipop and the joy of seeing them happy is your joy. There are no words to explain it really. (Maybe a wrong example)
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inspirit
12 years ago
damn grammar police will get me now.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit' though I am not going to get into a right or wrong arguement here. I respect your views on the current controversial topic. Regardless of why people do what they do my aim on this topic was not about judgements! It is simply about WHY. Putting all judgements aside and simply understanding ONE aspect of infidelity. I dont know you but just by looking at your pic I am guessing that you are an intelligent woman. Do you really have to ask Why. It's obvious. I ask you why you want to know why? Is it to gain better understanding so you can accept the behaviour or is it that I have misjudged you and you were unable to see the obvious. How a normal decent person could accept deceit and betrayal IDK. Wrong is wrong no matter how you look at it.
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RHP User
12 years ago
BTW it has nothing to do with being married. People are either givers or takers.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Married or partnered Men, women or TG ppl are great.... tend to cut to the chase and want to please... and If they are duds...next !! lol. PS..I notice there is a lot of talk re oral sex, which makes it aural sex doesn't it .... just get down there boy,man,girl,woman,TS,TV and go for it....less talk and more action..
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'wefukugood' Quoting 'inspirit' though I am not going to get into a right or wrong arguement here. I respect your views on the current controversial topic. Regardless of why people do what they do my aim on this topic was not about judgements! It is simply about WHY. Putting all judgements aside and simply understanding ONE aspect of infidelity. I dont know you but just by looking at your pic I am guessing that you are an intelligent woman. Do you really have to ask Why. It's obvious. I ask you why you want to know why? Is it to gain better understanding so you can accept the behaviour or is it that I have misjudged you and you were unable to see the obvious. How a normal decent person could accept deceit and betrayal IDK. Wrong is wrong no matter how you look at it.The OP is simply seeking information from others..she is not saying it is right nor wrong but for her, it is more of an understanding...I get what she is seeking - it's the same for me and taking a guess for others as well...she wants to be "educated" not judgmental towards cheating... I think you guys are being very Judgmental towards the OP because of your own views..The OP is not making excuses or seeking justification for peoples behaviors.Maybe if we tend to remove Rose-colored glasses we tend to view things a little different...It's called being open-minded to other peoples points of views not judging people.....All people do have rights including yourselves...Being a newbie for me I used to be so "closed-minded" to people seeking intimacy outside their marriages..I was so dam against it...since being here on RHP my mind has been educated in more ways than one...I now see that married men do seek it and it is OK...I get how it has saved marriages..there can be good there...it is not all about Lies and Deceit...My mind is now so open as I have seeked questions and talked to people....liked talked to them...There is no right or wrong answer as each person seeks different things - some married men seek different things...so what, WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE???...There is no such thing as a PERFECT PERSON or PERFECT RELATIONSHIP.FOXY
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit' Quoting 'SuperFox' I have never had a lover where its all about just "ME"...wanting to just please me..just me me me..wanting that pleasure there and getting off with that... How does one cope with that, when I am a giver too- get off pleasing and pleasing partner.... I think some men here would think that too as they don't get that intimacy of feeling wanted or pleasure in their marriages...Don't you guys miss or want that? Foxy There pleasure is seeing/feeling you are pleased. That is their Nirvana. It is kinda like when you give a child a lollipop and the joy of seeing them happy is your joy. There are no words to explain it really. (Maybe a wrong example) I get it - in a lollypop good way......Thank-you. :)Foxy
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inspirit
12 years ago
Perhaps I am not so intelligent but more so knowledgeable.I want to know "WHY" because I am only focusing on the reason behind the behavior on a deeper level of understanding human nature. In this instance, I am not interested in the cause and effect. We all have own "judgements" on such. I understand where you are coming from, though this topic is not about blame. It is clearly about understanding. Perhaps you can not understand where I am coming from so I have there fore I failed to express more clearly for you. I do not have to accept anyone's behavior however I can be the better person and understand it. Call it empathy if you like.
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RHP User
12 years ago
the dilemma for many men...and women...in the situation where there is no longer any sex or physical intimacy within their marriage, is that they still love their wives,and are loyal to their families. To blithely say that everyone will be better off is clearly ridiculous.More harm than good often come from such disruption,it doesn't just affect the two people in the marriage but their extended families as well.And yes I know for some it has been an excellent result,but for many that is just not the case. Every individual situation is just that,individual,Many people would and I am sure do, judge me for being a self confessed cheater and a scarlet woman who enables others to have sex and intimacy outside of their marriage. While I support your right to hold this view,it is also an indicator to me of the narrowness of your mind.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'SuperFox' Quoting 'wefukugood' Quoting 'inspirit' though I am not going to get into a right or wrong arguement here. I respect your views on the current controversial topic. Regardless of why people do what they do my aim on this topic was not about judgements! It is simply about WHY. Putting all judgements aside and simply understanding ONE aspect of infidelity. I dont know you but just by looking at your pic I am guessing that you are an intelligent woman. Do you really have to ask Why. It's obvious. I ask you why you want to know why? Is it to gain better understanding so you can accept the behaviour or is it that I have misjudged you and you were unable to see the obvious. How a normal decent person could accept deceit and betrayal IDK. Wrong is wrong no matter how you look at it.The OP is simply seeking information from others..she is not saying it is right nor wrong but for her, it is more of an understanding...I get what she is seeking - it's the same for me and taking a guess for others as well...she wants to be "educated" not judgmental towards cheating... I think you guys are being very Judgmental towards the OP because of your own views..The OP is not making excuses or seeking justification for peoples behaviors.Maybe if we tend to remove Rose-colored glasses we tend to view things a little different...It's called being open-minded to other peoples points of views not judging people.....All people do have rights including yourselves...Being a newbie for me I used to be so "closed-minded" to people seeking intimacy outside their marriages..I was so dam against it...since being here on RHP my mind has been educated in more ways than one...I now see that married men do seek it and it is OK...I get how it has saved marriages..there can be good there...it is not all about Lies and Deceit...My mind is now so open as I have seeked questions and talked to people....liked talked to them...There is no right or wrong answer as each person seeks different things - some married men seek different things...so what, WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE???...There is no such thing as a PERFECT PERSON or PERFECT RELATIONSHIP. FOXY Coming from someone that says "I now see that married men do seek and it's OK " I would expect that answer. I know that the OP is just collecting information so to speak. I know that she is not blaming or finding fault. However the tone of this forum that I am adverse to is that it brings all the amoral arseholes out of the woodwork justifying and explaining thier deceit and saying it's OK. Since when did being dishonest and betraying become OK. Only amongst those that indulge is my guess and I bet it makes them feel a whole lot better saying it's OK. I agree that there are sometimes valid reasons why some people stray for example the wife is sick and can not oblige the husbands desires any more. Best way to deal with that would be to discuss it with her so that she knows. I know that I would give permission if I could not satisfy the one I love anymore. Other than that it is what it is and that is CHEATING if they dont know what you are doing. I wonder what you would say if you were in a committed relationship and found out that your lover was fucking others without your knowledge. And if you say that it would not worry you then you are not being totally honest or are lacking in self worth. What sort of marriage are they saving - a sexless, no affection marriage where the hubby/wife sneaks around behind the unsuspecting partners back to pleasure thier own desires so that he/she is a little happier in that loveless home. That's not a marriage it's a farce and just a friendship or parenting partnership. Healthy couples fuck and make love with each other. It's the deceit that I object to. Live an honest life. There is a difference between seeking outside the marriage with and without a partner knowing. Without is cheating and never OK and if you accept that then you dont value yourself and see yourself as worthy of honesty. I am wishing you an open relationship for your future if you desire a partner as you just don't get true committment between two people where it would be a deal breaker to cheat and if you indulge in what you find OK and you get caught then you will loose someone your value or loose what you had. Some things are unforgivable and change people on a profound level and being cheated on is one of those things. Quoting 'inspirit'Perhaps I am not so intelligent but more so knowledgeable.I want to know "WHY" because I am only focusing on the reason behind the behavior on a deeper level of understanding human nature. In this instance, I am not interested in the cause and effect. We all have own "judgements" on such. I understand where you are coming from, though this topic is not about blame. It is clearly about understanding. Perhaps you can not understand where I am coming from so I have there fore I failed to express more clearly for you. I do not have to accept anyone's behavior however I can be the better person and understand it. Call it empathy if you like. I get your quest for knowledge but still say that the answers given were obvious as we are all wanting to be desired, needed, loved, understood, touched etc etc etc. Empathy for the situation is OK but not for the way it is sometimes dealt with. So still see no need to ask what is plain to see. The only thing this forum caused was empathy and acceptance by some, judgement by others and reasons and excuses for bad behaviour. Therefor I have the knowledge that you seek but disagree that it saves marriages. All it does is prolong and mask that which is missing and allows two people to still live together without fixing the issue that caused the cheating in the first place. How would these givers feel if they brought an STD into thier home. Betting that a condom is not always used with some. Still an unhealthy marriage by any standards. NO empathy here when it comes to deliberate dishonesty that when found out ruins lives. And deffinately no empathy for thier partners in crime, find your own giver and lay off that which does not belong to you. I have seen the devestation that this "GIVING TO OTHERS" other than your partner causes and the lives it shatters. Ask any marriage counsellor what the solution is and they will tell you to get counselling and sort it or leave it if it's broken and irrepairable. They will never tell you to go behind your partners back and seek that which is missing in your marriage. This all started because one post suggested that married men were more giving. How insulting to single men that is. Again I say that it has nothing to do with being married. It has everything to do with the type of person you are. Perhaps more are married because as givers they are more desirable and a 'good catch' so to speak. So by all means quench your thirst for knowledge but also be aware of what you may start and that you won't always get the answers you seek and maybe as an intelligent woman and knowledgable person you already know why - So why ask in the first place. And deffinately dont take my comments as personal against you as I aim my comments at the quiet acceptance of these "Giving married men" that is hidden behind understanding them with some of the people that have commented.
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Letsgetcrazy09
12 years ago
STAY ON TOPIC
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RHP User
12 years ago
Well said guys, you've hit the nail right on the head and the day we meet a guy who screws around behind his partners back just for the females pleasure is the day we'll meet a guy who's not interested in a quicki... Quoting 'wefukugood' Quoting 'inspirit' I am not going to judge right or wrong on here or who is selfish and who is not. The forum is not about blame. It is about understanding. I do hope you fell better after your vent. You talk about understanding as if understanding why makes it OK to cheat on those you are supposed to be loyal to. That's fucked up. If it's broken get a new one. How sad it is that people cling to empty lives because of material posessions like a mortgage etc. That devalues people. There is no understanding that justifies children seeing fucked up relationships and lack of love in a household. I am guilty of hanging on too long so I can't be accused of not understanding why people stray. I can only say that now that I am out I am happy that my 11 year old daughter will now see that she is supposed to live a happy life with love and affection in it and never to accept anything less. She would rather see mum and dad live sepparate lives and be happy than be together and fucked up. I could have cheated but didn't, I could have lied and deceived and added to the tragedy of my marriage feeling oh so justified in my actions for lack of affections in my home. Life is about choices people and you are choosing what you do and having no regard for the children in your life if you have them. No children then do whatever you like but consider what you are doing to another human being (your partner). Happy trails people. Think about others for once and how you are affecting your children. Stop trying to understand it. It is what it is and it's selfish, dishonest and disloyal if your family and partner would disagree with it. Call me moral police, I don't care. Unless you are in an open relationship you have no right to shit on those you should be loyal to. Understand this - Is a stupid thing to ask because it's obvious why people cheat. No affection, no love and no touch can make people reach out but it doesnt make it right. It's kind of a suck eggs discussion here. I think we all know why. As I have said before - When the touch goes out of a relationship the relationship is dead and the emotional implications are hard to deal with for most people. Move on and find another one. That mortgage and that car and that boat are not more important than you or the people in your family and if you cling to those things at the expense of the ones you love then that is truly a sad thing. Yes it's a pain in the butt sorting it all out as I have done and you may well end up less financial as I have done. But you will survive, life will go on and you will be a better person for it. Who knows you might even find the love of your life like I have, but that wont happen if you cling to the shitty one you have. What you will achieve will give you more satisfaction after the initial hurt than you realise. Break the cycle for your kids sake. It takes a much bigger person to confront issues and sort them than it does one who hides behind excuses, lies, betrayal and understanding etc etc. I speak my mind as you can clearly see and I don't really care if some of you decide never to have anything to do with someone like me. I'm honest, I'm loyal, dependable and make a great trustworthy friend. I wouldn't want to play with someone that finds justification or understanding in cheating as they are not honest people and I value honesty and loyalty. Dishonest people do not make trustworthy friends because they are capable of lies and deception. Life is way too short. Go out and get the happy life you deserve and don't do it at the expense of others.
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xFunlovingx
12 years ago
Quoting 'wefukugood' Quoting 'SuperFox' Quoting 'wefukugood' Quoting 'inspirit' though I am not going to get into a right or wrong arguement here. I respect your views on the current controversial topic. Regardless of why people do what they do my aim on this topic was not about judgements! It is simply about WHY. Putting all judgements aside and simply understanding ONE aspect of infidelity. I dont know you but just by looking at your pic I am guessing that you are an intelligent woman. Do you really have to ask Why. It's obvious. I ask you why you want to know why? Is it to gain better understanding so you can accept the behaviour or is it that I have misjudged you and you were unable to see the obvious. How a normal decent person could accept deceit and betrayal IDK. Wrong is wrong no matter how you look at it.The OP is simply seeking information from others..she is not saying it is right nor wrong but for her, it is more of an understanding...I get what she is seeking - it's the same for me and taking a guess for others as well...she wants to be "educated" not judgmental towards cheating... I think you guys are being very Judgmental towards the OP because of your own views..The OP is not making excuses or seeking justification for peoples behaviors.Maybe if we tend to remove Rose-colored glasses we tend to view things a little different...It's called being open-minded to other peoples points of views not judging people.....All people do have rights including yourselves...Being a newbie for me I used to be so "closed-minded" to people seeking intimacy outside their marriages..I was so dam against it...since being here on RHP my mind has been educated in more ways than one...I now see that married men do seek it and it is OK...I get how it has saved marriages..there can be good there...it is not all about Lies and Deceit...My mind is now so open as I have seeked questions and talked to people....liked talked to them...There is no right or wrong answer as each person seeks different things - some married men seek different things...so what, WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE???...There is no such thing as a PERFECT PERSON or PERFECT RELATIONSHIP. FOXYComing from someone that says "I now see that married men do seek and it's OK " I would expect that answer. I know that the OP is just collecting information so to speak. I know that she is not blaming or finding fault. However the tone of this forum that I am adverse to is that it brings all the amoral arseholes out of the woodwork justifying and explaining thier deceit and saying it's OK. Since when did being dishonest and betraying become OK. Only amongst those that indulge is my guess and I bet it makes them feel a whole lot better saying it's OK. I agree that there are sometimes valid reasons why some people stray for example the wife is sick and can not oblige the husbands desires any more. Best way to deal with that would be to discuss it with her so that she knows. I know that I would give permission if I could not satisfy the one I love anymore. Other than that it is what it is and that is CHEATING if they dont know what you are doing. I wonder what you would say if you were in a committed relationship and found out that your lover was fucking others without your knowledge. And if you say that it would not worry you then you are not being totally honest or are lacking in self worth. What sort of marriage are they saving - a sexless, no affection marriage where the hubby/wife sneaks around behind the unsuspecting partners back to pleasure thier own desires so that he/she is a little happier in that loveless home. That's not a marriage it's a farce and just a friendship or parenting partnership. Healthy couples fuck and make love with each other. It's the deceit that I object to. Live an honest life. There is a difference between seeking outside the marriage with and without a partner knowing. Without is cheating and never OK and if you accept that then you dont value yourself and see yourself as worthy of honesty. I am wishing you an open relationship for your future if you desire a partner as you just don't get true committment between two people where it would be a deal breaker to cheat and if you indulge in what you find OK and you get caught then you will loose someone your value or loose what you had. Some things are unforgivable and change people on a profound level and being cheated on is one of those things. Quoting 'inspirit'Perhaps I am not so intelligent but more so knowledgeable.I want to know "WHY" because I am only focusing on the reason behind the behavior on a deeper level of understanding human nature. In this instance, I am not interested in the cause and effect. We all have own "judgements" on such. I understand where you are coming from, though this topic is not about blame. It is clearly about understanding. Perhaps you can not understand where I am coming from so I have there fore I failed to express more clearly for you. I do not have to accept anyone's behavior however I can be the better person and understand it. Call it empathy if you like. I get your quest for knowledge but still say that the answers given were obvious as we are all wanting to be desired, needed, loved, understood, touched etc etc etc. Empathy for the situation is OK but not for the way it is sometimes dealt with. So still see no need to ask what is plain to see. The only thing this forum caused was empathy and acceptance by some, judgement by others and reasons and excuses for bad behaviour. Therefor I have the knowledge that you seek but disagree that it saves marriages. All it does is prolong and mask that which is missing and allows two people to still live together without fixing the issue that caused the cheating in the first place. How would these givers feel if they brought an STD into thier home. Betting that a condom is not always used with some. Still an unhealthy marriage by any standards. NO empathy here when it comes to deliberate dishonesty that when found out ruins lives. And deffinately no empathy for thier partners in crime, find your own giver and lay off that which does not belong to you. I have seen the devestation that this "GIVING TO OTHERS" other than your partner causes and the lives it shatters. Ask any marriage counsellor what the solution is and they will tell you to get counselling and sort it or leave it if it's broken and irrepairable. They will never tell you to go behind your partners back and seek that which is missing in your marriage. This all started because one post suggested that married men were more giving. How insulting to single men that is. Again I say that it has nothing to do with being married. It has everything to do with the type of person you are. Perhaps more are married because as givers they are more desirable and a 'good catch' so to speak. So by all means quench your thirst for knowledge but also be aware of what you may start and that you won't always get the answers you seek and maybe as an intelligent woman and knowledgable person you already know why - So why ask in the first place. And deffinately dont take my comments as personal against you as I aim my comments at the quiet acceptance of these "Giving married men" that is hidden behind understanding them with some of the people that have commented. TL:DR . Just read the first two sentences and knew you would be a person that isn't intelligent enough to stay on Topic! There are other Threads about cheaters...go there! We don't need a preacher thanks! Take your soap box elsewhere! I fuck married men...they fuck me and I fucken loveeeeeeeeeeee it!!!!! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'vipotato2' I think everyone is different with their reasons for looking outside their marriage. I absolutely get off on making a woman climax and going down on her is an amazing way of doing that. The fact that you're using your tongue skillfully then looking up and seeing her facial expression as she tenses up is quite an empowering feeling. Knowing that you brought someone to that level is just priceless and I just can't get enough of it. Now as far as looking outside the marriage, every situation is different. I can only comment on my own situation and say that I'm here because my wife and I have grown too far apart and there is NO intimacy at all. ...I fully get what vipotato2 is saying - am in a very similar position, except that my wife hit the dimmer switch during her menopause, and the off switch during/post a major illness and treatment. The thing is we still love eachother, BUT, there is no physical intimacy whatsoever. Been a handful of years now. I used to adore going down on her, she was very easy to please. Her sex drive was low to begin with. We met 12 years ago, married 10 yrs ago, she has grown up children, who have children of their own. I miss the simple big cuddles, nice and tight, the kisses, caresses. I am pushed away if she gets out of her comfort - almost platonic - zone. I miss just skin on skin, miss the intimacy. I've been online for a couple of years now, only met ladies for coffee, hasn't progressed beyond that. I am desperate to give my affection, tenderness, pleasuring, kissing, fingering, and whatever else a woman desires, and it doesn't necessarily need to include cock penetration or my own orgasm. Of course the world would shake if I was able to meet someone sympathetic to my needs and availability. Nothing gets me more turned on than turning on my lover - listening and feeling for her breathing, her shivers and shakes, the noises she makes, the words she says, the movements that encourage me to go "there" and "do more of that" ... I also enjoy to tease, so surprise, to explore ... so badly out of practice, haha.I hear there are many guys out there in similar situations, as well as women, where the passion has died, or intimacy has become rare, forgotten, boring, pedestrian. I am here to say we are all entitled to being pleasured the way we want and need. You know where to find me!What? Not the strings section of the orchestra tuning up for a soulful piece? Nooooooooooooo!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Do you sleep with married men in open relationships or behind thier wives backs? No drama in my life because we are honest with each other. This is a forum and I can say what I like. I went off topic on purpose because the topic soon moved to quiet acceptance of cheating which can never be right. Stay on topic and the topic soon gets full of reasons why people give outside of the marriage and that justifies and acknowledges something truly unfair on families. I have opinions and am entitled to voice them. See what the giving married man has caused. I am not even married to them and it envokes feelings of anger over the betrayal of unsuspecting family members. Speaks volumes about you xfunlovingx if you sleep with married men behind thier wives backs. If you do have you ever stopped to think about the effect you have on the extended members of the mans family if he gets caught. Ohhh I can hear you now saying something like: I am single and it's not my marriage. To the others that state that you can love without sex, I agree with that. But I do question if the giving married man respects his spouse. Cheating is disrespectful and as a prior post was eluding to and that post was not mine it is also selfish. You can carry on as much as you like and throw personal insults my way. I don't give a fuck for your opinion of me. Surely xfunlovingx there are plenty of married men in open relationships to choose from. Why go where your liason can cause profound hurt and despair in others.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'redochre' I fully get what vipotato2 is saying - am in a very similar position, except that my wife hit the dimmer switch during her menopause, and the off switch during/post a major illness and treatment. The thing is we still love eachother, BUT, there is no physical intimacy whatsoever. Been a handful of years now. I used to adore going down on her, she was very easy to please. Her sex drive was low to begin with. We met 12 years ago, married 10 yrs ago, she has grown up children, who have children of their own. I miss the simple big cuddles, nice and tight, the kisses, caresses. I am pushed away if she gets out of her comfort - almost platonic - zone. I miss just skin on skin, miss the intimacy. I've been online for a couple of years now, only met ladies for coffee, hasn't progressed beyond that. I am desperate to give my affection, tenderness, pleasuring, kissing, fingering, and whatever else a woman desires, and it doesn't necessarily need to include cock penetration or my own orgasm. Of course the world would shake if I was able to meet someone sympathetic to my needs and availability. Nothing gets me more turned on than turning on my lover - listening and feeling for her breathing, her shivers and shakes, the noises she makes, the words she says, the movements that encourage me to go "there" and "do more of that" ... I also enjoy to tease, so surprise, to explore ... so badly out of practice, haha.I hear there are many guys out there in similar situations, as well as women, where the passion has died, or intimacy has become rare, forgotten, boring, pedestrian. I am here to say we are all entitled to being pleasured the way we want and need. You know where to find me!What? Not the strings section of the orchestra tuning up for a soulful piece? Nooooooooooooo!If there is love still there between you have you thought about seeing a doctor and discussing your wifes lack of libido. If she is not willing to go you can go and get advice and maybe discuss it with her later. There are medications and hormone supplements as well as counselling that may help you rekindle the sexy side to your marriage. Have you tried any of that at all or just gone for the adult site and coffee instead. Surely your wife can't be happy either without touch and loving. Wishing you all the best of luck with it and hoping that you and the wife find that love again. Yep I'm a dreamer and sentimental and I do feel sorry for your situation and the situation you and many other are faced with. Handle it with respect and you will come out of the other side of it well. I was in the same situation in a 16 year marriage only it was my ex that was not interested and lacked sex drive. I still care for my ex but letting him go is allowing us to find the love he and I deserve instead of keeping us in something that does not keep us truly happy. We tried to fix it and a counsellor agreed with us that it was too far gone. Dont just give up there is hope for some and help can sort it out even if my story did not end well in my marriage, I have found happiness now and hope my ex does too.
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xFunlovingx
12 years ago
Quoting 'wefukugood' Do you sleep with married men in open relationships or behind thier wives backs? No drama in my life because we are honest with each other. This is a forum and I can say what I like. I went off topic on purpose because the topic soon moved to quiet acceptance of cheating which can never be right. Stay on topic and the topic soon gets full of reasons why people give outside of the marriage and that justifies and acknowledges something truly unfair on families. I have opinions and am entitled to voice them. See what the giving married man has caused. I am not even married to them and it envokes feelings of anger over the betrayal of unsuspecting family members. Speaks volumes about you xfunlovingx if you sleep with married men behind thier wives backs. If you do have you ever stopped to think about the effect you have on the extended members of the mans family if he gets caught. Ohhh I can hear you now saying something like: I am single and it's not my marriage. To the others that state that you can love without sex, I agree with that. But I do question if the giving married man respects his spouse. Cheating is disrespectful and as a prior post was eluding to and that post was not mine it is also selfish. You can carry on as much as you like and throw personal insults my way. I don't give a fuck for your opinion of me. Surely xfunlovingx there are plenty of married men in open relationships to choose from. Why go where your liason can cause profound hurt and despair in others. Where did I say if they were doing it behind their wives back or whether they are in an open relationship! You really shouldn't assume...makes a ...... well I am sure you know the rest! You don't sleep with married men/women that cheat (not forgetting women do it too) and good on you...My body...My life...Your body...Your Life! We all do what we want and in the end as long as we can look in the mirror who else is here to judge! You don't know whether these men have permission or not that have written on this Thread you just ASSUMED they are doing it without permission! Try reading some of the posts with empathy too, not many do it just cause they can! Also don't forget that mainstream Society is very judgemental on Swinging Couples too...and I am sure you don't like that! xFunlovingx
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inspirit
12 years ago
Going off topic is not fair to other posters as now this thread will probably be canned. Unfortunately some still fail to see the true essence of this topic and instead choose to pass judgement when there is no need. So much for respect of my post and why I posted.
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