F50
Married Men!! Pleasure seekers?
March 22 2013
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
Wow what a great post took me quite a while to read through all the comments. It just goes to show we human beans are complex little buggers. I try never to judge because whenever you do you suddenly remember when you had your little indiscretion whatever it may be and so really you have no right to judge anyone else no matter the situation. I like every other man in this post get so much pleasure from making a woman cum again and again (if I can doesn't always work), sometimes I have had an orgasm while doing just that, (makes an aweful mess on the sheets) at that point I suppose it may be a little selfish depending on circumstances if I say how bout we roll over and just cuddle. When I was younger still loved going down on my partner but could follow it up with sex no problem. These days it's more about the quality than the quantity and I also enjoy using other tricks to gain a mutually satisfying encounter. superfox I hear where your coming from and certainly if you had a partner who insisted on always doing the "work" then this could be as bad as someone who didn't at all. Getting to know your partners likes and dislikes even within oral sex and all the other aspect of whatever type of relationship you want is something that takes times and can't be perfected in one sitting or lying as the case may be. Again loved the topic and great to see most people were supportive.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'xFunlovingx' Where did I say if they were doing it behind their wives back or whether they are in an open relationship! You really shouldn't assume...makes a ...... well I am sure you know the rest! You don't sleep with married men/women that cheat (not forgetting women do it too) and good on you...My body...My life...Your body...Your Life! We all do what we want and in the end as long as we can look in the mirror who else is here to judge! You don't know whether these men have permission or not that have written on this Thread you just ASSUMED they are doing it without permission! Try reading some of the posts with empathy too, not many do it just cause they can! Also don't forget that mainstream Society is very judgemental on Swinging Couples too...and I am sure you don't like that! xFunlovingx You didnt say. That's why I asked hence the question mark at the end of that sentence. It was aimed at you asking if you sleep with married men behind the wives backs. Remember its not just your body involved when you fuck someone who cheats. The inference is there in many posts from these giving married people and also in other forums to work out that in most cases there is no permission. And no we don't do whatever we want at the expense of others so we can look in the mirror and like what we see. If your dishonest you may look and say you like but you are only kidding yourself that you are a nice person. I have no issue with open couples doing what pleases them so long as others are not hurt by thier actions and I am sure that others gathered this from my posts. I read every post and as I stated in my other posts I feel sorry (which is empathy) for the ones stuck in that predicament as I have been there too, but did not cheat. It's how we deal with adversity that determines our worth as people and it's how some others have dealt that sickens me at times. They want empathy but can't give it to the people that should have it also. What is inferred in between the lines is up to each and every individual. I don't think I have it wrong in the majority of cases and to those that have permission I am in support 100% and I think it's great that you have an honest and open relationship. So xfunlovingx you can twist my meaning as much as you like but it wont change the fact that this forum was starting to empathise with the behaviour rather than the cause and thus supporting deceitful behaviour. As for what others think of my lifestyle, I am not one to worry about others opinions. I havnt encountered any negative opinions as yet so guess I am lucky and people around us see that we are happy. His family know all about his sex life over the years, they know we swing and they love me to bits. Not everyone sees things the way you do and if you live honesty and with respect they don't criticise your lifestyle. Non swinging people in family and friends that know what we do have never criticised us as they know we respect each other and don't do it to cheat. They have asked questions and that's OK. And yep this is off topic, but hey I dont care because the OP already got what she needed out of this. Quoting 'SOAKinWET' Well said guys, you've hit the nail right on the head and the day we meet a guy who screws around behind his partners back just for the females pleasure is the day we'll meet a guy who's not interested in a quicki... Quoting 'wefukugood' Thanks. Good to see others see what I do. Trying to disguise cheating behind a veil of giving. lol. Doesn't make it look any better to me.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Be such a shame if it did... I am sorry OP it went off Topic.Forums should not be shut down because others have different views -especially with this one...someone may come along one day (say in a few weeks) and want to read this...form their own judgement and may want to post.I think every ones comments are of value to someone.Foxy.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Willedoo' I try never to judge because whenever you do you suddenly remember when you had your little indiscretion whatever it may be and so really you have no right to judge anyone else no matter the situation. Again loved the topic and great to see most people were supportive.I hope you don't think cheating is a little thing. No little indiscretions in my life. I have been faithful and honest with every partner. I don't stand in a glass house, I stand in my house which is an honest and trustworthy one. I understand that people make mistakes but we are talking about deliberate cheating here and not some little indiscretion. I support and empathise with people that have marriage issues. I won't support dealing with it in a selfish and deceitful manner.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit'Going off topic is not fair to other posters as now this thread will probably be canned. Unfortunately some still fail to see the true essence of this topic and instead choose to pass judgement when there is no need. So much for respect of my post and why I posted. I have no respect for the subject of married men giving to other women. I hope this forum does get canned.
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Mr_MrsAraps
12 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit' Going off topic is not fair to other posters as now this thread will probably be canned. Unfortunately some still fail to see the true essence of this topic and instead choose to pass judgement when there is no need. So much for respect of my post and why I posted. I will also add, for me one thing I learned only recently is if your not on the same page sexually with your partner. If you are a guy who likes to please then thats great but if your partner isn't appreciative or constantly rejecting then its just constantly one sided which doesn't help anyone. For me having a partner on the same page is a completely different ball game. Someone who both enjoys seeing how much you enjoy giving pleasure to her but also loves reciprocating and loves to see and hear you enjoying it in return is just no comparison.
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erotictouch4u
12 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit'This forum has helped me understand his infidelity better. I do not condone his behavior though I now understand it better and the road to forgiveness has finally come to an end as I also take part ownership in it as well! To err is human, to forgive is divine. Glad you found your path to forgiveness inspirit...now you truely are divine. ET xox
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RHP User
12 years ago
I let my man play and I would like to think it is about pleasing both. We are both on the same page regarding sharing and don't believe you can just have 1 sexual partner forever. He loves to please so I would hope that when he does play up he is pleasing the woman and not just getting off. I am sure it's about pleasing though.
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RHP User
12 years ago
.... I get off 'inside' having a woman come on my tongue. Sometimes, I don't orgasm myself even in intercourse. I have on occassion faked orgasm, so as to let her believe. Sometimes, the BJ or intercourse is great with wonderful sensation and I can feel every mm of the inside of the mouth or pussy, and I just can't come. To answer the earlier single guy who said 'why stay if no physical love?' A relationship is more than sex - I can still love and care for my wife even if we don't sleep together. We still have history, family and people who've known us all our married life. Would I rather still have sex with her? Yes. I would not be here if that were the case. I went through a long period believing I was ugly or totally unappealing. Now I find, this is not the case. There are women who like to kiss me - very much, women who are turned on by the sound of my voice - the first time I touch them, they're already wet - and women who have said they rarely come, who come for me regularly. Even women who have said they can't come more than once in a session, who have with me. I am not claiming to be a svengali of sex. But by learning to listen, learning to read reactions, working out the different stages of a pre-orgasm and basically, learning anatomy. I have met several women who told me, most males can't even find their clit. That's a sad indictment. And not understanding that taking three layers of skin off it by persistent and forceful fingering doesn't do it for most women either, in my experience. Mostly, I try to make it as nice for my partner as possible. My regular FWB absolutely has to have me come first - that gets her super-hot and wet, and then she will have a stupendous orgasm quite easily. What works for one, often doesn't for others. For me, it's learning how to push the bottons that's fun. Mark
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RHP User
12 years ago
Good post Inspirit.. I mostly do like to read you! Recently, I had the most delightful sequence of sexual encounters with a Married woman. Early thirties, Stunning to exquisite, beautiful children, VERY well paying job, Husband on MUCH more money, lovely "Friends" Base, fit and very healthy. One might ask how I know all this.. Ttrust me I do. So; With so much to lose - the questions are: Why whould she play/cheat? Why would she do it with a 53yo? Why would she do it with some from work? Why would she do it with someone who works for her Husband? Why would she do it with someone hey hubby calls a friend? Why would she do it when she has been caught out before? Why will she do it again.. and again? To ALL of the above - "I don't know AND I don't fckn care" Some people are wired that way. OR something has happened to them that their wiring develops a short. People ask me sometimes WHY I am single.. Simple - I am wired to be unfaithful and I am sick to death seeing the shattering pain in someones eyes. SOMETHING.. somewhere in my wiring was short circuited in assembly, or soon thereafter. I have played up on and hurt every single woman I have ever been with. And, you know what.. I have tried not to..Lordy.. I have tried.. Some of you may get "Holier than thou" about this and tell me I have not tried enough.. Or I WANT it to be this way. All I can say to you is.. "Stick it in your fckn ear" You are NOT in my head.. you are NOT in my skin, you have NO Fckn Idea.. and, you probably NEVER will I CRAVE for a decent woman.. and I have had a few.. I CRAVE to behave.. I CRAVE for an honest and comprehensive relationship. I have over the years defeated every habit, passion and burn in my life... but, I cannot yet defeat THIS ONE. Coke, smack, speed, hooch, eckies, alcohol, coffe and religion.. and, if I thought it through.. I am sure there are more. Here's a thought to take away.. St. Thomas Aquinas often quoted "To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible" And it is the same in emotions and psychology.. "If you haven't been there.. No explanation is possible"
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Araps' Quoting 'inspirit' Going off topic is not fair to other posters as now this thread will probably be canned. Unfortunately some still fail to see the true essence of this topic and instead choose to pass judgement when there is no need. So much for respect of my post and why I posted. I will also add, for me one thing I learned only recently is if your not on the same page sexually with your partner. If you are a guy who likes to please then thats great but if your partner isn't appreciative or constantly rejecting then its just constantly one sided which doesn't help anyone. For me having a partner on the same page is a completely different ball game. Someone who both enjoys seeing how much you enjoy giving pleasure to her but also loves reciprocating and loves to see and hear you enjoying it in return is just no comparison. So true. People just make fucked up choices and then suffer the consequences later from choosing the wrong mate. Honest, sincere and decent. Cudos to you
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'cavey50' I CRAVE for a decent woman.. and I have had a few.. I CRAVE to behave.. I CRAVE for an honest and comprehensive relationship. If you want it that much then go see a psychiatrist and sort your head out. Your doctor can refer you to a medicare linked one so that it can be bulk billed so there are no excuses or reasons why you can't do it. Sexually sociopathic conditions can be cured. It's sad that you don't have the skills and I am guessing that many others have the same issue, to control what you hate inside of yourself. You can learn the skills to counter that behaviour if as you say you crave for an honest and comprehensive relationship. We arent born with abilitites in all facets of life. Some of us have to be taught. You turned to all the wrong things, but hey that happens. Move on and go get help if you truly want change. Don't ask for explanations just solutions. YEP folks off topic again. Ooooooops.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'cavey50'At least you are honest about what and why where others state they do it to please others you take responsibility for your actions and I can respect that even if I don't like what you do.
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RHP User
12 years ago
that was an amazing post.In answer to the first question about the gorgeous woman who chose to cheat with you,I could hazzard a guess...it's the rush of the forbidden,the hazzard involved ,and also the antidote to perhaps the compromises she has made in her life.The role of the ''good and beautiful wife''. I wonder what a decent woman is?I wonder why you feel the need to behave? It took me a long long time to accept I am who I am,am I decent,well if that means am I monogamous ,then the answer is no. We are who we are,do we need to change,no,I think we just need to accept that we are wired in a particular way.Sexually adventurous people tend to be adventurous in other aspects of their lives as well. I have never met you, but from your posts I imagine that you are an intelligent adventurous man.Catnip to many women I would think.Absolutely nothing wrong with being you Caveman.If you are providing pleasure to a multitude of women then kudos to you and them.
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Letsgetcrazy09
12 years ago
Inspirit It would be a shame to have your post canned because some have decided to go off topic. I guess this is as well. If the Mods read this perhaps they can take it as a suggestion. Why can a post because someone goes off-tap and off topic. Just delete THEIR posts. JMO Lets
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Freya77' I wonder what a decent woman is?I wonder why you feel the need to behave? It took me a long long time to accept I am who I am,am I decent,well if that means am I monogamous ,then the answer is no. We are who we are,do we need to change,no,I think we just need to accept that we are wired in a particular way.Sexually adventurous people tend to be adventurous in other aspects of their lives as well. Freya, I don't think many of us here who are opposed to cheating are against it because we think everyone should be monogamous - that monogamy is somehow more 'moral' or 'virtuous'. That's certainly not my position. It's not the taking of multiple partners that we have concerns with - it's the lies and deception of doing it without your main partner's knowledge and/or permission, and the hurt that it causes. I really appreciate Cavey's post because he acknowledges that hurt, unlike so many other men and women in denial who are on here. I respect that he recognises he's unsuitable for a monogamous relationship, and has learnt to avoid that situation. It makes me sad to think of the women he was with along the way that learnt this lesson the hard way, and that his empathy doesn't extend to the partners of the women he's with.Cavey, it sounds to me like you have a sex addiction, a clinical condition which is not nearly as fun as it sounds. It's sad that it's getting in the way of you forming the kinds of relationships that you'd like and being able to maintain them. I personally believe that monogamy is not our 'natural' state, but like so many things the majority of us can override our biological impulses if we choose to. For the most part, I think "I'm just wired that way" is a cop-out (though from what you describe and the way you describe it, for you it sounds pathological.) However, I don't think it's something that we should have to choose by default. I think it's incredibly sad that society doesn't recognise the legitimacy of different kinds of sexual arrangements, and people are funneled into this false idea of lifelong monogamous marriage. Because of societal pressure, people make these commitments and enter into these arrangements faaaaaar too lightly. I'm not really a big fan or marriage for mainly that reason. I have real sympathy for men and women who find themselves in that situation, where their relationship has ended up in a place far from where it began and the intimacy is gone.However, all that understanding and sympathy aside, it still doesn't excuse the fact that if you HAVE made that commitment and gotten yourself into that situation, and you find it's not working out, if instead of changing that situation or getting out of it you go and sleep with someone behind your partner's back, you're probably a coward and a jerk. Probably.Which is why I find this topic amusing, and the attempts to reframe the debate. "It's because I just love to see a woman happy." I'm sure that's no doubt part of it, as it is for most men who take pleasure in satisfying a partner. However, it's kind of an 'elephant in the room' situation that attempts to rationalise, justify and excuse behaviour, while downplaying or ignoring the fact that it's built on actions that are likely to cause or exacerbate hurt and pain in a relationship. It's an incredible act of double-think.
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RHP User
12 years ago
In my case it's all about giving pleasure and being appreciated for that. My nature is naturally giving. I can't change that and would not want too. I wander simply because what my nature wants to give is not wanted. I know there is a world full of people who have moral issues about why I'm hear but unless you live my life then save your judgment for your selfs and not pear through the windows of other people's life's believing you see it all. Right sorry. Ranting over. - Posted from rhpmobile
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xFunlovingx
12 years ago
Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us...that must of been hard to do! I admire that you are open minded enough to see the other side of the story too! Kudos to you! . Noone has the right to judge anyone on here! Why can't people stay on topic! As clearly stated by Inspirit this is not a Thread to judge others or for the moral police..if you want to do all that then start your own topic and respect Inspirit's question! Is it about giving pleasure to the other person! In most cases yes it is! Foxy you asked if they like to receive pleasure back? Yes they do...sometimes that pleasure is just seeing another person in throes of ecstasy...that is their pleasure! Not all men just go down on you and that is it...but it is mainly about giving pleasure to the other party before getting off themselves! I used to see a married man and all it was was oral between the two of us...no sex..just oral! Went on for 4 and a bit years before he went overseas for work! It worked for him and it worked for me! We both got so much pleasure out of it and had alot of fun along the way! As someone said...when the sex stops at home it can be soul destroying...and he was a gorgeous man who had lost all his confidence as he felt he wasn't sexually attractive anymore..no amount of talking or wooing his wife helped! . I was in chat yesterday and a single guy said "I need sex, if I don't get it soon I am going to EXPLODE"...Well isn't that the same for married men...won't they EXPLODE if they don't get it? A sexually satisfied man is a happy man! And I am all for men being happy! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
12 years ago
why do you always assume that a man who is not able to give pleasure with one woman is necessarily causing harm when he gives pleasure to another?When anyone in a relationship is not able to or does not want to receive or engage in intimacy is either conciously or inadvertently causing harm to their partner.. Everyone deserves pleasure,everyone deserves intimacy ,people have to make decisions about what causes the greatest harm in my view. But this thread is not about the ethics or the morality around a married man seeking other women to give them pleasure,it is about developing an understsnding as to why they feel the need to.Something that you and others clearly find difficult to cope with.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'neptune_drift' Freya, I don't think many of us here who are opposed to cheating are against it because we think everyone should be monogamous - that monogamy is somehow more 'moral' or 'virtuous'. That's certainly not my position. It's not the taking of multiple partners that we have concerns with - it's the lies and deception of doing it without your main partner's knowledge and/or permission, and the hurt that it causes. I really appreciate Cavey's post because he acknowledges that hurt, unlike so many other men and women in denial who are on here. I respect that he recognises he's unsuitable for a monogamous relationship, and has learnt to avoid that situation. It makes me sad to think of the women he was with along the way that learnt this lesson the hard way, and that his empathy doesn't extend to the partners of the women he's with. Cavey, it sounds to me like you have a sex addiction, a clinical condition which is not nearly as fun as it sounds. It's sad that it's getting in the way of you forming the kinds of relationships that you'd like and being able to maintain them. I personally believe that monogamy is not our 'natural' state, but like so many things the majority of us can override our biological impulses if we choose to. For the most part, I think "I'm just wired that way" is a cop-out (though from what you describe and the way you describe it, for you it sounds pathological.) However, I don't think it's something that we should have to choose by default. I think it's incredibly sad that society doesn't recognise the legitimacy of different kinds of sexual arrangements, and people are funneled into this false idea of lifelong monogamous marriage. Because of societal pressure, people make these commitments and enter into these arrangements faaaaaar too lightly. I'm not really a big fan or marriage for mainly that reason. I have real sympathy for men and women who find themselves in that situation, where their relationship has ended up in a place far from where it began and the intimacy is gone. However, all that understanding and sympathy aside, it still doesn't excuse the fact that if you HAVE made that commitment and gotten yourself into that situation, and you find it's not working out, if instead of changing that situation or getting out of it you go and sleep with someone behind your partner's back, you're probably a coward and a jerk. Probably. Which is why I find this topic amusing, and the attempts to reframe the debate. "It's because I just love to see a woman happy." I'm sure that's no doubt part of it, as it is for most men who take pleasure in satisfying a partner. However, it's kind of an 'elephant in the room' situation that attempts to rationalise, justify and excuse behaviour, while downplaying or ignoring the fact that it's built on actions that are likely to cause or exacerbate hurt and pain in a relationship. It's an incredible act of double-think.They just dont get it do they. They just don't get that being deceived and lied to is hurtful and when it's done to a wife or husband in a committed relationship behind thier back it's ten fold. Quoting 'Freya77' why do you always assume that a man who is not able to give pleasure with one woman is necessarily causing harm when he gives pleasure to another? Seriously are you for real. The one who doesn't know and then finds out is very hurt by the revelation. We are talking about cheaters, liers and deceivers here, not those that do it with the spouses permission. When a man gives to another with permission then all is good. When anyone in a relationship is not able to or does not want to receive or engage in intimacy is either conciously or inadvertently causing harm to their partner. Stating the obvious there. Who was saying that it didn't. Just because you are hurting does not give you the right to hurt others. Everyone deserves pleasure,everyone deserves intimacy ,people have to make decisions about what causes the greatest harm in my view. When satifying thier needs and cheating they may think about the harm they may cause if caught but the fact that they actually risk being found out by embarking on that journey shows total lack of concern and a need to forfull thier own needs before others. But this thread is not about the ethics or the morality around a married man seeking other women to give them pleasure,it is about developing an understsnding as to why they feel the need to. Again WTF are people all morons. People do things to satisfy a need, want or desire that may be missing or just because they can. Others do because they have a self sense of entitlement and think they can regardless of the consequences. others do it because they desire and have permission for the ones they love. Others do it out of desperation and illness. Others because they have addictions. I may have missed something but think I have covered most. Could have told you all the answers before the posts were added. Do we have to ask such a suck eggs question. And the suggestion that it's only the attached person that can give astounds me. Maybe that's a takers opinion on life IDK. Only angle that question was coming from was to create understanding of what may have not been obvious to the OP which I find puzzling for most reasonable prudent people with standard intelligence should know why but maybe not what sends each individual down that path. The reasons can be empathised with in many cases and they are varied and very sad. In this case it's obvious with different twists on circumstances that lead to the pleasureing of another other than your spouse. ITS THE DECEPTION OF CHEATING THAT HAS CAUSED THE CURENT DEBATE. Something that you and others clearly find difficult to cope with. Reasonable people that care about others don't cope with cheating. A spouse may forgive but the hurt and betrayal is never forgotten. Those that have some sort of sociopathic condition lack forsight of consequences and the reality of what they do to others, showing no regard for the hurt they cause others at times. They go about thier lives feellng great about thier lives and what they do regardless of what they cause if they truly suffer that condition. Perhaps you may be sociopathical not to see this or have any regard for it. Actions have consequences. Luckily I don't have to cope with being cheated on. Maybe one day I may, who knows. Have you ever been cheated on? If so remember how it made you feel for goodness sake for that is what you inflict on others. My biggest issue on this post other than the cheating has been that they also do it under the guise of doing it to please another. Please give others credit for a little intelligence. The pleasuring may occur in the act but what drove them to the act in the first place was a self need. At least be honest Like Cavey was. Realise what you do and the implications on others outside of your fuck session and respect the fact that you may contribute to the heartache it causes when that man you just fucked or was 'giving' to you gets found out. And for those that want to tout "how do you know the posts are by people that cheat, how do you know they don't have permission." If you have permission good on you and please understand that nothing negative I have posted was ever aimed those that have permission.
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xFunlovingx
12 years ago
Quoting 'wefukugood' Quoting 'neptune_drift' Freya, I don't think many of us here who are opposed to cheating are against it because we think everyone should be monogamous - that monogamy is somehow more 'moral' or 'virtuous'. That's certainly not my position. It's not the taking of multiple partners that we have concerns with - it's the lies and deception of doing it without your main partner's knowledge and/or permission, and the hurt that it causes. I really appreciate Cavey's post because he acknowledges that hurt, unlike so many other men and women in denial who are on here. I respect that he recognises he's unsuitable for a monogamous relationship, and has learnt to avoid that situation. It makes me sad to think of the women he was with along the way that learnt this lesson the hard way, and that his empathy doesn't extend to the partners of the women he's with. Cavey, it sounds to me like you have a sex addiction, a clinical condition which is not nearly as fun as it sounds. It's sad that it's getting in the way of you forming the kinds of relationships that you'd like and being able to maintain them. I personally believe that monogamy is not our 'natural' state, but like so many things the majority of us can override our biological impulses if we choose to. For the most part, I think "I'm just wired that way" is a cop-out (though from what you describe and the way you describe it, for you it sounds pathological.) However, I don't think it's something that we should have to choose by default. I think it's incredibly sad that society doesn't recognise the legitimacy of different kinds of sexual arrangements, and people are funneled into this false idea of lifelong monogamous marriage. Because of societal pressure, people make these commitments and enter into these arrangements faaaaaar too lightly. I'm not really a big fan or marriage for mainly that reason. I have real sympathy for men and women who find themselves in that situation, where their relationship has ended up in a place far from where it began and the intimacy is gone. However, all that understanding and sympathy aside, it still doesn't excuse the fact that if you HAVE made that commitment and gotten yourself into that situation, and you find it's not working out, if instead of changing that situation or getting out of it you go and sleep with someone behind your partner's back, you're probably a coward and a jerk. Probably. Which is why I find this topic amusing, and the attempts to reframe the debate. "It's because I just love to see a woman happy." I'm sure that's no doubt part of it, as it is for most men who take pleasure in satisfying a partner. However, it's kind of an 'elephant in the room' situation that attempts to rationalise, justify and excuse behaviour, while downplaying or ignoring the fact that it's built on actions that are likely to cause or exacerbate hurt and pain in a relationship. It's an incredible act of double-think. They just dont get it do they. They just don't get that being deceived and lied to is hurtful and when it's done to a wife or husband in a committed relationship behind thier back it's ten fold. Quoting 'Freya77' why do you always assume that a man who is not able to give pleasure with one woman is necessarily causing harm when he gives pleasure to another? Seriously are you for real. The one who doesn't know and then finds out is very hurt by the revelation. We are talking about cheaters, liers and deceivers here, not those that do it with the spouses permission. When a man gives to another with permission then all is good. When anyone in a relationship is not able to or does not want to receive or engage in intimacy is either conciously or inadvertently causing harm to their partner. Stating the obvious there. Who was saying that it didn't. Just because you are hurting does not give you the right to hurt others. Everyone deserves pleasure,everyone deserves intimacy ,people have to make decisions about what causes the greatest harm in my view. When satifying thier needs and cheating they may think about the harm they may cause if caught but the fact that they actually risk being found out by embarking on that journey shows total lack of concern and a need to forfull thier own needs before others. But this thread is not about the ethics or the morality around a married man seeking other women to give them pleasure,it is about developing an understsnding as to why they feel the need to. Again WTF are people all morons. People do things to satisfy a need, want or desire that may be missing or just because they can. Others do because they have a self sense of entitlement and think they can regardless of the consequences. others do it because they desire and have permission for the ones they love. Others do it out of desperation and illness. Others because they have addictions. I may have missed something but think I have covered most. Could have told you all the answers before the posts were added. Do we have to ask such a suck eggs question. And the suggestion that it's only the attached person that can give astounds me. Maybe that's a takers opinion on life IDK. Only angle that question was coming from was to create understanding of what may have not been obvious to the OP which I find puzzling for most reasonable prudent people with standard intelligence should know why but maybe not what sends each individual down that path. The reasons can be empathised with in many cases and they are varied and very sad. In this case it's obvious with different twists on circumstances that lead to the pleasureing of another other than your spouse. ITS THE DECEPTION OF CHEATING THAT HAS CAUSED THE CURENT DEBATE. Something that you and others clearly find difficult to cope with. Reasonable people that care about others don't cope with cheating. A spouse may forgive but the hurt and betrayal is never forgotten. Those that have some sort of sociopathic condition lack forsight of consequences and the reality of what they do to others, showing no regard for the hurt they cause others at times. They go about thier lives feellng great about thier lives and what they do regardless of what they cause if they truly suffer that condition. Perhaps you may be sociopathical not to see this or have any regard for it. Actions have consequences. Luckily I don't have to cope with being cheated on. Maybe one day I may, who knows. Have you ever been cheated on? If so remember how it made you feel for goodness sake for that is what you inflict on others. My biggest issue on this post other than the cheating has been that they also do it under the guise of doing it to please another. Please give others credit for a little intelligence. The pleasuring may occur in the act but what drove them to the act in the first place was a self need. At least be honest Like Cavey was. Realise what you do and the implications on others outside of your fuck session and respect the fact that you may contribute to the heartache it causes when that man you just fucked or was 'giving' to you gets found out. And for those that want to tout "how do you know the posts are by people that cheat, how do you know they don't have permission." If you have permission good on you and please understand that nothing negative I have posted was ever aimed those that have permission. TL: DR both of these and I suggest others ignore it too! Now if you would like to both go and start your own Thread then do so...do not cause this one to be closed down with your judgements! Go over to RHP's post at the top right hand side about STAYING ON TOPIC!!! Seriously you both need to learn respect for people's Threads and this is what Inspirit DIDN'T ask for!!!!!! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
12 years ago
With respect and understanding of your posts On topic: The original post "Married Men!!Pleasure seekers?" Then you quote from "MR Married Fuk-around" - That one quote you chose.. In it's context, did it not pertain EXACTLY to the OP? I do not wish to get into any Person to Person shit flinging match here. AND: in reply to your suggestion.. "Been there - many times" Now: Go and tell a Viet vet to go get psychiatric help Go tell a man who was fully sexually assaulted by his local priest (add your own element here) to get psychiatric help. Go tell someone brought up in the lowest of socio-economic environments to get psychiatric help. Go tell someone who watched his Father flog his Mother and siblings everyday to get psychiatric help. It doesn't cut any ice kid!! I've work with these people in a secondary manner all my life, as a workmate, as a boss, as friend and more. Let me tell you a quick story... I once met a Man I hated.. There wasn't a damned thing about him I liked.. The hair on my neck bristled like the dog I am every time I even heard his name.. Then, one day, I heard him tell his story.. HE said .. "My dad was a copper... but, I don't think he liked being one - because one day, when I was six, he came home from work, went in the shed, and shot himself dead" Changed my whole damned opinion of him - instantly! Now, you MIGHT Fuckmegood girl.. but, you may NEVER understand that.. "Until you have been through it - no explanation is possible" Now, read through what I have posted in the last two posts.. and you MIGHT realise "I am more on topic then the majority of posts" Unfortunately.... THIS POST ALONE: will probably get the thread closed. Sorry if it does Inspirit. And sorry if it does als to all who have so eloquently shared with us
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inspirit
12 years ago
Thank you for your input. I fully understand your commitment to destroying this thread!! You have quite clearly stated over and over and indeed over again your views on infidelity, which to me have no place on this particular topic. I have chosen to no longer read your judgmental posts. I find this kind of behavior belittling and indeed bullying. I am not a moron with standard intelligence as your post suggests. I believe I am way above what you suggest as I do view the world without hatred or bitterness. Neither do I give advice to people unless I have WALKED in thier shoes and can offer an insight on my OWN experiences. I certainly do not SUGGEST to people they maybe suffering from a sociopathic personality disorder. Personally I would private message them and offer my advice FIRST before giving it not blab on an open forum after brownie points!! I am over your attitude to say the least and defiantly over you inability to respect others. I will no longer respond to any more of your posts so knock your socks off.
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inspirit
12 years ago
If it does it does. I am sure my recent post will not do any good either. While it is still active though....I sincerely thank each and every person for your positive input and staying on topic and of course your support!!!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Freya77' why do you always assume that a man who is not able to give pleasure with one woman is necessarily causing harm when he gives pleasure to another?When anyone in a relationship is not able to or does not want to receive or engage in intimacy is either conciously or inadvertently causing harm to their partner.. Everyone deserves pleasure,everyone deserves intimacy ,people have to make decisions about what causes the greatest harm in my view. But this thread is not about the ethics or the morality around a married man seeking other women to give them pleasure,it is about developing an understsnding as to why they feel the need to.Something that you and others clearly find difficult to cope with. A cheating partner IS necessarily causing harm. I don't know how anyone can argue otherwise with a straight face. In all but a tiny minority of cases, being cheated on makes you feel bad. More often than not being cheated on, particularly in a marriage, is a devastating, life-shattering experience, and in the majority of cases (at least anecdotally,) it is a catalyst for the dissolution of the relationship (though I'm happy to acknowledge it's rarely the cause, and more often than not a symptom.) I accept your premise that there's a utilitarian question about what causes the most harm, and there's an evaluation that everyone must make for themselves. It may make you feel better to cheat, but you're deluding yourself if you don't acknowledge that it comes at a cost of making your partner feel worse. I also understand and am sympathetic to men and women who find themselves in a situation where they're 'stuck' in a relationship lacking the physical intimacy they crave. I have no doubt that they're hurting in this situation, and that they take great joy and pleasure in being able to satisfy a partner sexually.But I disagree with you that this thread is not about the ethics or morality, and is just about 'understanding'. I find it fascinating that people are trying to manipulate language to draw a distinction between an ‘explanation’ (a non-judgemental ‘cause and effect’ process) and a ‘justification’, to suit their own ends. With respect to Inspirit and her reasons for posting, it’s kind of a false distinction, which is manifesting as a thinly veiled double-standard. When those who think cheating is OK happily blur the line between explanation and justification, sharing their evaluation and suggesting everything’s hunky dory (“this has opened my eyes, thanks for sharing, I see now that there are situations where it’s ok” etc.) But when somebody who disagrees with it does so it’s “off topic”, it's just an instinctive and uncritical reaction from the ‘moral police’ and should be ignored. What they’re actually saying is “don’t post here unless you agree with my position.” It’s just a tactic to stifle debate with those that disagree with you. As is the very label of “moral police”. I believe what I’ve written has spoken to the initial quotation, or questions that have been raised by it. I don’t see any reason why this thread should be shut down. In fact, I think there’s been some useful discussion. The initial proposition has been interpreted by this thread to mean: “why do men cheat – is it because they’re actually unselfish and just want to please their lovers?” If people can’t see that as a propositional argument with a moral underpinning, then they need to go back to high school. As I’ve said twice now, I have no problem accepting that it’s part of the appeal – it’s feels good to make your partner feel pleasure and boosts the ego, and it sucks if you’re not getting it at home. However, I utterly reject the non-selfish part. For the record, I can't help but wonder what would happen if all the people explaining/justifying their behaviour and compulsion to cheat - the hurt and neglect they feel, the lack of intimacy - explained this to their partner instead of posting it anonymously on a forum. I think a significant number of the posters here would be better off printing out what they wrote and showing it to their partner with the aid of a couple’s counsellor. But what would I know? I’m just an oblivious, crusading, wowser moral policeman that sees the world in black and white, and has no appreciation for nuance. Semantics schmemantics.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'xFunlovingx' TL: DR both of these and I suggest others ignore it too! xFunlovingx The internet’s equivalent of closing your eyes, putting your hands over your ears and yelling “nnnnyaaaaah I’m not listening.”
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RHP User
12 years ago
I agree one hundred percent with you..the last paragraph that is
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'cavey50' With respect and understanding of your posts On topic: The original post "Married Men!!Pleasure seekers?" Then you quote from "MR Married Fuk-around" - That one quote you chose.. In it's context, did it not pertain EXACTLY to the OP? I do not wish to get into any Person to Person shit flinging match here. AND: in reply to your suggestion.. "Been there - many times" Now: Go and tell a Viet vet to go get psychiatric help Go tell a man who was fully sexually assaulted by his local priest (add your own element here) to get psychiatric help. Go tell someone brought up in the lowest of socio-economic environments to get psychiatric help. Go tell someone who watched his Father flog his Mother and siblings everyday to get psychiatric help. It doesn't cut any ice kid!! I've work with these people in a secondary manner all my life, as a workmate, as a boss, as friend and more. Let me tell you a quick story... I once met a Man I hated.. There wasn't a damned thing about him I liked.. The hair on my neck bristled like the dog I am every time I even heard his name.. Then, one day, I heard him tell his story.. HE said .. "My dad was a copper... but, I don't think he liked being one - because one day, when I was six, he came home from work, went in the shed, and shot himself dead" Changed my whole damned opinion of him - instantly! Now, you MIGHT Fuckmegood girl.. but, you may NEVER understand that.. "Until you have been through it - no explanation is possible" Now, read through what I have posted in the last two posts.. and you MIGHT realise "I am more on topic then the majority of posts" Unfortunately.... THIS POST ALONE: will probably get the thread closed. Sorry if it does Inspirit. And sorry if it does als to all who have so eloquently shared with us Just because people have been through tragedy does not excuse poor behaviour. It makes it understandable and sad and gives an appreciation for why but it does not excuse it. Hense people still go to jail for manslaughter instead of murder or other sentences are reduced due to contributing factors. They are still guilty but it is understood why they did it. I never claimed to fully understand you but did a little through the things you said. You acknowledged an issue with your behaviour and longing for something different. I don't think anyone beleives you were off topic. I was appreciating that you have been a damn sight more honest with your post than others. Well am guessing that if you been there and it did not work then that is the way you are going to remain unless something changes or you find a therapist that deals successfully with you. Never never assume that I have not seen tragedy myself. Perhaps I have seen more for all you know.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'neptune_drift Here here. Not asking you to agree with what I say or jump on my bandwagon as I can be a little harsh when am set upon for speaking my mind. And clearly you stand on your own merrit here and do that very well. Maybe it's because I am who I am, or it's just a female thing that I say it the way i do and maybe I can't say it like you do. Or (just joking) maybe I need a naked man picture for our profile pic not to attract bitter opposition. But hey that's life and I wont conform to general consensus just because others are lacking in forsight of consequences or just don't care. And if I hurt peoples feelings because I tand by what I feel is right then that's thier issue and not mine. Well done in your last post. I don't think any more needs to be said. You speak what I think and perhaps are a little more sensitive than I am re the topic and others opinions which is a good thing. If they don't get it then they never will. I pitty the poor souls they destroy in thier journey through life. Thank you for your posts.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit'Thank you for your input. I fully understand your commitment to destroying this thread!! You have quite clearly stated over and over and indeed over again your views on infidelity, which to me have no place on this particular topic. I have chosen to no longer read your judgmental posts. I find this kind of behavior belittling and indeed bullying. I am not a moron with standard intelligence as your post suggests. I believe I am way above what you suggest as I do view the world without hatred or bitterness. Neither do I give advice to people unless I have WALKED in thier shoes and can offer an insight on my OWN experiences. I certainly do not SUGGEST to people they maybe suffering from a sociopathic personality disorder. Personally I would private message them and offer my advice FIRST before giving it not blab on an open forum after brownie points!! I am over your attitude to say the least and defiantly over you inability to respect others. I will no longer respond to any more of your posts so knock your socks off. Inspirit what you are displaying is Empathy which depends on emotional intelligence, which it seems you have in spades. To quote Lee Harper from To Kill a Mockingbird - "You never know a man until you understand things from his point of view, until you climb into his skin and walk around in it" This I think also ties in with what Cavey was trying so well to put across. For me - "I walk tall, I don't let their hatred test me, I DARE you to walk a mile in my shoes" Thanks for the thread Inspirit, it's been interesting
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Rhp_rebecca
12 years ago
A quick reminder to all members to please stay on topic i.e. only post replies that directly respond to the question posted by the OP. If the thread continues to go off topic it will be closed.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'neptune_drift' But I disagree with you that this thread is not about the ethics or morality, and is just about 'understanding'. I find it fascinating that people are trying to manipulate language to draw a distinction between an ‘explanation’ (a non-judgemental ‘cause and effect’ process) and a ‘justification’, to suit their own ends. With respect to Inspirit and her reasons for posting, it’s kind of a false distinction, which is manifesting as a thinly veiled double-standard. When those who think cheating is OK happily blur the line between explanation and justification, sharing their evaluation and suggesting everything’s hunky dory (“this has opened my eyes, thanks for sharing, I see now that there are situations where it’s ok” etc.) But when somebody who disagrees with it does so it’s “off topic”, it's just an instinctive and uncritical reaction from the ‘moral police’ and should be ignored. What they’re actually saying is “don’t post here unless you agree with my position.” It’s just a tactic to stifle debate with those that disagree with you. As is the very label of “moral police”. I believe what I’ve written has spoken to the initial quotation, or questions that have been raised by it. I don’t see any reason why this thread should be shut down. In fact, I think there’s been some useful discussion. The initial proposition has been interpreted by this thread to mean: “why do men cheat – is it because they’re actually unselfish and just want to please their lovers?” If people can’t see that as a propositional argument with a moral underpinning, then they need to go back to high school. Quoting 'RHP_Forum_Helper'A quick reminder to all members to please stay on topic i.e. only post replies that directly respond to the question posted by the OP. If the thread continues to go off topic it will be closed. It's all been in response to the question posted by the OP. Have a nice day :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'wefukugood' Quoting 'inspirit' though I am not going to get into a right or wrong arguement here. I respect your views on the current controversial topic. Regardless of why people do what they do my aim on this topic was not about judgements! It is simply about WHY. Putting all judgements aside and simply understanding ONE aspect of infidelity. I dont know you but just by looking at your pic I am guessing that you are an intelligent woman. Do you really have to ask Why. It's obvious. I ask you why you want to know why? Is it to gain better understanding so you can accept the behaviour or is it that I have misjudged you and you were unable to see the obvious. How a normal decent person could accept deceit and betrayal IDK. Wrong is wrong no matter how you look at it. stick to the topic your life is your own, if I want a sermon on the mount I will go to church we have done the cheating partner thing to death, and that is NOT the topic
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'cavey50' Good post Inspirit.. I mostly do like to read you! Recently, I had the most delightful sequence of sexual encounters with a Married woman. Early thirties, Stunning to exquisite, beautiful children, VERY well paying job, Husband on MUCH more money, lovely "Friends" Base, fit and very healthy. One might ask how I know all this.. Ttrust me I do. So; With so much to lose - the questions are: Why whould she play/cheat? Why would she do it with a 53yo? Why would she do it with some from work? Why would she do it with someone who works for her Husband? Why would she do it with someone hey hubby calls a friend? Why would she do it when she has been caught out before? Why will she do it again.. and again? To ALL of the above - "I don't know AND I don't fckn care" Some people are wired that way. OR something has happened to them that their wiring develops a short. People ask me sometimes WHY I am single.. Simple - I am wired to be unfaithful and I am sick to death seeing the shattering pain in someones eyes. SOMETHING.. somewhere in my wiring was short circuited in assembly, or soon thereafter. I have played up on and hurt every single woman I have ever been with. And, you know what.. I have tried not to..Lordy.. I have tried.. Some of you may get "Holier than thou" about this and tell me I have not tried enough.. Or I WANT it to be this way. All I can say to you is.. "Stick it in your fckn ear" You are NOT in my head.. you are NOT in my skin, you have NO Fckn Idea.. and, you probably NEVER will I CRAVE for a decent woman.. and I have had a few.. I CRAVE to behave.. I CRAVE for an honest and comprehensive relationship. I have over the years defeated every habit, passion and burn in my life... but, I cannot yet defeat THIS ONE. Coke, smack, speed, hooch, eckies, alcohol, coffe and religion.. and, if I thought it through.. I am sure there are more. Here's a thought to take away.. St. Thomas Aquinas often quoted "To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible" And it is the same in emotions and psychology.. "If you haven't been there.. No explanation is possible" I wuv you...honest and open from the hip take a bow sunshine
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'wefukugood' Quoting 'cavey50' I CRAVE for a decent woman.. and I have had a few.. I CRAVE to behave.. I CRAVE for an honest and comprehensive relationship. If you want it that much then go see a psychiatrist and sort your head out. Your doctor can refer you to a medicare linked one so that it can be bulk billed so there are no excuses or reasons why you can't do it. Sexually sociopathic conditions can be cured. It's sad that you don't have the skills and I am guessing that many others have the same issue, to control what you hate inside of yourself. You can learn the skills to counter that behaviour if as you say you crave for an honest and comprehensive relationship. We arent born with abilitites in all facets of life. Some of us have to be taught. You turned to all the wrong things, but hey that happens. Move on and go get help if you truly want change. Don't ask for explanations just solutions. YEP folks off topic again. Ooooooops. I think honey before you go off on a tangent with your psycho babble, holds up my degree so she can read the small print. Sexual choices is NOT and illness...if it were, gays , people with kinks yada yada yada including YOU dirty little swinger that you are...would be in a jacket with very long sleves. We are not all born with abilities, thinking is one I can name now when I read your posts. Your vies on this subject are noted, and debated IF you stuck to the topic. Try not to be the Marry Poppins of other peoples sexuality, a spoon full of sugar and pearls of your wisdom are giveing us intigestion.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'xFunlovingx' Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us...that must of been hard to do! I admire that you are open minded enough to see the other side of the story too! Kudos to you! . Foxy you asked if they like to receive pleasure back? Yes they do...sometimes that pleasure is just seeing another person in throes of ecstasy...that is their pleasure! Not all men just go down on you and that is it...but it is mainly about giving pleasure to the other party before getting off themselves! I used to see a married man and all it was was oral between the two of us...no sex..just oral! Went on for 4 and a bit years before he went overseas for work! It worked for him and it worked for me! We both got so much pleasure out of it and had alot of fun along the way! As someone said...when the sex stops at home it can be soul destroying...and he was a gorgeous man who had lost all his confidence as he felt he wasn't sexually attractive anymore..no amount of talking or wooing his wife helped! . Foxy
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RHP User
12 years ago
To the guys and couples that sent me flirts and messages supporting my point of view. Thank you and I do appreciate the sentiment but won't be replying in kind as he would not approve. Thanks but loyal girl here.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I for one can vouch for all that Dee243 writes.. A guy who from extensive conversation, has tried in the home nest... He has so much to give in personality, conversation and OMG in the bedroom. Most married men l find just want to satisfy,relieve what builds up in affection without attachment, and have soooo much to offer... Oh and what Dee writes about his Tongue ???? he understates lol mmmmmmmmmmmm
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RHP User
12 years ago
It's all about the man till during the act
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RHP User
12 years ago
Selfish act for self gratification
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'xFunlovingx' Quoting 'wefukugood' Quoting 'neptune_drift' Seriously you both need to learn respect for people's Threads and this is what Inspirit DIDN'T ask for!!!!!! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
12 years ago
Respect is given where respect is derserved xfunlovingx.
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