F51
Married Women Open Relationships
October 12 2012
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
no one owns anyone, people are human and have natural attraction, feelings and more,, all natural and as women and men peak sexually at varius ages and or stages comes time there is an itch that needs scratching. If partners love and care for eachother they would want to make sure each don't live unsettled, unhealthy risky lives. Cheating breeds this and open loving shows a true bond and understanding of each others needs at the time..
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RHP User
12 years ago
Taking the long route to a destination so you are not seen with your lover...Waiting until your spouse/ partner leaves for work (to provide an income for you and his/ her family) so you can run off for satisfying sex with your lover....The mood swings,fighting their demons, depression in moments of clarity trying to justify their actions and what they're doing to their spouse/ partner (the person they love).And ofcourse the one we all know so well, brushing their teeth when they get home so they can kiss their spouse/ partner and tell them, "I love you".If cheating gets you off..Go for it...Whatever floats your boat.There are those of us who find sex more exciting and fulfilling with honesty, trust and loyalty. This does not mean that others cannot be invited to the bedroom.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'jensman1903' Quoting 'mikeandshel'but strangely enough, they never ever see, that by cheating................they have already 'left the relationship'........ Very obviously a relationship still exists, the terms (at least in one of the mind of one of the partners) and dynamics have merely changed. You continue to, very stubbornly, judge others by your own values. The notion that extra marital affairs are wrong come from the same Christian moral structure that says that sex before marriage is wrong, that divorce is wrong and that homosexuality is wrong. You have picked through these mandates and chosen the ones that suit your own sensibilities and that's fine. I don't have any problem with that but then you go and insist that your revised values are the correct ones and you go about it in a very offensive way. Tell me what you would have to say to the person who tells you that you are an evil miscreant for being a bisexual swinger. Homosexuality, bisexuality and any form of extramarital sexual relationship (with or without a partner's consent) are forbidden under the Christian moral structure so, to their minds, they would be right in their judgement of you. Would you accept that judgement? If not, you are being hypercritical (yet again) in passing judgement on the people you call cheaters. People have their reasons for their affairs and those reasons are often very valid but so many of you choose to belittle them by calling them excuses because it doesn't adhere to your own set of values. This is outright bigottry and you know how I feel about bigots. I maintain that the one infallible test of ethical behaviour is the golden rule. If you could not accept and forgive another "cheating" on you, then don't do it but I don't accept marriage as ownership. My first wife had affairs behind my back and I simply accepted that she was looking for something I was unable to give her so it was not wrong of me when I did a bit of searching myself. Many of you are not living up to the golden rule because you are very happy to impose your values on others while you would not accept this being done to you. not wrong..not ever....its you who is wrong..you who would defend a lie, you who would justify cheating...how can living a principled and honest life...be wrong? rather than cheat..i left, and began anew...rather than cheat, and destroy my children...i left and began anew...and saved my family from dysfunction and despair...tell me that was wrong .... my wife left her cheating, abusive, violent partner.....rather than cheat, rather than destroy herself and her children further...tell her she was wrong..tell her that saving her children was the wrong thing to do.... marriage isnt ownership...its a partnership, and like all partnerships, it just wont work if your agendas are different, or if you perceptions of whats right or wrong for the partnership are opposing...we get that...but only after being put through the wringer by a spouse who chose deception and dishonesty.......you cant defend the indefensible...you cant defend lies and deception..not now, not ever, and its doesnt matter what scenario you manufacture, or what excuse you conjure up....lying and deceiving the one you purport to love..or who loves you completely..for that sake of a want.(sex), is just about the most selfish and insincere act an adult can do.......
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inspirit
12 years ago
Open relationships are like opening your arms and closing your eyes and twirling around feeling free and loving life Quoting 'Tikitiboo' no one owns anyone, people are human and have natural attraction, feelings and more,, all natural and as women and men peak sexually at varius ages and or stages comes time there is an itch that needs scratching. If partners love and care for eachother they would want to make sure each don't live unsettled, unhealthy risky lives. Cheating breeds this and open loving shows a true bond and understanding of each others needs at the time..
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RHP User
12 years ago
my gf and I have an honest and open relationship. How it works for us is that we talk about what we are doing and yes we do ask each other if the other is okay with it. I had a woman that I was with while I was at work (fifo) and my gf knew about it. We both wished that she was into women also so that she could join us. Now my gf has a man and we discuss and agree at each and every step. My gf has enjoyed a couple of mmf recently not her first but my first two mmf and while the first time was a bit weird during and after, the second time was much more comfortable. I'm not bi or curious. We would like to find a woman for our two plus one for one on one, ffm and mmf; but we all know just how hard that is
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RHP User
12 years ago
Do what you want .... There is No such thing as Karma pffft hahah fucking Karma what a crock of shit oh look there is jesus he is talking to santa
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RHP User
12 years ago
oh and yes my gf and I have a perfect relationship and sex life without outside intervention
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RHP User
12 years ago
You had problems , we get that You have opinions on how you behaved , we get that But Zealots of any kind for me are a problem. Tempered with such anger. At others you do not know? Stay angry at your spouses, what they did to you. Nothing wrong with that. But to get so heated over people that disagree with you? Is the seed of discontent and also the fruits to feed bigotry,hatred, intolerance and violence. RHP is for stockings and leather and lace and a paddle or two Not Horsehair shirts, a rope with knots in it to flay your own back A sermon on the mount with spittle flying from your lips. A pointing of a finger, with unclean unclean shouted from the pulpit Your anger , your arrogant attitude, and disdain to other people. It makes you look small and mean spirited. Nothing wrong with having an a view on a topic, but to then tar and feather and name and shame someone for not holding your view is another thing. As for family breakdowns, being unfaithful for what ever reason is not what causes the problem. It started way before either of your partners played up on you. And look, like you said it worked out for you. Good for you. But the world does not run according to the gospel of Mike and Shell. nor to my thoughts either but I try to at least have a balance and post with both eyes open.
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RHP User
12 years ago
no.....i'm not angry at all.....i'm amazed and amused that people truly believe the things they write here and it really makes me laugh.....what amazes me is being told that lies and deception are ok.... that cheating is acceptable...its not, on so many levels its not.. and yea, the lies start way before the cheating....absolutely...they start the moment the other person promises themself to you, they start the moment the first trust is broken....we get that. but its indefensible...you cant put yourself, or anyone else on a pedestal and seriously say 'what we did was right'..........because it never never is....and it fucks me that people blame the church... or society...neither drives people to stray, and hey, infidelity is what? thousands of years older than the bible, jesus and even the christian belief?. the idea of 'marriage' predates the bible by thousands of years...and exists in cultures who were never exposed to 'christian morals' until the 'white man' colonised them... all our churches did was formalise the ceremony and actually make a permanent record that it happened... like i said....thanks to the cheats...for exposing the complete and utter lack of character, the lack of respect, and the lack of dignified honesty that our partners had kept hidden for so long.... thanks for this, from the bottom of our hearts....lol...happy little vegemites....as bright as bright can be...lol.. we dont call people names...others do that we dont send nasty messages to inboxes.....others do that we dont deliberately set out to humiliate and insult..... others do that so dont call me 'bigot' or 'zealot' or 'arrogant', as i am none of these things... save that for the ones who hurl insult and curses while having their say, the ones who make it 'personal'......... but while you do, and while you defend those who would cheat,lie and deceive.....spare a thought for the innocents who wear the brunt of the misery these people often cause.... we certainly do.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'mikeandshel'not wrong..not ever....this is the most ludicrous statement I have read in the forums. It's even more absurd than your constant assertions that you never lie which, as we all know, is a lie in itself... its you who is wrong..you who would defend a lie, you who would justify cheating...I'm not wrong, Mike. I recognise that not all circumstances are the same and that people have different values and react differently to others in similar circumstances... how can living a principled and honest life...be wrong? rather than cheat..i left, and began anew...No one, and I mean absolutely no one, has been trying to tell you to live your life differently or that you should have behaved differently but it would be appreciated if you gave others the same consideration... rather than cheat, and destroy my children...i left and began anew...and saved my family from dysfunction and despair...tell me that was wrong... What's wrong and thoroughly offensive is your insistance that others and myself have betrayed our children and in every circumstance caused them harm. My own sons from my first marriage are grown men. I have been completely open and honest regarding my own behaviour during my marriage to their mother. They do not feel betrayed. They don't harbour any resentment to me at all. They are very understanding of the predicament I was in and we are very close. .... my wife left her cheating, abusive, violent partner.....rather than cheat, rather than destroy herself and her children further...tell her she was wrong..tell her that saving her children was the wrong thing to do....Same deal here, Mike. No one has suggested that she should have behaved differently though I still resent your inferences that extra marital affairs will some how destroy a child but I believe you do it to deliberately cause offense. marriage isnt ownership...its a partnership, and like all partnerships, it just wont work if your agendas are different, or if you perceptions of whats right or wrong for the partnership are opposing...we get that...All good here but where are you taking this...? but only after being put through the wringer by a spouse who chose deception and dishonesty.......you cant defend the indefensible...you cant defend lies and deception..not now, not ever,Actually, Mike, I can as there are many things that cause a person to lie and inspite of your insistance, there are far worst thigs than lies... and its doesnt matter what scenario you manufacture, or what excuse you conjure up....Just what is it that you purport that I have manufactured. I have been honest about my circumstances. Actually far more hnest than you as I aknowledge that my ex-wife has heer own side to the story. You refuse to do this. Probably because, once her side was heard, people might be more sympathetic to her plight than yours. I can tell already that, inspite of the picture you paint of her being a cruel and decietful woman, she would definately be a patient woman. She would have to have been to suffered pompous, totalitarian nature for any length of time at all... lying and deceiving the one you purport to love..Many other people accept that sometimes a lie can protect another from emotional harm. I know your opinion of this but I reject it as I have seen it work many times...or who loves you completely..You continue to ignore that many people feel trapped in a loveless relationship...for that sake of a want.(sex), is just about the most selfish and insincere act an adult can do.......A gross oversimplification. Many people who are trapped in a loveless marriage feel an overwhelming need for intimacy that they are being denied at home.The fact of the matter is that you don't have all the answers for all circumstances and you are constantly harsh in your judgement of others. You continue to judge me based on a six month period of my life which occurednearly twenty years ago. As I've pointed out before, this is a fraction over one percent of my total life experience and two decades seperate the person I was then from the person I am now. I judge you by the statements you post here and you have demonstrated that you are arrogant, biggotted, hypercritical, shallow and narrow minded. You have shown no compassion, empathy, or understanding and very little intelligence. Feel free to have the last word, as I know you shall, but it won't get you anywhere. You have already shown everyone your true colours.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Sheesh... who would have thought that sex could be so complicated?? If more people on here were as rational, thoughtful and intelligent as Tuscan Red, and not as dogmatic, bigoted and judgemental as Mike & Shel, I would have kept my membership + RHP and society in general would be a much nicer place! Red - thanks for taking the time to post on the many topics with your thought and insight. Best of luck negotiating the minefield that RHP has become. Unfortunately, it's turned into a place of venom & judgement, instead of the open-minded, fun place it was probably designed for. Adios to everyone - I'm out of here to avoid the Sexual Taliban...
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RHP User
12 years ago
except you are a bigot and a zealot and arrogant and you do call people names weve all seen it and you bullshit all the time and your always insulting people and it is personal
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RHP User
12 years ago
My 6 pack of jimmy cans are looking very enticing :p hmmmm, tuna mornay anyone??
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RHP User
12 years ago
A friend of mine, her partner cheated on her big time. She told me it wasnt so much the cheating but the lies that went with it and upon further examination of their lives together found that her former partner lied to her about so many things and also committed acts of what society would consider cheating, that she found this just as unacceptable to her. So I am pondering this statement and Im not having a shot at anyone in here but I am somewhat curious If you are cheating on the person who hypothetically loves you more than your mother did, and your ok with that, in some way you can justify that, at what point does your does your moral compass kick in ? For instance, if you cheat on your partner who may be the father/mother of your child, for what ever reasons, real or imagined, justified or not, well do you also cheat on your tax return ?, do you claim welfare benefits your not entitled to ?, do you return the excess change that the cashier at the shop accidentally gave you ?, do you hand in the wallet full of cash you found in the car park ? do you buy the very cheap tv that a mate of mate is selling that fell of the back of the truck ? do you cheat at exams ? do you wind the taco back on your car and lie about the kms its done ? I think most people would draw the line at premeditated murder although Im sure some people could even justify committing that act. Im am wondering with a cheater do you not cheat in the other areas of your life, cause you wouldnt go there ? or you dont cheat in other areas of your life, just your sex life. And Im also curious if you found out the person you love in the world was simutaneously cheating on you. Would that be ok ?
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RHP User
12 years ago
Yes those people cheat at everything , and I think they were all the second shooter on the grassy knoll as well. Funny how people get so bent out of shape about sex. Yet do not have the mouth when it comes to social justice, or things that actual mean something and make the world a better place. Cheaters..have made great art, invented medicines that save lives, teach others compassion and wisdom. Raise their children to be good citizens ,write songs and forgive. Just because you have to compromise some things in your life, does not mean you compromise everything. You my friend need to think long and hard about what a moral compass really is? Your north may be my south. Social Mores are a cultural thing, we learn them , so how you were raised will make your compass. A Christian is different from a Muslim, a woman’s different to a man, a child different to an adult. I prisoners different to a free man. The best thing about a compass with no fixed north is that you get lost in the beautiful fragility of the human spirit.
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RHP User
12 years ago
a very dear friend who regularly cheats on his wife.She is 40 and he is 46,they have been married for 11 years and he is stepfather to her two teenage sons who both have asbergers. His wife is going blind,she is dangerously overweight,she has acute depression and is often in hospital. He loves his wife and has never thought of leaving her...she would end up in a nursing home if he did. What should he do? Leave his wife because she is no longer able to have sex with him? Or find some pleasure and intimacy with a woman who cares about both of them? x R
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RHP User
12 years ago
But I disagree with your second paragraph regarding the fact that one doesnt open their mouths regarding social justice etc How do you know that ? thats a big generalisation And yes cheaters have contributed to the world, but that was not my question My question is about moral compass. Not about differences between the genders, or religion or a child adult , prisoners or free men I asked one question You asked me to look at my own compass and I have no issue with that and yes our compasses may differ neither of us will be wrong or right, but you avoided answering my question. Where does the cheating stop in the cheaters life ? And why would you want a compass with no fixed North ? if you did, you would forever be lost and unable to find your way to anywhere
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RHP User
12 years ago
Could not have said this better myself.As a woman who has been cheated on by my ex husband, with my sister to make it worse.Be open with your partners you get a loving relationship that is true full,cheat & you deserve it to end,& to end badly!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Be honest it's the best in the end,she probably seances it anyway
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'jensman1903' Quoting 'mikeandshel'not wrong..not ever....this is the most ludicrous statement I have read in the forums. It's even more absurd than your constant assertions that you never lie which, as we all know, is a lie in itself... its you who is wrong..you who would defend a lie, you who would justify cheating...I'm not wrong, Mike. I recognise that not all circumstances are the same and that people have different values and react differently to others in similar circumstances... how can living a principled and honest life...be wrong? rather than cheat..i left, and began anew...No one, and I mean absolutely no one, has been trying to tell you to live your life differently or that you should have behaved differently but it would be appreciated if you gave others the same consideration... rather than cheat, and destroy my children...i left and began anew...and saved my family from dysfunction and despair...tell me that was wrong... What's wrong and thoroughly offensive is your insistance that others and myself have betrayed our children and in every circumstance caused them harm. My own sons from my first marriage are grown men. I have been completely open and honest regarding my own behaviour during my marriage to their mother. They do not feel betrayed. They don't harbour any resentment to me at all. They are very understanding of the predicament I was in and we are very close. .... my wife left her cheating, abusive, violent partner.....rather than cheat, rather than destroy herself and her children further...tell her she was wrong..tell her that saving her children was the wrong thing to do....Same deal here, Mike. No one has suggested that she should have behaved differently though I still resent your inferences that extra marital affairs will some how destroy a child but I believe you do it to deliberately cause offense. marriage isnt ownership...its a partnership, and like all partnerships, it just wont work if your agendas aredifferent, or if you perceptions of whats right or wrong for the partnership are opposing...we get that...All good here but where are you taking this...? but only after being put through the wringer by a spouse who chose deception and dishonesty.......you cant defend the indefensible...you cant defend lies and deception..not now, not ever,Actually, Mike, I can as there are many things that cause a person to lie and inspite of your insistance, there are far worst thigs than lies... and its doesnt matter what scenario you manufacture, or what excuse you conjure up....Just what is it that you purport that I have manufactured. I have been honest about my circumstances. Actually far more hnest than you as I aknowledge that my ex-wife has heer own side to the story. You refuse to do this. Probably because, once her side was heard, people might be more sympathetic to her plight than yours. I can tell already that, inspite of the picture you paint of her being a cruel and decietful woman, she would definately be a patient woman. She would have to have been to suffered pompous, totalitarian nature for any length of time at all... lying and deceiving the one you purport to love..Many other people accept that sometimes a lie can protect another from emotional harm. I know your opinion of this but I reject it as I have seen it work many times...or who loves you completely..You continue to ignore that many people feel trapped in a loveless relationship...for that sake of a want.(sex), is just about the most selfish and insincere act an adult can do.......A gross oversimplification. Many people who are trapped in a loveless marriage feel an overwhelming need for intimacy that they are being denied at home. The fact of the matter is that you don't have all the answers for all circumstances and you are constantly harsh in your judgement of others. You continue to judge me based on a six month period of my life which occurednearly twenty years ago. As I've pointed out before, this is a fraction over one percent of my total life experience and two decades seperate the person I was then from the person I am now. I judge you by the statements you post here and you have demonstrated that you are arrogant, biggotted, hypercritical, shallow and narrow minded. You have shown no compassion, empathy, or understanding and very little intelligence. Feel free to have the last word, as I know you shall, but it won't get you anywhere. You have already shown everyone your true co jensman...you are a self confessed liar and cheat...you stated this openly, and admitted maintaining a lie for what, a decade? and you dare to condescend to posting opinions on subjects like 'honesty' and 'fidelity; and 'truth'? what would you know of these topics?..but you know..an admission doesnt exonerate you, and certainly doesnt excuse your behaviour.... you dont know my circumstances any more than i do yours, but the difference between you and i, is that i leave it here, and do not attack you via your inbox, like you did us. i do not call you names and harrass and vilify you, over and over, and nor do i deliberatly bait you in thread after thread, or even post threads that are deliberately inflammatory and goading , towards you in particular, as you did us....or me specifically....another difference would also be that i dont dissect your posts...tho i could if i were bothered enough by you to do so.... but plainly..i am not. your bullying, your goading and your insults have no further effect on me, as i simply refuse to play your game ...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Come on people, don't wreck forums with personal issues please... I am getting tired of it and I am sure a lot of others as well are too. Keep smiling and let's give productive imput to people's questions. Leesa xxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
All we can do as a spectator, looking in from the outside is to only try and understand why people cheat! We are not them and they are not us. Are we to pigeon hole every persons reasons for cheating with that of our own wounding experiences on the matter? ...it's a very one eyed limited view, and a bias one at that. Beside who are we to judge.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'mikeandshel' jensman...you are a self confessed liar and cheat...you stated this openly, and admitted maintaining a lie for what, a decade? and you dare to condescend to posting opinions on subjects like 'honesty' and 'fidelity; and 'truth'? what would you know of these topics?.. This comment is wrong on so many levels ...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'cavey50' Let's say.. just for the sake of discussion .... OP is in a violent of demeaning relationship with someone of VERY violent and dangerous background. She is NOT getting sex... but, craves male/female intgeraction.. She goes to her partner and tells him, and gets the shit bashed out of her. OK, it maybe a harsh story, BUT WTFAYA to say it is not so? OR...The OP's partner is in prison, a member of a violent antisocial subculture, whos brothers are keeping their eye on the honour of their incarcerated friend... OR.. The OP is married to a person from a different ethnic heritage who will once again take violent action against her.. You guys have no fckn idea what-so-ever as to WHY she is doing what she is doin.. Sure, it COULD be she is just a gold digging bitch who wants the money of her wealthy partner, AND the pleasure of a couple of new young studs. OR, she could be a bored 60 year old male playing his own game here... *smiles* Cavey... just like me.. WELL SAID!!
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think in real life we would all get on very well, after all are we not sexy cheeky buggas that want to make love not war. so lets move on down the track and have some more debate on other issues. smooches all around. :) Now. how about a nice chit chat about Religion or Politics
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RHP User
12 years ago
IN the beginning God ceated The Heaven and The Earth. And The Earth was withour form: And void.And darkness was on the face of the deep....... so starts the Bible. Now, WE are told here that Marriage predates the Beginning by thousands of years..? WTF? Where were they living in mariage before the earth was formed???? If we follow the writings of the Sumarian texts, as interpreted by scholars worldwide, we find these relate to the same stories... albiet, in a more scientific manner.. being the declaration that the singular God of the Bible, is in fact Plural Nephilim (those who from the Heavens came) who are from another panet. The stories of the Bible are apparently ratified by these stories, and vice versa... . Anyway... Moving right along. Christianity is "Living as the Christ" "Living in the ways of the Christ" - Christianity therefore is ONLY approximately 2000 years old... Even the Christ Jesus fits in with the follwing through of the Sumerian texts, in so far as each progression into the next house of the zodiac heralds in a new "LORD" of the Earth. We are currently in "The AGE of the Piscien" Fish, Fishes, Fisher of men.. the Christian sign of the Christ is the Symbol of the fish :) We are due to forward into the "Age of Aquarius" Whereby, we (According to these texts) get a new "Lord" and(possibly) a new set of guidlines.. WTF ever :) My point is.. IF the Bible starts at the beginning.... HOW can anything predate that??? Caveman (neanderthal questioning)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Does this mean we can dance around naked with flowers in our hair? ohhh boy I can go hippy retro! rummages through my old clothes :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
I apologise if my posts made it appear that I advocate infidelity in general, as I don't, and my sympathies do not always lay with the "cheater". I'm also sorry if there are any other innocent victims of infidelities that were offended by my statements. Unfortunately, most scenarios are just like that of your friend's, Jonstar. Then again, on some occasions, there are mitigating circumstances and the "cheater" is actually the injured party. In my own case, I was in a loveless marriage. We were living in seperate rooms, as neither of us were willing to leave our son to the other, and my ex-wife had already had affairs of her own. I don't blame my ex for the breakdown of our marriage. I was as bad a husband for her as she was a bad wife for me. I can't condemn her for her affairs either and I really wasn't upset when I found out (actually that makes for an amusing story that I might share at another time). Hesione (when she was still posting, bless her cotton socks ) shared a similar story of a marriage without intimacy. She is a lovely woman and should not be labelled for one past indescretion that was entirely justifiable. My own Jennylee shared her story of being married to an abusive husband but, being too scared to leave, she sort solace in an affair. After she opened up and shared this, she was told (by a well known bigot) that she was as bad as her abusive husband for having an affair. Obviously, this upset her greatly. I've known two women who have engaged in revenge affairs after finding out about their husbands' infedelities. They both felt that, "What's good for the goose is good for the gander". Jonstar, I don't believe that it's fair to label a person as a cheater for an extra marital affair. Yes, there are serial cheaters and these are not trustworthy persons but each and every case should be judged on it's own circumstances.
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RHP User
12 years ago
...perhaps they should not be judged at all. Who are we to do so?
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RHP User
12 years ago
Because.x
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'm going to defend her as my reasons are exactly the same. Been married 15 years, wife not interested, doesn't feel the need for it. Have tried to talk about it, even seen a counsellor, but if there's no desire, then it is not happening. I know I'm cheating, but I am craving that intimacy and there is no other way to get it. I have two children and an otherwise happy home so why break up if it's only sex? Or in our cases, no sex.I would rather be in an open relationship and not sneak around, but I don't have that option as not everyone is open minded. We are all human and all have needs - I'm not saying we are right in looking elsewhere, but life is short and sometimes we need to chill out and end the day with a smile on our faces - Some might say selfish, some may say I understand; whatever people think, we are the ones who have to live with our choices - good or bad. For those that comment negatively and have not been married or in a long-term relationship, you will not understand what it's like until you are.Good for you MelbMarried38, enjoy yourself, but be smart.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'jonstar' But I disagree with your second paragraph regarding the fact that one doesnt open their mouths regarding social justice etc How do you know that ? thats a big generalisation And yes cheaters have contributed to the world, but that was not my question My question is about moral compass. Not about differences between the genders, or religion or a child adult , prisoners or free men I asked one question You asked me to look at my own compass and I have no issue with that and yes our compasses may differ neither of us will be wrong or right, but you avoided answering my question. Where does the cheating stop in the cheaters life ? And why would you want a compass with no fixed North ? if you did, you would forever be lost and unable to find your way to anywhere I guess I mean my answers in a general way. What about this as far as a moral compas goes. I do not drink, so I do not drink and drive. Many people do drink and drive and kill people in the process. If you look at my compas on Drink Driving it will be stuck on true north. Other things, I do not have true north as I guess its tugged this way and that by circumstance, and also from getting a better understanding. In point I can and do change my mind about things, if I am educated more or if I happen to run accross people in my life and I feel empathy for them now I understand a bit more what they go through. we all have fixed opinions but we change over time, morals are just your perspective at a given point of time in your life. You may loosed morals and pick up some new ones , when you shed old thoughts that can happen and when you see injustice your moral compas may just kick into high gear. I cheater should not be a noun. cheating is an action and you can cheat at all kinds of things, ie drink driving, tests, diets, resume`, so its th action that is the problem. Some people stop cheating or start cheating depending on the circumstance. so are you saying you have never cheated in anything? Have you ever driven Drunk? thats cheating the law is it not?
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'jonstar' But I disagree with your second paragraph regarding the fact that one doesnt open their mouths regarding social justice etc How do you know that ? thats a big generalisation And yes cheaters have contributed to the world, but that was not my question My question is about moral compass. Not about differences between the genders, or religion or a child adult , prisoners or free men I asked one question You asked me to look at my own compass and I have no issue with that and yes our compasses may differ neither of us will be wrong or right, but you avoided answering my question. Where does the cheating stop in the cheaters life ? And why would you want a compass with no fixed North ? if you did, you would forever be lost and unable to find your way to anywhere I guess I mean my answers in a general way. What about this as far as a moral compas goes. I do not drink, so I do not drink and drive. Many people do drink and drive and kill people in the process. If you look at my compas on Drink Driving it will be stuck on true north. Other things, I do not have true north as I guess its tugged this way and that by circumstance, and also from getting a better understanding. In point I can and do change my mind about things, if I am educated more or if I happen to run accross people in my life and I feel empathy for them now I understand a bit more what they go through. we all have fixed opinions but we change over time, morals are just your perspective at a given point of time in your life. You may loosed morals and pick up some new ones , when you shed old thoughts that can happen and when you see injustice your moral compas may just kick into high gear. I cheater should not be a noun. cheating is an action and you can cheat at all kinds of things, ie drink driving, tests, diets, resume`, so its th action that is the problem. Some people stop cheating or start cheating depending on the circumstance. so are you saying you have never cheated in anything? Have you ever driven Drunk? thats cheating the law is it not?
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RHP User
12 years ago
Your arguments really have hair on them. Think I've heard all the BS excuses possible supporting cheating in these posts.Cheaters have contributed to society? WTF?.. ....So have murderers, rapists, child molesters, etc.....So because these people have contributed to society we shall tolerate their actions....is that right?Someone made the comment, "Most cheaters i know have a spouse/ partner who is sick". Again ..WTF....You guys must live in a nursing home because every cheater I know love their spouse/ partner who is healthy, and cheat for their own selfish reasons.And if my spouse/ partner was sick or on her death bed I sure as hell wouldn't be thinking about getting my rocks off cheating, I'd be by her side.Lets see, what other comical statements have been made... Oh yes, "Cheat because she is scared of her violent husband/ partner and scared for her life".......... Great advice and words of wisdom guys...Not one of you advised, "Get the fuck out of the relationship for your own safety"....Cheating is a better solution isn't that right guys?Oh yes...."In the mining campsite someone is fucking someone they shouldn't be every night''.... I've been told things can get pretty boring in those mining campsites. I worked for a large company for 25 years and only 3 married people cheated in that time. Two of which ended in ugly divorces and custody battles, the 3rd was caught out but tried staying together even though their trust was lost.And another..."I have had a fair amount of long term lovers.. and guess what happened in EVERY single one of them bar none....? A sister, cousin, mother, daughter or very close friend of that lover decided to try me out. Takes two to tangle?"Have you ever heard of the word restraint (no not the ropes and handcuffs).We have all been propositioned but most of us think of the consequences first. So yes it's ok to say no to your best mates gf if she makes sexual advances on you because you respect and value your mates friendship.And another...''Cheating is ok in a loveless marriage/ relationship'' ...So you're saying it's better to cheat than end a loveless relationship...or are you saying its better for your children that they witness parents who do not love each other and cheat on each other? A lot of people divorce and as hard as it may be, both are still great parents with well adjusted kids.I do not believe in religion or karma but I do believe in a more scientific view.....Newon's Third Law..."For every action there is a equal and opposite reaction'' Doesn't matter if you are getting away with cheating or not, someone is getting hurt.I am not condemning the cheater, but their foolish actions. It's all about selfish needs and wants and total disregard for the one they love.I am advising that before resorting to cheating, you first try a few of the million options to save your relationship.Talk to eachother FFS. Yes, sex in marriage can get stale. Other priorities take place...Kids, bills, work, etc.If you are lacking intimacy it means your partner is also. So don't be concerned if you suggest something sexually that your partner might think less of you. You're breaking the ice, so continue discussions until you find what interests both of you, BDSM, swinging, 3somes, 4somes or moresomes. Playing together or an open relationship is a far better option to cheating.
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RHP User
12 years ago
...but I'm not going to tear you down and label your behaviour this time. I'm going to try and appeal to your sensibilities. People here have opened up and shared parts of their lives with you. We are not making excuses as we do not need to be excused. We are trying to make people understand that not every circumstance is the same. While, as reasonable people, we have described some of our reasons for doing things we have done, you have responded with derision and false assumptions without offering any reasons of your own for your stand. It is not uncommon for a person to claim that something is "BS" when it doesn't suit his/her opinion but simply deriding it is not making an arguement. You haven't offered any reasons of your own to support your claim that these are "BS excuses". I have to say though, that it is foolish to assume a person in a bad marriage uses an affair as a first resort. While we've kept our stories short, they have taken years to unfold and I know that I tried many ways of reconciling my marriage before temptation got the better of me. I know it was the same for Jennylee and if you had any gentlemanly inclinations at all, you would apologise to my wife for your harsh and uncalled for remarks. You were told that she was too scared to leave her husband, at the time, yet you insist that she should have done this anyway. Have you no regard at all for the plight of a woman in fear? Ofcourse her closest friends, who were aware of the situation, told her to get out but SHE WAS TOO SCARED. What part of this are you having trouble understanding? With the exception of the serial cheaters, I suspect every person in a bad marriage tries to fix it before engaging in affairs. I'll admitt I didn't try a million ways. Where exactly did you come up with that number? Did you count them personally? I have stated before that, in my opinion, leaving someone is not the "right" thing to do. Having an affair is not the "right" thing to do either. The only right thing to do is to not marry the wrong person to begin with but we all make mistakes and then we have options. Leaving your spouse or having an affair both break the marriage vow so they can both be considered "wrong" but they are two of your options. What you decide to do is up to your own values and priorities. No one has yet explained to me what makes leaving a spouse the right thing to do. It certainly doesn't save them from hurt. In my experience, it hurts more to be simply left because you are unsure of what you did wrong. Some people tend to blame themselves in this situation. When an affair is involved, people often get over it quicker. They have someone else to blame for their predicament. In recent threads, on the subject of extramarital affairs, the opinions of qualified psychiatrists have been quoted that express the view that affairs are not always detrimental to a relationship. In some cases, it can save a marriage. There is documented proof to support this claim and it is nothing new. Many psychiatrists, psychologists and councellors hold this view and I've seen articles of this type pop up in publications frequently, as way back as the seventies. Your other assumption that children would be exposed to the realities of unfaithful parents is also wrong. For the brief period of my own philandering my wife of the time and son were completely unaware and unaffected. For much of the last century, and indeed earlier, society would turn a blind eye to discreet affairs while frowning on divorce. Further more,recent studies reveal that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their lives. As "truth" is usually made up of general consensus, I think it's fair to say that affairs are acceptable within reason. Now you can continue to reject my arguements if you wish. You can insist that you know better than these professionals and that the statistics are "BS". You can continue to judge me and others like me harshly but you should be aware that any judgement you make says more about the type of person you are than it does about us.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think you should add a few though.Out of those percentages of people who have cheated...could you now show us the statistics of what percentage of these people ended in.....1. Destruction of their marriage/ broken home/ divorce2. Domestic violence due to infidelity3. Depression...suicide....and then compare those stats with how many marriages you claim have been saved.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Each to their own and suffer your own consequences i say. I dont condone and i dont pretend that it doesnt exist ,i accept that people do it,and there are reasons behind them doing it. What ever rocks their boats.We should never judge others instead we should judge ourselves.Leave it at that.Leesa xxx keep smiling peoples.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I really thought this topic would end but it just gets deeper..I dont always agree with Mike either but I feel he and shel feel strongly on this point and are to be left to have there say.Jensman would you cheat on Jennlylee???????????? I think I know the answer but as you have said people have these set of circumnstances that lead to cheating so??????I like Nobighurrys' response as I was thinking about the dyling wifes thoughts of catching her husband cheating and her last thoughts of him not being able to at least wait till shes gone. I like everything he said.The thing is if of these women who are cheating for these so called valid reasons ---- What then ----- Stay with the unloving, uncaring and/or violent husband? For how long are you to stay and cheat for your sanity obviously they are just bying their time. Who would want to be in such relationships for life. If you say you love your partner but get no intimacy your marraige will not last. How many cheaters marraiges last?The cheating is a temporary fix it seems to me!!!!!!!!!!I think there's more to cheating, I know some do it for attention.Jennsman you are so defensive because this has been your past I'm sure its not your future. No one is casting stones at Jennylee what happened before has made you two a couple.I have someone close who I am sure cheated on his long term partner I am sure she knew and didnt care, as she had no interest in sex and I suppose in him either. They split he is happier with a new partner. I am pretty sure he went to prostitutes I dont think any different of him. I now cringe for what attacks will flow at me.
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RHP User
12 years ago
...and you are completely correct, an affair is a transient thing and never meant to be permanent. No, I would never have an affair behind Jennyle's back even if she were on her death bed (although I wouldn't rule out hookers). A point made by one of the psychiatrists' quote was that, after realising that an affair was a mistake, a person can learn to appreciate what's at home more and find a way to make the marriage work. My own affairs were unfullfilling, that's why I stopped but I learnt a great deal from my experiences and don't regret them in the least nor do I feel guilt. Jennylee's affair was the impetus that gave her the courage to break free which means it was benefitial to her and fortunate for me. Again, I'm not encouraging infidelity, I'm encouraging compassion and understanding. I do understand that people feel strongly on this subject and I believe people should be free to choose for themselves but that doesn't excuse people being offensive and dictating to others how they should live their lives. No one is telling Mike or nobighurry that they should have affairs but they should not impose their values upon us and deride our own.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Would you care to explain how choosing to leave your spouse would help in those situations?
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RHP User
12 years ago
...not simply trying to discredit another person's arguement because I have none of my own. big·ot·ry noun, plural big·ot·ries. 1. stubborn and complete intolerance of any creed, belief, or opinion that differs from one's own.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'nobighurry'I think you should add a few though.Out of those percentages of people who have cheated...could you now show us the statistics of what percentage of these people ended in.....1. Destruction of their marriage/ broken home/ divorce2. Domestic violence due to infidelity3. Depression...suicide....and then compare those stats with how many marriages you claim have been saved. as an artist yours dont add up, who is cheating now? just sayin Would that be Saint No Big Hurry. Or simple simon Hypocrocy is alive and well on RHP. Not just yours but a few others on here that are living the dream on rhp but not offline saints on rhp sinners in reality, liars and cheats in other ways. Looking at themselves in their own magic mirrors. there are some guys that you have put shit on, that if you meet them offline could tear you a new one. Being on a computer makes us all a tad braver and more heated than we should be. I guess you can spot the wounded people by thier posts, so its sad that they are not ever going to move on in their life and just for the record. I have been cheated on more than once, but I also know that I am also part of the problem when that happed. Takes two, to fuck and two to fuck it up.
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perthangler
12 years ago
tuscan your response was so perceptive i truly enjoy reading your posts.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I was married to a covertly aggressive woman. By covert I mean everyone outside the walls of the matrimonial home thought things were peachy. Move on in, and voila instant access to the most cruel things. That of which will remain a secret. I chose to not find comfort in someone else, and at times regret it, as having a certain stigma with driving trucks came the accusations. I became so hell bent on proving my love and dedication to her and the kids that I lost the love and self-respect that I should've preserved. I became torn, lifeless in a way and now?? Well, I maybe alive and kicking, but in all honesty, I have no idea what love is, how it feels or even how to define it with a partner. I was always brought up, like many on here that infidelity is wrong, but looking back, would've been an acceptable reason to have lost it all. I may still never agree with it, but am slowly having my eyes opened to accepting it.
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RHP User
12 years ago
So judgemental. *shrug* I never tell anyone I will be exclusive to them .. I didnt call myself the caveman. I was called that becuse I have neanderthal tendencies. I will have sex with anyone who asks.. INCLUDING mates wives.. I supervise construction crews and evertime I take R&R I tell the crew to keep their eye on their wives... because while they are chasing skirt on our contracts.. the wives are getting laid a LOT more.. and I am happy to oblige. Am I right? Am I wrong? Will I be JUDGED by God? Will I go to hell? Who are YOU "NoBigHurry" to answer even ONE of these questions? WHY are YOU divorced? WHOSE wife/girlfriend/sister/daughter/mother are YOU displaying on YOUR profile making yourself look like a fckn stud? I would tell you to suck my dick, but I dont think I am allowed to :) Caveman.. neanderthal by Deoxyribonucleic acid AND Ribonucleic acid
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RHP User
12 years ago
Jensman, Tuscanred and Cavey.....Although you may believe you have a wealth of experience and are the RHP experts on all matters sexual and of the heart...I'm afraid you're not...Yes I'm afraid you'll find most RHP members have experienced sex, cheating, etc.As such they are entitled to a view in these forums. These views may not agree with you opinion.Tuscanred...It's always nice to see a mature lady resort to threats and violence...Quote: "there are some guys that you have put shit on, that if you meet them offline could tear you a new one."Thank you for your concern but I can take care of myself. Quoting Cavey...WHOSE wife/girlfriend/sister/daughter/mother are YOU displaying on YOUR profile making yourself look like a fckn stud? I would tell you to suck my dick, but I dont think I am allowed to :)Thank you for the compliment Cavey but believe it or not you're not the first gay guy to hit on me. I will respond to you as I respond to them, "Sorry dude I'm straight, but good luck in what you seek".Cavey I'm glad your lifestyle brings you happiness but tell me .. Do you think everyone in a relationship should live by your principles?
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RHP User
12 years ago
I wonder where one would look to find a truly so called moral person.Morality being so subjective anyway... The Boy Scouts? The Catholic Church? The CEOs of major banks? The most compassionate and moral people I have ever met spent over twenty years in prison.If I only tell you that small piece of information what conclusions will you jump to? If I then tell you it was a Chinese prison and both these men were Tibetan and Buddhist monks ,your opinion of them will probably shift. Is the measure of a person to be judged by one set of circumstances?According to the Chinese Government at the time these men were imprisoned,they were dangerous dissidents.According to my view and the view of Amnesty International they were victims of a cruel and unjust regime. Many people would judge anyone who is on a site such as this as being immoral,is that how you view yourself and otheres here? Many people would say in their view sex outside of marriage is immoral because of their religious views. Do I have a moral compass?Like most humans I am flawed,what I attempt to do is live my life conciously,do I judge others for how they choose to live their lives,yes I do,but my judgements are not based on one action or one set of circumstances.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'hardtruckin2011'I was married to a covertly aggressive woman. By covert I mean everyone outside the walls of the matrimonial home thought things were peachy. Move on in, and voila instant access to the most cruel things. That of which will remain a secret. I chose to not find comfort in someone else, and at times regret it, as having a certain stigma with driving trucks came the accusations. I became so hell bent on proving my love and dedication to her and the kids that I lost the love and self-respect that I should've preserved. I became torn, lifeless in a way and now?? Well, I maybe alive and kicking, but in all honesty, I have no idea what love is, how it feels or even how to define it with a partner. I was always brought up, like many on here that infidelity is wrong, but looking back, would've been an acceptable reason to have lost it all. I may still never agree with it, but am slowly having my eyes opened to accepting it. Honest and insightful thank you
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RHP User
12 years ago
Stop feeding da chickens. no big hurry I do apologise to you if you thought I was a threat to you. If you feel that way then, I did not express my self as clearly as I should have. I am not the expert on anything but my own experiences. Maybe you an take up the matel then, and perhaps post some new topics for us to enjoy and ps, maybe also google your pictures so you know where they come from? or put up some of yourself may help to add some transparency to who you are etc. Welcome to the forums, yes it gets heated at times But most things worth a good think about do generate some heat. I am all out of chicken feed so this wil be my last dribble of shit for on this thread.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thank you for once again proving everything I've ever said about you. Your cooperation is greatly appreciated. You're not clever but you are a damn fine sport. Now go and stand quietly, over with the other bigots. There's a good lad. You know, you made another false assumption. Cavey is not gay. He already told you, he is a neandathal. I think that means he's omnisexual. He fucks women, roos, wombats, bears (when he was in Canada), motorcycles, small trucks (nothing bigger than eighteen wheels) and bigots (watch out, Nobighurry). There's been a bit of talk about moral compasses. Well, Cavey has a finely tuned moral compass. It comes from being so in touch with his natural instincts. He knows right from wrong and if you do wrong, he will hunt you down and kill you, ...or fuck you, ...or eat you. It really depends on his mood at the time. Yo, Hardtruckin'. Welcome to the dark side. It's good to be bad. Don't worry, being bad doesn't mean being wrong. Being stupid like Nobighurry means being wrong. By the way, everyone. If you're in the mood for a good belly laugh, take a gander at Nobighurry's profile. He is one funny guy.
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RHP User
12 years ago
What kind of a retard are you posting death threats in a public forum.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Funny guy.
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RHP User
12 years ago
sometimes people do not the full story behind why people do this and unless you are in the said situation , most of you would not understand . there are a lot of things that make up a marriage and sometimes things dont quite qork out the way you want. and its not for other people to judge, you can accept or walk away. the choice is yours
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RHP User
12 years ago
To answer your question - Do you think everyone in a relationship should live by your principles? Absolutely NOT AT ALL.. nor have I EVER seriously suggested they do. Of course, I have, and will continue to, offer myself, AND my understandings as an alternative. Jensman is right though.. Everything about your posts, indicate you as a bigot. So, do sit with them.. it is fine to be one.. it takes all kinds to make our wonderful world. I didn't see jensman making death threats... do you have a persecution complex as well as your other complexes? Special doctors can work with you on them mate: Jacktar - good comment mate.. thank you. Tuscan and Freya: I am SURE you two will hit it off when you meet :) caveman
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RHP User
12 years ago
MelbMarried 38 - Cheating always comes with risk - but so do all things in life and each of us constantly makes decisions about whether the risk is worth it. Before doing it you should make a judgement about putting your relationship at risk, as well as the consequences - if its worth the risk then good luck to you. It is pretty obvious why people don't adopt open marriages over affairs - you are worried that your husband may find someone better. Have you thought of a third option - hotwifing where wife plays and husband doesn't ? Some men really get off on this and the wife doesn't have to worry about the husband finding out as the husband is helping her organise the dates. Best to bring this up with your husband in a hypothetical way .... " I had this dream...of making love with another man" and see if he gets aroused. But the basis for hotwifing is the same as for open marriages - communication, communication, communication ( and hot sex with a new lover as well). There maybe a downside for you - you may have to tell him in detail about your sexual adventures or even let him watch you getting fucked but that can't be worse than the divorce / split up trip cheating could bring Of course there is the possibility that it's the secrecy and lying and naughtiness that actually gets you off - in which case you're stuck with cheating. Best wishes on whatever you decide. Remember that life is short.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I love quoting Monty Python.
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inspirit
12 years ago
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RHP User
12 years ago
Well I am not in an open relationship, but I certainly wouldn't be opposed to the idea. I can handle the thought of him being with other women. Think about it this way. If you had a pie for lunch every single day for 6 years, would you still want a pie? It doesn't mean you don't love pie...lol, it just means you like a bit of variety in your appetite. Hubby is sleeping but I think I will suggest open relationship to him and see how he feels.Oh p.s. bad analogy I know - I don't eat pies - ever. More of a salad kind of girl.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'tuscanred' When your in a marriage and the sex is not good, no matter how hard you try. and yes people do try and try and it may just not work or circumstances change. There are a ton of reasons why people have sex with others in and out of a marriage. Each is individual and complicated. Why throw out the baby with the bath water, other parts of your relationship may be working just fine, you may have children etc No one outisde of that marriage will ever know the real reasons why some people stray, why some cheat or why some are open. I offered for my now ex-husband to have an open marriage whilst I was pregnant and he refused to sleep with me. I'd have preferred he get it somewhere else rather than lose his libido entirely (which is exactly what happened), and then in the end we both suffer. I was also pretty keen to get some too, but not many men I know who would fuck a pregnant wife - So you know, I made do until I couldn't reach anymore LOL Point is, it's neither right or wrong when you don't know the details. I've come to learn in the past 6 months that it's unlikely I will be in a monogamous relationship again for quite some time.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Well said....Honeybee.....that "Every marriage has it's own dynamic". My ex-wife had a low level of libido which impacted fataly on our marriage sadly, given that an open marriage was not an option at the time! Over time, therefore, I discovered that sexual incompatibilites do exist out there in marriages. So I believe that couples need to weigh up the options, without judgement: 1. Stay together for commitment sake, but remain sexually unsatisfied? 2. Agree to an open marriage, to satisfy sexual inconsistencies? 3. Remain oblivious and Risk one partner "cheating" on the other? 4. Divorce, the ultimate loss and/or suffering or freedom?? 5. Seek counselling or plainly discuss the issues with your partner? 5. Other (if any)? So therefore, each to their own ....I say :-) .....to work out the realistic outcomes??
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RHP User
12 years ago
Honeybee Your post absolutely stunned me. Pregnant women are so so sexy I couldn't keep away from my wife when she was pregnant and at times she got really really hot and horny.. It was great time, especially the first time when we didn't have toddlers around. Regards Mr SR
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CrackUp
12 years ago
Hey Ms Melb..Try another site (I have a feeling RHP will block this if I state the name) .. it's serves a similar purpose but .. not half as full of judgemental attitudes as seem to pervade this arena. Good luck with things.. Nobody is perfect, and usually those who make the most amount of noise are those the furtherest removed from it.. in spite of their 'holy than thou' twaddle.
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RHP User
12 years ago
When the RHP Moral Police step up to the plate and begin lecturing (sorry wrong word...admonishing.... others for thier life style choices. You know I never get the whole open relationship thang either. It just does not work for me. Sex outside the marrigae is just that...sex outside the marriage. Just because the other partner knows does not mean it is right *IMO*** but hey, each to thier own. I dont get scat, breath play, furries, sadsim or a host of other fetishes either but that is all cool. I am not gonna rant and rave and tell others that thier choices are wrong becauase it is something that I wont do. My current partner and I have discussed open relationships and have decided together that they are not for us. I wont cheat on him either. Whether he cheats or not is yet to be determined as he is only human after all...he does have kinks that I dont so who knows. Infidelity has been going on ever since the church invented marriage so dont let it bother you too much. Back in the days we all just turned a blind eye to it but now days it is Shame! Shame! Shame! Well Shame on all the hypocritical, moralistic pricks trying to tell someone else who they should and shouldnt be fucking. We are all adults....our choice! The lady asked how you couples managed to talk about this openly togther not asked to be hung drawn and quartered because she can not speak so openly to her partner.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have cheated on my partner before & honestly the guilt ate me up inside! So I told him. Since then I have discovered how turned on it gets him & describing my sexy excapades before & during sex has made it so much hotter!! I have been with my man for almost 9 yrs now & because of that we know we truly love each other (that wont change) & are happy with an OP. But on that note... I dont know how I would feel watching or knowing he has been with another woman... guess that make me a little hypocritical but its something we can discuss and go through together & knowing we can discuss it has made us closer than ever!! So I'm not judging you & what you do as every relashionship is different & no-one knows what goes on behind closed doors (unless there is a camera ;) But I wouldn't completely disregard the idea to an OP without first being open & honest to your partner. Good luck but just remember karma does come back!
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RHP User
12 years ago
I would just like to replace OP with OR (Open Relationship) Have had a couple drinks lol :p
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RHP User
12 years ago
than having a fucking big laugh at the fun police ......
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RHP User
12 years ago
We all have our secrets. Maybe some are not forfilled but still love their partners. And maybe it can help get the spark back. I love my wife but we are lacking the intimate side of our marriage..hard for some to accept, and yeh i agree good to get opinions. But you have to be there to understand fully.
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RHP User
12 years ago
The pious, arrogant, moral grandstanding on this thread is staggering.Where the loudest voices here advertise to have sex with other couples and multiple men, including buggery and other deplorable acts of unspeakable filth.What do you think the equally pious and arrogant moralists in vanilla land would make of that ? They would tear you to shreds, ostracise you, repatriate your abused children and probably not a few on the far right would have you stoned to death.But here you are inflicting it on others.Just go about your business and leave others to theirs.
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RHP User
12 years ago
and it takes a brave person to be honest and open themselves up to possible vilification and judgement of others. I know this from experience, I shared my own story here some months ago. I thank all those people who responded with kindness and understanding. My point then was that not everything is right or wrong, black or white. My cheating resulted in the very worst outcome possible. It is important to remember that things are not always as they seem, and it is not for us to judge others. To the OP, have you ever considered bringing up an open relationship with your husband? You never know...
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think noone should place judgement on anyone elses situation! Its great to have a place like RHP to fulfill anyones needs and desires and thats what its here for! Whether you are in a relationship and cheating or in an open one it doesnt matter, everyone is here for a reason and should never have to explain to others what their deal is! If its sex its just sex!! If your in a relationship and looking for something more than u only need to be questioning yourself and your relationship! Have fun and dont take issues like this too seriously! Do it and do it safely! Its your life, your circumstances, your business!!
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RHP User
12 years ago
taking a point of view that supports the victims of cheats isnt being moralistic or pious...its about making a choice. i cant and wont wear that i am called, amongst other things...a bigot, for not feeling empathy and compassion for someone who feels they are justified in cheating their partner...i cant do it as a victim of a serial cheat, i've been there, i've seen my life, my relationship, my career, wrecked by someone who thought it was appropriate to think only of herself and her selfish wants.... feeling empathy or compassion requires one thing...and thats to care enough to not want the other person to feel hurt.... and i dont feel that for liars and cheats.... not one bit. i understand that people might feel like its their only option, i really do, but what i dont understand is how they can consciously make the choice to go ahead any way, and to return again and again to that choice, in spite of them knowing what they might be doing to their partner.... when i went through my ordeal, i ended up unable to function, so sought professional help.....many many conselling sessions later and with further assistance from the CRS, i was eventually able to return to work , and to begin to piece my life back together...(i lost 4 years while this was happening)... while being counselled i learned many things about myself, and about others. the single most important thing i learned was that it wasnt my fault that she strayed/cheated/betrayed me.... it was hers.....she made the choice, she made the conscious decision to betray me, again, and again, and again.... if over these past few years, i have seemed to be a 'zealot' or a 'fanatic' about infidelity, then so be it.... i make no apology for being the way i am, its just 'how it is'............. i think its much more productive i be this way....even if i seem to be on my own at times....the alternate, which is to curl up, give in, and remain silent, doesnt sound very much like me at all.... its been said that cheating is abuse, and if i cant wear abuse, how can i accept cheating? People who are being abused may: Have very low self-esteem, even if they used to be confident. Show major personality changes (e.g. an outgoing person becomes withdrawn). Be depressed, anxious, or suicidal. i was all these things, as are many whose partners choose to betray them. kinda sucks hey?
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RHP User
12 years ago
We are asking you to respect our right to have our own values. I've put every bit as much thought into my priorities as you have for yours and I'm entitled to live my life on my own terms. You are not qualified to pass judgement on us, only on yourself. You need to accept that your own statements have been highly offensive and critical of people you know nothing about. You choose to call it cheating but that is yet another inadequate label. It is extramarital affairs. This term is neutral, warranted and accurately descriptive. People involved in affairs can be abusive but that doesn't make the affair itself abusive. You need to learn to differentiate.
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RHP User
12 years ago
neutral and warranted? then what do you call the lies that are told, the manipulatiuons, the deceptions and betrayals that have to be there to facilitate an 'extra marital affair'? it doesnt matter what angle you look at it, or how obtuse and argument you come up with.... If you wouldn't do it with your spouse standing there, it's cheating..........
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RHP User
12 years ago
Pretty sure we've all been on the recieving end to it all.. Life goes on & there's almost always a time to get over it! cheers bye
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RHP User
12 years ago
Mike...you said if you wouldn't do it with our wife standing there..it is cheating.. Oh how wrong you are... Swingers sometimes do it without their partner standing there...maybe you might like to change that sentence. Leesa
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'couplesint'Mike...you said if you wouldn't do it with our wife standing there..it is cheating.. Oh how wrong you are... Swingers sometimes do it without their partner standing there...maybe you might like to change that sentence. Leesa you know what i mean...if you wouldnt do it with his/her permission/knowledge, tacit or implicit. if its done behind a veil of lies.....how can it be anything other than 'cheating'.....its not like its a healthy wholesome past time you can share with all your family...lol.
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RHP User
12 years ago
In my case, I didn't need to lie, it wasn't discussed. When I left the house I was on my own time. Every woman I was with knew I was married. They knew that the only thing of ny importance to me was my son and that I wouldn't leave my wife and risk losing him. It's about time you stopped grandstanding about lying though. You've been telling enough of your own.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Mike and Jensman,you are probably both right.People hurt each other in many different ways,the hurt that is caused by someone withdrawing love,affection,sex and other intimacies ,even their physical presence is like a dagger in the heart.Of course you cant see those scars but they are there.People deal with that hurt and pain in different ways.Some drink,some do drugs,prescription and others ,some have sex .This is a response to that pain. When someone could care less about their loved ones and deliberately set out to cause pain and hurt by having sex with others without any thought to the pain they are causing is indeed reprehensible. Perhaps neither of you will agree with this point of view but I can see both sides of this argument and do think both points of view have merit.However every persons situation is different,what you have both shared here is how you suffered in different ways and dealt with that pain. xxxx to you both R
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RHP User
12 years ago
Some couples don't like to be told it is their game and if they leave the house they have permission to play. It is that simple, there are many in the lifestyle that do that. It is not cheating. It is open marriage. In fact they don't want to know anything about the play at all, they just give open license for the other to play. Leesa xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
so there was no 'deceit' involved...you told your wife straight up of your intent and hid nothing of what you were doing with others? what about the women you were with...did they tell their partners straight up? share a coffee and a chat with your/their partner? one big happy family? everything was out in the open wasnt it? what lies do i tell? and if i do lie....how is it that you could know, one way or the other?
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RHP User
12 years ago
Don't agree with cheating, but there are many forms of play and if someone is not questioned but the partner knows they might...it doesn't mean they are cheating it is an open marriage like the forum suggested. Leesa xxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'couplesint'Some couples don't like to be told it is their game and if they leave the house they have permission to play. It is that simple, there are many in the lifestyle that do that. It is not cheating. It is open marriage. In fact they don't want to know anything about the play at all, they just give open license for the other to play. Leesa xx now you are talking about something else entirely... permission is permission...tacit or implicit... if someone says 'yea yea whatever, just dont let me find out'..... thats permission. lol
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'couplesint'Don't agree with cheating, but there are many forms of play and if someone is not questioned but the partner knows they might...it doesn't mean they are cheating it is an open marriage like the forum suggested. Leesa xxx isnt the forum about someone who wants discreet meets, but doesnt see herself as honest enough to let her husband know, or even ask permission?
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RHP User
12 years ago
Wow!!! After attempting to read some of these posts I came to a conclusion . Way to many of you people spend to much time on your computers, some of these posts are painfully long and boring . Get out of your chairs stretch your legs and peak out the curtains , there's life outside your windows! Yippie!!!
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RHP User
12 years ago
I was talking about the original question..." What's with open relationships". I will leave it there not gonna get involved in this one any longer, just sitting back laughing as I usually do. Xx Leesa
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RHP User
12 years ago
I suggest you make the best of the cease fire.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'couplesint'I was talking about the original question..." What's with open relationships". I will leave it there not gonna get involved in this one any longer, just sitting back laughing as I usually do. Xx Leesa yea...dont you, lol... teesn leesa? i think so...lol.
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RHP User
12 years ago
isnt the forum about someone who wants discreet meets, but doesnt see herself as honest enough to let her husband know, or even ask permission? I should sit on my hands, but no way do I feel that I have to ask any person , husband or not, for permission to let someone have MY body. Its all mine and I can choose what I want to do with it. Your married that does not mean that you own the other person, at all. And that my friends is the biggest problem, marriage = ownership not this little black duck Though yes for many years I did believe that, and it did me nor my husband any good A person can pump away like a robot, you can fuck your wife/ husband cause that’s all you have and its what convention says you have to do. Or you can suffer in misery in your faithful cold beds. Look around , is it working? Fuck NO If it was there would be NO RHP or a million other internet fuck sites. Married people probably make up the biggest numbers they are just keeping their mouth shut on forums. Who can blame em.
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RHP User
12 years ago
...the thing with open marriages is that swingers have the same hedonistic, sexual lust as serial cheaters except they are lucky enough to have understanding, like minded partners. In fact, when you think of it, it's harder to justify than the plight of a lonely wife looking for affection. You will always find bigots (plural) even here on a site for swingers who will try to impose their values onto you. The only person you need to answer to is yourself. Could you accept it if your husband had an affair? If not, you probably shouldn't do it yourself. If you're just out for some fun, if you can get away with it, get it out of your system then return to your marriage and devote yourself to your family, good luck to you. If this happens, always keep it to yourself. Everyone has their secrets. If you get caught out and your husband is not an understanding man, you're in for a world of misery. Just be true to yourself and your own values.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Very well said and really it on the head jensman. Each to their own, who are we to judge and say what is right and wrong for others. Although cheating is not the solution, there are some people that need to do it for many reasons, it is not our place to judge them or to support them, but to know that everyone has their own needs and if it was they do, then they must live with the consequences. Leesa xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
Sometimes a couple find their marriage is strengthened in the aftermath of an affair. Sometimes actions speak louder than words. Those who do not take heed when their partner asks for more sex/attention/quality time with them may sit up and take notice when their partners affections stray. At the end of the day, yes, as said above, you are the person who needs to live with your choices, I'm pretty sure people shitcanning them on here is not going to resonate within them and change their lives. Understanding goes a long way.
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RHP User
12 years ago
...it's not cheating when you're playing by your own rules. Saskia...? What, the hell, is that pic about???
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hi Jensman, in a nutshell, refer to 'couples corner' post titled 'punching above your weight'. Just having a bit of fun. x
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hey Awful lot of self justifcation here. A marriage is a contract before god and man, and it IS about ownership. Don't go assuming I go with any of it,but if anyone takes the vows and then goes outside of that contract, they are living a bigger lie than they know,regardles of open or not. Marriage is all about property and linneage, the thing is that one is either single or married.On what level does the question of honesty become valid? The 'open' thing is a relevantist rationalisation,slightly to the right of 'closed'.
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RHP User
12 years ago
YOu choose to play around behind your husbands back that is your choice and up to your conscience but why make judgement on others that have openl relationships, that is their business they are being honest and forthright with each other and no one is going behind each others back, that is their choice and they can live with it. YOu put it out there that you are cheating behind your husbands back and you are not surprised that you have got a bite? YOu have made judgement on others choices yet don't expect a backlash of your own? There is a saying "Those that live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" It is not that you choose to cheat behind your husbands back but you have the audacity to make judgement on others choices which is honest and open and no hidden agendas that is what is an amazing contradiction.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Upforittoo Your kidding aren't you, a contract between god and man......wtf...lol I can't stop laughing here and just had to type it. God was not present when I married Bryan...we did it at home and with a celebrant...no god was there..lol Leesa xxxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'm going to hell l...oh no..lol
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RHP User
12 years ago
If .....you're.... happy and you know it clap your hands
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have been with my wife for 17 years and we are deeply in love. I want her to be truly free from the constraints of monogamous convention and so we opened the boundaries on our relationship. We are not swingers but we are open. Being open leads to more truth and transparency and the fulfilment of desires that would ordinarily go unsatiated. Life is short......I take great pleasure knowing that the love of my life can express herself in any way she chooses and with whoever she chooses.....the original post states that this is wrong.......and instead suggests deception? Sorry, but that seems self-destructive...
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RHP User
12 years ago
the only reason i joined this site was because i found out my husband of 15 yrs had a profile on here and has been cheating on me from the word go...SO NOT COOL...but u know what they say....whats good for the goose ...ive already met some really lovely and gorgeous men whom im looking forward to meet soon ;) ah revenge is sweet ....
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