F53
Masochistic equilibrium
November 02 2013
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
That's what life is all about. Sometimes people respond well and feel the same and some times they don't. It sucks, it hurts and however trite it sounds... That's life. You have to cope the answer on the chin and move on, but I do always thing it's better to risk it then be a scaredy cat and say nothing. I know sometimes you feel like a dickhead for being to open but meh, so what. One of my personal fears is that I will reach old age and have all these regrets because I wasn't brave enough to go after what I wanted. I am really trying to get out there and just do.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I already did :)- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
It doesn't hurt, at all. It annoys the bejesus out of me. I'm honestly feeling like a bull being poked by a picador(thank you Freya). - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Be brave mate. You deserve nothing but the best. In fact you deserve better than you dream you deserve. Believe my friend, believe... Hp xo 💌 Because you're worth it...
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RHP User
11 years ago
Maybe you just caught her off guard and she's used to your funny side so responded in kind.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'm sure there was more to the story than what you present here. Just saying.
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RHP User
11 years ago
It's pretty nasty when you're undermined like that. Especially when you're confronting something very personal to take a chance on someone. Maybe she was a self-saboteur as well!!It's a funny thing. I've been thinking about this a lot. This very issue has come up in my life again this week. Just as I thought I was getting a grip on it. We all know how futile and foolish it is in denying deeper emotional bonds out of our psychological issues. But does anyone think it can be just as damaging to use another person (intimate partner not counsellor) as a proxy to therapy. Where I've sometimes found myself using another person as a way of proving things emotionally to myself. Which is, I feel, just as bad or even worse than introverting this shit. Humble thank you to Indagine for your concern and advice on the previous page. How's my sex appeal Awesome!?
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RHP User
11 years ago
You said Freya successfully suggested Mozart. I've always found solace and a reprieve in the music of Miles Davis. Now he was the absolute king of, and came up with the piercing definitive sound of the defiant loner. He was captivating. An asshole. A tough front hiding something incredibly tender which he only let out in his music."Only a highly sensitive person can become so cold and hard. Because they have to surround himself with a hard shell. Quite often, the shell will be hard enough to deflect a bullet." - Goethe
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RHP User
11 years ago
Off guard due to my funny side?? lol, why would someone who doesn't open up that often - I'm sure you've seen my posts over time - make a joke of their own feelings?? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I mentioned that on the other page, about being the person on the other end. Oh God it hurts, Hurts like crazy, especially if you know what's going on..its too easy to say "go to counselling"..sometimes just gotta ride it out and wait till that person is ready to make that choice..A lot of understanding goes a long way. Sometimes if a person does not know its sabatoging, people take it as emotional abuse..well it is and isn't in a way. It's denying a partner love and a healthy relationship. All I know caring and loving a person who is a sabotager is heart renching! Shattered FOXY xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
You are amazing! And you are absolutely right. I think sometimes people who have suffered abuse, or as per this thread self saboteurs, become somewhat narcissistic and don't take responsibility for their actions. As for damaging another person. Yes, sometimes you are. Self Saboteurs use mind games, they deliberately try and antagonise the other person, my personal favourite is trying to guilt the other person into doing things they don't want to do. And at the end of the day.......... The self saboteur doesn't seem to realise that they are being emotionally abusive. Or maybe they do know but they just don't care? SirLurk, I am sure being asked "are you inebriated" was a hurtful and I hope you don't use it as a way of "justifying' your views but I suspect from your response that you are. May I suggest that you were possibly also at fault? I don't know the story, and I don't want to know, but I know that there are always two sides to everything. Have you though about things from her side? That is one of the most frustrating things, is that sometimes people literally can not see that they are emotionally abusing and hurting other people with their actions. Foxxy, I would agree that quite often it is emotionally abuse.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'StSinner' It's pretty nasty when you're undermined like that. Especially when you're confronting something very personal to take a chance on someone. Maybe she was a self-saboteur as well!!Have to disagree with this point though. I think some people are making broad assumptions here when we don't know the story. Sometimes you guys push women to breaking point too, and I think it is probably not right that you are putting the blame on someone else. Bah humbug!
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RHP User
11 years ago
I find when I talk to someone about sabatoging the relationship, they've taken it the wrong way..as a put down on them when it is not..its just making them aware what is going on so they can take responsibility..turn it into a loving relationship, make room for growth and work on the issues...However if they choose not to or deny that is a problem! FOXY
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RHP User
11 years ago
Meeka & Superfoxxy, I could (possibly, maybe, no, yes, no, YES, no) love you both ! Some very lovely souls here.It's true about the manipulation that goes on as well. I'm conscious of it and try hard not to do it. Guilt was a huge weapon used against us growing up and it can take effort to break it. Whether it's me using it or someone else.Narcissistic YES! Some people enjoy the attention that comes with pity and they tend to contrive situations and drama where they can get it.
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RHP User
11 years ago
or even someone that knows someone that is, would benefit from reading 'Anatomy Of The Spirit' by Caroline Myss. It is available in both a kindle edition from Amazon and as an e-book from i-tunes. I would put money on it that it will at the very least trigger the required change in mind set in order to move past it positively in some way.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'KiwiBred' I would put money on it that it will at the very least trigger the required change in mind set in order to move past it positively in some way. AGREE 100%FOXY
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RHP User
11 years ago
Motzart is thought to have had Tourettes and he composed his music to take himself from an agitated state to an Alpha state..an elevated mood state .In my work with people who have been diagnosed with ASD I have used his music with excellent results...also worked for me when I was chronically depressed for six months...xR
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RHP User
11 years ago
Carolyn Myss's book opens with a chapter on feelings of security and identifying toxic relationships from memory. Very pertinent.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Freya77' Motzart is thought to have had Tourettes and he composed his music to take himself from an agitated state to an Alpha state..an elevated mood state .In my work with people who have been diagnosed with ASD I have used his music with excellent results...also worked for me when I was chronically depressed for six months...xR Would love to hear more about your work with ASD Freya. I believe music and animals can both be great healers and tremendously helpful in mental health, therapy, and rehab settings. I'm hoping that I can do some further research / work on the involvement of animals in particular, later in my studies or once I finish undergrad.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Sorry for this tardy reply. Was a long day at the royal children's in Melbourne... But in response, I'm not saying I'm perfect, as there were numerous times I had deflected her compliments, and "ruined the moment." And it's something I'm working on.....constantly. My post wasn't to point a finger of blame for the situation, but I was attempting - which clearly failed - to highlight a response that encourages the masochist, as you're quite right, it's just another weapon in the arsenal. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Regarding the self help books. She dislikes that industry with a passion. I do agree, as home diagnosis can be so far off the mark as not too often your own clouded judgement won't allow you to approach the situation objectively. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
'Learned helplessness'?
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RHP User
11 years ago
He has been a part of our household for close to a year now. We were his third owners and he was close to 9 mths old when we got him. He had a few issues about the way he was handled when we fist took him on LOL, and that's a very kind description. In between times, he is the most lovable, touchy feely kitty possible. We just never do know when his trigger is going to go off! it's not OK, he leaves huge scars on our forearms and hands as he seems to protect himself from invasions on his space based on memories in the past. It has been close to a year since he entered our family now. We are well paid for our faith in this being, who actually purrs now and then after so long in our company. We've built 'some' trust. I sit here and he is tucked up against my leg because there is no room on my lap for him with the laptop there as much as he would like to commandeer the space lol. It was only a few days ago that he lost his cool last LOL!!! And I don't think I helped him at that time. I still love him. xxx
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RHP User
11 years ago
They have the ability to prompt us to address certain issues instead of continuing to ignore them with the capacity to have pretty much the same impact or effect as being confronted in the face of adversity. MrsPeachyPear have you considered that you and or your family are holding on to your cats history as an excuse for it's behaviour? Instead of perceiving that "you're invading it's space based on memories of the past", consider that the cat's behaviour is in direct response to what is going on at precisely that moment. For eg: What are you doing at that moment? What head space are you in at that moment (animals are extremely in tune with our emotions)? The overall dynamics of the family unit could be a huge contributing factor - perhaps there are some underlying issues that need addressing with you and or others in the house. Just thought, not suggesting that this could be the case at all as any number of things could be contributing to his behaviour. Keen observation will indicate his triggers...however subtle it may be, there will be a warning prior to attack.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Thanks for your post Kiwi, you're right to point that out. He has improved since the day we got him. We have learned to handle his moments differently, to play with him more to bleed some of the energy off and give him more outdoors time which all seem to work that he doesn't act as unexpectedly, with a warning rather than a full on attack, most of the time. There have been moments where I know that I could have handled things differently. We're getting there.
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RHP User
11 years ago
That's wonderful! It looks as though you're heading in the right direction. Resolving animal behaviour issues is kinda like second nature to me...feel free to contact me if I can be of any assistance.
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RHP User
11 years ago
You are very kind, and generous too. xXx
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RHP User
11 years ago
You men and women are an amazing bunch. That's all…..
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RHP User
11 years ago
I've thought about this and I guess I would safely say I spent my early lifetime thinking it was M.E. That I was the problem. It was just a cop out on their behalf though. That's where my belief, that it takes two to tango comes from... The only person we can change is ourselves, so if you're hoping to change the person you believe is suffering from M.E, maybe it's time to start thinking... Is it M.E? I love a good irony. I hope that makes sense.
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