F63
No time wasters .....
October 04 2015
Comments
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RHP User
9 years ago
Negative phrases like that in someone's profile makes me think they're demanding, intolerant and sometimes quite angry. (Kinda the male equivalent of the female "You will be blocked!") I just pass them over. Tadaah, no time wasted for me.
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AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
In other words they hate timewasters so much, they are going to waste twice as much time searching them out. And waste every one elses time in their process. Gawd..... . We'll all run out time not wasting time.....
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RHP User
9 years ago
It says they are not interested in you as a person, just looking for a root. Which may suit some people, but not me.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I had no time wasters on my profile for a while because the date is set the time is set you get ready all nervous and excited then boom no contact no explanation no why nothing . Happened on 4 occasions so yes don't knock it until it happens to you !!!!! Sally - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Could be code for..." I dont want to get to know you, I just want a root.Today". Same as profiles that say they arent into endless message ping pong. Personally I need a substancial amount of messaging to connect.No not weeks but It wont be in a day either.Then if our interest is ignited, can move to a meet. Why meet before youve made an impression? Each to their own though, if it works for them.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Read a profile and say to themselves..Oh gee they're talkin' bout me !...but they might say ..I hate that phrase I certainly won't go there....So in my opinion it's a waste of time putting that on your profile x x Freya
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horneycouplewa
9 years ago
It could be in reference to people going to the trouble of organizing a date then having now shows ! Or members communicating lots with you and exchanging personal pictures to have them go silent when it comes to trying organise a meet. We don't have "no time wasters" on our profile but do specify that we are not. However whether it's on a profile or not situations are going to happen.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Freya70' Read a profile and say to themselves..Oh gee they're talkin' bout me !...but they might say ..I hate that phrase I certainly won't go there.... Like a man's profile saying "I'm sick of the fakes and psychos here!" Yeah, he's not talking about me but I still feel yelled at somehow.
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Enjoylifealways
9 years ago
We don't have it on our profile but I read it to mean : don't bother contacting if you are want to be's , people who contact you all going good then the messages stop or turn up to meet they never turn up.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Anyone who writes about what they DON'T want in their profile comes across as someone with a negative frame of mind to me, which is really unattractive. No need to specify what you don't want if you are clear on what you DO want.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Is that the one's who state that are always the ones who set about wasting my time, no pics or details filled out, yet they don't want you to waste THEIR time, please, pass - Posted from rhpmobile
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Mischeviouslad
9 years ago
Perhaps it means....... I don't want to have to banter, wine & dine.... I just want the 69 My guess is their messages also project the same sense of urgency... DG
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RHP User
9 years ago
in a day, some make better use of them than others. Depends what their, and your definition of "wasting time" is.
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Insomnian
9 years ago
And often send messages to people, both off the forum and from my searches, just to say nice profile, or make conversation about a forum post.. Far as people that have the '' no time wasters'' in their profile, it's a negative thing yes, but as everyone has already said, this site is for many people, viewed many different ways. Each person has their own way of perceiving the site, and also has their own reasons for being here. Some, to make friends, to find that illusive they seem to not be able to find elsewhere, and some, to peruse the forums and generally learn from everyone elses experiences, especially the people on the forums. If we all judged less, hated less and just let people be themselves, comments like '' no time wasters'' wouldn't bother us. Maybe then, posts like the '' venting'' thread wouldn't have 70 odd pages, where as the '' everything and anything'' thread has like 14ish... Just my opinion and my thoughts.
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sweetgem
9 years ago
Means "attention seeking" pretenders who try so hard to impress others with this emphasising trick, but in fact a real time waster themselves! In my own experiences (for the whole time that I have been on RHP,) I have had a couple of men, whose profiles stated the "no time wasters" emphasis, tricked me to believe that they were genuine, but in fact they were the real time wasters themselves and wasted my time in the end! However, I thanked them for helping me to have a much better screening process nowadays. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
"No time wasters or tyre kickers please!" I think they mean...if your going to show up, be serious about your intentions. Don't just pop the bonnet, have an uneducated sniff around then move on without sealing a deal.That's how I...with some humour...read it anyway. : )
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RHP User
9 years ago
Of the phrase is: people who make dates and then keep changing/delaying them or those who don't turn up to dates. I met a guy who used that term as above. However he was someone who spoke to me for weeks, invited me to stay at his place on a visit to town and then cancelled at the last minute himself ( luckily I had booked to stay in a hotel because you just never know). It's possible we are all guilty of wasting other's time at various times. The other term for it is: 'leading someone on' - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
LG I tend to agree with your take on it...but going off on a bit of a tangent I find after I made the time for something then spent the time, marked time, kept time, used the time and watched it fly past I have very little time left to waste. Outside of RHP it's not unusual to see "no time wasters " "no tyre kickers " in motorcycles for sale advertising, in that context it's pretty clear and fair warning...
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RHP User
9 years ago
I see nothing wrong With wanting no time wasters. And saying that on there profiles. Each to there own. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
No I'm not that way inclined...just killing time :-p
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DynamicCouple36
9 years ago
that so many people, on here, are in such a hurry to get laid , ? They push for a meet and then expect to get it on at that first meet, and if you tell them that you prefer to get to know them, well then they say you are "tyre kickers & time wasters " ? Just look at the thread re no kissing and how aggressive that couple were about people not wanting to kiss them .... so many people that feel that they are entitled to make such demands .... We are entitled to take our time and to get to know potential playmates, before taking things to the next level. And if someone really respects us, finds us attractive and would like to play with us, they need to respect the fact that we dont want to make mistakes and that as such we will take our time getting to know them, so that they in turn can get to know what we like / what we dont like and what our boundaries are, and vice versa. But you get couples, where the male is quite clearly over eager and he will push and push so as to get laid.... So yes, if we see a profile where it says in bold 'NO TIME WASTERS' for is it is a clear indication that we are dealing with a pushy persona that wants action there and then ... and so we know to avoid them. We however do understand where so many are coming from, as yes there are many people on here who have no intention of meeting or living out their fantasy and yes they do mess one around, set up a meet without any intention of arriving and that yes, because of this many people do become angry and frustrated and this shows clearly in their profile wording and the things they write on here. We don't push nor make demands. We don't infringe on others. Yes we have rules & boundaries, but they are there for our protection and safety.
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RHP User
9 years ago
But we take our time to screen too and if and when we meet and greet, we get a feeling if they are likely interested, not interested or time wasting ......sometimes we dont even get to the meet and greets because some are demanding to meet for a play date straight away - regardless of what our profile says.....just some people dont read we guess but its more the derogatory messages we receive when we dont want to play the game they want.....still they are the exceptions rather than the rule and the QLD meet and greets have strengthened our resolve, the the good outweigh the bad experiences.....
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RHP User
9 years ago
"hey hows ur weekend, up to anything special tonite?" Pass.
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RHP User
9 years ago
It's quite common for people in RL to just not turn up..I recently went through the process of looking for a new housemate probably two thirds of the people that contacted me didn't turn up and didnt return my messages..seems to be a common practice xxFreya
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DynamicCouple36
9 years ago
if people took the time, and made the effort, to thoroughly read through the profile wording, of people they have an interest in meeting, then they would not feel that their time has been wasted..... along the lines of barking up the wrong tree. For example, if one is a smoker and one has ones eye on a person, who within their profile wording make specific reference to not wanting to engage with smokers, one really would not be justified to complain about them not wanting to meet you (assuming you had gone ahead and messaged them in any event) and thus wasting your time ....
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RHP User
9 years ago
Same goes for selling items online ... many enquiries but those who actually show up are fewer than said they would. So in those situations I can understand the no time wasters sentiment. I believe it can be reduced by a good screening process. It has happened to me in the past only twice and that was when I first joined RHP. LG
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Missb4u
9 years ago
This means to me that I don't waste any time on their profile or them. Simples.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Freya70'I recently went through the process of looking for a new housemate probably two thirds of the people that contacted me didn't turn up and didnt return my messages.. Did you tell them you don't rent on a first meet or something?
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RHP User
9 years ago
Ha,ha, must remember to say that😝xxFreya
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madotara69
9 years ago
If I read 'no time wasters' i'd have to think about what time are they talking about, what would be a waste of time and how the fuck are we supposed to know what time would be a waste of their fucking time, if they don't even have the time to tell the time and if we don't know the time, how do we know when wasting any of it would be announced and then what the fuck are we supposed to do while they tootle off and have a little conference as to who got wasted the most first, then did the least time wasted next and add the least with the most a total waste, plus the time wasted timing the wasted time adds up to a united waste of wasted time wasted and time to tootle back with what time we wasted and expect us to agree because they are so fucking happy with them selves for the 'no time wasters' time wasters ! and wasted their time!!. then what? they never said what 'no time wasters' would happen if time wasters wasted their time, just 'no time wasters'. It doesn't do them any favours, probably have an air of confidence up on the soap box all proud and alph alpha testosterone running the show with the intellectual capacity of a toasted muffin. Mado Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
9 years ago
PMSL LG
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RHP User
9 years ago
I don't view people sending nice messages as time wasters. : ). I just think ( and my thoughts) that they mean that they don't want to message or meet up first, just play straight away. I find a lot of these guys are usually attached?
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Tall74nHard9
9 years ago
Just came across a lady, mid 30's, who I believe to be reasonably new to site. In her "what I am looking for" section - states "Interesting people, arseholes need not apply." OK, so who is going to determine, or own up to, being an arsehole ??? Any takers ? Tall
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RHP User
9 years ago
Are you wasted? Lol
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RHP User
9 years ago
I just wasted time reading your time wasting poetry. Time wasted well. I love these forums. I love the passion expressed. Keep wasting my time. Waist and Waste deep in it. Precious. Will miss Big O wasting my time too. 😥 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Seriously ' its might just be me, but I find talking about wasting time is wasting time in its self. Besides' you never know if the person in a profile is the person them self or their alter ego. So stop guessing and just hope you find someone who's fair dinkum.. Thats the best you can hope for.
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madotara69
9 years ago
waisted
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RHP User
9 years ago
Way stud
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RHP User
9 years ago
Even if someone doesn't show up to a meeting with me, I could consider that a waste of time, but if I view it as an educational/learning experience, then perhaps not. In life you have to take risks, with your time and with your money. If someone has "no time wasters" it makes me think that they simply can't stand not getting exactly what they want, when they want. But I will take note of what else they have to say on their profile, to see if that attitude reflects elsewhere, as I realise some people may use the phrase without realising how much it turns people off or how much of a cliche it is. It is interesting that on another site I have a validation stating that I am "not a time waster", because I showed up to an organised event that was also a fair distance at quite short notice. I could have stayed home and "wasted my time" watching porn. So what time "used" or "spent" is considered a waste? I'm looking for a xmas present, so I spend the day looking around town but don't find it, is that a waste? Maybe I get something else instead? Or I have at least learnt places not to go? Or turned it into a good day out by taking my dog with me, and having lunch out. Maybe it's a matter of perspective. Again, it comes down to this: coming across as not being able to deal with not getting what you want, rather than being able to accept and appreciate whatever experiences you can achieve.
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madotara69
9 years ago
Quoting 'morganaschild' I just wasted time reading your time wasting poetry. Time wasted well. I love these forums. I love the passion expressed. Keep wasting my time. Waist and Waste deep in it. Precious. Will miss Big O wasting my time too. 😥 - Posted from rhpmobile I wouldn't waste a second, even Tara is all toey, wish you were here
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RHP User
9 years ago
bit like those chicks that write "horny and in need of attention right now!" I message them chicks all the time I'm still waiting for a reply from one of them! lol
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PL1963
9 years ago
I've never missed a date yet, even if you meet & don't click, it's still nice to show. I think a lot of the married guys on here book dates and can't sneak away & just disappear into the night as they know they've blown there chance. What do you ladies think? Cheers Paul.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'countrytouch' So what time "used" or "spent" is considered a waste? I'm looking for a xmas present, so I spend the day looking around town but don't find it, is that a waste? Maybe I get something else instead? Or I have at least learnt places not to go? Or turned it into a good day out by taking my dog with me, and having lunch out. Maybe it's a matter of perspective. My playmate and I got stood up by a guy once, whom we were supposed to meet in the CBD. So we went exploring and discovered the best little hidden bar we'd never noticed before. His loss, our gain and time very well spent.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Like a lot of other comments it's hard to decifer until you've chatted with that person... Could be a one minded sleaze, or could be genuine person avoiding them. It's all part of the excitement:) - Posted from rhpmobile
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triofun
9 years ago
We have personally found most women that started talking to us to be time wasters. They seem keen but just disappear when you try to arrange a simple meeting. I wonder if other couples have the same issues - Posted from rhpmobile
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social_suicide
9 years ago
Its all pretty easy really. Those that have it stated in their profile have had the unfortunate experience of having their time wasted , those that haven't have had a lucky roll of the dice or deal with it in a different way. We have had our time wasted by people on here, both couples and singles. We added the "no time wasters" and strangely it has worked......amazing hey, which is why we are reluctant to remove it. So to give a quick run down.......we set up a meet, all is good and the playmate...or playmates will text us on the night after the hotel room is booked and all is confirmed with some bullshit excuse. For the singles we assume its a case of not having the balls to actually show. With couples we assume that the whole experience has just been to add to their pillow talk fantasies The worst time wasters are the ones that "deem it their right to change their mind" either before hand or during play after everything has been discussed and agreed too.We have spoken to a ton of people who have had their time wasted in many different ways......so people try to limit their exposure to it. If we see it stated we automatically have empathy.
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RHP User
9 years ago
As with so many comments it's hard to tell..maybe a one minded sleaze or perhaps someone avoiding them?? Who knows!! From experience, the stranger a comment the more interesting a person is:)
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MissSarahCurious
9 years ago
Quoting 'Freya70' Read a profile and say to themselves..Oh gee they're talkin' bout me !...but they might say ..I hate that phrase I certainly won't go there....So in my opinion it's a waste of time putting that on your profile x x Freya Same when people put it on items for sale online lol, nobody considers themselves a time waster. Even if they realised they were, it wouldn't stop them! xx S
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RHP User
9 years ago
I definitely would not stand you up Sally - Umm btw I wouldn't waste your time !! Ur gorgeous :) Craig
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RHP User
9 years ago
Ur hot and I would totally take care of your Needs and not waste your time ;) Cheers, Craig
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madotara69
9 years ago
Quoting 'social_suicide' Its all pretty easy really. Those that have it stated in their profile have had the unfortunate experience of having their time wasted , those that haven't have had a lucky roll of the dice or deal with it in a different way. We have had our time wasted by people on here, both couples and singles. We added the "no time wasters"and strangely it has worked......amazing hey, which is why we are reluctant to remove it. So to give a quick run down.......we set up a meet, all is good and the playmate...or playmates will text us on the night after the hotel room is booked and all is confirmed with some bullshit excuse. For the singles we assume its a case of not having the balls to actually show. With couples we assume that the whole experience has just been to add to their pillow talk fantasies The worst time wasters are the ones that "deem it their right to change their mind" either before hand or during play after everything has been discussed and agreed too.We have spoken to a ton of people who have had their time wasted in many different ways......so people try to limit their exposure to it. If we see it stated we automatically have empathy. That's Gold
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'social_suicide' Its all pretty easy really. Those that have it stated in their profile have had the unfortunate experience of having their time wasted , those that haven't have had a lucky roll of the dice or deal with it in a different way. We have had our time wasted by people on here, both couples and singles. We added the "no time wasters" and strangely it has worked......amazing hey, which is why we are reluctant to remove it. So to give a quick run down.......we set up a meet, all is good and the playmate...or playmates will text us on the night after the hotel room is booked and all is confirmed with some bullshit excuse. For the singles we assume its a case of not having the balls to actually show. With couples we assume that the whole experience has just been to add to their pillow talk fantasies The worst time wasters are the ones that "deem it their right to change their mind" either before hand or during play after everything has been discussed and agreed too.We have spoken to a ton of people who have had their time wasted in many different ways......so people try to limit their exposure to it. If we see it stated we automatically have empathy. fair enough, after writing my last comment on this thread, comments keep getting removed from other threads hmm , I jumped over to a profile I have on another website and realised I had something about time wasters on there lol pot kettle black oops
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'social_suicide' Those that have it stated in their profile have had the unfortunate experience of having their time wasted , those that haven't have had a lucky roll of the dice or deal with it in a different way. I'm one of those who deal with it a different way, by being positive and not letting negativity creep into my profile, nor the rest of my dating life. It totally works...... amazing hey!
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'social_suicide' Its all pretty easy really. Those that have it stated in their profile have had the unfortunate experience of having their time wasted , those that haven't have had a lucky roll of the dice or deal with it in a different way. We have had our time wasted by people on here, both couples and singles. We added the "no time wasters" and strangely it has worked......amazing hey, which is why we are reluctant to remove it. So to give a quick run down.......we set up a meet, all is good and the playmate...or playmates will text us on the night after the hotel room is booked and all is confirmed with some bullshit excuse. For the singles we assume its a case of not having the balls to actually show. With couples we assume that the whole experience has just been to add to their pillow talk fantasies The worst time wasters are the ones that "deem it their right to change their mind" either before hand or during play after everything has been discussed and agreed too.We have spoken to a ton of people who have had their time wasted in many different ways......so people try to limit their exposure to it. If we see it stated we automatically have empathy. i had agreed to hook up with a guy once, kindof like you describe. but when he was at my house i didn't want to anymore. he got really mad saying that i had agreed and couldn't back out at the last minute!!! it really scared me and you scare me too by saying things like that.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'triofun' We have personally found most women that started talking to us to be time wasters. They seem keen but just disappear when you try to arrange a simple meeting. You may have been talking to some men pretending to be single women, not uncommon here.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Asking to speak to people on the phone early on is a good (though not fool-proof) way to find out if they are disingenuous.
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AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
Turning up to play as arranged and then changing your mind is not time wasting. Its exercising our human right to say no. If things are not comfortable in the situation and are different to what we were expecting then we can say no. And they shouldnt be subject to oressure or abuse for saying no.
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Justdoingstuff
9 years ago
We can see both sides of the time waster debate. The one we are boggled by is the female accounts that are a couple, that don't really hide it. There will be a notification that person xyz has joined RHP and is looking for you! Profile is female, looking for couples or women. Then in the about me section. " I am happily married/taken and never play without my partner. He may join in with the right people" So if you were a woman just looking for a woman then you just wasted your time reading through their profile. As a couple we don't mind if it is a woman or a couple but find it odd that they wouldn't have a couples profile, the female profile with " I never play alone" just seems misleading to us.
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DynamicCouple36
9 years ago
We have not had anyone not turn up at a pre arranged meet & greet (drinks and or dinner) over the past 2 1/2 years that we have been meeting people from here. And we have met some really nice couples that we socialise with often. Essential to speak with BOTH of them on the phone BEFORE arranging a get together. That way one at the very least will know one is dealing with a couple. If we say we are going to be there, then we will be there. It's a matter of self respect for us. Again . No expectations = no dissapointment= no time wasted. Even if there is no attraction, at the very least, it's a night out, dinner & drinks and an opportunity to meet new people and learn new things. Can chalk it up to experience. But good point made by Whateverway : " if things are not comfortable in the situation and are different to what we were expecting then we can say no. And they shouldnt be subject to oressure or abuse for saying no" No one, should ever feel afraid or feel bad/guilty to say NO , if they feel uncomfortable about a situation and or the people they are with. - Posted from rhpmobile
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social_suicide
9 years ago
i had agreed to hook up with a guy once, kindof like you describe. but when he was at my house i didn't want to anymore. he got really mad saying that i had agreed and couldn't back out at the last minute!!! it really scared me and you scare me too by saying things like that. Ahh that's a nightmare. I should have been clearer as I was referring to boundaries being discussed in person over pre meet drinks on a couple of ocaasions ....and agreed too by all involved right up to playing. Then when a change of mind happens with boundaries it is time wasting and the worst kind because of all the time and effort taken to ensure everyone is agreeable and comfortable with what is being discussed. Nothing like you described, which is pretty scary. I wasn't referring to a refusal to play at all.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'social_suicide'The worst time wasters are the ones that "deem it their right to change their mind" either before hand or during play after everything has been discussed and agreed too. You are dancing with the line of consent here. Dangerous ground. Do you not think you have a right to change your mind at any time? Would you suggest someone goes through with a sexual encounter with you who doesn't actually want to be doing it anymore? You already have the upper hand in a situation where as a couple you're looking for a single playmate, when they cancel on you you still have each other. When they cancel/drop out/go silent on me I go home/stay in the hotel alone, but you don't hear me complaining about people's right to consent. Sometimes couples entitled attitudes really pee me off, and put me off having anything to do with them, and this is a perfect example.
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Tall74nHard9
9 years ago
Quoting 'Bonita_Flor' i had agreed to hook up with a guy once, kindof like you describe. but when he was at my house i didn't want to anymore. he got really mad saying that i had agreed and couldn't back out at the last minute!!! it really scared me and you scare me too by saying things like that. I can totally get the guys response in the situation you described. You were confident enough to give the guy your details, and consent to meet at your house - an arrangement and agreement had been reached between the two of you. What it shows to me is that you did not adequately do your initial homework. You should have met somewhere beforehand to have the opportunity to sus each other out (ie meet for coffee / drinks firstly), then you both could have made a better informed decision as to move ahead or not. Making an agreement blindly, as you did, is not ideal, and I can understand the guy would have been totally pissed at being invited and then told at the front door it's not on. Reverse the situation - how would you feel ? Annie, I understand what you have said in your posting, but I do believe in these circumstances it is definitely a waste of time for the guy, as it could have been initially better handled as could have been prevented with a bit of leg work first. Tall
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' (Kinda the male equivalent of the female "You will be blocked!") I just realised something. I used to meet couples and I found both the phrases "No times wasters" and "You will be blocked!!!" appeared more on couples profiles than male and female profiles combined. Not aimed at anyone, I just realised my original post was incomplete. This is my experience, but I wonder if others have noticed? Is there more a sense of entitlement when two partners are searching together?
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RHP User
9 years ago
Meeting people let alone having sex with someone requires timing and inclination..we are all entitled to change our minds...as annoying as it may be...I have certainly done this and have had it done to me..Sometimes life just gets in the way xxFreya
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abcplus1
9 years ago
Those that will message back and forward with zero intention of meeting, or when the time comes to meet, delete their profile.
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AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
We all have different parameters and needs. Most people here are genuine and although some need to chat a bit or a lot, meet first, tick some boxes, the real timewasters would be the single males posing as a couple and people who use false photos or extremely old photos, who in the process of deceiving us, will hope that the deceived will show up for the date and feel obligated to follow through with sex. And for those of us who do show and change our mind and say no, we have had our time wasted through a pre-meditated act of deceit. They are the ultimate time wasters.
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AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
Quoting 'Tall_n_Hard' Quoting 'Bonita_Flor' i had agreed to hook up with a guy once, kindof like you describe. but when he was at my house i didn't want to anymore. he got really mad saying that i had agreed and couldn't back out at the last minute!!! it really scared me and you scare me too by saying things like that. I can totally get the guys response in the situation you described. You were confident enough to give the guy your details, and consent to meet at your house - an arrangement and agreement had been reached between the two of you. What it shows to me is that you did not adequately do your initial homework. You should have met somewhere beforehand to have the opportunity to sus each other out (ie meet for coffee / drinks firstly), then you both could have made a better informed decision as to move ahead or not. Making an agreement blindly, as you did, is not ideal, and I can understand the guy would have been totally pissed at being invited and then told at the front door it's not on. Reverse the situation - how would you feel ? Annie, I understand what you have said in your posting, but I do believe in these circumstances it is definitely a waste of time for the guy, as it could have been initially better handled as could have been prevented with a bit of leg work first. Tall I think we would need more info regarding the meet/circumstances to draw any solid conclusions. Perhaps she did the legwork and agreed to play. But in the process of meeting to play, an unknown side of his personality appeared and she changed her mind.l'm guessing but understand your point. Annie
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RHP User
9 years ago
tall_n_hard you understand the guy's response? i did meet him first and he seemed nice. but when he came to my house a different day he had been drinking. he wasn't turned away at the front door like you say at all i let him in but i didn't like how he was acting and he was pushy so i said no. How can you say i didn't do my homework like it was my fault he got angry! it's guys like you that make girls feel unsafe.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Tall_n_Hard'I can totally get the guys response in the situation you described. You were confident enough to give the guy your details, and consent to meet at your house - an arrangement and agreement had been reached between the two of you. What it shows to me is that you did not adequately do your initial homework. I did not read Bonita's comment like that, but even if she did refuse the guy in her doorway, you can totally understand he got mad and told her she could not back out, to the point she was really scared? I personally don't have sex on first date, but even if people meet for the first time with the intention to play doesn't mean they're going in blind. That's a big assumption to make. If he had decided to ignore her refusal and make good on the agreement, would you still have said she should have just done her homework better? Bonita, hope you're ok and please know you have every right to decide against playing if you don't feel comfortable, at any time. Be safe x
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RHP User
9 years ago
I have to agree that I notice the no time wasters statement on many couples profiles. It is a huge turn off for me, and I will usually ignore their message. My reasoning is, that they have little empathy for real life. What's ironic is most couples have children etc so they of all people should understand that things go wrong?? I have had my time wasted also but doesn't mean I will judge all future potentials accordingly. I have learnt from my experiences and take steps to ensure I won't be disappointed, but at the end of the day if you don't take a chance you will definitely miss out!
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' Yeah, he's not talking about me but I still feel yelled at somehow.Why do you feel yelled at? I"m curious, because if your not one of the people who, books a meeting and then reschedules, or goes back and forth about providing personal details and can't commit to anything. Then you are not the focus of his comment. That's like being offended when someone says I prefer redheads, if your not a redhead... I can see why people put the OP's comment on their profiles. We have had situations where we have had 10-12 emails back and forth, and thought we were actually starting to find enough things in common that a physical meeting made the next logical step, and then had the person just disappear. Stop responding to emails, and then de-activate their profile. And you have to wonder just how much of the conversations that they had with you were true. how honest were they really?We are one of those couples that need a connection before we will play with someone else, we are not just looking for a quick fuck. That requires putting in effort - which we are quite happy to do, but it can be frustrating when you put in the time and effort, not just once or twice but over and over again, and then have others not be as sincere in their communications. Much better if they just put on their profile - Tyre Kickers / Just Looking / Window Shopping... cause then we would know not to worry about reaching out and making the effort to get to know them :) AJ
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RHP User
9 years ago
That situation in my opinion is similar to date rape...a woman has the right to say no at ANY time,it's men with attitudes like yours that perpetuate violence against women.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Your response wasn't there when I posted mine. Glad you stuck to your guns and it certainly was not your fault.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'triofun' We have personally found most women that started talking to us to be time wasters. They seem keen but just disappear when you try to arrange a simple meeting. I wonder if other couples have the same issues - Posted from rhpmobile Like you I have to been stood up, unfortunately not once but twice (different girls) on both ocations we chatted online for a while before the date, one of the girls blocked me and the other has never responded to my email. I now don't ask for a date anymore, what is wrong with asking someone to meet in a neutral place for a coffee of a meal to see if we match before taking it further?
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Mischeviouslad
9 years ago
Quoting 'Tall_n_Hard'I can totally get the guys response in the situation you described. You were confident enough to give the guy your details, and consent to meet at your house - an arrangement and agreement had been reached between the two of you. What it shows to me is that you did not adequately do your initial homework. You should have met somewhere beforehand to have the opportunity to sus each other out (ie meet for coffee / drinks firstly), then you both could have made a better informed decision as to move ahead or not. Making an agreement blindly, as you did, is not ideal, and I can understand the guy would have been totally pissed at being invited and then told at the front door it's not on. Reverse the situation - how would you feel ? Annie, I understand what you have said in your posting, but I do believe in these circumstances it is definitely a waste of time for the guy, as it could have been initially better handled as could have been prevented with a bit of leg work first. Tall Im going to go pretty hard here and revoke your man-card.And Im certain of the response. No no no no NO! EVERY "arrangement" ... whether with a new person.... or even with a partner of many years..... is NOT a done deal for sexual activity. EVERY OCASION.... is subject to subtle "negotiation"..... interaction, escalation, and therefore.... opportunity for any or all parties involved to say no at any stage. Just being present is NOT consentJust being present does NOT mean sexual access is a givenJust being invited into someones house is NOT a green light GO into their pants.And even if you did get into their pants, if they should not be enjoying it and say "no/stop"...... you fucking well stop! REPEAT. ANYONE, at ANY TIME.... has the right to speak up and say........ NO. If that is perceived as "wasting their time".... ....then the person claiming that spent their time poorly. In this case, Id suggest the guy wasted the womans time by acting like a twat..... which was to the benefit of neither of them. DG
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MysteryMr
9 years ago
Wow wow wow. So much hate for the "No Time Wasters" At least they bothered to actually type something into their profile, unlike all the templated profiles which infiltrate the site. Now let me tell you a story about Suzy and Jason who have 2 kids at home and still like to get out and play. They arrange a babysitter for the night, if they are lucky it's family, otherwise its a few hundred dollars to get a babysitter. They book a hotel room for the night, another couple of hundred dollars, all with the expectation that they will be meeting with a play partner and want to have a place to go back to. Now they sit at a bar, at the agreed time, waiting, waiting, waiting. Checking email, RHP and phone for any signs of life. Another no show, and no contact at all. After this happening a few times you do get frustrated and are likely to act on the frustration by adding "No Time Wasters" to your profile. The sad part is that the Time Wasters don't identify as Time Wasters and will likely make contact anyway, which makes the text pointless. I would stop reading so much into it and focus about all the positives in a profile. If the positives out way the negatives make a connection. The line was probably added after being stood up one too many times and doesn't reflect their true personality. If you have it on your profile, ditch it, it ain't helping protect you from time wasters. Enjoy the Chill Pills. :-)
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RHP User
9 years ago
If you feel like having a chat, send me a flirt.
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Tall74nHard9
9 years ago
Quoting 'Whateverway' Quoting 'Tall_n_Hard' Quoting 'Bonita_Flor' I think we would need more info regarding the meet/circumstances to draw any solid conclusions. Perhaps she did the legwork and agreed to play. But in the process of meeting to play, an unknown side of his personality appeared and she changed her mind.l'm guessing but understand your point. Annie Annie, absolutely agree. Bonita, you did not adequately explain the circumstances in your initial posting as you did in your later posting, which would have given a differing opinion to my original posting. Please don't presume to know me on the basis that you did not provide the full set of information in the first instance. I would more likely have made different commentary. I agree with the extra info given, you did do the right thing, and can understand your angst in the situation. Freya, I did not say nor imply that she could not say no at any time, but with the limited amount of information given in the first instance I only stated that I could understand the guys state of mind. As for my "attitude" you absolutely have no clue - you simply do not know me well enough. You chose to make an assumption, and you know the old saying about 'assume' ! Tall
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RHP User
9 years ago
That could have been me writing that, my feelings exactly, makes me angry because they do this, then are shocked with my reaction, like 'what's the big deal' even after openly admitting pictures are fake, reported another one few days ago. I just don't understand how they can be so desperate and creepy to do that, and do they really expect we'll go through with it, not a chance, but they keep trying grrr
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RHP User
9 years ago
Sorry, on mobile, my comment was meant for Annie
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RHP User
9 years ago
Bonita was very clear about the fact that when he turned up at her door she rejected him..that was her right your response like mine was based on this information...and DG' s response is also clear about this ,your attitude is wrong...yes I don't know you but your written opinion is very clear and as I said is a reflection as to why violence against women is an epidemic on this country .
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DynamicCouple36
9 years ago
It is unfortunate, within the 'swinging scene' that one finds people who feel that they are entitled to some "sexual action" and if they don't get it, then become nasty, angry and aggressive. We have seen the behaviour at a few parties /swingers clubs, where someone (a single male, or the male of a couple) has been turned down /had their advances turned down /rejected by someone else (always a female in our experience) They get all aggressive saying that as its a swingers club, the women must give in and have sex with them / expect to have sex with strangers and that if they did not want to have sex with strangers then they should not be at a swingers club/party or on a swingers /dating site in the first place. On the flip side of the coin, does going to a swingers party / swingers club then guarantee and entitle one to have sex with anyone that one wants ?? NO It's almost as if they feel that one must not have an opinion, and one must not be able to change ones mind/ decide not to play, if ones perception of that person changes..... At the end of the day everyone has the right to say NO and to stop proceedings without any guilt or explanation. Sometimes, the people one meets on line can be very different to the people that eventually turn up at a meet n greet. The problem is that ones perception of a person's on-line "personality" is generally only based on what they write and what they show in their photos. They could, in real life, be very different and it is this important that one is able to get cold feet and or change ones mind, after meeting them in person. A true and funny story : Got chatting (on-line) to a "female" plastic surgeon (several years ago) - a vivacious blonde who drove a red Italian sports car. " She" was a real flirt and, via our surname (an unusual one), managed to locate our physical address and had various gifts hand delivered, by a male colleague of 'hers'. The flirting went on for several weeks, of course we enjoyed it. Then the time came for the meet, at a nearby restaurant ... and guess who arrived .. a single male . It was her male colleague all along. LOL. We had a good laugh about it, because he really had style and had managed to pull it off. We enjoyed drinks and dinner with him. But obviously declined to play and or have a MFM 3 some
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RHP User
9 years ago
...that when the social courting online gets to the stage where people choose to take the plunge and meet or not...that responsibility shifts completely to the parties meeting for their safety. Rhp or whichever dating site can police what happens online, but the safety of my person will always be that grey area where I can take whatever precautions make me feel better but otherwise I must rely on my gut feelings to read every situation. It's still a mans world, and it's not at all expecting too much that a woman bail out on meeting a strange man when her safety is not guaranteed. And when is our safety ever gauranteed? 100% safety is an illusion. On an aside point...the OHS industry is a bad joke that exists to protect our employers interests.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Perhaps not all the info about this kind of no show is in your post and you may have followed what I am about to suggest so my apologies if that is the case. I would not book a hotel/babysitter and go to all the trouble and expense if I had not met someone in person first to determine if we were compatible and had some chemistry. To short cut time wasters in your example 1. after emails make a phone call to determine they are who they say and actually do want to meet (not a fake profile of man posing as a single woman or couple) 2. coffee/drinks meet first to see if there is some attraction 3. a phone call on the day to confirm before booking a hotel/babysitter 4. day of play date a phone call to say you are on the way to meet, is all still going to plan? This is the process I use after some emails back and forth to see what the initial interest level is. At the end of the day if they don't turn up for a coffee/drinks meet or answer your phone calls, you know not to book the hotel/babysitter because they will be a no show ...save your dollars or change your plans and go to the movies instead! Just a suggestion but works for me. LG
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RHP User
9 years ago
We initially didn't want to use the phrase "no time wasters" as we thought it may have the negative connotation that SexySally refered too, however. Since starting conversations with some singles and some couples, we have found some don't have the courtesy to either, say they are not interested or think that part of the process is to have us climb hand over foot to entice them. Others we have arranged to meet at drinks or even host and wait till the last possible minute to cancel with a crap excuse, presumably to us, because one member of the couple doesn't feel the attraction. So for us, the phrase simply means if your both not interested or feel that they want to hedge their bets until the last minute, don't bother wasting our time - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
A male friend was chatting with a lady ( from here) And it got hot and heavy and she invited him to her place, both with the expectation of having sex. Well he got there and she was really drunk, slurring her words and couldnt walk straight. My friend decided he didnt want to get involved with her in that state and told her that he wasnt going to stay, she should go to bed and sleep it off and they could meet up again another time. She wanted him to stay but he said no. Well she got really abusive and started calling him every name under the sun and swore at him as he walked to his car. He had every right to change his mind, just as a woman does.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Leo_girl' 1. after emails make a phone call to determine they are who they say and actually do want to meet (not a fake profile of man posing as a single woman or couple) 2. coffee/drinks meet first to see if there is some attraction 3. a phone call on the day to confirm before booking a hotel/babysitter 4. day of play date a phone call to say you are on the way to meet, is all still going to plan? I like to meet the same week, as I find the more messages back and forth the more my interest wanes. I follow LG's steps above and will also sms the person on the way to first drinks meet. Got this idea from DG: send a people you are planning on meeting that night a text earlier in the day saying you'll be about 15 minutes late and ask if that is ok. If there is no reply, they most likely won't show. Good to know in advance so you can have a plan b if they prove you right.
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RHP User
9 years ago
To us it refers to the people that pretend to be interested yet have no genuine interest in meeting or a case where one partner is doing it without the knowledge or consent of the other. They are sometimes easily spotted - dozens of friends, no validations and/or claim that they have never or hardly done played before. Usually a picture collector or idle husband/wife at home. If we see 'no time wasters' ons someone's profile, we usually interpret it to mean that they are serious about meeting and may have had the experience of having their time wasted so are less inclined to do the same. Our $0.02.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Tall_n_Hard' Quoting 'Bonita_Flor' i had agreed to hook up with a guy once, kindof like you describe. but when he was at my house i didn't want to anymore. he got really mad saying that i had agreed and couldn't back out at the last minute!!! it really scared me and you scare me too by saying things like that. I can totally get the guys response in the situation you described. You were confident enough to give the guy your details, and consent to meet at your house - an arrangement and agreement had been reached between the two of you. What it shows to me is that you did not adequately do your initial homework. You should have met somewhere beforehand to have the opportunity to sus each other out (ie meet for coffee / drinks firstly), then you both could have made a better informed decision as to move ahead or not. Making an agreement blindly, as you did, is not ideal, and I can understand the guy would have been totally pissed at being invited and then told at the front door it's not on. Reverse the situation - how would you feel ? Annie, I understand what you have said in your posting, but I do believe in these circumstances it is definitely a waste of time for the guy, as it could have been initially better handled as could have been prevented with a bit of leg work first. Tall you assumed to know me from one post by telling me what i was thinking and doing or not doing and then you say this: "Please don't presume to know me on the basis that you did not provide the full set of information in the first instance." quiet hypocritical.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I think it's the lets meet but then don't show kind of no time wasters! That is really annoying! My Lord and I have families and when we say we are going to meet we will meet, hate it when we have organised our schedules only to be stood up! Well we don't really because we will still have fun but it can be a let down when you get all excited about meeting people and then they don't show and there's no communication about why - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
NO means NO It doesn't matter what the circumstances are, ALL parties have the right to say no at ANY time.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'CoupleinBris'That's like being offended when someone says I prefer redheads, if your not a redhead.. It's the way it's written. I have no issue with someone saying what they're not into things if it's not done in a complaining manner. However things like "I'm so sick of the fakes!" "Single men you will be blocked!!!" and "Don't want filthy smokers, you're disgusting!" that make make want to say "Stop yelling at me." Unless you're absolutely sure that your profile is only read by fake single guys who are filthy smokers, I think it makes you (royal you) look like an arsehole. Actually, it makes you look like an arsehole regardless, in my opinion. If people can't even write a few lines without overdoing it on the exclamation (and question) marks, I don't have much faith they'll be all that pleasant in person. My 2 cts.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Koolgrey'when the social courting online gets to the stage where people choose to take the plunge and meet or not...that responsibility shifts completely to the parties meeting for their safety. Which is why the recurring fora and posts asking the site come up with some system to be able to name and shame the no-shows are useless imo.
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Tall74nHard9
9 years ago
A lot of you appear to read my comments, but it equally appears that you actuallydon't understand them. Let me re-iterate that Bonita only provided very limited information in her initial posting, and my response was based on that. She did not provide details for her actions, and only mentioned that the guy was not pleased. On that basis, I said I could understand his side - I did not at any stage say or suggest that she had to go ahead with the deal. I made that clear in my second posting, but seems to have been conveniently ignored. Bonita I stand by my comments as described - you may believe it to be hypocritical but it was in fact a simple response to your limited information, and if you had read my second posting and understood same, you should not reach that conclusion. DG, you are not man enough to try and take my "man card" - you don't even measure up to most men on here. You are one of the worst on here to try and guess at other peoples understanding of subjects, yet alone comprehend what's said. Do I really need to simplify my writing to such a basic level for all and sundry to understand - I believed that we are adults here and had a reasonable level of comprehension, which includes understanding of commentary, not just simply reading. Tall
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RHP User
9 years ago
I think its more about a persons choice to say no at any time they dont feel comfortable. You are focusing your replies on not having enough information about the how, where, when and whys of the situation Bonita has shared. Thats irrelivant. A person feeling that something has changed and g
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RHP User
9 years ago
A person feeling that something has changed and gets that gut feeling, should be enough reason to say no
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RHP User
9 years ago
That should be enough of a reason to be accepted by the other person/s, instead of getting huffy and expecting a full page report on the reasons why.
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social_suicide
9 years ago
Lol.....good luck mate....it's a steep learning curve here due to the learning difficulties from the usual suspects. What you have to do is cover every single avenue for the troll response...... good luck. Its pretty ugly here. This is basic stuff. People who have no times wasters advertised have at a guess had their time ahhhhh.....wasted...lol....so if bizzarly people see a negative in that it's OK cause it's all about matchmaking and those people are not compatible..... the flip side is of course the opposite and those that see it and have it posted on their profile have found common ground, which is OK too. "No time wasters " in itself is not a negative statement..... now you have here people that will say "why don't you be pro active and add it to your profile, and others will say it's a huge turn off......LMFAO I was pretty clear in my second posting and was practicly accused of condoning rape..... lol.... so I think we are neck to neck on the "being misunderstood " despite being so clear that a 10yr old would understand what your point was and mine. What I love are the sensitive ones that would feed you to the dogs as soon as your back is turned..No room for error Tall n hard..... and no room for common sense. Now wait for the trolls to come...1 2 3 4........ ..
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RHP User
9 years ago
...let's deal with the fundamentals here...when a man and women meet as strangers for the first time, then personal safety is a genuine concern. Men, in general, are still likely to physically dominate most private encounters and despite that both sexes equally have the Law and its agencies to protect us, that's small consolation if push really comes to shove.Then, the strong will take what they want...and the dominated will have a choice to make, with few realistic options.I don't think we should bury this in semantics of "He said, she said, she didn't say but she should have said, blah blah blah..." I think I understand quite clearly the situation Bonita was describing...and fear had crept into it...which is a warning sign in itself. Ignore these things at your own peril.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Respectfully, I think that when a comment (this goes for everyone) gets such a number of critical responses from other forumites, it's time to really consider whether they may have a point, rather than keep accusing the rest of the posters of not be capable of understanding (or wanting to understand) what you wrote. The adding of Do I really need to simplify my writing to such a basic level for all and sundry to understand" frankly makes you sound like you feel superior and anyone who disagrees with your posts isn't intelligent enough to keep up with what you say, which in my opinion is just adding insult to injury. I do hope you will take these comments to heart before you not agreeing with the fact saying no (whether in writing or in person) should stop things right there with no ifs, and or buts lands you in hot water. My comments above are not only meant for you, but everyone else whom the shoe fits as well. My personal belief is that "No" is a full sentence, and does not require any further explanation.
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