F56
Paying for sex - who would do it while in a relationship?
April 18 2015
Comments
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Twisted_Mister
10 years ago
If they cheat with you, they'll cheat on you. Time to walk, I reckon. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Twisted_Mister
10 years ago
It's a bit rough, isn't it - you've been in a 'relationship' with a married man for five years, without his wife's knowledge or your partner's, and now you're upset because the bloke's gone and got himself a bit of fluff, paid for or not? Geez..... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
What's the big deal? Who cares if he went to a sex worker? He doesn't owe you an explanation and I don't think you have any right to his "fidelity". After 5 years if he hasn't left his wife he never will. You are being played most likely and now that you have threatened him with the "I am going to tell your wife" your days together are probably numbered. Sorry, but based on what you have said and my cynical view point this is what I think. Good luck.
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Twisted_Mister
10 years ago
Why are you going through his phone? Lack of trust I reckon - if I'm in a 'relationship' I'm monogamous, and if I caught someone trying to find 'dirt' on my phone she'd be out the door five minutes later, no matter how much I liked her. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Honestly I think once unfaithful it will always be lurking and could happen anytime again. I also do not understand why this would upset you. From what I can tell you were both married playing up outside of your relationship (betrayal is betrayal) and he just did it twice not just with you. I am sad that you were in love but maybe that love just has to be let go of. I just hope neither of your true partners was hurt in this meeting
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RHP User
10 years ago
It's acceptable for you to be on RHP looking for Hookups though? But he is supposed to be faithful to you? Sorry there is obviously more to the story but it just doesn't make sense to me.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I see you prepared yourself for the flak, and that's pretty much what I was going to say. You're playing your spouses, and now you got played yourself (if you can even call it that, how can you expect to be in an exclusive relationship with each other while you're both married?) I'm having a hard time feeling empathy here OP, but I sincerely wish you the best.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I'd love to be a fly on that wall. The shrink would definitely be earning their money for that one! Another cynical biatch here but I'm not sure that 'truth' is anyone's forte in the situation you have found yourself in OP. Time to work out what's important ... (but it sounds like you already know this). Btw, you know that shitty feeling you have in your gut right now? That's how your respective spouses will feel when they find out about your extracurricular shagging. But it's all about you right? You asked what I thought.
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RHP User
10 years ago
OP, you say: Currently: I'm in need of a 'friend' for regular meetings, but you must have a place of your own to meet up - SOUTHERN suburbs only - PLEASE. NO married men, as I've tried this before and it doesn't work for me. Did you write this after "Hookergate" or was it always there? And you write: After 5 years on RHP I think I've looked at every profile within driving distance of me in Adelaide. Were you meeting others during your affair?
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RHP User
10 years ago
I read most of our profile and you say that you are looking for hookups with business men travelling through Adelaide...how is that different to your lover paying for sex? XxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
Oh sorry what were you thinking??? She was thinking of how horrid her relationship was and believed him I would say about his. Who Knows..........seriously a woman of your age doing the same thing as him should of known better........but this lesson is a life lesson.................do you tell his wife?do you tell your hubby?does he tell your hubby? Answer that yourself. shame you think you love him
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RHP User
10 years ago
and sorry he paid for sex he just got you for free many men here looking for a free prostitute
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RHP User
10 years ago
All the regular lovelies, would have written my thoughts However To me, your first big issue is that you FOUND a text in his phone You don't find texts, you go looking ....and be careful what you look for Sorry OP I don't condone cheating but more than that I don't condone or support stupidity. No offence, but did you reeeeeeaaaaaaalllly think it was gonna be different with you ???? Cause your special right ???? Feeling for your respective spouses right now You get what you settle for It's over, move on and remember you never get happy based on someone else's unhappiness Gee what a cliche driven post this is
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RHP User
10 years ago
He's cheated on his wife and on you ... you have cheated on your husband and on him by being on RHP and probably other sites too. You will inevitably get caught in the tangled web you are weaving for yourselves. There are never any winners when deception and dishonesty is involved. IMO you need to step back and decide what you want out of life without hurting other people along the way. Take an unselfish approach and some time out to reconcile where you are at and where you are heading. Just because you think you love someone doesn't make it right. The reality of having an affair is very different to making a life with that person especially when you have trust issues. I hope that there are no children involved in either marriage because they will be the real losers in all this. LG
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RHP User
10 years ago
After 2 years dating her bf my friend started suspecting he was cheating, so she went through his phone. She found out he was having an affair and she also found numerous bookings for a sex worker. He had no shortage of sex and was still paying for it. Just because your lover was away and couldn't have sex with you or his wife doesn't mean it is the only time he's used a sex worker. If he has no control over his sexual urges over a few weeks then I wouldn't regard him as a man of any substance to waste your life over and hurt many others in the process. LG
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RHP User
10 years ago
you need our input at all... But I'm very sorry for the situation that you seem to be in...it can't be a pleasurable time... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
We'll when I was married I never had an affair AT ALL but did go off to see hookers now and then? Why simply to fill a void of sorts maybe the verity but I new each time it was my needs as a man not anything else. My heart was true to my wife that's why I never had an affair...
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RHP User
10 years ago
You already know, as you stated, that your whole position is hypocritical, which means you don't have a moral or ethical leg to stand in with this complaint. You're hurt, which you read as meaning you've been wronged. But you pretty thoroughly made this bed, and now you're tossing and turning in it. At the end of the day, you had already condoned his cheating, so you have to accept that effectively you'd given him permission to behave that way. And you're also cheating, so yadda yadda yadda... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I don't see it cheating if you get a service from a sex worker?
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RHP User
10 years ago
What bothers me is you would be so vindictive as to tell his wife to cause maximum damage. So what does he do now ? Stay with you to avoid a total disaster ? Nasty. Your bed, lie in it.
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MsJonesy
10 years ago
You have made decisions over a long period of time - to continue to see this man, to continue to see him whilst he is working away, to continue the arrangement despite the fact you both have ongoing committed relationships. I will not judge you for that as some others may, as it has nothing to do with me. How wise your choices have been is entirely of your own making and only for you to judge, not others. My query is with your relationship with your lover..... was he only seeing you and his wife, and had that been discussed and agreed to? Your profile seems to indicate you were not exclusive to him, so I would hazard a guess that your relationship was not exclusive from either side. If you two had not discussed and agreed his exclusivity in the terms outlined above, then your anger, surprise and hurt is entirely misplaced. Why would he not see other women? Whether he tells you or not is irrelevant if you have no exclusivity arrangements in place. These are your emotions... own them and deal with them and do not project them onto him. It is your reaction to his actions which is causing the emotions.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Warning69' I don't see it cheating if you get a service from a sex worker? I'd say cheating is in the eye of the partner. If you do things which he or she would consider a betrayal, and you know this, then that's cheating. If your wife was fine with you seeing prostitutes then that's not cheating.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Warning69' I don't see it cheating if you get a service from a sex worker? Do you see cheating as "having an affair", rather than a one-night stand without feelings involved? A lot of people here would disagree, myself included (if I were to be in a monogamous relationship, that is.)Do you think your ex would agree you never cheated on her?
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precious142
10 years ago
Quoting 'Cest_la_viebaby' and sorry he paid for sex he just got you for free many men here looking for a free prostitute There is no such thing as a free lunch ...or dinner.......or BJ$20 bubbles for a good BJ isn't too expensive, is it?????
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RHP User
10 years ago
I wonder how many people actually believe that going to a sex worker is not cheating? XxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
Please excuse the mess, I think my head just exploded. Sex with a sex worker, isn't cheating? WTF That's so incredibily offensive, on so many levels.
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Lovinit28andKC72
10 years ago
Don't you think it's funny sometimes, how life can just kick you in the arse and laugh in your face..... The irony of it all....💋
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Lovinit28andKC72
10 years ago
Your wife would have still called it cheating.... Justify it how you will, if she didn't know then it's cheating.....
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RHP User
10 years ago
You are in an open relationship and with the knowledge of your partner you go to a sex worker..imo that's not cheating..but if it isn't with their knowledge and they don't know it definitely is...secrets and lies undermine any relationship ...you can't use the excuse that you have needs ,and in your heart you were faithful xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
So you cheated on your wife. You are just playing with words affair or sex worker. Same Same but different.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Warning69' I don't see it cheating if you get a service from a sex worker? Its not really (insert appropriate word here - theft, rape, murder, speeding etc etc etc ) if you didn't see me do it
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nibblemebi
10 years ago
He will do it again, and has highly likely been fucking others given half the chance. Men like this don't suddenly find morals babe. Wipe your hands of him, you're in love with a cheesy facade. He reeks of that creepy Gerard dude that killed his poor wife, he had multiple things going on (or was trying to) and when things implode things tend to get very messy. Be careful Xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Warning69' I don't see it cheating if you get a service from a sex worker? I think that one really depends on the parameters of the relationship, but I'd say it is generally considered as such - but probably on the lower end since, as you say, you're purchasing a service rather than forming some sort of relationship. Question - is a free one-off hookup found on RHP or elsewhere the same as receiving service from a sex worker? (scenario being no relationship, mostly just a booty call "hey, liked your profile, I'm horny wanna meet up?" "me too, meet at address X in 2 hrs" But back to the OP. 40DeeD: my post was going to be the same as the others who read your profile, it doesn't all quite make sense - especially since you're not a newbie here on RHP. If you were actively on RHP seeking men while you were with this guy then is the harm because he paid for sex? Was it because he had sex that wasn't with either you or his wife?Could you have flown to him? BNE-ADL isn't really one of the "golden triangle" routes, is it easy to make those flights with his line of work? I've had troubles in the past because of the limited times for flights out of ADL. You said if he got on the plane he could've had the sex for free? If the sex worker cost less than about 400 then it was probably cheaper once you factor in flight, parking, lost time in transit... (More seriously though, I wouldn't think anything of jumping on a last minute flight to go somewhere for a night out, but even flying domestic is a big deal for some people, I don't know if this was an issue for him) I think threatening to tell his wife is particularly ugly - is that something you would actually do? You shouldn't bring in third parties that aren't involved in disputes, she hasn't done anything wrong by you. Would it be fair if he hurt someone else close to you because you hurt him?
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RHP User
10 years ago
is not that he paid for sex or deceived you. The issue is why you thought that he wouldn't do this to you at some stage. "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time". This man showed you who he was by cheating on his wife with you for 5 years, yet you are surprised?
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inspirit
10 years ago
I read the heading and thought meh - I won't even bother looking. Alas though I did and I did not expect to read what I did. "Falls off chair laughing"
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RHP User
10 years ago
Gee thanks. I actually met the guy here on RHP - spun me a story he was 'separated' - that just meant he was working here and flying home on weekends! My marriage is actually over, and was before I came to RHP. My husband and I stay together for our son. No, he doesn't know about me being on here, or the relationship with the 'other' but he's not dumb - I'm sure he suspects and puts up with it. As does his wife, I imagine! As for my continued profile on here, that is because the other man actively encourages me to stay on here to find a 'fill in' while he's absent. He loves the idea of being cuckolded, but clearly, in spite of the fact that I told him when I found out about his wife, that if he cheated on me with anyone else, I would walk away, he has continued to lie and cheat on me too. You're right - what did I ever expect? So, time to cop more flak before I happily kick the ratbag to the kerb. Cheers.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I would...& did. It's still a very rare event but the last time I did was in Christchurch last year, I called up and asked for the oldest girl they had working there...She was a 39 year old She told me I looked familiar, dropped a name and the conversation went off from thereShe gave me a great time and we became farcebook friends, I now know she's nearly the same age as me and we probably had met socially earlier on. I still know more working girls socially than professionallyAnyway I know Mrs D would prefer I saw a working girl than an FWB, but my sex life is my business while Mrs D chooses not to be part of it. So it's definitely a case of horses for courses.Thank doG for working girls they deserve more respect than they get...
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sweetgem
10 years ago
40Deed, you have threatened to expose yours affair to his wife while you're a married woman yourself?! What makes you think that the man in question would not want to tell your husband about your cheating too, just because he hasn't threatened you back verbally? Given the way you behave, it seems like you don't have children in your current marriage, otherwise how could you be so selfish not to consider for your kids at the very least?! Geez, imagine the scenario, if you told his wife and he told your husband and there were children involved! The Family Court would certainly be busier handling messy and ugly cases all due to your selfishness! Plus, the poor children got put in one of the most hurting and embarrassing positions......if you both had children in your current marriages, that is! I think you do need to seek some counselling help 40Deed, but just you alone as you need to get helped with sorting out your own emotional and mental issues instead of your lover's interaction with a sex worker problem! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'nibblemebi' Wipe your hands of him, you're in love with a cheesy facade. He reeks of that creepy Gerard dude that killed his poor wife, he had multiple things going on (or was trying to) and when things implode things tend to get very messy. Be careful Xx What a terrible thing to say, insinuating the OP's guy may murder someone. Ad that's my opinion.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I figured you'd be blasted but hat off to you for your honesty. As for the prostitute, I figure she'll do things sexually that you won't. Why else would a guy go elsewhere if he's getting it regularly from a woman ? - Posted from rhpmobile
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AnnieWhichway
10 years ago
OP has stuck her neck out by posting this. Its not easy to share a tangled life and fucked up decisions. Putting some of herself into the very public forum for everyone to have a crack. Love when it comes calling, usually uninvited, can throw rationale out the window. And the right choice can be very hard to make. So OP, you need to take a break from him and rhp, cleanse the mind and go back to basics to get things in order. After a time, you will see things differently and make choices that will prioritize the most important thing, yourself. Good luck. Annie
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inspirit
10 years ago
You have certainly posted a very controversial topic. Your life and you can fuck it up as much as you want - however I don't think you need to expose him - you know, you too will be exposed and then more hurt will come about for EVERYONE. I suggest you leave your husband for your own reasons, not because of another man. I further suggest you just get on with your own life - fall apart and then start the mend process. What he does or doesn't do is really quite irrelevant to your own life. Your life s fundamentally about you. In saying all that - you are an intuitive woman so be honest to the one true self......YOU - isn't that why you came here?
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RHP User
10 years ago
interesting that there are comments such as Nibbles that suggest the love is only one way. Why would you assume that he does not also love her? They're both in the same situation.
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chevtrek
10 years ago
So just DITTO
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RHP User
10 years ago
It's him having a wife and all the lying and misleading it's an affair that's the dirty part. Him seeing a sex worker so what! It's a service not a emotional affair!! I wouldn't care if my husband would see a working lady when he got the urge for a hour. But to be texting and kissing sending flowers saying your in my thoughts with another woman....now that's being a dirty dog. Atleast the sex worker charged him for his indiscretions.....exactly what are you getting out of it? Darling time to date a real man best of luck - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I fail to understand your anger. You guys have had an affair which exactly is 'cheating' yet you want to have a go at him for having sex with another woman, irrespective of her being a sex worker. Why is it so? Did the two of you agreed not to sleep with anyone else? Did you not see someone else during this whole time? Did you discuss not to have an open relationship in the future you saw for the two of you? If you answer no to anyone of the questions above, your anger is misplaced and he should not be the recipient of it.
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RHP User
10 years ago
treat others the way you want to be treated. You seem to have received a small taste of what your husband/his wife will experience when truth comes out. Whether you call it karma, actions & consequences or sowing & reaping life has a way of balancing the imbalances.
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RHP User
10 years ago
If he can't wait 6 weeks .. then , hate to see if you're in a relationship and he actually does leave his wife ( sorry but , it's rare they do as much as you want it ) . Youv'e both got spouses .. youv'e both cheated on them .. honestly when he knows your standards and morals aren't that high in that respect - youv'e kind of bred the ground for whats happening now . He's not going to respect you enough to stop cheating now and probably more than likely has on you also as much as you don't wish to acknowledge it . The only thing you really can do if you really don't want to go down that road ( no doubt a very lonely one for you if you pursue ) is - keep a little dignity while you have some left and ... Walk away .
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RHP User
10 years ago
You're a special kind of stupid aren't you? you said it yourself, you're a hypocrite.. And how dare you threaten to expose him to his wife just because things went sour between you two! Puhleeezz.. On the other hand, dogs will be dogs if you know what i mean?! You both cheated on your spouses, how can you be so secure that he won't cheat on you? You're probably one of the many he's sleeping with! It sucks to be cheated upon huh? Now put yourself in your husband's shoes and evaluate how he would feel if he finds out about you and your extra marital affairs? But with all sincerity OP, best of luck! - Posted from rhpmobile
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couplefairride
10 years ago
Good luck and be kind to yourself. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Sorry to be be straight up but what makes you think your anything special when the guys cheating on his wife?.....his wife hun! He doesn't owe you an explanation to who else he sees, he just happened to get caught in the process....he's simply having his cake and eating it too. How do you know you're not the only one he sees other then the prostitute? He could have a woman in each city he visits.....wouldn't be surprised if he's eaten the whole cake as well...piglet! You're married too...so what gives you the right to tell his wife when your doing exactly the same thing..if the shoe was on the other foot...then what?? It won't matter if you actually end up leaving your spouse if you decide to get back with him but all you're be doing is setting yourself up for major disappointment! Let this be a warning sign to you and him and go back to your spouses who you both made a commitment to....my goodness!
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RHP User
10 years ago
I am reminded of the story of the thief who could easily justify the pain and anguish inflicted on his 'clients', as he was just earning his living plying his craft. But screamed blue murder and sort revenge when someone stole from him. Another great teacher said, Let him who is without sin cast the first stone. Is there ANY amoungst us who hasn't faced, or been party to an ethical dilemma? All of RHP is about cheating in one form or another. Just saying :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
If they cheat have more respect & move on . I'll never be disrespected that way again . You do things together swing together if both parties agree. Or not at all simple .
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RHP User
10 years ago
Do you call it cheating when he has sex with his wife??? Or do you think he hasn't had sex with her in five years? If that is the case then the wife would already know he has others around, sometimes he gets it for free and sometimes he has to pay...probably means about the same to him....and he still stays with his wife for other needs besides sex...after all he seems to have that sorted. I really hope you can move on and be happy...
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RHP User
10 years ago
it really is a problem of your own making deary,,however we have found help with The Black Phillip Show,,very insightful into the needs and wants of all parties involved,,hope your future decisions are better thought through.
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RHP User
10 years ago
The old adage of " if you marry the mistress, you create a vacancy" says it all and speaks for itself ;) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I except what you all say re cheating n sex worker. First of all I'll point out I DO NOT see any lady's or couples as a free sex worker ??? I see that situation as getting to know each other as opposed to see a sex worker (u walk In u walk out) anyway I'm sorry to all I may have fended. I will ask this but if you go to shop purchase a product (any product) you leave and say get into your cat or even home and realise you have been given to many items by mistake? Do you return to place of purchase or simply smile and call it a bonus? Theft is theft ? Cheating is cheating (granted) Anyway I'm proud to say in my mind I didn't cheat with the heart when married :) I'm here know and that's life. I was cheated on (not by sex) with a strong web of lies...
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RHP User
10 years ago
Reading your post it seems that you are disappointed that he actually lied to you, not cheated, cause you thought he was being honest with you, at least. He probably used to say that you were somehow the special one and that you were enough and the holder of his true feelings, hence why you have confusion in regards to cheating, lies, deception, disappointment and frustration. You regressed to some automatic reaction mode for dealing with lies that don't really fit your case. Obviously, there is a chapter missing in this story but the way he feels about you probably didn't change. If you were happy before you shouldn't wonder if he's having sex with someone else and just enjoy what you had. It definitely wasn't an exclusive relationship given the context. Then, no reason to get mad. Yes, it might be a bit of a shock at first, but you should react accordingly and accept that this is not the horror story you are playing in your head. It is also not true that he would perpetually cheat, we don't know that. If you had a chat with him about being exclusive after leaving your partners and before moving in together as you said, he might agree with it. It is possible to learn lessons from lying and cheating. However, 5 years is enough time to figure out who you want to be with. So, I think it's time to let the partners being cheated on go now. Let them be happy too with someone that actually loves them. The question is: Does he still love you? Do you? Then... celebrate with some good wine ;) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Warning, what does getting too many items by accident have to do with seeing a prostitute? Did she fall into your lap by mistake and you figured "Bonus!" instead of helping her up and sending her on her way?
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Smilingwithfun
10 years ago
Oh what a tangled web we weaveWhen first we practise to deceive.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I just feel sorry for the wives/husbands that are caught up in this especially if protection is not being used-I think you have an attention seeking problem and need to cut all ties with everyone. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
OP you are obviously hurt by his behavior. But why take it out on his wife? She has done nothing to you. So why lash out at her and destroy her life?
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RHP User
10 years ago
to a primary relationship - having a long term lover (who is themselves married) that you sometimes see -or- sometimes seeing a sex worker?
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RHP User
10 years ago
In my opinion if my man was physical touch & wanted variety in a safe way, I wouldn't have an issue with him seeing a sex worker, in fact I'd probably prefer it as they have to be safe. It'd be worse if it was a regular thing (as in the affair side). However I don't feel the actual issue is that, it's actually self-worth & the entire deception throughout his marriage, your marriage & now the 'betrayal' has come up again for you to look at that energy within self. Our relationships often mirror our deepest insecurities & our biggest blocks & you can consciously work through them if you are open to seeing it that way. He has been out of integrity from when u met, & you also, and until that particular belief or pattern is addressed within your own beings nothing will change as it's being run by the subconscious mind. I totally get why people cheat, I ve cheated & been cheated upon & it's not nice for anyone involved. Honesty is always the best policy even when the truth is maybe you aren't in love with your long term partner anymore.. When needs aren't being met in an intimate partnership they look elsewhere. People have addictions they might not be able to break, no doubt a few on RHP are addicted to sex & pleasures of the flesh.. But if you have the courage to own your own stuff,not project onto another, you can change the state of relationship. If you can communicate your needs with your partner then you can move towards whatever relationship vision you both need -whatever that includes.if you can't communicate honestly then there will always be disconnects.. Trust is cornerstone it sadly hasn't been there from day one & not sure how you can bring it in to change the situation. The guilt alone from this situation on both sides feels so heavy. I know couples who both have access to each other's social passwords etc but they never use it, because they always communicate their play needs & desires first before acting on it. This is a great opportunity to let go of some limiting behaviours & bring in a new level of freedom & authenticity for your self (& partner) if you deal with bigger stuff. Good luck x
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RHP User
10 years ago
Can you perhaps be critical without the name calling? Ta.
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Plain
10 years ago
Congratulations OP as you have just gotten into the world of male narcissism and I dont mean it in a negative way. With two differences digging into his phone and discovering some thing that you feel offended by. Your life is your life, you marry because you cared and something has not worked and the only thing that appears is sexual activity finding someone for 5 years and not committing is very 21st century, stop putting Victorian era morals on this and really look at what is important to you and move on.
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Plain
10 years ago
Congratulations OP as you have just gotten into the world of male narcissism and I dont mean it in a negative way. With two differences digging into his phone and discovering some thing that you feel offended by. Your life is your life, you marry because you cared and something has not worked and the only thing that appears is sexual activity finding someone for 5 years and not committing is very 21st century, stop putting Victorian era morals on this and really look at what is important to you and move on.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Freddyawsum' Another great teacher said, Let him who is without sin cast the first stone. Is there ANY amoungst us who hasn't faced, or been party to an ethical dilemma? All of RHP is about cheating in one form or another. Say what now? I'm cheating on someone (or something?) because I'm meeting people via an adult dating site? Seriously.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'xeena' OP you are obviously hurt by his behavior. But why take it out on his wife? She has done nothing to you. So why lash out at her and destroy her life? Not just you Xeena, but I'm seeing a lot of focus on the "telling the wife comment" by the OP. She stated she threatened to tell her boyfriend's wife in the middle of an ugly scene. I think many of us may have sad things during heated arguments we didn't really mean and wouldn't do, am I wrong? Yes, the OP chose to include this bit (who kows why she did) but does that mean she's planning on actually making good on her threat?
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RHP User
10 years ago
Some have a broad brush when classifying acts as cheating, for example some might say a single guy that chases a new partner every week is cheating, against a feminine view that sex is an intimate act that forms some sort of relationship irrespective of the pre-nuptial discussion. A girl would rarely be held to account in the same circumstances, she would be seen as being smart in playing the field until Mr Right fronted up. However Girls often imply they are looking for 'no commitment' from prospective partners but indeed do hold secret ambitions of exactly that, this could be classified as cheating (entrapment). So no things are not as easy as they seem when you apply a generic broad brush approach. Just a question - when is it okay to see a sex worker ? are these just for singles I would think that has never been the case nor has it really been seen as cheating to see one.
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RHP User
10 years ago
40Deed, you've copped some real flak in response to your forum. Are you ok? I hope you can see that most posts here about your (and your guy's) behaviour, not who you are as a human being. We don't know you or what is in your heart. I said I'm finding it difficult to feel empathy, but I certainly wouldn't wish bad things on you, and I'm sure I'm not the only one hoping you make your way through this ok, while learning a few lessons. And fuck those calling you stupid and likening him to a wife killer. In my opinion.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I just feel sorry for the wives/husbands that are caught up in this especially if protection is not being used-I think you have an attention seeking problem and need to cut all ties with everyone. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
i'm not name calling.. Before you make anymore STUPID remarks, like telling me to fuck off, look up the dictionary for its' meaning! Cheers - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
So its ok for him to lie to his wife about you and you to your husband but not ok for him to do it to you? I find this so strange. If you both loved eachother wouldn't you have left your respective parteners by now? So I don't think you have a right to be angry hurt or upset Mrs.B - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I can neither sympathise nor condemn you but I can empathise. Life is never easy, take it on the chin try to learn from it and not make those mistakes again.Best wishes for the future, I believe you can be the better person and not feel the need to sling too much dirt around.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Love is a strange thing and can grab us when our lives aren't quite ready for it. I am sorry this has happened to you :( However I have to agree that their doesn't seem to be much honesty going on in your life; maybe reevaluate what you really want and just chase that? People pick up when we aren't being genuine and they behave likewise ... I hope you sort out your relationships, and don't get too upset by these responses x - Posted from rhpmobile
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nibblemebi
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' Quoting 'nibblemebi' Wipe your hands of him, you're in love with a cheesy facade. He reeks of that creepy Gerard dude that killed his poor wife, he had multiple things going on (or was trying to) and when things implode things tend to get very messy. Be careful Xx What a terrible thing to say, insinuating the OP's guy may murder someone. Ad that's my opinion. I do not post often, but whenever I do either yourself or Meeka rebut my comment? Every. Single. Time. It's mindboggling. My point was that crimes of passion start with such highly emotive situations. She was considering contacting the wife and I suggested she be careful. What is wrong with that? In my reference that is exactly what happened, he had a wife, a mistress and was cheating on them both and had multiple profiles on sites like these. It was when the wife found out things went horribly wrong. I did not say they will, or that he is the same, I just felt it important to point out the danger of the tangled web. At the very least serious emotional damage is on the line.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Yeah, I knew I would cop a lot of flak from the haters, but thankfully I'm stronger than to let it get to me. I certainly didn't receive many responses that were any different to what I'd expect having read the forums for a LONG time now. I always find it interesting how many people are so quick to judge without knowing all the facts. Yes, I went into some detail with my sad little tale but there's a lot I left out too. And I always think, if you don't know ALL the facts, don't be so quick to judge. If any of you have ever read some of my other forum posts, I tend to state my opinion, often quite directly, but I'm rarely judgemental. It's important to keep a balanced view and sometimes look at what's being left out of the story as well. Yes, I said in the heat of the moment that I would let his wife know about my lover's behaviour. But I haven't, and I don't intend to. That's all. I thank those of you who have shown a little thought and creativity with your responses, and concern for my welfare. I actually thought it was quite funny asking for and receiving 'advice' when I'm usually the one dishing this out on a professional basis!! Just shows you, doesn't it; it's often a case in real life of 'do as I say, not as I do!'
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RHP User
10 years ago
All those cliche sayings are it seems true. In this case the first is, "Hell hath no fury, like a woman scored." Clearly you're feel scorned. What I find a tad hypocritical is that you are married. This man is married and you have both been in this 'relationship' (Aka affair for 5 years.) As each of you is supposedly committed to another in marriage, my own personal view is that neither of you are in an exclusive relationship with the other. There are two other people involved in this. Your husband and his wife. So, he's visited a hooker in Brisbane. Is it infidelity? Probably, but it's not the type of infidelity that involves the building of emotional strings. (Such as the emotional strings that you and this man have built together) So, if I were married (which I'm not.) And my imaginary husband confessed a night with a hooker or a five year affair with another woman. Which would I be more confronted by? I can assure you I"m more likely to forgive a one of heat of the moment decision of him visiting a hooker than him confessing an emotional commitment to someone that has gone on for the last five years. (Frankly, it's the long term emotional commitment that is the far great betrayal.) And, while we're on the subject of 'exposing affairs' to the other innocent half who is supposedly completely and utterly unaware of what is going on. Where do does anyone actually think they are justified in 'exposing' this person's indiscretions and potentially destroying an innocent persons life, (aka the party who supposedly knows nothing) by piping up to confess all and potentially ruin their marriage. It's like a dog with a bone. If I can't have you, no one else is going to have you either. Notwithstanding that you aren't behind the closed doors of that marriage, or privy to what might be going on at a deeper level between those two people. I've been burnt a couple of times by men who have turn out to be 'partnered' when I've been led to believe they are single. Yes, it was hurtful but I've always taken the high road. Acting out like a crazed Prima Donna is a complete waste of emotional energy, and I have always looked on it as fate. Better to find out sooner rather than later. And out of bad things, good things happen. For every action, there is a reaction. I wouldn't ever want to be the person that was the cause an action to cause a reaction that has unintended devastating consequences. There's the innocent wife, or the innocent husband. The innocent children, who are the most vulnerable and don't deserve to have their life ripped in half because the adult can't take the high road and just walk on. My mother has always told me that, 'A man who leaves another woman for you, will eventually leave you for someone else." (And swap woman in the same breath as appropriate.) They are the person who always believes that somehow the grass will be greener on the other side. They are always looking for something better. Something that is going to somehow how fulfill them, make them whole and make them happy. The reality is that the only person who can fulfill you and make you happy is you. Until you're happy being with yourself and enjoying your own company, no amount of searching will find a partner that somehow 'completes' your existence. So my questions is what are you hoping to achieve from this confrontation? If you both love each other so much, be honorable. You, leave your husband and he, his wife. So that your husband and his wife perhaps at least have the opportunity to hurt, recover and both perhaps meet someone who does deserve them whilst they have a modicum of youth still on their side to be able to form a new relationship.
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RHP User
10 years ago
You are correct in many ways,it does depend on your moral and ethical framework as to how you view cheating and the use of sex workers ...but I doubt that the majority of people would say when someone is in a committed relationship and their partner doesn't know,having sex whether paid or unpaid with another,is cheating..as for your other views re single people male or female and their behaviour it's not cheating as such imo..but perhaps unethical or disingenuous xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'iliketallguys' i'm not name calling.. Before you make anymore STUPID remarks, like telling me to fuck off, look up the dictionary for its' meaning! Cheers I called you out because you were the only person on this thread who made it personal* rather than commenting on the OP's actions. You said: "You're a special kind of stupid aren't you?you said it yourself, you're a hypocrite"That was not talking about her actions, but about her as a person. Even the OP spoke only of her behaviour, not her character, and did not call herself a hypocrite. I know name-calling when I see it and it's not cool, in my opinion. * I'm actually really happy there was only one person who did this.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting '40DeeD' (...) You're right - what did I ever expect? So, time to cop more flak before I happily kick the ratbag to the kerb. Cheers. Sounds like you're handling us just fine.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Is seeing a sex worker cheating? Mhmm. Well cheating in a relationship is an act of dishonestly, betrayal and infidelity. What is considered cheating in a relationship might vary slightly between relationships.So asking formites is probably a lil irrelevant, since ... if there is confusion, check in with the significant other. If you wont, and hide it from your other, then, by sheer definition it's cheating. Justify it as you please.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Don't you started calling people names now, OP.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting '40DeeD' Gee thanks. I actually met the guy here on RHP - spun me a story he was 'separated' - that just meant he was working here and flying home on weekends! My marriage is actually over, and was before I came to RHP. My husband and I stay together for our son. No, he doesn't know about me being on here, or the relationship with the 'other' but he's not dumb - I'm sure he suspects and puts up with it. As does his wife, I imagine! As for my continued profile on here, that is because the other man actively encourages me to stay on here to find a 'fill in' while he's absent. He loves the idea of being cuckolded, but clearly, in spite of the fact that I told him when I found out about his wife, that if he cheated on me with anyone else, I would walk away, he has continued to lie and cheat on me too. You're right - what did I ever expect? So, time to cop more flak before I happily kick the ratbag to the kerb. Cheers. I _HATE_ how RHP has delayed posting for some people - I can't tell if I missed this post, or if it only just showed up, what a mess it makes when people have already replied and then this shows up out of order - RHP, at least make these posts appear at the end of a thread when they're approved, and have a 'posting time'. It is ridiculous to have to go back several days in order to re-read a thread and see if someones post has shown up. 40DeeD - this sort of extra info would have been handy in your original post to give some context to the situation. I still can't help but feel you should be cutting some slack, given that you're able to have your cake and eat it too. Would you be willing/able to give up your "fill in" playfriends, and hop on the plane so you two can meet for conjugal visits?
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RHP User
10 years ago
you're soft! Toughen up princess! The OP on the other hand, I applaud! 😊 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Seriously ?? Either your knowledge of the real world is sadly defficient, or your self denial is overwhelming .. Who appointed you the forum police to coment on everything and conform everyone to your way of thinking? So much to say, so little thought .. What I said wasn't judgemental, it's MY observation, based on MY world view. If it touched a nerve in you, perhaps you need to step back for some introspection yourself. :-) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Keep talking. Enough rope, and all that.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' Keep talking. Enough rope, and all that. Got to love off topic sniping ... life would be so dull otherwise ..
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RHP User
10 years ago
Op, this is my advice to you..."Get Over It" LC
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RHP User
10 years ago
amen! Ditto!!! I second that!!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Freddyawsum' Quoting 'Meander' Keep talking. Enough rope, and all that. Got to love off topic sniping ... life would be so dull otherwise .. Get a room
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rupamohan
10 years ago
Quoting 'Freya79' I read most of our profile and you say that you are looking for hookups with business men travelling through Adelaide...how is that different to your lover paying for sex? XxFreyaI don't want to read her mind but one possibility is she is doing this without hiding it. May be they have understanding anything is OK so long you voluntarily disclose it.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'rupamohan' Quoting 'Freya79' I read most of our profile and you say that you are looking for hookups with business men travelling through Adelaide...how is that different to your lover paying for sex? XxFreyaI don't want to read her mind but one possibility is she is doing this without hiding it. May be they have understanding anything is OK so long you voluntarily disclose it.Yes, exactly. I am allowed to do what I want because I don't hide it from him, unlike the fashion in which he handled his little 'rub and tug'. He also does show me the contents of his phone voluntarily - I didn't sneakily go through his messages - I don't know the pin code to his iPhone! Anyway, I'm over it now. Thanks for commenting. It's all been very entertaining. Cheers.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Do men normally give prostitutes their mobile number........? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Totally agree. If they cheat with you, they will cheat on you. I learned that lesson myself. Happened to me when I was younger. Girl left her boyfriend for me. Out of the blue, it came out she was cheating on me two years later. Never again! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Jack_Denials' Quoting 'Freddyawsum' Quoting 'Meander' Keep talking. Enough rope, and all that. Got to love off topic sniping ... life would be so dull otherwise .. Get a room Good idea Jack !! But I would have to fly to Perth to Seeed knee, and I would want Meanda to pay for the high end hotel for a long weekend ... there would be a squabble for sure ... it must be love ... The Stamford would be nice
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RHP User
10 years ago
When I was younger all I could think about was my next shag and I worked in a fairly high profile job and so people knew me. Because of this I was a serial cheater because it was just too easy. I did this even when I was in a proper (not just dating) relationship with beautiful, stunning girls. I hurt a lot of very nice girls and to this day I still feel terribly remorseful for what I did. What it took for me to change was when it happened to me. I was deeply in love with a gorgeous half Indonesian half Aussie girl and she cheated on me 3 times. The first 2 times I forgave her because i would be pretty damn hypocritical if I didn't. She'd also had a pretty difficult childhood in indo and every time her dad went away to the oil rig her mum cheated on him so shed grown up with this behaviour being the norm. The 3rd time was too much and so I ended it. I still miss the amazing times and mind blowing sex we had but it was a destructive path we were heading down and so it had to end. My point is that ever since that relationship I have never cheated on anyone again and if I wanted to It would be time to end the relationship. Maybe you should get him back. An eye for an eye so to speak. The fact that you both live in the Rhp world suggests you're pretty open minded. People will no doubt say two wrongs don't make a right but in my case 3 wrongs made a right and I've never been happier in my relationships or when I'm single. Honesty may be the hard path to take but it's always the better one. Maybe cheat on him and then tell him all about it. Thoughts ? Nathan x
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RHP User
10 years ago
Ha ha. Yep so they can get a private visit for half price later. Lol x
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Freddyawsum' All of RHP is about cheating in one form or another. how do you figure that???
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