M57
The Ugly, the Fat, and the Whingers,
May 07 2015
Comments
-
AnnieWhichway
10 years ago
There was a point behind the post. As i said earlier, he used an example that was probably not the best. I would have not used the fat part and don't agree with it. But it did stir the pot but the pot being stirred was deliberate and for reason. Sweetsinnger quote-: To those still struggling, it gets better. Believe me!! But only if you chose to help yourself. If you need to vent, counselors are very helpful, I love mine! she's ace and i don't feel guilty burdening friends and family with what i'm working on. Maybe I got it because I've been there.Maybe you have to have been in that place to get it.And people will listen and support you better when you take the steps to help yourself.Too many people whinge to others and do nothing to help themselves. They expect others to do it for them. And i'm NOT talking about disabilities or circumstances beyond the persons control. It has to start with the person wanting to........
-
RHP User
10 years ago
To the others that have resorted to name calling. Grow up. I asked what makes you beautiful. Give it a try, it won't hurt.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Any_Whichway' There was a point behind the post. As i said earlier, he used an example that was probably not the best. I would have not used the fat part and don't agree with it. But it did stir the pot but the pot being stirred was deliberate and for reason. Sweetsinnger quote-: To those still struggling, it gets better. Believe me!! But only if you chose to help yourself. If you need to vent, counselors are very helpful, I love mine! she's ace and i don't feel guilty burdening friends and family with what i'm working on. Maybe I got it because I've been there.Maybe you have to have been in that place to get it.And people will listen and support you better when you take the steps to help yourself.Too many people whinge to others and do nothing to help themselves. They expect others to do it for them. And i'm NOT talking about disabilities or circumstances beyond the persons control. It has to start with the person wanting to........ Well said. There are dark places that people end up in. Thoughtless self promoting accusation moralizing only serves to keep them there. I will take any number of knives to level the play field and provide room for those not as confident a place to communicate freely, without guilt, without shame, and without the destructive malice of false sympathy.
-
Mischeviouslad
10 years ago
Its a shame..... to run a topic as an agenda to invite and incite ugly.... and then, suggest the ugly existed without it. Ugly exists.... and it is relative to the individual. Manipulation is ugly. Lets see if admin allow this comment through. DG
-
RHP User
10 years ago
and it exhibits the same judgement and closed-mindedness that he rails against in others. Calling people ugly and disgusting for having not yet reached the point where they are able to take whatever level of control they can manage over their problem is as effective as DD tits on a bull. If people working in health care berated and insulted clients like that, I'd bet that the majority of those clients would be responding with a ''fuck you'' and walking out the door. Really helpful and constructive. Instead of posting the topic in a way that would encourage discussion and debate, Blindman chose to be deliberately inflammatory and polarising. He also showed (again) that he refuses to even consider any information presented in opposition to his views and uses manipulative tactics to dismiss those views. He does this, plus harshly judging others for their flaws, and yet continues to preach to others about being open-minded and non-judgemental. Sorry but I'm not going to buy that bullshit and let someone who demonstrates such blatant hypocrisy lecture me about morality and how to treat others.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I'm not reading anymore of this drivel.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Chev you're so right! This is exactly like politics, with half the population wondering how this guy got in and how it is possible he's still here. :-p
-
chevtrek
10 years ago
Due to farmers using antibiotics and growth hormonesand that in the future this will increase by 42% it will meanwe will all get fat plus we will become immune to antibiotics.So we will all be fat and riddled with diseases now isn't thata pickle.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Lots of shame to create the same. Why ? Actually don't answer.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' Its a shame..... to run a topic as an agenda to invite and incite ugly.... and then, suggest the ugly existed without it. Ugly exists.... and it is relative to the individual. Manipulation is ugly. Lets see if admin allow this comment through. DG I said from the onset, that ugly is an individuals choice. I did not manipulate, for most people read what i said and found not offence and told all how they are beautiful. You where the one fixated on the word fat, which I said from the onset had nothing at all to do with being ugly. I described how big beautiful people are beautiful to me and you could not see that. Did I manipulated you, NO. I tried over and over to get you and others to see it was not about what shape people are, I tried over and over to get people to stay on subject, but the blinkers where on and you continued to try and shame me. Some entered debate, and it was appreciated, some misunderstood and I corrected them, but some just wanted to attack and shame me. I did nothing and said nothing to warrant such behavior. That egg landed on the faces of some is no fault of mine, that is the fault of their eagerness to put others down. It has most certainly lowered my opinion of some, and raised it of others. For other readers i am sure that they appreciate that some people have shown their real selves, that the real anger erupted, not over being fat or thin, but that they exposed their true ugly selves. Ugly is subjective, no one has the right to dictate to others what they should consider as ugly or not. It is personal and should be respected. Big is beautiful, skinny is beautiful and every shape between. What I think is ugly are those that project their personal insecurities onto others. Those that busy them selves making others ugly. Next time you feel the urge to make personal attacks, snap judgement, or moral condemnation on people in the forum, especial newbies, take a moment and consider your words, and ask your self. Should I be ugly. I hope not.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
-
Mischeviouslad
10 years ago
Personal attacks, moral condemnation and snap judgements eh....... ...... which was what you deliberately sought by structuring your little experimental topic with the wording to create the reaction you earned. And have sought to deny ever since by demanding to be seen as taking the moral high ground. You projected your issues of society, onto others and inferred we all had the same issue. We just dont.... and its arrogant of you to believe that we and society, do. So if If calling out the attitude of the manipulative, the pompous, the and high n mighty........ gets me labelled ugly by your type, Blindman................Im fine with that. Like you claim your "fat" friends know you...... mine, know me waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than that. I shall now give this topic the attention it deserves.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Blindman67' Beautiful in all aspects, simple, direct, informative, educational, and with a nasty sting. Shame about the sting, but it is not at all ugly. but there are some BASIC rules in the English language such as the difference between "their" and "there" and "your" and "you are" I am not a grammar maniac but these are basic structures of communication - should not be such a big effort to get them right.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
What many ppl seem to forget is that its all based on oppinion. Only u have the choice to be the boss of ur actions and reactions. U have the choice, if u do not like the post, to stop commenting and reading it. U cant stop a dog from waging his tail. U can only move ur ornaments out of the way to stop them from being broken. It has taken me years to understand this. If ur hurt or insulted by what is said here, why are you still here? Im a romantic however im enough of a realist to realise that judgment, anger, jealousy and fear are all human emotions. They are not bad feelings but they are uncomfortable, yet normal and natural. However, it is the way you deal with these emotions, through ur actions, which make all the difference. People are kidding themselves if they pretend they dont feel them, or discust. I am disgusted by many things and often, if i think about why they discust me, i find that those things reside in me. So i try to work through them to become a better person, to stop the fear that generates the uncomfortable feelings. Cause at the end of the day fear fuels many of our negative attributes. Fear is at the core of all of us. We all fear something, its just about stopping before u react and asking youreself, "why am i REALLY feeling this? What am i scared of?" End of book...lol Fyi, this is just my oppinion based on my own experiences. If u agree, great, if not thats ok too - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I know where you are coming from as I am educated. But please never forget that some people aren't as they are not as fortunate as some in their upbringing education and life. Cheers
-
RHP User
10 years ago
It was a test of endurance to read all of that (whilst completing an assignment at the same time) partly due to the length of the thread (6 pages and counting) and partly due to some of the vitriolic vitriole that it contained within it - directed to all manner of people that the OP considers to be ugly or that offend by demonstaring 'ugly' behaviours. Thank the goddess that our perception is our reality, and that not everyone shares in the same thought process. If we all did think like the OP I feel this world would be filled with even more discrimination and marginilisation than it already contains. BM, I wont bother wasting my time in sharing with you why I disagree with what you have written. If one follows the forums, it soon becomes clear that you revel in posting intentionally divisive topics of discussion with sweeping generelisations that you back with unrefereced scientific studies. Another recent example is where you argued that all people are 'naturally' born bisexual, again citing science (but no credible studies or sources) to legitamise your own view as correct. In this discussion too, you did what you have done in that thread (which Luck_Dragon summarises so well in her usual form). You place yourself on a pedestal of morality and intellect, intentionally usuing language that will inflame so that you can dispute anyone else's opinion or view and congratulate yourself on a battle well fought. Or at least, that is my perception. I don't claim to be the divine oracle that see's and knows all in this world. What I would like to add to the conversation is that a persons wellbeing is comprised of a number of factors that all contribute the the whole functioning of the individual. To see someone who is overweight, and automatically attribute this to being 'lazy' is an exceedingly simplistic assumption that fails to take into account anything other than the physical representation of that person. You fail to examine the individual, which can only usually be done when you remove your own bias and try to relate to their experience. You fail to understand that sometimes, being overweight is an eating disorder (akin to annorexia or bullemia - just on the opposite end of the scale) that doesn't indicate 'laziness' or 'ugliness' but a disruption of a person's esteem and thinking process. I hope that in articulating your contention in such a way it helped to make you feel beautiful. You must understand though, others will (and have) recieved the information differently, and some will not be able to appreciate the beauty in an argument that is written in a way that is so intentionally inflammatory. I also hope you realise that this doesn't make people ugly, just different to you. And that's a-okay. The world is full of different people. That truly is what makes it beautiful. With love, ~KK x
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Oh, no one provided a single reference, how disappointing and neglectful. Where's my marker? "But too much of a good thing is not a good thing, so i have hung up the condoms and sit back occasionally poking the forumites in the eye and when the whim strikes me (Blindman, 2015)". Blindman, (2015). Newbie here, rhp. retrieved redhotpie com au. I'm beautiful because once upon a time, someone read me a book.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
LOL Ok HennaJay refs. From wiki, append to the wiki addressWorld_Health_Organization Obesity Body_mass_indexBody_fat_percentageOverweightDietary_energy_supplySedentary_lifestyleDepression_(mood)Eating_disorderEpidemiology_of_obesity And follow the links as there are many other pages I read, also follow the refs provide on the page. I can not remember all of the links I followed. But really I dont think you people ever read any of the references I provide. From CNN re WHO as a nested path.edition (dot) cnn (dot) the com thing Directories: HEALTH980617weight.guidelines From WHO international web site under the nested directorymediacentrefactsheetsfs311 (fs311 page title "Obesity and overweight");en (For english) From an Australian org site eatingdisorders in the directory key-research-a-statistics KindredKohlQuote from you "You fail to understand that sometimes, being overweight is an eating disorder (akin to annorexia or bullemia - just on the opposite end of the scale) that doesn't indicate 'laziness' or 'ugliness' but a disruption of a person's esteem and thinking process. " I guess you must have missed what I had said about eating disorders. Though I still fail to see how you have not understood that I like fat people, that at no time did I call fat people ugly, in fact quite the opposite, I am pushing their cause, trying to help them. Maybe you are too quick to draw conclusions, maybe you can not see past the word fat as a swear word rather than a just another description. Why make fat such a provocative word, as all you do is perpetuate its power over people. Quote: Blindman page 3 of this thread."Of all the above that can not be directly controlled by the individual, are the eating disorders, with approximately 2-3% of westerners suffering from some form of eating disorders. Of that only a small fraction result in excessive weight gain, with anorexia and bulimia being the most common eating disorders. Even if you where to isolate the individual demographic groups that are most susceptible to the eating disorders that cause weight gain you would still struggle to find 1 in 100 that can attribute their weight gain on the mental illness."See above refs if you wish to see if my calculations are correct. And read the paragraph I posted in regard to psychiatric conditions contributing to weight gain to put it in context. It is very evident that people here do not allow personal opinion, or understand the difference between opinion and fact. That the use of shaming tactics is standard practice here. But go for it, I provide food for thought, I make sure it sticks in memory, I do know what I am doing and it is for the greater good, but that is something many will not realize, nor does it matter if they do. You will never know me, aren't you lucky.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'KrissySYD' Quoting 'chevtrek' As I am shopping I have watched the crap people load into there trolleyslike a dozen 2 litre coke/V/Red bull.Some by for them but some buy for there children and reality is unless your real stupid you have to know it will damage your health or yourchildren's.I think this is what Blindman might mean aaaah....For the love of Grammar :) 1, there is no such thing "I have watched" - "I watched" is the correct form 2. "like a dozen" - "about a dozen" is the correct form 3. "there children" - is "their children" as relative pronoun is the correct form 4. "and reality is" should read "and the reality" - pronoun is missing 5. "your stupid" - you ARE 5 mistakes in barely 5 rows of writing.. ya don't get out much do ya or is that do not get out much
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'KrissySYD' Quoting 'Blindman67' Beautiful in all aspects, simple, direct, informative, educational, and with a nasty sting. Shame about the sting, but it is not at all ugly. but there are some BASIC rules in the English language such as the difference between "their" and "there" and "your" and "you are" I am not a grammar maniac but these are basic structures of communication - should not be such a big effort to get them right. do you say, their, there, the're ? from the president of Dyslexics are us. no effort at all to get them right, write, wright
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I have met the op, had lots of discussion with him. I understood what he was saying, well I think I did, but from the heated go for the jugular I am wondering did i miss something? its an opinion. Gasp...... how dare he now back to the light and fluffy we all love.. cock size, do you swallow, men who like boobs , you know the intellectual confetti that makes life so much nicer.
-
AnnieWhichway
10 years ago
For a topic/thread that is so unpopular, it sure is popular. Page 7 already. People love whinging or is that whingeing, wineing.........whatever.......about you BM. Seems to add lead to your subject.
-
chevtrek
10 years ago
So I typed there and not their .As Charlie Brown would say ---- God griefBesides it was 4nam and I was stuffed.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Blindman67' It is very evident that people here do not allow personal opinion, or understand the difference between opinion and fact. That the use of shaming tactics is standard practice here. Aint that the truth. For example, is "Fat is a choice" a fact or an opinion? It's presented as a fact, but some here certainly have their doubts. I'd suggest it's a generalisation, and as is typical of generalisations it's based in fact, but wrong in that it's not universal. In any case it's up for debate. People who whinge about being fat however are "disgusting" and "ugly". That's obviously an opinion, even the OP would struggle to find references to back that up. Surely then others are entitled to their own opinions? But the OP asks us to ignore the two key points he makes - to not be ugly. We are being asked to accept one dubious statement of fact and one clear opinion, and allow them to pass without comment. We should be beautiful instead and let his opinions stand unchallenged. The problem here is that to leave them alone, to not be ugly, would mean endorsing the ideas with our silence. There was always going to be people who would not let provocative statements like that pass without comment. My opinion - I have no doubt the OP knows that. And therein lies the trap. If you disagree with either premise, you expose yourself as one of the ugly ones. The added complication (or clever manipulation, depending on your viewpoint), was the structure of the post all too easily allowed people to misread it as "fat is ugly". I'd be surprised if the OP didn't know that too, but that's just my opinion again. So what we have is a divisive topic (in the OP's own words), claiming to be looking for the beautiful, but absolutely destined to bring out the ugly (as the OP defines it). My opinion again - there's plenty of ugly here. Sometimes ugly just spontaneously appears, but in this case it was engineered. I'm a generous guy though - that's one beautiful thing about me. While I don't care for the game the OP plays at all, I'd say in this case it's been quite well played. Blindman I have no idea what you get from these incursions, but I genuinely hope it makes you happy. Is that beautiful enough for you?
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Dont think anyone cares about how anyone writes. Everyone understood what you had to say and there was no ambiguity. Around the world languages still change, people speak and write slightly differently from generation to generation, those small changes accumulate and develop into dialects, and then into completely new languages. We speak Australian, it sounds different and has slightly differing grammatical rules, yet for some crazy reason and unlike any other country we don't write in the same language. We speak Australian and write in English. There is really only one requirement for writing and that is to get your point across. Which you did effectively. If you want to impress an english teacher, then spelling and punctuation is important. But if ya just wana get ya point across u do it in a way people get it. There and their have no good reason at all for being different as it is the location in a sentence and the relationship to the rest of the subject matter that determines what meaning it has, they sound the same and nobody gets confused so why the different spelling? (old school conservatism) The irony is that the people who should have the most ease understanding what the intended meaning is usually are the first to point out what is wrong. Nothing wrong with that as I am sure you would be more than happy to correct them when they attempt to bolt down a cylinder head without a torque wrench, bloody hell how dumb can they get...
-
RHP User
10 years ago
If I may direct you to the OP, 2nd paragraph. "Fat is a choice!" (note the exclamation mark which also servers as a full stop) It is a statement of fact that I have happily debated here, with references and without vitriol, I also admitted to being a determinist so my argument is without doubt one of irony. Memory serves that you are a lover of such. The rest of the paragraph then makes two subjective opinions. Now why is it that only skinny people selected moral outrage as their response, it was no surprise and I have explained why, but again. The catch is that I played the card that they were thinking, those that are overweight (and beautiful in mind) read it differently, they don't think fat people are ugly, and why should they. Only those that that think fat people are ugly read it as referring to weight, and shame on them for their hypocrisy. But not for a moment do I buy the dribble you just laid out is actually addressed to me, too many first person plurals "us, we, our" sloppy work mate. Shame as its intended audience may never even read it, if according to their own words they are not coming back to this thread. If I thought you were actually offended, or morally outraged, your careful words would have had an entirely different flavor. Don't bullshit a bullshitter and happy hunting. Oh and why? that i will leave for you to ponder. Maybe I am just one of those types that always has to go for the underdog.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
And it has not been shut down.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
The past 6 years of my life have not been easy due to health issues but, shit happens. I have gained weight over the past couple of years and yes, this plays on my mind at times but for the most part I am just grateful to be alive. Being as sick as I was gave me freedom to start to accept that there are things I can not change. I stress less now, love more, hate less and forgive quicker. People look at me and see a healthy happy person. Most days this is true, some days I have to work a little harder. I dont think anyone has the right to assume that someone makes a conscious choice to be the way they are. Sometimes they might but at the end of the day no one has any idea what another person has gone through or may be going through. I am beautiful because I'm a survivor. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
10 years ago
As a slim (or even skinny to many) woman, I find the connection that the topic author has drawn between people with low self esteem, to their physical overweight state very distasteful, highly selective, and very deliberately provocative. So I can only imagine how an overweight person, one the author has deliberately and repeatedly pointed to using the term "fat", feels after reading through this crap. There are so many reasons for low self esteem, so many more than just the obesity reason singled out by the author. Why he made that choice, is his to reason and defend, but, I suspect there are low self esteem issues involved there too, so shaming others for theirs is not only poor form, but highly hypocritical.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
'Sophiesparkles' Yes that was the point. So what. The word fat is not a swear word and you are like many here are attempting to define the word fat in a negative light. Why do you defend fats negativity. Why support it as meaning ugly. Do you not see this?? Sorry but I just see a "thin" person attempting to maintain the status quo. Really what right do you have to presume fat to be an ugly word, a word of insult. It is as much insult as the words thin, tall, or short. Or are these words also off bounds because some do not like being thin, tall, or short. You can insult me as much as you like. But the irony continues, I not once referred to fat as ugly. Yet here you directly imply fat to mean ugly. So much so you wrap it in quotes and cant say fat but choose the presumptuous "overweight" instead. Quote 'Sophiesparkles':"So I can only imagine how an overweight person, one the author has deliberately and repeatedly pointed to using the term "fat", feels after reading through this crap." I imagine they feel much the same as thin people do when called thin. indifferent I am sure you mean well, no wait your were deliberately directly insulting me, so make that tried to mean well, but it is you that is lost in the untrue paradigm of fat == ugly. Confident fat people do not consider being fat as something to feel bad about. Insecure people will feel so not matter what they look like, and ugly people make out that their insecurity is the fault of others.
-
MrGreyllSeeUNow
10 years ago
'Were' is not spelt w-h-e-r-e. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I'm well aware I'm far from an oil painting but looks are a funny thing as some will like and some will not. Apart from my non oil painting looks I know I'm in good shape body wise and simply a honest respectful person. I'm happy with the man I am :)
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'MrandMrsAandA' 'Were' is not spelt w-h-e-r-e. - Posted from rhpmobile Yes I am aware of that, sorry for the confusion that may be induced, but it is habitual as i type too fast, and proof reading is very ineffective when posting as my mind's eye is filling in more detail than actually seeing. Allowing the time for short term memory to forget what i wrote then posting, which would detect that error and many more, kind of takes the fun out of posting. Hence I am a am consistently looking stupid, but then if where I put a h were to effect the content of argument, why actually bother having meaning in content.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Lights_on' I'm well aware I'm far from an oil painting but looks are a funny thing as some will like and some will not. Apart from my non oil painting looks I know I'm in good shape body wise and simply a honest respectful person. I'm happy with the man I am :) I don't know if you are aware but by covering your (assume non oil painted) face with your shirt has inadvertently shown us your (rather David like) naked top. Only joking. . We are our own worst critic when it comes to looks (well most of us) and we should be careful because what we see in the mirror is actually not what others see. Many eating disorder are linked to our inability to judge our looks in the mirror (Ref: wiki, Body_Image). The blame is placed on the media, but I suspect it goes much deeper than that.
-
AnnieWhichway
10 years ago
R alife an non sick in ere. Gesus.....ya gotta get ought moor. Endjoy live 4 heevens sak.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Haven't read it all but just want to say, in response to the OP, I am fat, smoke and don't exercise. The only time I feel ugly is when I focus on these things, when I am 'comparing myself' to all the other gorgeous people out there...this happens on occasion. Usually when I am hurting and feeling 'low'. I learnt 'don't judge other peoples outsides by my insides'. Or vice versa. I am responsible for me. You are not responsible for me. My choices, my decisions, my consequences and my freedom. Because being responsible for my own choices gives me the freedom to do what I want and be what I want.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Thank you for the input Quoting 'Jaycee67' Haven't read it all but just want to say, in response to the OP, I am fat, smoke and don't exercise. The only time I feel ugly is when I focus on these things, when I am 'comparing myself' to all the other gorgeous people out there...this happens on occasion. Usually when I am hurting and feeling 'low'. I learnt 'don't judge other peoples outsides by my insides'. Or vice versa. I am responsible for me. You are not responsible for me. My choices, my decisions, my consequences and my freedom. Because being responsible for my own choices gives me the freedom to do what I want and be what I want. You have just shown an example of beautiful. Without blame or anger and honest. None of us can claim even a semblage of the god like ideal of human perfection. So many when struck by that reality find the fault in the ideal and the blame is on those that promote or desire that perfection for not including them. That is what makes them ugly, not their shape, age, gender, or race, but their angry contemptuous minds, those too lofty or frightened to see their own faults. Indeed you are correct it is a freedom and knowledge of the consequences of its use, and we can choose to use it how we see fit, not to be another's required ideal, but to our own special self. Understanding that gives us beauty, and that beauty is the recognition and forgiving acceptance of the imperfect fragile human condition. I find its like a light switched on inside someone when they find that understanding, a new person, a beautiful thing to see, and even more beautiful to know.
-
poison2potion
10 years ago
Sometimes it is the society that has lowered someone's self esteem to the point where they don't handle their weight very well and shy away. It's posts like these that can make women/men etc feel very self conscious about their appearance rather than uplifting someone's self esteem and saying each one of us is beautiful in every way, shape or form rather than focusing on the negatives. Why not turn the complaining people around with positive reinforcement - a compliment never goes astray and sometimes can make the person that feels so low about themselves, feel on top of the world rather than putting them down further. You don't know the life that people have lived with maybe someone in their life continually putting them down, being picked on, making them the brunt of every joke etc... eventually that does take its toll on people and funnily enough, it is society and the person's surrounds that have put them in that mental state - rather than them themselves.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
We can hide what people think, or we can have it in the open. My preference is open discussion rather than whispered innuendo. For those that do not fit the mold of cultural perfection, the falseness of ongoing cries "It does not matter" is an affront worse than that of the subject. If it truthfully did not matter why must the disguised truth be so lauded. Better to trust words rather than let cynicism tarnish them because a few so demandingly disingenuous throw fake praise, emptying meaning from the real words of desire when they come. It is sad that so many find it hard to see truth because so many lie. I am what I am, I am under no delusions so I address the issues head on, I am not so weak as to need buttering. I would rather the ugly truth any day. It strengthens me. This may not be how we all think, but my concern will not be squashed. You are right, I don't know what people go through, but I will not hide from unknown misery, or feel guilt for other peoples crimes. Though I can not agree with your conclusion that society is to blame. There is only one that moves my limbs, entertains thoughts, and dictates my actions. Or are we all just mentally ill, free of any sense of responsibility. That is a path to unhappy apathy, a runaway train with out the will to pull the brakes... Blaming society will not change it, embracing it warts and all is how its done, and that change is for the individual. BTW there are a few that want this thread to go away, so thank you for your input.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'poison2potion' Sometimes it is the society that has lowered someone's self esteem to the point where they don't handle their weight very well and shy away. It's posts like these that can make women/men etc feel very self conscious about their appearance rather than uplifting someone's self esteem and saying each one of us is beautiful in every way, shape or form rather than focusing on the negatives. Why not turn the complaining people around with positive reinforcement - a compliment never goes astray and sometimes can make the person that feels so low about themselves, feel on top of the world rather than putting them down further. You don't know the life that people have lived with maybe someone in their life continually putting them down, being picked on, making them the brunt of every joke etc... eventually that does take its toll on people and funnily enough, it is society and the person's surrounds that have put them in that mental state - rather than them themselves. I think she has just hit your forum topic for a 6 OP!! hahaha I see where you are coming from OP, that pessimistic/negative people can also drag you down with them. But again that is your choice for being around them. IF that is their trait and you witness their negativity directed outwards to the world, then every time it occurs you should compliment them. I don't believe FAT is a choice. For some it is, and good for them, but for others, it could be due to varying problems going on with their body. Stress/pregnancy/mental disorders etc etc are many factors that can lead to being FAT. It's not their choice. They don't need to read forum topics like this just to serve your purpose OP. Op, you deserve punishment! I will let you decide on your punishment? Yours sincerely, want_this_hmm
-
poison2potion
10 years ago
Ok now put this spin on things... SOCIETY dictates that women should look a certain way, this is shown by magazines, models, tv, etc. Unfortunately even celebrities in their own skin is not good enough and are still being photoshopped to be put on the front of magazines. All women have this little voice inside them whether they will admit it or not but the voice questions "Does he like me, am I sexy enough, what can I do to get his attention...etc" These are all things that society have put in place that men want women a certain way and if they are not from that cookie cutter then they aren't worth their time. I personally have battled weight problems for most of my adult life and yes I have a slight issue with self esteem. I don't make this public to many people around me (but for this exercise I will) and for most of my life I have been put down by parents, friends, partners etc. After a while you can't shut off and it does eat away at you. I have since learnt to accept who I am. I still won't be walking around the house naked or show on cam in chat. These are my skeletons and I am now content that they will be with me for a long time. So to say someone is ugly because they are fat or because they are not what YOU like, does not mean they are that way. It is just your personal opinion and that shouldn't be reflected onto them. That is what is wrong with society these days... if you don't fit in with the rest, you become an outsider. I however know I am a strong woman and have a strong intelligent mind to get me through life. I don't need to be a size 8 with DD boobs and legs that reach as far as the eye can see to be happy. I am content being me - warts and all. Whoever doesn't like that, doesn't need to be around me and if they don't like how I see myself, that then becomes THEIR problem, not mine.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
bad point."She Lies!!"She is NOT fat.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Thank you beautiful man... ๐ I think.....๐.... just to clarify tho...my perception of me is relevant to me. Fat, or not fat...compared to who??? Compared to how I feel about myself, and that's all that matters ๐
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Beauty comes from within. Society is in fact each and every one of us. We do have a tendency to isolate it as a unrelated entity but each and every one of us are as much the malevolent article as the innocent victim. The human perfection that is represented in the media is driven by free market forces, it is not the media the conjures up perfection, it is us, on mass that demand perfection. There have been many attempts by business to present a more realistic human ideal, the thinking being like you and many many others, "there is a need and a demand for a realistic representation of people." but again and again this proves to be untrue, the market does not support this. No one is forced to buy a movie, magazine, newspaper. There is no restrictions on starting your own publication and in a free open market (well as close to free and open as we are likely to get) you must sell to stay in business. I have heard a call to government to step in and control content, for the good of the people. Pure evil a road to managed thought control, censorship is always introduced for the good of the people, yet has a way stratifying society into the good and the bad. All up a bad idea. So where does it leave the individual, beset on all sides by the demands of perfection. The root cause is education, conceptually we understand that the media presents a fiction, the problem is that it takes us many years to know its a fiction. We are not taught how to be social, that is something that is to be learnt in the playground, then to be released into the world as socially inept morons. We are taught that the human body is a thing of shame to be covered and hidden while we lap up skin where ever it is sold. We are not taught the reality of the imperfect human form, that beauty is individual and derived from uniqueness. We are not taught that we can not be all things to all people, or how to temper our expectations in the light of reality. You are not alone in the feelings that we the society inflict on you, it is the norm rather than the exception. It is sadly amplified by our own personal demand to be more than what we are and the blame is easy to throw. We are such that the negative has bigger impact than the positive. Yet we grow and with age comes wisdom, we learn that the societal fiction of perfection is that, pure fiction, unachievable. We learn that we are all flawed and that it is normal to be so. Most importantly we learn that love starts inside us, that we can not be truely a thing of desire unless we feel sexy inside, not our body, it grows frail, but our mind. With that you can stand naked warts and all in front of your lover, free of subconscious insecurity, focused on what matters, togetherness and love, something beautiful. I hear you say you are happy being you, you are well on your way to wisdom. I will presumptuously say you have a hurdle yet to jump. You are beautiful, that beauty comes from a special uniqueness that is in you. You must embrace it and be it for now it sounds like force of words. You are beautiful, feel it, without doubt and without insecurity. Say it as the honest truth it is. Only you can make it true. Beauty comes from within, not a thing bestowed by others. When you get that you will radiate it.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
"Mischeviouslad Man 43yrs Mosman ....Making myself an obvious target....but ... Blindman..... you talk about beauty of actions...... but I find elements of your reply condescending, and patronising. To me.... that is ugly."" Which highlights Blindman67's point to a tee. It IS all about CHOICE. For example : it was your CHOICE to see condescension in someone elses' opinion. Why? What was it about the unambiguous, but truthful issues he highlighted, that made you feel insecure? - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Oh why don't people really see what they read?! Many of the replies to your post 'BM67' went off on various 'defensive' tangents. I agree with your original post though , & I speak from a very solid position of experience. I have at different times of my life been: very fat/overweight, very skinny, a heavy smoker, a non-smoker, addicted to drugs, a heavy drinker, addicted to excessive exercise . Not once, ever, can I in all honesty look anyone (even myself), squarely in the eye & truthfully say "society or any of the social determinants " therein are or were ever responsible for my previous addictions & excesses , ever. The bottom line is "No one forced me to put myself through those private hells. No one held me down & forced excessive & unhealthy food , or cigarettes or other harmful drugs into me , no one stopped me from exercising healthily, nor did anyone force me to exercise excessively either. Now, I could blame these incredibly destructive behaviours that had near-catastrophic effects on my life on a variety of external factors. All of which were truth & reality at various stages in my life. Incest &/or sexual assault on more than 1 occasion (the first at about 7yrs old by a relative), ; being brought up in a single -parent, very strictly regimented family with little or no moral support ; I could also blame my previous behaviours on depression; being bullied during childhood & during high school & then whilst in the workforce - even to the extent of seeing suicide as the most attractive way to find some peace . But I'd be deluding myself if i did. So, my "Research is directly referenced", to very real experiences over the past 50yrs, & I consider that I am in a prime position to state, that - "Not one of those ('Social Determinants") or experiences or traumas , forcedheld me down & FORCED me to "be fat or be skinny or give in to any of the other addictions or self-harmful behaviours that exercised a stranglehold over me for decades!" Some may have INFLUENCED my choices & decisions,but ultimately the buck stopped with me . I made certain CHOICES - all of which had consequences . Which, may been : getting fat or skinny, or addicted etc etc. But, nobody forced me - I made each choice myself - simple as that. No excuses or shifting the blame. However, in contrast it has to be said - if we lived in the jungles in Indonesia or Burma for example, where just surviving from one day to the next presents vastly different perils to the endless array of opportunities & choices that we here in Australia enjoy. Then in those cases , my previous assertations about my life choices would not be applicable! (I know -Ive been there). So .....BM67 is absolutely spot on with his post! I lived to tell the tale & there are countless others around us who have survived far worse trauma than I. Guess what? In the final analysis, it all comes down to CHOICE and how we exercise these choices. NB: This post is not aimed at those folk who are mentally or physically constrained by paraplegia, quadriplegia, or other similar physical or mental health burdens. It is for the perusal/or not, of the rest of us who have no valid reason to complain nor excuse for not taking responsibility for our choices. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
10 years ago
We all have a different perception of beauty...I often find beauty in unexpected places..Florence is the most beautiful city in a traditional view of beauty that I have ever experienced..but for me Glasgow with its bizarre mix of architecture along the Clyde is equally beautiful in its ugliness...so are the people of Glasgow..their humour is wonderful and beautiful...There is beauty everywhere,we just have to open our eyes,hearts and minds to see it...we can choose beauty,we can choose to go about our way in the world being beautiful,or we can choose ugliness and negativity..beautiful,thoughts,lead to beautiful,words,beautiful actions,always a choice xxFreya
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Hello, :) . My all-time favourite description was one uttered by Peter Ustinov , in describing himself as "a Citizen of the World ". Love it & him. He was quite enigmatic I thought. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I love that description..and this is the quote I have of his on my profile Sex is a conversation carried out by other means..how true I think ๐xxFreya
-
RHP User
10 years ago
WRONG! . That is so incredibly simplistic and insulting. .
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'MrsPeachyPearL' WRONG! . That is so incredibly simplistic and insulting. . It is only an insult if you see it as one. There is nothing wrong with being fat, if you choose to make an insult out of the word then what are we to do. I took the time to point out that for some there is no choice. How will the problem of lack of self perceived beauty ever be overcome if we can not freely use the word fat. It should be as innocuous as the word tall, short or thin. I am afraid all you do is force its continued use as a word of shame which it should not be.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Hiya, Im not sure if your response was to my post just before yours or to someone else's. If it was to mine , I am sorry you found my post insulting. It certainly was never intended thus. However, that is YOUR CHOICE, & I respect that totally. It was based on my own very real experiences -so I speak from that position of authority. May i ask where you found insult in my story? Are you sure you read it all VERY carefully , with an open mind? I am very happy to further explain or clarify anything . I also viewed your profile & I loved it ! Please be assured that I am 150% straight, however, I can genuinely appreciate beauty in other women , and I think you are stunning ! Simply Gorgeous pic. KK ๐๐ป - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I actually DO think smoking makes you ugly. And stinky! Its revolting.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Kisskiss80' I actually DO think smoking makes you ugly. And stinky! Its revolting. Yes, me being a smoker, a light smoker but none the less tainted. I wish I had never tried them, or even known they existed but that is not the reality. I wish it was easy to give up, but I find it most difficult. It is my choice, I don't think anyone would argue that, I started as an adult, I knew better. I know that many think like you do, smoking is revolting and ugly. I can not change that, I am OK with being ugly in the eyes of others, I am nothing special, just a normal imperfect human under no illusion that I can be what everyone desired nor would I want to be. You can see me as ugly, but that will not actually change how I feel about my self.
-
chevtrek
10 years ago
Using herpes science has found a new cancer treatment.For me doctors used lung cells to cure my cancer.Everything has pros and cons.Quoting 'Kisskiss80' I actually DO think smoking makes you ugly. And stinky! Its revolting.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I look for the best in people.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
No problem here, sorry for the confusion, I was quoting from Blindman's OP. :-) . I do realise Blindman that I have over simplified your point myself. ;-) . I am beautiful because I see and feel and share beauty. . I don't feel like fat describes me or my body shape.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Yay.....good for you. ๐๐ - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Someone's not getting laid
-
RHP User
10 years ago
You expect people to be dazzled by your wit and in awe of your opinion. Any alcoholic can come up with that complete self centered bullshit You're certainly not Ernest Hemingway
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Poor Jolly do you really think big emotions can come from so little words. Hemingway? never been a fan, that kind of forced admiration best be fodder for sheep, I find more deserving contemporary greatness a thing worthy of parroting.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
The road to self actualisation is often fraught with difficulties and unkindness to ourselves and others. For myself I look into a mirror and look deep into my eyes and ask "Am I truly happy with all aspects of my life" hardly ever have I heard an immediate yes. I feel that I can't be truly happy unless I am comfortable with who I see in that mirror. I also feel, that to create positivity in my life i have to understand my own self.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I love my bum...lots of ks have gone it making it something I love to show off....but it wasnt always like that. And it took a great friend and a few cheeky comments from some total strangers when I was at the beach to make me realise it... Maybe some people have never had someone say a nice word to them about how they look - even worse maybe all they have ever had is how ugly/fat/etc they are... hear it long enough and you will believe it.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Well.........you know what they say about name callers!? Yep,...it takes one to know one! lol - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
10 years ago
We are own most demanding auditors.. The mirror until only the mid 19th century was prized incredibly expensive item available to only the very rich. For the vast majority of people that ever existed never knew their own appearance. Though I can not be sure I think the mirror and self dissatisfaction over appearance are closely related. Dysmorphia as an mental illness is certainly an issue of modernity, it being only recognized as disorder only in 1980 though Dysmorphophobia (the irrational fear that one is deformed or may become deformed) has been known about since 1890. It is well know that people are atrocious at judging their own body image with a tendency to under or over estimate there own appearance in a variety of ways. Seldom if asked to rate ones attractiveness do we conform to that of the rating give by others. Why look in the mirror and judge, you will never see what others see. The mirror is not a simple reflection, project ugly thoughts at it and the result is an ugly reflection. Look expectantly for beauty and you will find that in ever single mirror. The choice is yours what you see.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Ms_Maddie' I love my bum...lots of ks have gone it making it something I love to show off....but it wasnt always like that. And it took a great friend and a few cheeky comments from some total strangers when I was at the beach to make me realise it... Maybe some people have never had someone say a nice word to them about how they look - even worse maybe all they have ever had is how ugly/fat/etc they are... hear it long enough and you will believe it. Here's to sexy big bums and the random kindness of beautiful strangers. It is sad that so many have to whinge about the qualities of others. It is the reflection of their own fear to comment on the negative, or create a negative in others. There are also some that can not hear compliments, yet quick to hear negatives to confirm their own belief. Sometimes one must use divisive means to get the message across, "Your beautiful!" with the forceful exclamation mark. Said enough times they begin to believe it. Yet the ultimate is the unsolicited unintentionally overheard compliment, very powerful. We should never hold back praise for that very reason, and equally be extra cautious of whinging even when you think you can not be heard.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Actually I have a cheeky little bum and the K's that have gone into creating it are kilometres - not kilojoules lol.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Here's to sexy bums of all variety and the beautiful people attached to them.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
The most beautiful thing about yourself is your own self confidence. Because no matter what your age, shape or size the way you feel about yourself & the body you do have is what you exude to everyone else. Confidence regardless of thinking you are too fat or too skinny or too whatever will outshine everything else. So to get that confidence you need to be where you feel comfortable in regards to shape or size and you will sizzle. It amazes me as one of the women that go to my gym is 20 odd years younger than me, has no kids yet has had a boob job, is bordering on anorexia and has been in & out of hospital for years and her self body confidence is way lower than mine even though I have 4 kids. I have guys her age hitting on me like you wouldn't believe & they steer clear of her. Sad thing is - she is gorgeous, very very smart, funny, very witty & a really beautiful soul - I just wish she believed in herself instead of thinking her boobs are her only asset. Life is hard and harder for some than others, none of us are perfect, yet I hope we can all help someone in need when we can. We are always are own harshest critics, so let's be kind rather than cruel after all beauty is also in the eye of the beholder.
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 14361 Comments: 120840
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1355 Comments: 14709
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2425 Comments: 17234
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2405 Comments: 12737
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 794 Comments: 5154
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1148 Comments: 6957
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 622 Comments: 2145
-
LGBT
Topics: 156 Comments: 1150
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share