F55
The uncomfortable truth
October 31 2014
Comments
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Mr_MrsAraps
10 years ago
Its like a band aid and you just have to say what you mean. Sure the words will sting but its better getting the the pain over with quickly and can then heal compared to drawing it out and not be honest like pulling a band aid off super slowly. I have been guilty of it once (not saying what I meant) and by not being honest I made them feel like shit.owed not to that to someone ever again. As for being on the receiving end .... My personal favorite is someone being honest, but just being unhappy for 2 years and never saying a single word to me or anyone.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I have a theory that people tell themselves they're fudging their story to be kind to the other person, but really, deep down, their doing it to make things easier for themselves - to avoid the tears, conflict or coming off like a real asshole. It's an example of selfishness trying to disguise it itself as selflessness. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I'm not comfortable answering this truthfully.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Some people can't handle the truth, especially petulant immature men. So women lie, to let them down gently , and spare themselves a possibly violent backlash. And men do it to spare themselves the stalker or the lawnscreamer. As for me, I know, I'm ugly and I smell and my dicks too small. See I can handle it. "" As for sexual intentions, jesus, people lie to themselves over that one !
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MsSuperFoxy
10 years ago
use weasel words and half-assed excuses and cover up stories rather than just tell it how it is? Because they are cowards that's why and because going outside of their comfort zone into discomfort zone is too much for them to handle. The sad part is they are denying themselves room for personal growth. If someone makes half-assed excuses to me and try to cover up well that's their problem and they have to live with that choice they've made. I would say most of the time those who have made half-assed excues don't feel guilt, because they can not empathize for the other cause it's all about them! Foxy
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RHP User
10 years ago
"The biggest coward is a man who awakens a woman's love with no intention of loving her...... I hate hearing "You deserve someone who, blah, blah, blah", or it's not you, it's me Honesty is such a precious commodity and costs nothing.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I got a mention :) *insert balloon filling slowly noise* Ok....can someone pop my ego?? - Posted from rhpmobile
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MsSuperFoxy
10 years ago
Quoting 'looking4quality' "The biggest coward is a man who awakens a woman's love with no intention of loving her...... I hate hearing "You deserve someone who, blah, blah, blah", or it's not you, it's me Honesty is such a precious commodity and costs nothing. I love that quote... Foxy
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RHP User
10 years ago
One of the main reasons that I no longer spend time with married men is this ..I think it used to be called giving someone the cold shoulder..not words just attitude meh..xxFreya
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Missb4u
10 years ago
and when you do speak the truth you are accused of being blunt, harsh, unfeeling and detached... I've heard this many many times in my life.
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RHP User
10 years ago
On both sides.. Meaningless to many, painful to some, it's the total lack of responsibility and consideration to others that reflects tha way some abuse. If you give something of yourself to someone you deserve respect back as a minimum. Letting someone down gently is consideration, lying or not giving a flying f**k is deceit.
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RHP User
10 years ago
That's true! I've been accused (probably rightly so) of being blunt and cold for a long time, but much less so these days. The accusations taught me to find a middle road between harsh truth and kindness; a way to put words together that is honest but appropriate to the context. I practice this ALL the time in relationships (practice being the important word here - I certainly haven't perfected it). I find it comes down to being very clear and conscious about my position and my intention. For example if my position is no thanks but my intention is kindness, I can usually find the right words to express this with heart. It's an ongoing practice, two steps forward and one failed step backwards, naturally. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Seriously? Why would I want to hear "sorry I am not that into you, I just fucked you because I was horny and nobody better was around" ??? Or I you are a whiny bitch or you bore me, etc etc. I am happy for the white lies.
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RHP User
10 years ago
So reading a number of comments above I realise that so many people on here shit me to effing tears. Must be pretty up there on your high horses.
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On_Safari
10 years ago
Something I'm comfortable living by. I loathe liars in all their forms. Like the song "I remember someone old once said to me That lies will lock you up with truth the only key. But I was comfortable and warm inside my shell, And couldn't see this place could soon become my hell. So is it better to tell and hurt or lie to save their face? Well, I guess the answer is don't do it in the first place." I suck at lies I always feel like there's a neon LIAR LIAR dign flasing on my forehead. Really I can't see the point and to continue on my cliche "oh the tangled webs we weave when first we practice to deceive. I'm obviously not one of the people who shit you Meeka 😇
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madotara69
10 years ago
For one, Our relationship has cruised through the ups n downs for Twenty years nowr. It seems simple, Tara would never question me in a way where I would need to lie, she just wouldn't put us in that situation. But... because I can't recall a time where lying to Tara would have been worth the embarrassment for starters, she aint stupid and she knows me well enough. Being up front is over and done, not diving into reasons to lie helps in a big way, so on an even keel there is no big deal with all the shit and crap covering up lies and deception and that bond trust provides. Same thing, I figure if Tara has something she'd rather not hang onto, she would tell me. If not, she never did and I would not treat her in a way that lying was necessary. Guess it only works if it goes both ways, as.. reason enough.. to deal with truth while it is simple and easier to get the head around, a tiff now and then so what. Better than doing all the head miles chasing it or hiding it, caught out in it, the list going against grows, don't you reckon? I'm already feeling uncomfortable just for thinking about it. Mado Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Seriously? Why would I want to hear "sorry I am not that into you, I just fucked you because I was horny and nobody better was around" ??? Or I you are a whiny bitch or you bore me, etc etc. I am happy for the white lies. how do you grow if people keep filling you full of shit? It is typical of the new generation where everyone gets a medal for participation so everyone feels redeemed, what a croc of shit. Let's not be honest and let mediocrity take over, why would we strive to be anything better? Oh yes you were a great fuck while thinking, never again. Their ego is fluffed and they are calling to get their dick wet again, then fob them off with a lame excuse not to see them because you are too gutless to give some honest feedback? And what is the difference when their behaviour says what their mouth couldn't anyway? People can stick their white lies up their arse as far as I am concerned.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'looking4quality' "The biggest coward is a man who awakens a woman's love with no intention of loving her...... I hate hearing "You deserve someone who, blah, blah, blah", or it's not you, it's me Honesty is such a precious commodity and costs nothing. Wow.... that's heavy. Thanks for pulling out that quote. I think I'll put that right with. "You'll never experience a broken heart unless you give it to someone to break"
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RHP User
10 years ago
Ralf... Home many women tell a guy they have bonked that he is crap in bed. You? Have you BL? Foxxy? Anybody else? Just curious. Do you say "sorry that was some of the worst sex I have ever had and I have no interest in seeing you again?" I started a thread a few years ago that asked if you were having really bad sex with someone new do you stop and walk out whilst telling them it's not happening for you, or do you let him finish then get out there and never see them again. guess what the concenus was? Well it wasn't that people would stop the sex... As that would be rude. Actually I am going to go and have a look at the have you faked an orgasm thread now.... See who said yes to that. :P
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RHP User
10 years ago
Meeka you would take white lies over somebody being honest - excuse my Language but Fuck That, give me honesty and integrity any day off the week, regardless of personal pride being dented or not. Just my honest and humble opinion as usual. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I don't think it's always necessary to share every thought out have with a lover. You don't always have to tell them that they sucked in bed. The issue is when you tell them they were awesome, or that you'll call them or something like that, when it's complete bullshit. It's not hard to say 'there was no spark for me so I don't have the urge to meet up again, but I wish you all the best'. Sure it's direct, but that's the point. Tell it straight rather than talk shite. I'd prefer that any day. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
For people you don't know well... I don't understand why you would bother getting into the hassle when a little white lie.... Which isn't really a lie anyway... Will suffice? Saying "it's me not you" will always have the element of truth won't it? Hey Andyinoz so when a woman asks you does my bum look fat in this. You say too right luv, it's massive. :p
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RHP User
10 years ago
Prefer you give it to me gently ... Don't bash me over the head with it. ...... BUT please don't tell me you love me if you don't ... Yes tell me it's just a fuck and I'm ok with that. Just want to know where I stand. Prefer a fast slap than and agonising silence. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Insomnian
10 years ago
Depends on the situation. Do you tell your kids the truth about everything or do you tell ''white lies''Most people are raised on white lies, so therefor it's actually inbuilt into our systems before we are even old enough to know better. Excuses etc etc etc as from a previous thread '' Let he / she who is innocent throw the first stone''
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RHP User
10 years ago
with andyinoz I'd rather have "honesty" and "integrity" rather than "silence" too . With "silence", I don't know where I stand. I begin to ask myself questions like : Is this relationship over ? How long do I wait before I accept that this relationship is indeed over ? Is he just having a "breather" ? Does he have any intention of contacting me ? Did I do something wrong ? And if so, what ? Do I start looking for someone else ? Was what he told me in the beginning, just a whole bunch of lies ? Is this what he calls being "honest", "open" and "true to himself" ? Is he keeping "silent" so as not to hurt my feelings ? I just want an intimate relationship where both parties agree to be honest with each other upfront !!!
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RHP User
10 years ago
I generally advise my sons to be forthright and upfront and that honesty is the best policy. I had to modify my advice the other day when my eldest told me he got himself into a hole and got shovels full of ice poured on him from a woman scorned. The silly new teenager thought he was being funny to sarcastically tell a skinny girl he liked that she was "kinda heavy". This poor girl is 13 and a slip of a thing. Well obviously she was upset and my son got paid out on, then the cold shoulder. My advice to him was to NEVER comment on a woman's weight, apart from saying she looks great. Poor little fella really wasn't thinking too straight. Honesty is the best policy in most cases, but you gotta know when to hold'em, know when to fold'em and know when to bluff your way through. Shine on you crazy diamonds. Silva
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RHP User
10 years ago
Life is grey,, so are the decisions we make every day. It's all about consideration and tact, there is a time and a place for bluntness and many a difficult comment can be phrased better. If you use and abuse someone else trust by deception to get what you want without consideration then that's ok? Not everyone lies, we just don't tell the whole truth. But when it's done to take advantage it's called deception.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Ralf... Home many women tell a guy they have bonked that he is crap in bed. You? Have you BL? Foxxy? Anybody else? Just curious. Do you say "sorry that was some of the worst sex I have ever had and I have no interest in seeing you again?" I started a thread a few years ago that asked if you were having really bad sex with someone new do you stop and walk out whilst telling them it's not happening for you, or do you let him finish then get out there and never see them again. guess what the concenus was? Well it wasn't that people would stop the sex... As that would be rude. Actually I am going to go and have a look at the have you faked an orgasm thread now.... See who said yes to that. :P and I have stopped, bundled up a guys clothes and told him to get out of my house for being a dud root. I have never faked an orgasm for anyone, I wouldn't want want to to give them the satisfaction of letting them think they gave me one of they didn't. I have told guys that I am not attracted to them, I don't like beards, they are too skinny, too far away, I don't like their attitude....the list goes on
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RHP User
10 years ago
saying nothing say everything.? I have often just said goodbye and haven't prolonged the conversation..I think the weasel words are "I'll call you",...that usually means " I 'll call you only and if,little pink pigs are flying through the sky".
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On_Safari
10 years ago
I have a dearly loved girlfriend who threw a guy out of her house naked and his clothes after him when she asked him what he wanted for breakfast and he rolled over and said. "Shoosh, you make too much noise." (Laughing) fucking idiot if he thought that was going to fly. Love TamBam, she's such a straight shooter. He stood naked at her front door completely oblivious as to his fuck up.
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lovman8
10 years ago
I am all for 'the truth" but it is better politely delivered with tact and respect. And while one of my mottos is I won't be dishonest for anything less than a million $, ( unfortunately nobodies tested me yet ) I am guilty of sometimes keeping truths to my self unless asked a direct question.
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Tall74nHard9
10 years ago
that there are two reasonably clear viewpoints shaping up in relation as to how to handle things with regards to this topic.One area that I believe that is being overlooked, is what sort of relationship you have with the person you were intimate with, and that in turn should decide on what direction you would handle such a situation. The comments from both 'sides' of the argument here seem intent on a black and white resolution, but as we know that usually doesn't exist in real life. Should the occasion arise that there is a difference in expectations, as some have mentioned , it is worthwhile letting the other know, so that the other person can 'grow' to acquire the necessary knowledge to fulfil themselves for a better encounter/s thereafter. But it also comes down to how you let them know - and there is nothing wrong with being diplomatic with your use of words, if so needed. Some people can take being talked to bluntly, others may prefer more neutral terms of explanation. Again, this is how you have developed the relationship, as brief as it may be at times, to getting to know the other person and then understanding how best to let them know about the expectations both parties have of one another. That way you should be able to treat one another in the manner you wish to be treated yourself. Tall
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Burning_Love' I have a theory that people tell themselves they're fudging their story to be kind to the other person, but really, deep down, their doing it to make things easier for themselves - to avoid the tears, conflict or coming off like a real asshole. It's an example of selfishness trying to disguise it itself as selflessness. - Posted from rhpmobile twice. every woman has the right to say NOevery man has the right to say NO for seconds, but women do not get that at all. So men have have to lie to get a one night stand. The new pussy is all the sweeter than the pussy they have already had. Every one lies, for a range of reasons. Just human nature , as we all look out for ourselves, its called social survival. I will bend the truth like a pretzel , for different reasons. Depends on the person I am talking to at the time. I lie by omission. I lie to not offend peopleI lie to get my own wayI like because the story I am telling could do with a little embellishment I lie to myself when I pick out size 10 pants at target. RHP is the land of lies
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RHP User
10 years ago
Well I am a straight shooter by nature, told been a bit harsh, but I'm aware of it so have now used similar wording but still straight, if ur not my type, I just say, thanx for the flirt/message etc, good luck and move along Call me what you will, I'm selective!!
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RHP User
10 years ago
I pretty much in agreement with most of the stuff here.....but what happens when someone makes you feel really uncomfortable/ wierd/ on edge etc.....you don't know exactly why...but you just think....I can't talk to /stay in contact with this person at all anymore...effective IMMEDIATELY...is that silence ok?. Does that X factor come into play at all? I have had that weirdness unsettle me as a man...I would imagine for a women it could be far more intimidating? Where does the need for you own safety, or at least comfort, come ahead of the need of someone else's right to have something spelt out for them? (Not an uncaring prick by the way...and would never be flippant about this, but I'm curious as to how others may see this)? S
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RHP User
10 years ago
they do not need to be exposed to adult issues. Rather tell them What is appropriate for their age and just withhold the other stuff. Little white lies on unimportant issues we all understand but sometimes it IS important to be honest especially with other adults where feelings are involved. That is what love honesty respect and real intimacy/closeness is made of. Otherwise respect just goes up in smoke. - Posted from rhpmobile
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TallBaldSexy
10 years ago
Quoting 'SuperFoxxxy' use weasel words and half-assed excuses and cover up stories rather than just tell it how it is? Because they are cowards that's why and because going outside of their comfort zone into discomfort zone is too much for them to handle. The sad part is they are denying themselves room for personal growth. If someone makes half-assed excuses to me and try to cover up well that's their problem and they have to live with that choice they've made. I would say most of the time those who have made half-assed excues don't feel guilt, because they can not empathize for the other cause it's all about them! Foxy I had know idea you knew an ex of mine :-)......Narcissism. Anyone ever had a close relationship with a narcissist?....let me tell you some people truly indeed can not empathise. They are physiologically incapable of empathy. If you ever get stuck with one - beware they are not for the faint of heart and can sneak up on the unaware yet most observant individual. .....the depth of this condition can be black hole stuff.....a Void. Lieing to them is the truth. Its the truth to their lives. They live by it - why - how - because maintaining control for them is mentally essential, they feel like their psychological survival depends on it. Indeed an eye opener to the completely unaware. Foxxy am I wrong - did you have an encounter with a narcissist? I hope the above doesn't sound like a hijack to your question BL?....for me I lived with a serial lier for years+ A narcissist.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'SuperFoxxxy' Quoting 'looking4quality' "The biggest coward is a man who awakens a woman's love with no intention of loving her...... I hate hearing "You deserve someone who, blah, blah, blah", or it's not you, it's me Honesty is such a precious commodity and costs nothing. I love that quote... Foxy Men do not make anyone fall in love, that's a leap you take yourself. I believe old Bob was a bit of a cock smith and I am sure plenty of women impaled themselves on him thinking it was true love. This is not mills and boon here ladies, there will be no true love found here, especially if the mixed message is come fuck me but make sure you do not trip over the white gown I have stashed in the cupboard. And by the way do you know how to make a picket fence. Why do we blame guys for being the hunters they are, when we put the bait out in a sex site? meeka has nailed it again. i have told one guy after the event, no not while he was trying to get there, why humiliate a person like that? the women that do that, how would you like it if a guy got in you and said, ahhhh nope cunts to big, sorry have to go or shit lady your oral is pathetic, so get your mouth of my cock I am goingor better still walks into a woman's house that is filthy, looks around and says no fucking way if you cant keep a clean house your not getting my dick in you. Or your a bit of a bogan, but I will fuck you anyway, cause I can see how desperate you are for attention. ya see where I am going with this ladies? LadyT telling like it is.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'ralf74' Quoting 'Meeka100' Seriously? Why would I want to hear "sorry I am not that into you, I just fucked you because I was horny and nobody better was around" ??? Or I you are a whiny bitch or you bore me, etc etc. I am happy for the white lies. how do you grow if people keep filling you full of shit? It is typical of the new generation where everyone gets a medal for participation so everyone feels redeemed, what a croc of shit. Let's not be honest and let mediocrity take over, why would we strive to be anything better? Oh yes you were a great fuck while thinking, never again. Their ego is fluffed and they are calling to get their dick wet again, then fob them off with a lame excuse not to see them because you are too gutless to give some honest feedback? And what is the difference when their behaviour says what their mouth couldn't anyway? People can stick their white lies up their arse as far as I am concerned. There are ways to educate people , you do not know the situation behind a persons behavior. And deep down we all know if a guy is going to be a fuck and run. If its to good to be true then its not true. I take a good look at myself if a man has not been what I expected in bed, way before I hit the sheets I make that decision, its my choice and I get myself to where I want to go. I have told a few men after the even, that it was not for me and that the chemistry may not have been there. One is a red hot smoking good looking fireman, he gave it his best shot and it failed so when he ask to meet again. I said, I did not feel the connection but neither one of us wants mediocre sex again. Yet that same man got a girlfriend so hot she could hardly remember her name. Your truth, is not another s but you can really fuck up a persons head if your ruthlessly blunt to the point of arrogance. We hold the power of the pussy, they come like heat seeking ,lemmings to dash themselves on the shore of the golden labia. cut them some slack. no need to deliberately hurt anyone especially if others do it to you. Yes they may be idiots at times, yes they may fill your ear with bullshit. But we do all know bullshit when its in our ear, we just let our ear be deceived by the hearts need. I punch wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy above my weight, as do a lot of women here. Reality checks always help me to keep this in perspective. No smoking hot sexy guy is going to take me out to dinner and ask me to leave my husband. Single ladies need to think , what is it this guy is looking for, and more important what is it I am looking for. a root does mean they are into you , it just means your a hole they happen to have fallen into. Yes I know I am blunt, so here ya have it the ugly truth. I wonder how many of you are feeling a little outraged by the ugly truth right now, especially all the people that say they never lie.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Pearl necklace of wisdom from the Tuscan lady.
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RHP User
10 years ago
No-one needs to say any of the things you've stated. There's a middle-road that is honest without being cruel. A guy could say, I just want to be clear that I'm only here for sex and I probably won't be in touch again after this. He could say thanks for letting me come to your home but I don't feel comfortable here, I'd rather not stay. He could say I know we arranged this meet to have sex, but I'm just not feeling it. I'd rather stop now than go on and really not enjoy it. There's no need to say your cunt's too big, or you're a bogan, or your house is a pigsty, or anything like that, and I don't think others are suggesting anyone should be THAT blunt and harsh. Honesty is not equal to being an asshole. The point is that rather than saying absolute bullshit to get what you want, or get out of what you don't want - be it love, sex, an awkward conversation or anything in between - say something honest and decent. Is it really that hard?! And I think you're absolutely wrong that love can't be found on this site. Love is found where people are, and there's plenty of people here. There's also plenty of evidence that people have found love, relationships, commitment and all sorts of connection here. Plus there's plenty of evidence from profiles and forum posts over time that some men are open to finding someone special here. Sure, it might not be commonplace, but it exists. I don't see the point in constantly pooh poohing people's experiences and trying to suggest that this site is for fucking and nothing else. It comes across - to me at least - as incredibly cynical and more than a bit unkind. I also think it seriously sells men short to suggest that they're just sex-crazed and that all men here are going to do whatever it takes to get laid because that's all they care about. Rubbish. Plenty of men on this site have much more going for them than that and I think they deserve a bit more credit. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
No Tuscan. I think your 'truth' is a long way from the mark. I get that it suits you and your perspective on the world, but it couldn't be any further from my experience and my perspective. It's therefore fair to say that some people will see things the way you do and some won't. So your post is not 'the ugly truth'. It's just one perspective, as all the posts are. I - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
if your'e looking for a relationship and your'e here to find a life long partner your probaly on the wrong site. If you r'e here as a equal looking to scratch a itch then your'e in the right place.. Of late' too many women are complaining about men when they should take a long hard look at them selves.. Coming here with too higher expectations ' you will always find something to complain about.. If 2 adults find some comfort in each other without commitment ' theres nothing wrong with that. ?
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Burning_Love' I have a theory that people tell themselves they're fudging their story to be kind to the other person, but really, deep down, their doing it to make things easier for themselves - to avoid the tears, conflict or coming off like a real asshole. It's an example of selfishness trying to disguise it itself as selflessness. Totally agree!
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RHP User
10 years ago
Sooo.. You would rather be told "Sorry love I'm not into you" instead of "It's nothing to do with you, it's me"...Well, try and stretch your heads around the fact that both are saying the same thing, (s)he isn't into you, so it's not you, its them. They aren't lying, they are telling the truth aren't they? How many guys here have "played" a girl and used pick up techniques purely to get her into bed. Playing the game involves telling little white lies all the time to build up a profile and rapport... and for girls that play the game too, same thing.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Seriously? Why would I want to hear "sorry I am not that into you, I just fucked you because I was horny and nobody better was around" ??? Or I you are a whiny bitch or you bore me, etc etc. There's the truth and then there is the "in-your-face-suck-it-up" truth. Why does it have to be all black and white as in "You're awesome, it's all me and my issues" versus "I really can't stand you, you whiny bitch"? I like to be truthful, but it can be done without being confrontational. Saying you're not feeling the chemistry, or things like "I'm just not that into you" or "I have a problem with how much you complain" can all done without being insulting, surely?
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RHP User
10 years ago
Tuscan, I agree I definitely have told white lies not to offend people. ralf, good for you seriously, that is pretty rare for someone to be so honest, but I can't be so blunt myself when it comes to sex as I think it takes two to Tango and I am probably partly to blame. But I have def not told men that I thought the sex was bad when I knew I would never see them again. That is bad of me I know as those guys will never be able to improve. Well I put my hand up. I am a selfish coward. And to she who can not be named (;-) who called me the biggest bitch on the forum, a title I have held for a quite a while I believe, sorry for saying people shit me to tears. I was offended at some people's words calling people scum, cowards, selfish, etc etc when I simply do not believe that none of you have never told a white lie yourselves before. Peace out.
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RHP User
10 years ago
True Meander. But I am happy for someone I barely know to tell me a white lie... Probably because I don't care enough to know the truth. I would want the truth from somebody I cared about.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I rest my case. See what happens when you say something that others may not want to hear. That is a perfect example why people do not tell the truth as they see it. People took a large snap of a bait. Now ya know guys. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. Rose coloured glasses will not make this site what you want it to be. Ask your self as a single woman , how long have i been in this site? Am I still looking? Am I doing the same thing over and over and getting the same result? And why do I ask over and over again why men lie to me? And I am not as some of you think man bashing. I just happen to think, dare I say it that men in general are NOT looking fir a relationship on this site. A way to a mans heart is NOT through your vagina and a boo hoo about how men love me then leave me is as unattractive as guys that whine they are not getting any. As one guy here said some expectations are a tad unrealistic on this site. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I am the biggest bitch in the forums :) I love the great irony of being called a bitch by other women. It's called assertive, so build a bridge. Lady t from the land of the golden pussys - Posted from rhpmobile
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inspirit
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' So reading a number of comments above I realise that so many people on here shit me to effing tears. Must be pretty up there on your high horses.
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inspirit
10 years ago
I have never told a man the sex was bad either - oh I lie - I did once - Had this "partnered" guy pursue me for ages and when I finally did the dead and got off, he asked how good was he (At a supposed swingers scene) - I told him he was the laziest root I had ever had....he went on to bad mouth me too others...........I could of lied. Sometimes people can't handle the truth. I don't always tell the truth as it can hurt people and you just never know what frame of mind they are in. If I was not to hear from some one the nest day - I get that - so what. Is what it is. NEXT lol
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inspirit
10 years ago
I don't think you are a bitch. You are very inquisitive and your questions help others to understand. I personally love your input from a single woman's perspective with spark and one not "actively" looking for a "relationship"..........
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RHP User
10 years ago
This thread was not about ALWAYS telling the truth. That's covered on the first sentence of the OP, so surely we can move on from that tired old argument?! The thread is about not making up bullshit stories when a version of the truth, including a watered down, kind one, is just not that hard. Mostly, this thread is about why some people still tell bullshit stories when they could easily choose the kind truth, especially when those very people would probably prefer to hear the truth if the shoe was on the other foot. I think some posters have lost their way with the thread. Common enough, I know, but always a shame when things get ugly. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I would much rather hear 'I'm just not into you'. It doesn't require me to guess what it means. The other option is open to interpretation and would leave me wondering. Tedious. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Thank you very much. But seriously I have no problem with people thinking I am a bitch, not everyone will like me and will find me a pain the arse and they won't like the way I express myself and that is perfectly fair enough. I am cool with that. What I don't understand is people telling me I don't like it when people disagree with me.... In my mind I was just debating a point someone has made. I guess I am too direct and some people don't like it, because to me it's them that are getting upset because I have disagreed with them?!? PS I have a unicorn in my pants. ;-)
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LightCatcher
10 years ago
I think the thing about truth is it's always part of a power dynamic and it's a question of whether you want to take responsibility for that or not. Certainly if someone asks for the truth from you I think it's wrong to withhold it. But it usually means you're in a strong position at that moment in relation to their feelings. Particularly around sex and intimacy I think it's just cruel not to care about the feelings of someone you've had sex with if they are in a vulnerable place. Of course it doesn't matter if they aren't. But if they are, finding a way to say the truth that is sensitive really isn't that hard.
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inspirit
10 years ago
I too get told I am challenging - not so much on here but in my personal life. I like to understand things clearly and to that I have to ask questions. Some people say I am argumentative though I am not in that sense I love a good debate. You have the Golden Unicorn I do Believe Or was that the Golden Dildo Award - lol We should have an awards page for post of the week lol
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RHP User
10 years ago
Conversations/topics on this forum are just about the RHP world? Sorry I am mistaken. I assumed we were talking about life in general.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Agreed with op . I would rather have the truth without the bs no matter how harsh as , im a straight up person myself ( sometimes just outright blunt , as im told ) .. but i just don't believe in bs and cutting the crap in something i literally figure out first off for myself anyway .. saves dramas for all involved . If guys just want a one off then ideally they should be seeking the women in here after the samething also to begin with . As for not feeling the same way just tell the other person in question ! May sting them for a bit but - its going to cause less dramas and hurt in the long run . To me , its not fun when your playing with a persons feelings at the end of the day we're all human .. and essentially , what your doing when your kindly using a "cover up story" to let them down .. isnt kind in the least , actually .. in my opinion it would hurt even more ! Like a double blow somewhat . What's the point in bothering to let someone know anything .. but where they actually stand .. !? That's what you call gutless .. not kind .. nor fair . - Posted from rhpmobile
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On_Safari
10 years ago
I'm still averse to lying though I suck at it and well.....tact and diplomacy helps I guess when delivering the unpalatable truth.
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Lovinit28andKC72
10 years ago
At the end of the day I don't think anyone likes to hear the truth and most people wouldn't be comfortable telling the truth, when it comes to matters in the bedroom, anything that would hurt someone's feelings or that might cause conflict. Anyone that knows me, knows I can be brutally honest to the point where I may offend. I've only ever walked out on one man and told him I couldn't continue with it. That was fairly early on in my journey though, I tend to be very good at screening nowadays..... There are lies as so you don't upset/offend/hurt anyone and then there are lies that hurt/manipulate/destroy someone. There are people that wouldn't know what it was like to tell the truth, they do it to make themselves look and feel better, they defiantly don't like to hear to truth when you call them out on it and they end up believing their own lies. They're not only lying to themselves, but also the people around them, but they do eventually get found out. Because you have to have an amazing memory to continue with the charade and let's face it some people really aren't smart enough for that......just be honest......💋
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RHP User
10 years ago
People lie about this stuff for one reason in my mind.....Protection. And it's usually to protect themselves from....well....themselves. Their own feelings that need to be faced. Usually feeling bad for not being able or willing to be the person that the other party is seeking. In other words.....FAILURE!!! - Posted from rhpmobile
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Tall74nHard9
10 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit' I have never told a man the sex was bad either - oh I lie - I did once - Had this "partnered" guy pursue me for ages and when I finally did the dead and got off.... Didn't know you were into necrophilia - any other lil secrets ???? Tall
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RHP User
10 years ago
He contacted me after what I considered very mediocre sex,he said he was in the neighbourhood and could he pop around... I said ,"Sorry I am busy hanging out the washing"...but it wasn't Monday:-)
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RHP User
10 years ago
On the fence about the matter..it definitely depends on who you're dealing with. The fact is that some people find it hard to accept cold hard truth...despite how much they may claim otherwise and often times giving the cold truth leads to more problems than you intended
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RHP User
10 years ago
No, it was intended about life and relationships - family, friends, lovers - in general. Broader perspectives are always welcome. There's more to the world than RHP ;) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'LadyTuscan2' LadyT telling like it is. Quoting 'LadyTuscan2'I rest my case. See what happens when you say something that others may not want to hear. That is a perfect example why people do not tell the truth as they see it. Tuscan, you didn't say in your first post you were telling the truth as you saw it, you were telling it "like it is", which I don't think you were.The "Truth" is mostly a subjective thing that others may or may not agree with. I know what you meant, but in general it gets up my goat when people say "I'm just telling the truth", or even better "I'm just saying it like it is." They're not, they're saying it like it is for them, based on what they have been taught and their personal experiences. I think that a lot of people will say it's just semantics, but to me it's a big difference. Best we can do is understand each other's version of the truth, and respect it if we cannot.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Burning_Love' Mostly, this thread is about why some people still tell bullshit stories when they could easily choose the kind truth, especially when those very people would probably prefer to hear the truth if the shoe was on the other foot. I agree with both you and Stir about the reasons why. I think it's a form of self-protection, but not only to avoid being the bad guy or feeling you have failed somewhere. I think many of us actively seek to avoid any kind of confrontation. Saying "I'm having commitment issues" gets you off the hook cleanly, whereas even a nice "I'm just not that into you", may get the dreaded "But why?" response, or worse: the other person trying to prove you wrong.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I just realized you asked me a question in an earlier post, which I missed. Yes, I've told a man something to that effect. We had sex, it wasn't great, he contacted me later to hook up again and I said no thanks, the sex was pretty ordinary and I'm not interested in doing it again. He said he thought the sex was good but thanks for letting him know. I could have said I'm busy/washing my hair/whatever bullshit, but why? I didn't accuse him of being bad in bed, because sex takes two (or more) people, after all. But I did make it clear that it didnt ring my bell, which meant I never heard from him again. If I'd said 'I'm busy' he'd had probably contacted again another time and I'd have to look for yet another excuse. I'm too old for that crap and those kinds of games. As I've said a few times in this thread, thoughtful, considerate honesty is just not that hard. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Cinnamonnsilk'don't tell your kids everythingthey do not need to be exposed to adult issues. Rather tell them What is appropriate for their age and just withhold the other stuff. I so agree! When I was scheduled for surgery this year, my two nephews asked their mum if I could die. Instead of saying she was sure I would be fine, she told them I might, which greatly upset them both. Her reasoning: Death is a part of life, and I will always tell my children the truth. Mine: They are 5 and 7, ffs. I was quite appalled.
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RHP User
10 years ago
my bit on this....and ladies when you look through this Threat mostly women have commented.....so this is showing me men are not interested much in what we are saying....because most think we ARE OVER THE TOP, and our outburst are silly, because we are forgetting where we are. So now my bit..... I can only write how I see the whole thing, because it is me. Privately I DONT LIE HAVE NO SECRETS AND I AM ALWAYS FOR THE TRUTH, that’s my private live and I live by it. One here......and now it comes I do sometimes use a white lie....and really thank you men out there you did to me too. I am not one of the HOT WOMEN....who gets swamped by 100 and 100 of messages.....I am JUST mediocre.....I don't write this word because I feel bad about it I am just stating the facts. And the fact is I am round old and just ok. So what are my chances of getting laid......yes, I want the man who comes to tell me little white lies....yes I let him go after without asking him questions ,how I was or is he coming back......DAHHHHH.....I am not stupid.....I know a hunk of 38 can get pussy right left and centre........I know he will come back when I was OK in the sack.....and when I wasn’t, he will never be heard of again......so as I am a realist........I can live with it. But how devastating would it be and so bad for my self esteem when each men who comes to my place would say.....YOU NOW YOU ARE BIG AND YOU ARE A BAD ROOT...................no please lol don't tell me.................leave me in the believe I am fantastic.....PLEASE BOYS. And I will try to do the same......should I say something.....I will always say it in a funny way or should you contact me again.....and it wasn’t for me.....then I tell you. So to all the HOT WOMEN out there......believe me it’s easier for you to kick a me in the gut then for us not so hot once. So after reading my little comment.....I am not a poor little mite....I am a very powerful being in my own rights.....still I know where I stand on popularity as a sex goddess in a place like RHP. So all men who come to me......................please lie I love little white lies......and try to fuck me good.....ohh no I love oral more.
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RHP User
10 years ago
but there is no need to be cruel with it. Be tactful yes but no lies. i have male mates (platonic) that constantly get told "you are a nice guy but....." And they are never told what the "but " is they get frustrated and then angry and then start hating women for being mind fucks. I would not mind if someone met me and then said......sorry you are not my type i am not attracted to you. I would actually respect the person more for being honest. And how does a person improve if they are never told their weaknesses. ? It is like giving a student A grades all the way through school and they think they are outstanding. Then they get into the real world and the first time someone is actually honest about their abilities and gives them a lower grade they are devastated.
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RHP User
10 years ago
is that i thought that it might be a place where people talk more openly about what they want. I have been on normal dating sites and they all just tell you what they think you want to hear. Before anyone says anything no i do not expect to find a relationship on here i know most are not seeking that. But i hope to find some friends with a more open and honest attitude to those whom i usually come across. am i dreaming do you think ?
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RHP User
10 years ago
If I get asked that question ☺ does my bum look fat in this, my response would be honest, yep or no - I dont and wont blow smoke up my own arse so why should I treat anybody else differetly, I personally class it as respect, if you look good oh without question you would be complimented, would I put myself in the situation where I would have to think about the answer no I wouldn't. As - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Liars, are the ones that think they are telling the truth
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Burning_Love' This thread was not about ALWAYS telling the truth. That's covered on the first sentence of the OP, so surely we can move on from that tired old argument?! The thread is about not making up bullshit stories when a version of the truth, including a watered down, kind one, is just not that hard. Mostly, this thread is about why some people still tell bullshit stories when they could easily choose the kind truth, especially when those very people would probably prefer to hear the truth if the shoe was on the other foot. I think some posters have lost their way with the thread. Common enough, I know, but always a shame when things get ugly. - Posted from rhpmobile how can a man say, this is a one off if he does not know that until he has bonked you? So is is motivation wrong? If he wants to taste and see if its to his liking? so what is the point of saying to a person, this is a one night stand, when you might like to come back or you might not like to come back. People always say a guy lies to get into your pants, he may do that , its a natural thing to do,as many women lie about the reasons they have sex with a guy the big one is, I am just into random sex, and yea baby I am cool if you do not come back, and then get all bent out of shape when the guy takes them at their word. I have been in bed with guys and said, hey honey you can go now you do not have to lay here and pretend your interested. As I am pretty much the same One guy just said thank you god, your one of the few women that gets it. so why do men lie under these circumstances, because its the logical thing to do, if you want to get sex or if you want to get away quietly from some needy whinny woman
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RHP User
10 years ago
true what I heard through the grapevine.. Some of the "popular" people have many profiles running with faked photos? I cant believe it. Is this the truth or just a smear campaign from some? Can anybody shed light on that. Because should this be the truth then I say.....my little white lie or the white lies from males is really nothing.
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RHP User
10 years ago
You mean regular female posters? Well I don't know of any, but if they have profiles where they are seeking something alternative to their main profile I don't see the problem. Fake pictures are not good though and obviously if they are using the profile to cause trouble that isn't good either. Ooh rumors. :)
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inspirit
10 years ago
Just because a person maybe be better looking, sexier or what ever than oneself - don't think it is any easier. In fact it is harder - as you know men generally want to fuck you as a bed post notch. That's the truth and do they admit it? Food for thought. I am not a sex goddess by any means though my wit and honesty can put me up there, if I so choose. It is all about attitude. Monday Rant over
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RHP User
10 years ago
Two newish female posters were outed for using fake pics recently. I personally think they were both the same woman. Both profiles have since been deleted.
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abcplus1
10 years ago
People don't want to hurt them or have them hurt. Little lies sometimes protect them.
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inspirit
10 years ago
Do they speak? When I was little I use to play under one, thinking I was in a fairy tale. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Seachange
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' Two newish female posters were outed for using fake pics recently. I personally think they were both the same woman. Both profiles have since been deleted. Bloody hell. being away from the forum made me miss so much of the forum drama? Lol. Do tell...
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' Quoting 'LadyTuscan2' LadyT telling like it is. Quoting 'LadyTuscan2'I rest my case. See what happens when you say something that others may not want to hear. That is a perfect example why people do not tell the truth as they see it. Tuscan, you didn't say in your first post you were telling the truth as you saw it, you were telling it "like it is", which I don't think you were.The "Truth" is mostly a subjective thing that others may or may not agree with. I know what you meant, but in general it gets up my goat when people say "I'm just telling the truth", or even better "I'm just saying it like it is." They're not, they're saying it like it is for them, based on what they have been taught and their personal experiences. I think that a lot of people will say it's just semantics, but to me it's a big difference. Best we can do is understand each other's version of the truth, and respect it if we cannot. I am talking like a pirate, as I only have one eye, arrrrry my lovely wench well shiver me timbers and you can show me your semantics any day
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit' Just because a person maybe be better looking, sexier or what ever than oneself - don't think it is any easier. In fact it is harder - as you know men generally want to fuck you as a bed post notch. That's the truth and do they admit it? Food for thought. I am not a sex goddess by any means though my wit and honesty can put me up there, if I so choose. It is all about attitude. Monday Rant over I think I have been knotched! I am on so many bedposts, people think that its white ants
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RHP User
10 years ago
Most males and females have a very hard time handling the honest truth…..Most people may say otherwise…..but I believe they prefer the sugar coated version. It is a fine line between feeling good about yourself for telling the truth and been compassionate towards the other and trying to make it easier for them. Tough choice, and it all depends on the other, their strength and you perception and sensitivity.
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Naughtydouble
10 years ago
We are all different I have used the truth and I have used the care approach for those that wont let go neither approach wks but the direct approach however cold it might be results in a faster healing process for the one in pain - Posted from rhpmobile
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Tall74nHard9
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' Quoting 'LadyTuscan2' . Tuscan, you didn't say in your first post you were telling the truth as you saw it, you were telling it "like it is", which I don't think you were.The "Truth" is mostly a subjective thing that others may or may not agree with. I know what you meant, but in general it gets up my goat when people say "I'm just telling the truth", or It gets up your goat - you are a Capricorn - are you not !?Tall
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RHP User
10 years ago
People who lie to others,Are really lying to themselves. Lying because it is the right thing to do -an excuse for not doing the right thing initially. Real, honest truth, is something aspire toIt can be challenging, confronting, difficult - but the only path worth taking.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Darn they took off my rebuttal to burning love. Mummy rhp . I thought it tame but then I play in the big kids sandpit. Sensitive little souls that we are here. Mind you fair enough I once ask for a comment directed at me to be taken down. Nothing like a little sanitation to keep the place prizac - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
As I prizes to keep us all nice and quiet. Tapioca topics - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I read a lot of the comments from 'Burning_Loves' forum topic. After being in a 'relationship' that I later learned was built on his web of lies I vowed to be brutally honest but you know what, I'm not. I still pretty up the truth a little. However, when it comes to the cold hard truth of what I think about people I 'date' on RHP, then its the truth, the whole truth. I refuse to lead someone on. I refuse to just shut them down. I will say, 'sorry, I'm not interested'. Or 'sorry, it was nice but I'm not coming back". I'd appreciate the same. In any relationship I have had I have only asked for honestly. When a lover is unfaithful it is often not the act of unfaithfulness that hurts, its the dishonesty and deceit surrounding it. Sex is sex. Lies are lies. I will never remain loyal to someone who saw fit to lie to me. But in summary yes I still do lie. "I can't make it today for family commitments' sound a whole lot better than "I can't make it today because I can't be fucked shaving my legs for you". Doesn't it?
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RHP User
10 years ago
I think your rebuttal is there a few posts back. I certainly didn't ask for anything to be taken down. Freedom of expression and all that jazz. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'ThrillHunter' I read a lot of the comments from 'Burning_Loves' forum topic. After being in a 'relationship' that I later learned was built on his web of lies I vowed to be brutally honest but you know what, I'm not. I still pretty up the truth a little. However, when it comes to the cold hard truth of what I think about people I 'date' on RHP, then its the truth, the whole truth. I refuse to lead someone on. I refuse to just shut them down. I will say, 'sorry, I'm not interested'. Or 'sorry, it was nice but I'm not coming back". I'd appreciate the same. In any relationship I have had I have only asked for honestly. When a lover is unfaithful it is often not the act of unfaithfulness that hurts, its the dishonesty and deceit surrounding it. Sex is sex. Lies are lies. I will never remain loyal to someone who saw fit to lie to me. But in summary yes I still do lie. "I can't make it today for family commitments' sound a whole lot better than "I can't make it today because I can't be fucked shaving my legs for you". Doesn't it? Nicely put I guess I divide my RHP interaction from my "other life". I have not had people be rude to me, with the exception of one guy offline. Its that transition from reality that can bite, as in people waste others time, they set up meetings, and they piss in peoples pockets, and its not a one or two times, its a habit. I can see why single women or even couples might get bent out of shape, and as their expectations are because they are up front then others will be the same. Unfortunately, if a man does tell the truth about his feelings, or his marital situation he may find himself standing in a crowd of dicks and unable to get his away. His motivation to come here, is to get laid, so he is not going to shoot himself in the foot with the truth bullet. I am not going to shoot a guy with a truth bullet either, but I fire away with them, on the forum, I see it all the time on here, people are all full of saying it how it is on the computer but when you met them offlinethey are the mouse that roared. I doubt very much that the people that are happy to say shit to me on here would be so crass and bogan and socially inept offline as they often appear on here. So what people, may do on here and what they do offline I find are poles apart. The gown of hypocrisy is worn here and it is not a pretty outfit. I am not ever that arrogant that I can speak my truth to someones face, as its my truth only and if I have to say something a little diplomacy helps. On this site well shit, I will open my mouth to change feet. I may go to a meet and greet, and think holly fuck what is that woman wearing, but unlike my husband who did say "holly fuck what is that woman wearing", I tend to keep my mouth shut. We cant all shop at Prada.....(tongue firmly in cheek here)
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tempting123
10 years ago
Burning_Love i think thats a great topic you have raised- i also think you not only have raised it but also nailed the theory behind it- If youre not a psychologist or counselor you ought to consider that path :) . Well done !!
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'tempting123' Burning_Love i think thats a great topic you have raised- i also think you not only have raised it but also nailed the theory behind it- If youre not a psychologist or counselor you ought to consider that path :) . Well done !! and you do need some diplomacy and empathy . I do not work in that field due to my diplomatic skills have stared the conflict in the middle east, and my empathy has been sucked right out of me by feeding strawberries to pigs. Besides its expensive and time consuming for people to get an edumication today.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Kind of you to say so. I admire counsellors and psychologists etc. It can't be easy listening to people's woes day in and day out. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Burning_Love' I have a theory that people tell themselves they're fudging their story to be kind to the other person, but really, deep down, their doing it to make things easier for themselves - to avoid the tears, conflict or coming off like a real asshole. It's an example of selfishness trying to disguise it itself as selflessness. - Posted from rhpmobile The flipside of this argument is that people with a cruel nasty streak can enjoy the hurt and tears they cause hiding behind the facade of "I was just being honest" Somewhat like racists disguising themselves as patriots. Sure sometimes people do need a reality check, but surely a guiding hand is kinder than a baseball bat ?
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RHP User
10 years ago
Sure. Many people, including me, have commented that truth can be delivered with kindness. The two aren't mutually exclusive. Perhaps it's situational though. My OP was about situations of intimacy - sex, friendship, family etc. I think the litmus test for 'kind' truth probably changes a bit among, for example, the rabble of people camping on the hill during Bathurst. I'd happily speak my mind with fervor in the mayhem of that kind of group-think situation. But with a lover, or a close friend, I'd take much more care. Either way, I'd still say what felt true for me rather than make something up or go along with the crowd just to avoid being uncomfortable. - Posted from rhpmobile
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