F62
When does it become cheating?
November 13 2010
Comments
-
RHP User
14 years ago
I think that it's a fair observation that a leopard can't change its spots. Therefore a leopard would prudently marry a leopard. For every Jack, there's a Jill, right? In other words, what I do, or don't do, is complicated by environmental factors well outside my intellectual control as I am basically an empath. However, I can say this with confidence... I recognised many years ago that some people are naturally amorous people (if I can put it that way)... some are so much more amorous than others, and those are fundamentally, the qualities that attracted me initially to my long term lover, as well as that being a continuing attraction. I think that is also one of the reasons that she is attracted to me. I am generally speaking, polyamorous and polysexual. I have a lot of love to share, bebe, and a person can do worse than to follow his intincts.HugsStalky
-
RHP User
14 years ago
an argument from the 'judgmental' right? if they don't know its not cheating?its ok if you're in a sexless marriage? what is wrong with you people? what you promote and celebrate in some cases goes far beyond what is socially acceptable behavior! its not what reasonable and responsible adults do! each of us has a responsibility to our partner, no, an obligation. it covers things like honesty and truth, loyalty and respect. you are the one person who is responsible for your partners happiness!
-
RHP User
14 years ago
It becomes cheating when your instincts tell you that it is, since you should know your leopard better than anyone else here does.HugsStalky
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'stalky' I have a lot of love to share, bebe, and a person can do worse than to follow his intincts. I agree completely - we're not all wired the same, which no doubt contributes to the lack of consensus evident in this thread. If you've got one light to follow though, it's got to be yourself.You didn't really answer my questions, but in hindsight, I'm not sure that they were fair anyway. Have a good one!
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'mikeandshel' you are the one person who is responsible for your partners happiness! Your partner is responsible for thier own happiness. What you are suggesting is a dependency that is bordering on unhealthy. It is a method of passng the buck...of blaming another for all that is wrong in our lives. No one is responsible for me...except me!
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'Snowshoe'You didn't really answer my questions, but in hindsight, I'm not sure that they were fair anyway. Have a good one! lolz.. you're not kidding... why would I answer directly? :p None the less, anyone who has the presence of mind to be empathic to their lover's feelings simply knows where the line is... you need to use your instincts because that line is individual, as you say.The responsibility for your lover's happiness angle... people have played on that heart string forever. As for being responsible for your partner's happiness... people have a responsibility to themselves, as Fiona said. Nobody really, ought to feel trapped in their relationship just because they're married. That kind of thinking, from my perspective, is what drives people to cheat. For example, one lover takes the other for granted.... and then they push the limits... it's as if they think they no longer have to try to make the relationship work because their lover is owned (i.e. married to them)... then the emotional blackmail comes out... you know.. "I'm going to continue to treat you like shit because there's nothing you can do about it... but if you go and cheat on me or find companionship elsewhere we'll then see you go against your friends and family once I've moaned and grown and bitched to them about you" That kind of emotional blackmail is a form of empowerment that is shonky, low and a right proper cunt act. People trapped in that situation who decide to cheat for some self preservation, or maybe just to get their independence back.. well frankly ..... they have my complete sympathy.HugsStalky Quoting 'fionabee'Your partner is responsible for thier own happiness. What you are suggesting is a dependency that is bordering on unhealthy. It is a method of passng the buck...of blaming another for all that is wrong in our lives. No one is responsible for me...except me!
-
Letsgetcrazy09
14 years ago
mikeandshelYou have brought into this post of when does it become cheating another topic of social acceptability. You have also brought to the table "loyalty" as one of the "responsibilities" to your partner. Both are great areas of thought and could both be separate posts on their own.Without wishing to hijack this post there is arguement that loyalty can be to more than one person. As to social acceptability, with whom are we talking about social acceptability? Christian acceptability? Or is it more along the lines of a Monogamous relationship and hence the responsibility to ones partner?Perhaps a post on both of these could lead to some scintillating commentary as well.CheersLets
-
RHP User
14 years ago
me an the ex have just got back together on a trial basis(god help my soul) an i told her straight out ya can all tjhe friends/ meets/ coffee's/ parties even ya like. i work shifts an aint far to ruin 2 lives, but ya fuck around it all ova man. no ahahaha this time. Earl, serious fer a change
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Good to see you back!HugsGaz
-
RHP User
14 years ago
You know when you have crossed
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee' Quoting 'mikeandshel' you are the one person who is responsible for your partners happiness! Your partner is responsible for thier own happiness. What you are suggesting is a dependency that is bordering on unhealthy. It is a method of passng the buck...of blaming another for all that is wrong in our lives. No one is responsible for me...except me! if this were the case then the whole idea of a 'relationship' goes out the window. we look out for each other, its not a dependency, more like a team. we both have our roles to play and share the workload equally. this rings true for our relationship. neither is the dominant partner, we do everything by consensus. both of us have our own space, friends and time away, but neither of us cross any line or boundary ......... and, we deal in honesty, trust and respect. Shels my best friend, and I am hers. I guess this is the cornerstone of our relationship.....we 'like' each other.friends since 1975 and from there we grew to 'love' each other. we pass no 'buck' and never attribute 'blame'.a quote from wikipedia states........An intimate relationship is a particularly close interpersonal relationship. It can be defined by these characteristics: enduring behavioral interdependence, repeated interactions, emotional attachment, and need fulfillment.
-
RHP User
14 years ago
You've painted up your lips and rolled and curled your tinted hairRuby are you contemplating going out somewhere?The shadow on the wall tells me the sun is going downOh Ruby, don't take your love to townIt wasn't me that started that old crazy Asian warBut I was proud to go and do my patriotic choreAnd yes, it's true that I'm not the man I used to beOh Ruby, I still need some companyIt's hard to love a man whose legs are bent and paralyzedAnd the wants and the needs of a woman your age, Ruby, I realizeBut it won?t be long, I?ve heard them say until I'm not aroundOh Ruby, don?t take your love to townShe?s leaving now 'cause I just heard the slamming of the doorThe way I know I?ve heard it slam a hundred times beforeAnd if I could move, I?d get my gun and put her in the groundOh Ruby, don?t take your love to townOh Ruby, for God?s sake turn aroundAHHH you gotta love country music!!
-
RHP User
14 years ago
a quote from wikipedia states........An intimate relationship is a particularly close interpersonal relationship. It can be defined by these characteristics: enduring behavioral interdependence, repeated interactions, emotional attachment, and need fulfillment. Interdependence...not sole dependence. No one adult is soley responsible for the actions, emotions or feelings of another. Even within the boundaries of that relationship there are times when you feel sadened or unhappy for no particular reason and it is not connected in any way shape or form to your partner. If we were soley dependent on our partner for happiness then if the unthinkable happens (as it did to me 25 years ago) and your partner dies, how then do people go on to live fulfilling lives? How could we ever be happy again.?
-
RHP User
14 years ago
a quote from wikipedia states........An intimate relationship is a particularly close interpersonal relationship. It can be defined by these characteristics: enduring behavioral interdependence, repeated interactions, emotional attachment, and need fulfillment. Interdependence...not sole dependence. No one adult is soley responsible for the actions, emotions or feelings of another. Even within the boundaries of that relationship there are times when you feel sadened or unhappy for no particular reason and it is not connected in any way shape or form to your partner. If we were soley dependent on our partner for happiness then if the unthinkable happens (as it did to me 25 years ago) and your partner dies, how then do people go on to live fulfilling lives? How could we ever be happy again.?
-
RHP User
14 years ago
I love wikipedia. Anyone can contribute to it. You just enter your own stuff in there and the editor decides if it's ok. Once I did this whole diatribe on why Jesus loves gay people. I think it lasted a whole week!HugsStalky
-
RHP User
14 years ago
I am single and i have never been married but to me cheating is having a relationship outside your spouse/significant other/boyfriend or girlfriend. if you 2 made a commitment to each other to be exclusive, any other relationship besides it is cheating
-
RHP User
14 years ago
In our view it becomes cheating when one of the couple does anything without the other being informed prior to the event.
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Have loved reading (most of) the well thought out comments :)Sweetiepie- I am lucky enough to be in a relationship like you, where i can tell my man anything, we are a team built on honesty and openess. We are lucky gals But one thing being in this amazing relationship has taught me is that not everyone is going to be lucky enough to find a partner like this. Or maybe 'lucky' is the wrong word. Because although these are MY morals and beliefs in a relationship, not everyone counts 'honesty' and 'openess' as the most important traits in THEIR relationship. I have seen enough of my girlfriends go back to their cheating boyfriends to see that maybe 'companionship', 'financial stability' and 'passion' may be more important relationship traits to them. So many would prefer to cheat, to allow themselves to feel a renewed passion with their partner. And many would prefer to be cheated on, than to face the big bad world on their own. Im not saying it would work for me, but who am i to judge what others value in a relationship?Each to their own I say :) All anyone can be is true to themselves
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Very impressive to see this thread has broken yet and unraveled the web! Quotes and required must be a requium to avoid a consortium? I do appreciate a quality consort I must admit...or a good concert, like back in the good old days in Oakland. Tower of Power..."Bump City" was the place to be and one post caught my attention and is a lyric off the album..."It's not the crime, it's not the thought, it's not the deed...it's if you get caught". I do think Lenny and the band were referring to less heinous crimes? Cheating...could be as simple as not being true to yourself and defined by your own definition of self. If you are say, a married woman whose husband has been very debilitated for many years, you hang in there, look after him no matter what, there is no such thing as sex unless you are a Kiwi and it comes after the number five...but you love him and stay. Maybe too along the way you very discretely look after your own physical and certain emotional needs? Let the barristers here argue that one out...I know which side of the fence I wouldn't sit on. If I work my backside off, 16 x 7 x 365 ...give you a nice bank account that I don't check because I trust you, and you don't work much other than enough to cover off your Cover Girl expenses ...then blow the roll, ask for a top up and hide the charge card bills or lie to me about giving money to zero hero in-laws, out-laws and a cast of many that love helping you spend what is the equivalent of my life? Come on...at least kiss me after and double check the date on my pilot's license...I was born on a day but not the one before today. Some might even call that murder...or at least rape. No two stories are the same. We are all a reason, a season or a lifetime (somebody very special once told me that) and I, for one....won't choose for you. Black is the presence of all colour and white the absence...everything else is just a shade of grey you see reflected in the liight of who you are. The end. Please....if there is anything at all noteworthy in this, don't quote me.
-
RHP User
14 years ago
cheating isn't exclusively about sex. if that's your belief then its pretty shallow. its also about intent. its about desire. its about a whole range of things that really shouldn't exist outside of a mutually exclusive (look this up) and monogamous (and this) relationship (again). we enter into this relationship and without saying the words, we make promises and undertakings about things like honesty (means what?) loyalty (out the window if you cheat) and respect (an old fashioned idea). if the defense of "its not cheating if they don't know" applies here ( god knows how), then may i use this same defense to justify and explain away theft?( they never knew i took that) rape? (but i love you honey) assault?(its your fault i hit you) fraud?(just sign this please).......... maybe the sickos grooming our children for sex could use this as their defense......"she/he didn't know it was for sex your Honor, no crime took place"
-
RHP User
14 years ago
You shouldn't trivialise seriously offensive crimes and compare them to cheating. I'm not going to say any more but seriously, you are offensive.Gary
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'stalky' You shouldn't trivialise seriously offensive crimes and compare them to cheating. I'm not going to say any more but seriously, you are offensive.Gary There is no comparison between a bit of slap and tickle and a serious crime. To compare the two is indeed offensive.
-
RHP User
14 years ago
just trying to give examples for you so you understand how trivial and childish your own defenses are. you are the offensive ones. spouting selfish and conceited arguments to justify cheating. to some, its nothing, to the majority its a big deal. if you ask a question and then hurl criticism at those who would answer it, why ask in the first place? cheating is wrong, however you present it. if it weren't, it would have a nicer name wouldn't it? as for us being offensive? absolutely perfect! I like that people remember us, for whatever reason. if we are offensive because we have principles and values that we are proud of, all the better! at least we sleep at night with clear consciences. and this will never change. who does cheating mean nothing to? the one cheating! who does it affect and hurt the most? the one being cheated! oh that's right, i forget, it only counts as cheating if she knows about it................apparently. and yea, if she turns off to me its fine too, because i have needs (I'd rather find out what the issue was, than stray). and apparently I can have explicit and intimate conversations with other women and not feel a pang of guilt either. Really, how offensive is this? ( hang on for a sec hun, I'm just showing my dick pics to a woman in Toowoomba, wont be long!love you!!)
-
RHP User
14 years ago
The way I see it, cheating in a relationship is the same as cheating in sport/school exam/etc - when you act or behave in a way that is outside the 'rules' that have been ageed to - you are cheating!
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Great thread!
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Reading the paper today about Ivan Milat. He murdered 7 backpackers. But hey, that just simply pales in comparison to the fact that he cheated on his wife by having a long standing affair with his sister-in-law!!! Oh, thats not what you meant? My bad. Pushing boundaries and breaking the law are two different things. However, if I am to read your message in all this it is to "Do no harm", and from your experience observed or otherwise, cheating causes harm. A fair position to take, but "Do no harm" also applies to oneself. Relationships require equity and balance ....they are shades of grey as Chasing Midnight said, and bound by communication synapse cables. Great post 2ezee :) Live by example MikeandShel, it's way more powerful than telling people what their values should or should not be. Cheers
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Do not take something I said as tongue in cheek and twist it around to suit your own purpose. oh that's right, i forget, it only counts as cheating if she knows about it................apparently.You are intitled to your opinion...as we all are...but you are not intitled to judge others. I make no defence as I believe none is needed. I live my life according to my own set of values and if they dont coincide with yours? the sun will still rise tomorrow.
-
RHP User
14 years ago
that's right, we are entitled to our opinion. we do live by example. we make no shades about that. we do not justify our position by hurling insult when none is due. we were asked generically to offer up our opinions. when we did so (not just us) we were refuted, insulted and derided. get this though, we (Michael that is) used examples that were outlandish for no other reason than effect. did they get your attention? did they foster discussion?were they offensive? yes yes and yes. deliberately. do we care if you are offended? not likely.
-
RHP User
14 years ago
What a great range of replies.. i am glad to be single ...I would hate myself if i cheated on me !!
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'Taipan12'What a great range of replies.. i am glad to be single ...I would hate myself if i cheated on me !! Obviously a subject many feel very passionately about.
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Here's a theoretical for all those who adhere to the "what they don't know won't hurt them" principle.You find out that without telling you, five years ago your spouse refinanced the house you bought together and invested the money elsewhere. You haven't lost any money as the investment has kept pace with market prices. Do you only feel hurt because you found out, or do you feel entitled to be angry over not having been consulted?A question for everyone - is this scenario comparable to the betrayal of trust that one might feel about being cheated on?
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Nice2benaughty.... Obviously you mean me when you say "regulars", since mike and shelly have an opinion that is opposed to mine. I have no difficulty accepting that they hold that opinion passionately, since everyone MUST apply their own world view, based on the experiences which shaped them. But really, I think mikeandshel have been here as long and as regularly as anyone else, truly. It's not an "us and them" situation. It's an I beg to disagree situation. The thing about forums is, that they basically survive on the basis that not all people agree. Matters that arise which people are passionate about tend to bring out the worst in everyone, except it would seem, for Morticcia, who is exceptionally graceful and for that reason inspiring! Snowshoe, I am an architect. Any architect knows that in order to practice our profession one should marry someone wealthy and practice our profession until their money runs out. I'm very good and well practiced at spending other people's money.... I do it with flair and people pay me to show them how to spend their money! I've never been good at investing money... If my spouse sells her house,, re-invests it, and makes money .. or loses the lot, well, they're the breaks. I'm resigned to the fact that I could do no better, but man, we'll go broke in style!Everybody has an opinion based on their own life experiences.HugsStalky
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'stalky' Snowshoe, I am an architect. Any architect knows that in order to practice our profession one should marry someone wealthy and practice our profession until their money runs out. I'm very good and well practiced at spending other people's money.... I do it with flair and people pay me to show them how to spend their money! I've never been good at investing money... If my spouse sells her house,, re-invests it, and makes money .. or loses the lot, well, they're the breaks. I'm resigned to the fact that I could do no better, but man, we'll go broke in style! I always enjoy your posts - you seem like a good guy with a healthy dose of smarts. I'm sure I don't need to explain to you that the focus of the hypothetical was trust, not financial acumen, so your answer is a dance worthy of the Nicholas brothers.You were offended by comparing cheating to crimes - do you feel that the hypothetical is at least a more reasonable yardstick? People have polarised over cheating - perhaps if we abstract we can all find more common ground around trust?
-
RHP User
14 years ago
My partner coould never do that to me as my name would need to be on each and every document. No I dont trust easily. But then again...he could not cheat without me knowing either.
-
RHP User
14 years ago
I don't disagree on the trust aspect. How could I when I've made a point of it in my earlier posts? What I've said is that I trust my lover to be considerate enough, or to have enough empathy for me, not to do stuff that hurts me emotionally. They're the boundaries. However, "don't cheat" is a kind of a rule that our society lays heavy on couples.I have to say that when we were first married we were quite young, and somewhat childishly in retrospect we saw the world made up of rules that were lines in the sand, the crossing of which meant .. well that's it... but with age, and over a prolonged period, stresses and joys of raising a family, financial concerns and all the usual baggage, I think that relationship rules are really more like relationship guidelines. Conventional wisdom. What your mummy told you. Life and love is complex and contradictory. Conventional wisdom does not always provide the only successful answer to any given problem. If it did, we would all be virgins until married. As previously said elsewhere, there was no hope for me in that respect. Saying this, relationship guidelines are not commandments which if transgressed will send you to pergatory for all eternity (hehe). They are not statutory laws with a requisite statutory sanction for the good of the broader community. Nope, relationship rules ought to age with a relationship, it's as if they get arthritis. :p Sometimes, they just don't work properly anymore and you need to make some adjustments to your lifestyle and expectations. If the compensation and change is more than you can stand as an individual in that relationship, then I guess that's the time when you question whether the relationship ought to continue. Rest assured, take your lover for granted and your relationship will wane. So what's left? What's important? To trust your partner to care enough not to hurt you. That's all I've got to offer by way of opinion, once it all boils down.Truth... now there's a colorful expression. You do know that the human mind has a capacity to alter the "Truth" to protect itself from overwhelming stress.... In other words, we make shit up to protect ourselves, even without trying. Perception plays a role... your world view.... so cheaters cheat and then to protect their own self esteem they make up excuses.... it's part of the human condition and all you can do in any relationship is follow your instincts. Also, couples have many and varied financial arrangements in a marriage. I know people whose finances are completely separate, couples whose financials are completely shared and couples in which one partner provides the other with a spending account. Really, that arrangement can vary as much as a relationship can.HugsStalky
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'mynameisearl2' me an the ex have just got back together on a trial basis(god help my soul) an i told her straight out ya can all tjhe friends/ meets/ coffee's/ parties even ya like. i work shifts an aint far to ruin 2 lives, but ya fuck around it all ova man. no ahahaha this time. Earl, serious fer a change Hey Earl Baby Good luck with the ex - I hope it all works out the way you want it too. xxx So you told her she can't fuck around - and fair enough !! But does she know that you are on RHP and that single young ladies send you nude pics of themselves and send you messages, etc???? Like me xxx Meeka
-
RHP User
14 years ago
we feel we are big enough and mature enough to defend ourselves. our opinions are our own and nothing that anyone else says here detracts from that. we are each others best friend. lover. partner. we chose each other over everyone else we know and make our lives what it is through dedication, understanding and commitment. our 5 children look to us for guidance, support and for an example. we provide this unflinchingly. our 4 grandchildren turn to us for nurturing, indulgence and happiness. this we give with love and delight. that we chose to also indulge in some adult play is our business, no one elses, unless we invite them in. on this and sites like this, we cross paths with those who are of similar disposition, those who enjoy sharing some 'sins of the flesh', and unfortunately we sometimes cross paths with some very unpleasant people. we chose to play under our terms and refuse to include in our play those who have partners, wives and girlfriends at home who they lie to and cheat on. if we chat with a married or attached guy, we don't prolong the chat. he's not what we are looking for. we don't lead them on or raise false hope in them. we want this whole experience to be as pleasant and fulfilling as it can be, but will not indulge at the cost of someone elses betrayal. we really don't give a toss if this partner knows or not, the fact that there is one, makes it taboo for us. (our value, our moral, our choice) so yea, for us, cheating is lots of things. its shared private conversations, its knowing nods across the room, its being somewhere other than where u tell your partner you are going. its any behavior that casts doubt, raises suspicion, fosters guilt or indulges ones own selfish desires. its surreptitious texts in the middle of the night. its explicit chats on line. its secretive phone calls and emails. but read this comment please, i said "FOR US". this is OUR OPINION!!!!!! something we are absolutely and totally entitled to. we don't expect others to follow our lead and do as we do. these are values we espouse, not the soapbox ramblings of a wanna be evangelist, or the pseudo psycho dissertations of a pretend psychologist. in this topic, opinions were asked for. but when they were given, they were rudely shoved aside and ridiculed by the ones who disagreed. unfair! unreasonable! uncalled for! not what we expect from people who spout ideals such as 'agree to disagree', as this is supposed to be done gracefully, not begrudgingly and like you hate the idea of adult compromise. ego is a cruel thing as it makes otherwise intelligent and attractive people into something very ugly indeed.
-
Letsgetcrazy09
14 years ago
With human relationships, it is generally seen that sexual monogamy is expected of each other. Cheating in the context of human relationships is where the act of infidelity and in particular adultery occurs. Adultery is a form of extramarital sex. Sexual infidelity to ones partner. That being said, all married people who engage in extramarital sex, whether knowingly to that persons partner or not is by definition "Cheating". This does not take into account all the other matters that could be seen to be cheating as have been illustrated in other peoples contributions on this post.So if you wish to start nit picking on definitions......be careful all you cheaters....... Just takin the pissLets
-
RHP User
14 years ago
I guess for me is stepping outside the boundaries I have agreed to with my partner. The end (he is number one in my life).
-
RHP User
14 years ago
by reading the posts above (and yes i know its eduactaional Snowshoe) many believe I am now having an affair with someone I met through work (please read previous posts)...all becuse of the one dynamic point - HIS WIFE DOESNT KNOW ABOUT ME....we chat we flirt but nothing more...sheesh...how many times have woman over the ages done this with their butchers etc to get a better cut of meat when times are tiough???? Grow up people.... Kisses Focus
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'focusliason' how many times have woman over the ages done this with their butchers etc to get a better cut of meat when times are tiough???? Lolz... Not to mention there are some really handsome and pursuasive butchers out there.... what about those hair dressing salon staff... I mean.. jeese... I melt into oblivion at the feel of those delicate fingers washing my hair with teh suttle brush of a decent set of Norkos flailing onto my shoulders.... heaven!HugsHugsStalky
-
RHP User
14 years ago
and still we joke about this subject, and harangue those who have values and opinions worth hearing, because they speak with reason and from experience and echo the hurt, humiliation and shame that accompanies their discovery that their 'loved one' didn't really love them, and was seeking from others what he/she should have been seeking from them? what part of cheating merits praise/support/approval? are we so thick skinned and self absorbed that we forget the innocents here?
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'Cheekygirl73' I am aware of at least 3 female members who have been treated so badly by their disgusting cheating partners, that they are on RHP purely to pretend they are interested in the married guys. Then when they have enough information, they track down the wife. There have been many tears before bedtime!!! I say, go for it, girls!!!! Wish I had the guts to do it............... Actually that's just creepy. What kind of psycho bitch makes it her business to get involved in other people's personal relationships like that? People that she doesn't know.... and you say you know three of these demented imbeciles? really, they need to swallow the bitter pill that is their hatred and get a life of their own. HugsStalky
-
RHP User
14 years ago
I'm no fan of cheating as will be abundantly clear from my posts in this thread, but the nasty, vicious fundamentalism you describe CheekyGirl73 is appalling enough to make my skin crawl. Anyone infused with that degree of obsessive hatred needs serious help. It's also interesting that you seem to assume that only men cheat...
-
RHP User
14 years ago
It's called the honey trap isn't it? I have heard that in the States (not sure about Australia) wives can hire private detectives (women) to lure or pretty much come onto your husband for the sole purpose of trapping him into a comprimising position. That is there proof that their husbands are cheaters. Fair or not? xxx Meeka
-
RHP User
14 years ago
pretty much come onto their husbands. Well you know what I meant.
-
Cougarxx
14 years ago
My ex wife (together at time) went to the pub with a girlfriend, flirted with an way older guy & danced with him. She told me about it later. If she didn't tell me about it, then I could thing that was a low form of cheating.I had gone out with the guys, buckes night... got a lap dance (no touching). Told my ex wife (together at time) she was OK with it. There was no sex or kissing. I see cheating is where meeting another person, sexual acts, kisssing, is involved and not telling you partner about it and them not approving of it! Flirting is harmless. *platinumblonde69: you have a good point about "keeping the peace", I wish I did that 3 yrs ago.
-
RHP User
14 years ago
we have already discovered a few people on this site that we know through both personal and family connections. (a brother,a cousin,close friends, partners of close friends and even workmates) some of these are married. they portray themselves as happy, committed, faithful partners and parents. who do we show loyalty to? our friends? the partner? the sister? nieces and nephews? can someone share an intelligent insight? (intelligent please).... oh and yea, these people will likely read this post now. (this IS an invitation)
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' It's called the honey trap isn't it? I have heard that in the States (not sure about Australia) wives can hire private detectives (women) to lure or pretty much come onto your husband for the sole purpose of trapping him into a comprimising position. That is there proof that their husbands are cheaters. Fair or not? xxx Meeka yes that is what its called. and in some communities in the US they publish the names and post pictures of those they catch on-line. kind of a name and shame site. but its not just to trap men, they also set out to catch women who cheat.
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'Cheekygirl73' Keep it up guys, you are the only people on here making any sense whatsoever!!! The rest of you who even ATTEMPT to justify your cheating ways, you are just very, very sad individuals. And as far as their poor children these men also completely disregard to get a quick fuck, MAY GOD HELP THEM. Thanks Cheeky...... not sure if we merit praise, as we are just putting our point forward. as an older couple (we've both been thru the tumble cycle a few times) I guess we tend to not be as ego driven as we once were. we've been hurt in previous relationships and try to carry the wounds with dignity. we try to share what we have learnt and experienced.
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'hotqld45' Good luck with your future relationships, Guys take note Quoting 'Meeka100' It's called the honey trap isn't it? I have heard that in the States (not sure about Australia) wives can hire private detectives (women) to lure or pretty much come onto your husband for the sole purpose of trapping him into a comprimising position. That is there proof that their husbands are cheaters. Fair or not? xxx Meeka
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Are fine but you do not have the right to abusively try and shove those morals and ethics on someone else. I am fairly certain that Mikeandshel along with Cheekygirl do things that I would consider against my morals and ethics as well. This is a discussion forum and not an abuse forum. What right have you to decide how another lives thier lives? I dont see too many critising the cheating women and who said ALL married men who cheat have children? I find it a little bizzare that a married couple would willingly take others into thier beds and bodies.After all does not the ceremony include "forsaking all others"? Let he / she who is without sin cast the first stone. This topic started as asking when it became cheating not what to do with cheaters or how big a scumbags they are. WHEN does one cross the line. Please try and stick to the point.
-
RHP User
14 years ago
I think these diversions are fascinating, if extremely disturbing. And very revealing. There's certainly nothing cheeky about the girl we're watching dissolve and devolve further and further with each post, and then on the other side is Hotqld45 who completely misread Meeka's post and leapt down her throat with equal vitriol. The veneer if civilization is a few coats short of being fully weather-proof I'd say.
-
RHP User
14 years ago
depends if you were married with a christian priest in a church ceremony. which we weren't, neither of us hold much stock with the 'christian' faith. as to questioning what goes on within our marriage? absolutely no problem with that as we are just doing our own thing, whistling our own tune so to speak, and don't pays no minds to what others says or thinks, lol. we love this stuff tho! getting others stirred up and at least thinking! shout! yell! scream! lol ! just get it out and air it! discuss it.pull it apart and put it back together again. from all of this that we discuss, we all learn a little. we share and enjoy the sharing, but its purely physical and only under our terms and to our timetable. we chose to not play with attached guys form very early in the game. but for our reasons. should you choose otherwise, thats your choice alone. but we respectfully reserve the right to disagree with that choice. end of story. on your original questions........lost somewhere when we all took 3 left turns and a roundabout while shouting each other down........... we feel that at most, if not all points, there's some behavior that could be classed as 'cheating' occurring. of course this is just our opinion. others have different values and core beliefs to our own, as we do to them. its all in the interpretation and understanding, gleaned from learned values, taught behavior and experiences we share through life and relationship. please though, don't start the religious sermonizing, I really don't wish to dust my 'King James' off and start some quotes of my own. lol
-
RHP User
14 years ago
I would have to agree with you. I guess watching someone as attractive as cheekygirl get so abusive also speaks volumes for her character as well. Cheekygirl when you do manage to expose a married man for his infidelity, and rip the family apart, I hope you still sleep well at night knowing that it wasnt YOU who caused the pain but the scumbag of a man with his lying cheating ways. There is an old saying "ignorance is bliss" The pain happens when the partner finds out. If you tell her / him then dont you cause (or at least contribute to) the pain?
-
RHP User
14 years ago
It has been years since someone has called me a BITCH to my face. Hopefully Hotqld45 in the cold light of day you will realise that you completely misread my post. And even so - I don't think you shoud be calling anyone a bitch on here anyway- were you drunk? Just for the record I don't think "entrapping" anyone is fair and doesn't speak well for any relationship. Cheekgirl73 - sounds like you have been hurt very badly in the past ? I haven't contributed anything to this forum as yet - but for the record I don't condone cheating at all. Each relationship / partnership has it's own set of rules and once you started hiding things from your partner because you know they wouldn't lilke it is pretty much cheating whether big or small. All depends on the relationship. Simplistic view on a complicated topic. But seriously I AM NOT A BITCH! Meeka
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Oh go on Meeka.... surely everyone likes to be sombody's bitch sometime!Seriously, I loved that show Cheaters. I can see all those hairly legged bush pigs in the wings cheering the "detectives" on... when they catch out a guy... and all sitting smugly thinking "poor dear" when they catch out the gal.... hilarious entertainment. until the novelty factor wore off. It's fascinating the games people play to justify their own world view... even if that world view involves hating all married men.HugsStalky
-
RHP User
14 years ago
i dont understand how a person can have a family and a person they love at home and go off and cheat...even if they dont love who is at home waiting i still dont understand it i spent 5 years with a man that beat me...10 years with a man that lied and treated me like an idiot...5 years with a man i didnt even like much less love...but not once would i have ever thought of going and having sex or anything else with another man im open minded enough to try and understand the swingers...but i still can see all that going terribly wrong at the same time...but hey it has nothing to do with me...but cheating i will never understand ever roxxy
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'Cheekygirl73' NO man is worth you spitting on, let alone worth staying with...And: .......Quoting 'Cheekygirl73' You married men are scum, think with your cocks and basically a firing squad would be too good for any of you. Ahem. I guess that pretty much sums up your position on gun control.HUGSStalky
-
RHP User
14 years ago
do they sell cheating hang man ropes anywhere ??????
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'andreweagle' do they sell cheating hang man ropes anywhere ?????? The ultimate adult store. Where else?
-
RHP User
14 years ago
No problem Hotqld45
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Well the mods have delete that Loonies Posts WTG this time guys I would have kicked her off altogether but that is just me :
-
RHP User
14 years ago
LovieCurvie - some of it has been quoted in other posts so still there I think. That is if we are talking about the same thing? M
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' LovieCurvie - some of it has been quoted in other posts so still there I think. That is if we are talking about the same thing? M You bet we are that cow sent me a personal message before she posted here psyco !!! is all i cam say. :) LC
-
RHP User
14 years ago
I hate to admit it but its just exactly like that Detonator dude says: BOOM! Hugs Stalky
-
nightpatrol_63
14 years ago
The simple answer is that everyones moral values are different..I guess those who live their life by their own rules can justify any bahaviour..and who can argue with that.. its their life to do as they want..as far as hurting others go we do it all the time..then there is those who conform to what society considers proper social behaviour..blah blah blah...and of course those in between..I'll be upfront and say i have had extra marital affairs..right or wrong i chose the path to infidelity and i'm more than prepared for the consequences..i'll happily be judged by god but not by mere mortals...
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Are just another form of abuse the use of fear to control others while hiding behind a missguided sense of morality. I believe that the inquisition was such a device.It just make me sad that we cannot discuss such a topic without some one tryong to control the world around them and the people in it. As they say judge not least ye be judged
-
RHP User
14 years ago
SOMEONE STOP THIS TOPIC IT IS DRAINING ME.EVERYTIME SOMEONE POSTS A COMMENT THE KNOW IT ALLS SHOOT THEM DOWN NO MATTER WHAT THE COMMENT.AAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH LET IT GO PEOPLE.GO SURFING INSTEAD
-
RHP User
14 years ago
If you dont like the topic...you dont have to read it........Just go surfing!
-
RHP User
14 years ago
If your partner doesnt know about it, its cheating.the whole idea of cheating is based on the fact of knowledge denial (i.e. my partner doesnt know what I do) if you have any sexual interaction with someone that your partner doesnt know about or you have intention of doing so (looking for the opportunity) then its cheating...if your partner knows then its not cheating and in my exp a lot more fun :P(that said I havent actually ever cheated.. I dont think its fair on anyone)
-
RHP User
14 years ago
It may seem simple but give it a bit more thought and it can become complicated. If you are out and about and some gorgeous, stunning woman walks past, you give her the once over, the way we all do, look her up and down and think, "Mmmmm I wouldn't mind slipping between the sheets with her" No harm in that is there? Normal natural response one would think. Yes? Now what if she turns her head, looks you up and down, catches you eying her off and gives you a long slow wink. That is sexual interaction........and your partner doesnt know.
-
RHP User
14 years ago
well, this really opened a can of worms... cheating is many things to many people - being married and here without my wife knowing can be classified as that, but as someone said it is just having my own space. In my own heart I know I love her and am committed to her only - and to me the cheating would start at the moment when that commitment would shift to someone (or something) else. Yes, for example if you commit yourself more to your money, business, hobby, whatever and place that person or that thing higher than your life partner than you are cheating... how does that sound?
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting Joemelfi2640: "if you commit yourself more to your money, business, hobby, whatever and place that person or that thing higher than your life partner than you are cheating... how does that sound?" - No, that doesn't sound anything like cheating. It may be an unfulfilling relationship, but it isn't cheating. On the other hand, if you have a profile on here just to have your own space, then some would say that's not cheating either, it's just a virtual shed. But if you meet up with or attempt top meet up with other people to fuck, then it is cheating, no matter how committed you are to your wife over and above the other people you fuck. Whether you feel it's acceptable is a decision for you alone to make at this stage, and if your wife finds out then whether it's acceptable or not is a decision for her to make. But either way, by definition, it's cheating.
-
oh_wowsers
14 years ago
I think the word and general concept of 'cheating' really depends on the relationship 'rules' you have. No matter how free your relationship is you always have boundaries that make your relationship special. Whether it's 'boyfriend', 'husband', 'lover', 'fuck-buddy', it doesn't matter what you call your partner/s, all relationships involve some kind of understanding as to what is ok, what needs to be discussed/divulged, what can be enjoyed ad what's not ok. Just because you're married doesn't mean you can't see other people, and just because you've met someone doesn't mean you 'own' them. Relationships and individual sexuality is very personal. The more honest people about what they need and want at the beginning, as well as during, relationships is really the issue when it comes down to what is and isn't considered 'cheating'. Cheating is going outside of the relationship boundaries you have - whatever they may be. If you feel they need to change, you need to discuss it (with your partner) - or risk being a cheater feeling awful about yourself and hurting those you love.Xx Carla
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting '0_DarkHorse_0', it's just a virtual shed.That is the first time I have heard of RHP as being referred to as a virtual shed. I like it! I guess to some people, married or not, the forums can become a form of escape similar to the man's shed. Good answer to those amongst us who consider that if we are on here without our partners consent it is cheating. "Just going out to the shed, Dear"
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'joemelfi2640'well, this really opened a can of worms... cheating is many things to many people - being married and here without my wife knowing can be classified as that, but as someone said it is just having my own space. In my own heart I know I love her and am committed to her only - and to me the cheating would start at the moment when that commitment would shift to someone (or something) else. Yes, for example if you commit yourself more to your money, business, hobby, whatever and place that person or that thing higher than your life partner than you are cheating... how does that sound? ii have very strict rules on this type of thing and if you were my husband and if you were only on here to "have your own space" i wouldnt see that as cheating..,.but id be that pissed off with you it would take you years to be trusted again...but if you were honest with me and showed me your profile and flirts and messages then its all cool and not a problem roxxy
-
RHP User
14 years ago
my view of cheating is when u r playing with ur partners emotions, as long as u r true to ur partner and share everything to hm/her and nothing hide from him specially sexually. u r not a cheater cheating wud be like u have sexual relation with someone behind ur partner and u dont want to ur partner to know about it. if u think u r sexually not happy u should sit with him/her and talk abt this serious issue. u guys can find new ways together to be happy. why u have to do all this behind ur partner.
-
RHP User
14 years ago
I recently caught my partner chatting and texting through a clever little program that records every keystroke. I read his words and could not believe he would do that to me. In one email he told some stranger that he didnt love me enough and doesnt want to leave and abandon me. This was a totaly shock to me as I believed we had something special. Suffice to say that we are still together, he now says he loves me more than anything and, yet, I dont trust him anymore. So here I am on RHP possibly just for my own personal revenge. Is this a vicious cycle? I can sum it up that is IS cheating when you hurt your partner. Plain and simple. Two weeks later and I still hurt inside and looking at him makes me sick. I pity the poor person I find to fuck the absolute shit out of because I have quite a bit of tension building up here...
-
RHP User
14 years ago
... but why are you still with him? the only reasons I can think of are kids, habit or fear of being alone. Not that you have to answer, of course, but it confuses me. A relationship should be the place where a person feels more at home, more seen and more understood than anywhere else. It shouldn't be a place of pain, anger and resentment.
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'hotqld45' Ok you caught him chatting thats all, big deal! and reading your profile you want to play as well. So why not look at swinging together, Dont cheat or throw the relationship away????? Have you both read the book Men are from Mars , Girls are from Venus. It appears from this thread the sexes have to try and understand the opposite sex better and both adjust.......and every lives happily ever after. So if Chickalicious overheard her partner saying those things while he was fucking another woman with her knowledge and consent, do you really think that she wouldn't have felt the same hurt? Presumably the pain comes from what he said, not the purpose for which he said it.The "swinging fixes everything" sentiment gets a bit tiresome. Even swingers must rely on trust - without it, I assume they too are cheating. (Correct me if I'm wrong.) Cheating is about the betrayal of trust, not about having sex outside a relationship. I'd have thought that swingers would understand that better than anyone, though again, feel free to correct me.
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'Chickalicious' I pity the poor person I find to fuck the absolute shit out of because I have quite a bit of tension building up here... Never heard of the old saying two wrongs dont make a right? To me you would just be making the situation worse by having sex with someone else. If you are out for revenge would it not be more sensible to leave him? Two weeks on and you still feel sick? Of course you do, you are still angry and it takes a while to get rid of that anger. You either learn to communicate and work through this TOGETHER or the relationship is doomed but having sex with someone else will not anything.
-
RHP User
14 years ago
if i had to install a program to spy on my partner, I'd rather pack my bags and leave. if i felt my partner was doing something that they couldn't share with me, all trust would be gone already, why prolong the pain. they obviously don't care enough as it is. our agreed policy is that we should be honest enough to know when to say goodbye. if we want something that we cant have at home, then time has come to part ways.
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Well in the line I work (read my profile) I meet alot of people and as you know everyone has there needs.... You can chat to anyone and thats not cheating... But if you are in a relationship its cheating if you get involed with someone else...... One thing I learned in the line of work I do 70% of the time I do alot of listening and counciling than laying on my back and giving out.....So if they are paying or services its not cheating, but if they go out and get someone on the side and get emotionly and sexually involed thats cheating........... Half of the time my clients see me once then go home and treat thier partener better and with more understanding so my jobs done........and at times I do get thank you cards for helping them save thier realationship............ Some people have to much pride to admit they have problems in some parts of thier relationship.................................... For the rest a change is as good a holiday
-
RHP User
14 years ago
yes everyone does have their needs, but when they put their needs before their relationship, then something is dreadfully wrong. pat yourself on the back for being just another reason for weak "men" (yea, not men at all) to stray.
-
RHP User
14 years ago
I agree that if I had to install a program to spy on my partner that it'd be time to pack up and leave. Equally, if I found that my partner had installed such a program, or was even reading through my emails or text messages without my knowledge then it'd seriously damage my trust in her and faith in the value of our relationship.
-
RHP User
14 years ago
on what planet are the "accepted" divorce figures 40 to 50%?? according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, the rate is more like 2.3 people per 1000. . read the story on WAtoday.com.au the bureau also states that the rates are the lowest in 20 years. hardly the glowing recommendation that you were seeking....
-
RHP User
14 years ago
These can also show a growing trend away from marriage and that woiuld account for the falling divorce rate. Many more people just live together instead of paying the thousands of dollares for THE day. Further to this the actual rate of divorce can in no way indicate whether the decline is due toa growing popularity in swinging nor the number of marriages that fail due to one partner cheating.
-
RHP User
14 years ago
the point is that the numbers quoted are stacked to be sensational. they aren't an honest representation of the facts. the drop in divorce rates is supported by the fact that some 60% of couples live in a defacto style relationship whereas this was only 18 or so percent back in 1975. we divorce later in life than we ever have, we fail at second marriages more than ever before. we are also seeing more marriages than ever before. the simple truth of it is that we are divorcing less than we have in 20 years. the figure that you quote (40 to 50%) isnt a true percentage. simply put, marriages grow at the rate of 120,000 or so per annum, and roughly 50,000 divorces occur. the correct way to state this is that marriages grow by some 70,000 per year (around 3.3% if u calculate the number of married couples estimated by the last census) 3.3 % is one whole percentile point more than the quoted 2.1% current 'raw' divorce rate. plus of course, those couples who live outside of wedlock. it wouldn't hurt to put a positive spin on the idea of 'marriage' would it?is there some statistical evidence to support the claim that swinging couples divorce less? or is it just anecdotal? swinging is not the answer for the overwhelming majority of the population, or we'd have dozens of swing clubs and wouldnt feel the need to protect this part of our sexuality from family, friends and workplaces. theyd be no more unusual than a day at dreamworld with the kids.
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'hotqld45' So If: Has not happened , He has played a bit of cyber flirting and has told the cyber girl "he is not leaving his wife" and is saying what the cyber girlfriend wants to hear to get into or pants,photos, cam sex? its another thing if he acts in real life, he has not to date so therefore its nonsense to say trust has been destroyed, or cheated. So just to be absolutely clear, when a man tells a woman who he doesn't know but would like to have sex with that he "doesn't love his wife enough and doesn't want to leave and abandon her", it's nonsense for her to feel hurt and betrayed? Big call. If I were Chickalicious, I'd be booking my husband into the bed next to John Wayne Bobbitt's.Cheating isn't about sex, it's about the betrayal of trust - you said so yourself. Your words were "Cheating to us is the physical activity of having sex with someone else without your partners consent". Sex while maintaining trust is okay, but sex while breaking trust is cheating.
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'hotqld45' Where is the need to cheat? Because we can handle this and enjoy it to rolls over into other areas of our relationship and makes our bond healthier and stronger ...it is generally accepted devoirce rates are 40-50% and swingers 5-10%. A high divorce rate is a sign of a healthy society. Women are now more able to leave a marriage because they have a career and a level of independence that they certainly didn't enjoy when I was a kid. Many women stayed in loveless marriages for the sake of the kids, despite regularly taking a beating and watching the same inflicted on their kids. Men and women alike lived through miserable marriages - friends of my parents are still in them, despite being in their 70's and 80's. That mindset of marriage being forever was one of the single most miserable conventions that humans ever came up with.Accordingly, a low divorce rate among swingers indicates that they're less open to change and more likely to remain trapped in a loveless and unsatisfactory marriage.Statistics, eh? Can't you just make 'em say whatever you want 'em to?
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'hotqld45' So If: Has not happened , He has played a bit of cyber flirting and has told the cyber girl "he is not leaving his wife" and is saying what the cyber girlfriend wants to hear to get into or pants,photos, cam sex? its another thing if he acts in real life, he has not to date so therefore its nonsense to say trust has been destroyed, or cheated. Both sexes need to try to understand each other ...males are different to females in their thought process, a male is capable and has a stronger urge for just physical sex, where the female will want courting and gets easier tied up emotionally. Thats why I suggested that book Men are from Mars women are from Venus, only 10% of that book would cover sex, there is more to marrage than sex alone. Swinging: We differ but this is our opinion, Cheating to us is the physical activety of having sex with someone else without your partners consent. To suggest if you return a wink, look at another shela, chat to another shela or even cyber sex and your partner cannot handle it, this is not cheating. It proves massive insecurities. Not everyone is capable of swinging RHP has some articles on swinging, open relations, looking for the MFF 3 some and insecurities of either partner is one of the causes why couples cannot swing. There is abosulte trust if a couple swing together and believe also in open relations, for us part of the fun is seeing our partner haveing sex with others , Like you are having sex with a new partner watching your wife having sex with a new bloke . while your wife is watching you and you watching her.....well thats hot. Where is the need to cheat? Because we can handle this and enjoy it to rolls over into other areas of our relationship and makes our bond healthier and stronger ...it is generally accepted devoirce rates are 40-50% and swingers 5-10%. Cheers to assume there is absolute trust when a couple swings is naive and so far from the truth its not funny. we can introduce you to women who were bullied into swinging or manipulated in such a way that they had no choice but to acquiesce. the same can be said of some men. and what of the situation where the woman no longer wishes to play, but feels she has no alternative if she is to 'keep the peace'. we can also introduce you to couples whose marriages have collapsed virtually as soon as they began to swing, because asshole husbands became so obsessed with the whole idea. can aslo pont you to some (more than one) woman who has been physically abused for not wanting to play with others, and who still to say that 'males are different to women and have a stronger urge for physical sex than the woman is also an unfair generalization. both male and female are indeed capable and eager to explore purely 'physical' sex. we have female friends who are quite at ease with having a 'fuck-buddy' set up with, in some cases, more than one male. you dont hear about it as much because the women get branded as 'slut' and the men get pats on the backs from their beer swilling buddies. we don't swing. we may down the track. but for now we choose not to. our play is to invite another guy to join us. we have been ridiculed and harangued for this, but its something we are very comfortable with. we are not into watching or being watched as we find no great excitement from either voyeurism or exhibitionism. our play is for us and about us, and we don't invite attached men to join us. will our play damage our relationship? we don't know. like many things, the potential is there. what we do is discuss everything that we experience, good or bad. we share,we listen and we learn.
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'hotqld45'We stand by our statement there is absolute trust in a couples relationship that swings. I must have missed where you said that. I thought you gave a pretty clear definition of what you regarded as cheating - now you seem to be implying that due to the strength of the trust bond, cheating isn't an issue for swingers? Or did you mean there is absolute trust required? So cheating is about trust? In that case, did Chickalicious... nah, forget it...
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'hotqld45' To cheat is to have sexual intercourse with anyone else without our partner being present or agreeing to as in the case of open relationships I would expect but maybe hizzyfit could clarify that. This is in your opinion and your relationship. Others differ. Some consider the idea of looking at porn akin to cheating. And that is what this topic is about. WHEN do YOU consider it cheating. Yes you did answer the original question with "without the partners consent" As swingers we have abosulte trust in each other not to cheat and why should we go behind our partners back when its more fun doing it together with others. I am sure that many married peopke have absolute trust as well until they find that thier partner has been slipping between the sheets with another. Swingng is no guarantee that this will not happen. Consider yourselves extremely lucky that your relationship is so strong.
-
RHP User
14 years ago
will say it again. our belief is that its when you do anything behind your partners back that causes any hurt, mistrust or disrespect. why does cheating need to be just about sex? couples in 'open relationships' cheat. couples who 'swing' cheat. couples who go to church every day and say 10 "hail Marys" before bed cheat. as do Muslim couples, Hindu couples, Eskimo frigging couples. for all we know the downs syndrome couple up the street cheat! what do you call it when your spouse strips all the money from your savings account and credit cards and splurges it on the pokies? a mistake? or when she (yes SHE) comes home drunk at 330 in the morning in a strangers car, so drunk she can hardly talk...clothes all askew....a good time? or when she lies about working so you babysit her kids so she can go out with her girlfriends til all hours....an error of judgment, oops? oh and i"trusted her absolutely!"its cheating luvvie. (i say in my most condescending and patronizing voice) its fucking cheating, no matter what color you paint it or what angle you look at it. you tell a lie, you cheat your partner of truth. you keep a secret, you cheat your partner of trust. you have intimate chats with strangers, you cheat your partner of respect. if you screw around, or even make noises like you want to, you cheat your partner of dignity and honesty. if you lead someone elses partner on while you are doing all this, well then you just cheated them of all those things as well. in some relationships these things will differ, but not by any degree thats really tangible. the lines become blurred in some cases, but the over riding tenet is that our partners are obliged do nothing that would cause us to feel uneasy, concerned or otherwise uncomfortable or embarrassed at any stage for any reason whether they are with us or not. its a basic human right to be treated with dignity and respect, especially by those who profess to love us.you cant excuse or ignore this because you are in an 'open' or 'swinging' relationship, as you are actively inviting all of these things into your life. with any or all that transpires here with the vehicle the site provides there is a very real and tangible element of danger. danger to your person and relationship. our very first experience with play was with a married man in an 'open' relationship.if this relationship was so full of 'absolute trust' why then did this guy stalk Michelle and harass us so much that it took my physical intervention and his jaw broken in two places for it to stop? he had the gall to follow her to the local shops and then confront her as she sat having coffee with her 75y/o mother. 'absolute trust' my ass. my wife was too scared to leave the house alone for months after this supposedly 'happy and exciting experience' with our 'trusted' friend.
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'hotqld45' To cheat is to have sexual intercourse with anyone else without our partner being present or agreeing to as in the case of open relationships I would expect but maybe hizzyfit could clarify that. As swingers we have abosulte trust in each other not to cheat and why should we go behind our partners back when its more fun doing it together with others. You appear to be having a problem with swingers maybe we should repeat "Swinging is not for everyone" Dont go there if you cant handle it or your partner cannot. You both must be in this. But just maybe you might be open minded enough to explore with your partner and take it from there. Just to further clarify Being together= Both of us going out to play with others . This is getting painfull just curious guys......who i writing your posts? m or f? Quoting 'Snowshoe' Quoting 'hotqld45'We stand by our statement there is absolute trust in a couples relationship that swings. I must have missed where you said that. I thought you gave a pretty clear definition of what you regarded as cheating - now you seem to be implying that due to the strength of the trust bond, cheating isn't an issue for swingers? Or did you mean there is absolute trust required? So cheating is about trust? In that case, did Chickalicious... nah, forget it...
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'hotqld45' To cheat is to have sexual intercourse with anyone else without our partner being present or agreeing to as in the case of open relationships I would expect but maybe hizzyfit could clarify that. As swingers we have abosulte trust in each other not to cheat and why should we go behind our partners back when its more fun doing it together with others. You appear to be having a problem with swingers maybe we should repeat "Swinging is not for everyone" Dont go there if you cant handle it or your partner cannot. You both must be in this. But just maybe you might be open minded enough to explore with your partner and take it from there. Just to further clarify Being together= Both of us going out to play with others . This is getting painfull just curious guys......who i writing your posts? m or f? Quoting 'Snowshoe' Quoting 'hotqld45'We stand by our statement there is absolute trust in a couples relationship that swings. I must have missed where you said that. I thought you gave a pretty clear definition of what you regarded as cheating - now you seem to be implying that due to the strength of the trust bond, cheating isn't an issue for swingers? Or did you mean there is absolute trust required? So cheating is about trust? In that case, did Chickalicious... nah, forget it...
-
RHP User
14 years ago
my idea of cheating starts from the kiss. thats when it is sexual and including that and anything further. we all have secrets and can sometimes be attracted to other people but its when we cross the line of doing something about those feelings does it become cheating. if you arent going to be faithful to that person then its time to move on
-
RHP User
14 years ago
We both believe that you are cheating if you do anything without your partners knowledge. You should respect and trust your partner enough to discuss this lifestyle before hand and set down the rules. Once agreed upon both abide by them to the letter or you shouldn't swing or maybe if you want to do things behind eachothers backs then you shouldnt be together. A relationship whether partners, engaged or married has to be based on complete trust or forget it. We have been playing for a few years now and get a lot of enjoyment from eachother playing with other people. We also have a rule that we both have to agree with the person or persons either one of us plays with. If we don't agree then it simply just doesn't happen. No means No. It works great for us.
-
RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'hotqld45' Quoting 'fionabee' Watching Porn equals cheating , what a joke. I am sure that many married peopke have absolute trust as well until they find that thier partner has been slipping between the sheets with another. Swingng is no guarantee that this will not happen. Consider yourselves extremely lucky that your relationship is so strong. Why is a swinger going to seek sex behind their partners back,,,,please tell us why? We say the risk of divorce reduces from 40% to 10% thats all....What basis do you have for disputing this? I do know people...yes straight people...who would consider the man watching porn as cheating. If you think this is a joke then that is also your opinion. It is because if he looks at porn then he is thinking about having sex with another. Ridiculous? I tink so, you think so but they dont. Each to thier own. Why is a couple who swing going to cheat? Just because they can. Just because someties the grass is greener. Just because he /she gets a little tired of thier partner after 20 or 30 years and wants a change. Maybe they find that they are growing out of love and want someone else. The spark is just not there anymore. Swinging is not a gaurantee that one partner will not cheat. Nothing is. You say that the divorce rate is reduced. Where do you get these stats from? I am not disputing it at all but I need more than just your say so on a bunch of stats which can be invented at will.
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 14361 Comments: 120840
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1355 Comments: 14709
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2425 Comments: 17234
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2405 Comments: 12737
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 794 Comments: 5154
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1148 Comments: 6957
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 622 Comments: 2145
-
LGBT
Topics: 156 Comments: 1150
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share