M46
Why lie and cheat ??
January 15 2011
Comments
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RHP User
14 years ago
She shagged your mate didn't she!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Guilt is the punishment, moral is the implication and there's no freedom in lies...
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RHP User
14 years ago
There is no one answer to this!! Who is to say he hasnt tried that...and it has done no good... People lie and cheat for so many reasons!...In fact there is rarely just one. Sally
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RHP User
14 years ago
As someone I respect a lot once told me, don't confure bravery with stupidity ;-) I heard a lot of excuses today and am quite happy to hear a valid reason as to why its acceptable however at the end of the day, for me personally, if my sex life grew stagnant with someone I'd think the best way to get it back on track would involve being honest with them and then hopefully sharing some sexually liberating experiences with them or at least with their full knowledge (plus sharing the glorious details afterwards). I have always been told I'm cut from a different swathe to most though so maybe I'm the strange one....
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RHP User
14 years ago
It's funny, I was just thinking of this topic today as I saw that film 'The Dilemma' that's out right now. It is the story of two best friends and one of the friends accidently witnesses his mate's wife snogging another guy......I thought it was interesting in a clean-cut Hollywood way, but it brings up the issue of why people cheat. They loved each other in the story, but each were getting sexual gratification outside the marriage and hadn't been connecting or communicating for a while....I don't see why they couldn't work something out.....obviously this is a film and not real life, but I think it mirrors real situations. Perhaps there is the fear the other person will freak out and leave them if they suggested something like an open marriage or any other variation on the theme???? It's funny because they were already being unfaithful but somehow that is more 'acceptable' than having a slightly unconventional marriage or swinging or something. People don't like dealing with difficult issues (that's my sweeping statement for the evening) so it's easier to take the path of least resistance and lie, cheat and try to get away with things.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I have been on the receiving end of a cheating partner, I is not a nice feeling. I ended it there and then. If she did not tell me who knows where it would have gone. I had a long term girl friend that decided to become a working girl, but strangely I had no problem with that. She did it for two years. I was with her for 11 years and separated because of different life goals. 2 years ago I had a short relationship with a lady I meet online. We had agreed to be just friends with benefits, we lived in the same house but in separate beds and on occasion would enjoy a romp in the bed. But when she found out that I was having sex with others she kicked me out. Came home with all my stuff on the driveway. My advice, if you end up in a situation where you are cheating for only sex. Keep it to your self, never tell your partner, never. Jealousy is a powerful force, and if you love her don't hurt her. BTW end the affair, love is better then sex. If for whatever reason your sex life is dull and your eyes wander do try to discuss an open relationship before you wander. And be warned, can you handle your partner doing the same. For it to work it will take extraordinary trust on BOTH SIDES, and there is always the risk of love's focus moving to another. Best of all. Be faithful, don't cheat, don't lie.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I think I agree with that. For me it was not that the sex became less exciting it was that I over time had grown and changed and started to find myself no longer attracted to my partner. I was not looking to cheat (yet I realise it is a load of rubbish to say it just happened). For me I threw caution to the wind and was selfish, that is basically what it boils down to. It is cowardly and it is sad and it hurts so many. I have learnt so much from the experience it is unfortunate that I got that education at the expense of others. I recently found out that my mother has done what you are speaking of here. My parents are now separating and it breaks my heart that she did not talk to me about it first because I could have told her what would happen and how it would end. I am not so much saddened by their separation, more so by the circumstances and it is painfully hard to watch and see what I went though and put others through from an entirely different perspective. xx Salina
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RHP User
14 years ago
To me, cheating is the one thing that I would ever get over. My ex did exactly that- Cheat with a mutual friend (well I thought she was a friend). As soon as I found out there was no turning back- We were over. There were alot of other things wrong with the relationship so I think maybe it was an easy way for it to end. So I guess that is how I see cheating, a selfish escape of reality. It is cowardly, people not facing up to problems in their relationship, so they destroy it. No-one deserves to be cheated on, and if you loved someone why would you thrust all of that emotional, psychological and even physical pain on them. It is one of our rules to never ever play with anyone that is cheating on their spouse and we have had 'friends with benefits couples' approach us as well as the 'married but she doesn't care' man on many occasions. Parttimedad78- that is unfair that your supposed friend has now burdened you with this.All I can say is I hope you have helped him to get to open up to his wife and they can discuss things rationally.
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RHP User
14 years ago
If one partner is naturally sexually conservative and over time loses interest in sex altogether, no amount of discussion will reinvigorate their sex life.Besides, the dynamics of introducing a third person into a relationship that is at least somewhat unsound is bound to be problematic.A thread like this will never result in a decent conclusion because there are myriad different circumstances that need to be taken into account. It's not just a case of having the balls to address it - the fact is that there is no universal "best practice" for this situation.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'parttimedad78' As someone I respect a lot once told me, don't confure bravery with stupidity ;-) I heard a lot of excuses today and am quite happy to hear a valid reason as to why its acceptable however at the end of the day, for me personally, if my sex life grew stagnant with someone I'd think the best way to get it back on track would involve being honest with them and then hopefully sharing some sexually liberating experiences with them or at least with their full knowledge (plus sharing the glorious details afterwards). I have always been told I'm cut from a different swathe to most though so maybe I'm the strange one.... In a utopian world perhaps, but not in the reality of most couples, I wouldn't think. When someone's sex life is off the rails, I would think that the very last thing they'd want to hear about was how good the sex was with someone else! A poor sex life makes for a weak relationship - confusing things further by having sex with other people would be a death knell for most couples.I know the swingers will wade into this, but my answer in advance is that it's a case of "that which does not kill me can only make me stronger". The problem is for many if not most relationships, it will kill them.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I still stand by my initial comment that honesty is the best policy and discussing any issues in your relationship with your partner is the best course of action however I can see the point that a few people have raised in that not everyone is open minded enough to accept an open relationship or swinging and that it may in fact further deteriate an already damaged relationship. I guess the answer is there is no universal answer (stealing snowshoe's words) and that you have to know your partner to know what they would and wouldnt be willing to accept to remedy issues in your relationship, be that couples counselling, some time apart, a vacation away to reconnect or pursuing an open relationship or swinging. Horses for courses as they say. Michnruss - yes unfortunately I do feel burdened by this admission from him but I am an planning on meeting him for coffee later in the week and explaining the he needs to stop this behaviour and potentially tell his wife about what he has done (or at the very least about the problems he sees in their relationship and ways they could work on doing something about it). The problem for me now is, if he works things out with his wife and they remain happily married, I will always know this dark secret about him and if anything ever comes out will be implicated in not saying anything to her sooner (not that I feel it is my place to). What joy!
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RHP User
14 years ago
I think we put too much pressure on people to be monogamous. Partners in a relationship also use that pressure to their advantage... e.g. fuck someone else and I'll turn your friends and family against you so it will not just impact us, it will impact on them too. It is emotional blackmail. Take the monogamy stick and carrot out of the equation and then you can clearly see if the person you're partnered to is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. If so, then in my opinion, that's love.To make matters worse, our society puts pressure on people to marry their lovers with vows of monogamy. Those couples, at the time, may be sexually inexperienced and incapable of knowing what really floats their boat sexually. People consequently fall in love not really knowing if the sex is sensational... for someone that has little experience, they don't really know better... they don't automatically know what they're not getting from it. Time is the enemy of relationships. It provides opportunity to wonder. Wondering. As free thinking spirits we're made for that. It's not your fault if you fall in love with someone who doesn't quite answer your sexual challenges. Opportunity. All it takes is an opportunity and for a person to be minded enough to think wtf, and go for it.People cheat for all kinds of reasons. Payback for instance... or maybe they want to get caught, but really I don't think most of those who cheat set out to be cheaters intentionally, and I think that people fall in love by accident without caring if the sex is sensational. People should always be able to experience sensational sex.HugsStalky
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RHP User
14 years ago
There are actually many and varied reasons why. It is very rarely as easy as saying "letssit down and talk about this" The majority of women (especially so in my age group) would be just horrified to think that thier husband wanted sex with another woman. She doesbt want it as she may be peri-menopausal. Many women of a more mature age do not want sex. That does not mean that they are willing to let thier husbands off the leash. No way. There would be screaming and yelling, tears and tantrums or just plain cold silence. The relationship would die, just the same as it would were he caught out cheating. All the assets would be split, he would be out on his ear and she would, in most cases, have the kids. A lot of the time, nothing else is wrong with the relationship apart from sex and often all the talking in the world will not fix it. It is a lose - lose situation. If you cheat.....make sure the lie is a bloody good one.
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RHP User
14 years ago
In short the answer is the thrill of being with somebody new. I have a wonderful woman and we have a brilliant sex life together but i just love the thrill of fucking someone new and feeling another person's naked body next to mine.....nothing beats variety.
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Mr_MrsJones
14 years ago
The thing with sex is that it usually takes two people. (If you are really open minded three or more!!!) If, as others have said here, one person is bored then it is likely both are. I would also say that if one partner is not up to scratch in bed then it is likely that the other is also not giving it 100%. Most people are happy enough to talk about things as long as they are airing their own greivances. The problems arise when they start hearing about their own shortcomings. It is hard then to make the jump to being constructive about the situation and making positive change. Is bringing in outside help the answer? Well that is really up to the couple themselves to decide. As a swinger (yes Showshoe here I am!!) I would say that IF there is good communication, trust and honesty in both the telling and the listening then it will work. There is no one size fits all and every single relationship is very different. But if there is no honesty the relationship is in its death throes. Cheating is dishonest.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Part time Dad said. I know a few couples who have joined sites such as these because they had the respect for their partner to sit down and talk these issues through and were able to come to the mutual decision that doing something like introducing a third person or partner swapping would reinvigorate their sexual relationship without risking what they had. This is a interesting comment, Are these couples still together? Do they still swing? It reads as if they are swinging to supercharge their love life which it does but it also reads as if their marrage was breaking down and swinging is the repair. We got into swing for fun, we dont consider anything was broken. On the cheating thing, yes agree bad news but sometimes the seven year itch is to blame and a blind eye needs to be turned. Would it be considered cheating if a married guy saw a prostitute to satisfy that itch. Maybe two - three strikes and game over? Thinking a bit further if a married guy cheats on his wife and sees another guy, is that heaps worse than a women? Like his wife cant compete with that and would be a bigger shock than her husband screwing another women. And of course visa versa....the wife cheating and seeing another lady.....
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RHP User
14 years ago
Who says you have to be with 1 person.. Each to thier own and why care what anyone other than your doing .. stay out of peoples shit is the easiest way
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RHP User
14 years ago
there isn't a defense for cheating, or a reason,or a justification. if you want to go somewhere else, leave. be an adult and think of someone other than yourself and just go.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I dont think people are meant to be monogamous.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I couldn't agree more with you parttimedad78 and feel for anyone who has been cheated on or is being cheated on right now. I am so sick of pathetic excuses men have given me for cheating on their partners, expecting me to feel sorry for them!! I don't think so, they should talk to their partner before things get so bad that they feel the need to cheat. With a relationship/marriage comes trust and above all respect. If you can't demonstrate this, you don't have relationship and you have no right to continue taking that away from your partner. Basically, making excuses for your behaviour is about making you feel better and is purely selfish. I feel for your predicament parttimedad78, but i think all you can do is express your disapproval and encourage him to address his issues with his wife. I agree also that he needs to tell her what he has been doing if he truly does love and respect her. She should be fully informed even though it will more than likely devastate her.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Thats it, do not lie and cheat with the person you love. Love means waking up next to them and being there for them- Always . Some random piece of shit cheat is not worth ruining a relationship/
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'gentle_jester'I dont think people are meant to be monogamous. Great comment. I must remember that one for the next time this thread comes up l People are like cats...if you dont feed them, someone else will.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'gentle_jester' I dont think people are meant to be monogamous. Brilliant observation.HUgsStalky
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RHP User
14 years ago
ah here we go....more reasons to justify cheating! there is no reason for cheating, and it seems like its always the other persons fault. like children we step away from responsibility and blame someone else. 'it wasn't my fault, she made me do it'............... ffs grow up and be adults.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'SalAndy'I think I agree with that. For me it was not that the sex became less exciting it was that I over time had grown and changed and started to find myself no longer attracted to my partner. I was not looking to cheat (yet I realise it is a load of rubbish to say it just happened). For me I threw caution to the wind and was selfish, that is basically what it boils down to. It is cowardly and it is sad and it hurts so many. I have learnt so much from the experience it is unfortunate that I got that education at the expense of others. I recently found out that my mother has done what you are speaking of here. My parents are now separating and it breaks my heart that she did not talk to me about it first because I could have told her what would happen and how it would end. I am not so much saddened by their separation, more so by the circumstances and it is painfully hard to watch and see what I went though and put others through from an entirely different perspective. xx Salina wow Salina....that was a very brave thing you just did...hugs to you hun xx . if you cheat on me your out the door...i will tolerate a lot but i wont toerlate cheating, i found out my partner of 10 years and father of my kids got a drunken headjob at the alley behind the pub one night...i kicked his arse out then and there, never went back roxxy
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RHP User
14 years ago
Hi how are you darling??? XX
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RHP User
14 years ago
Well, well well! Look who's back! Happy New Year Desserts! HugsStalky
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'wowwow09' Who says you have to be with 1 person.. Each to thier own and why care what anyone other than your doing .. stay out of peoples shit is the easiest way Yep As long as you are happy and your partner if you want to go that way ....."Who Cares"
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RHP User
14 years ago
I loved the cat anology! It strikes me that people are either cat personas or dog personas.....dogs tend to be fiercely loyal. cats go where they are treated best. One of the traits that has got me into so much trouble during my life, is that I can nearly always see two sides to any argument. It doesn't mean that I agree with both of them, but I can at least see them. I do understand the argument about selfishness, but sex is a very emotive subject. I defy anyone to tell me they have led a selfless life. Have you ever had one drink too many and driven home? Have you ever run a red light? What about not putting on a seatbelt...or speeding.Have you ever crossed a pedestrian traffic light when it was at red? Each of those actions COULD end up with devastating consequences for your loved ones. Did you bother to think about that before you did it? Where do you draw the line. Like most things in life it is about risk management.What are YOU prepared to risk? 99% of people on this site are risking their sexual health (yes, I know that has been covered under another topic). You may be undertaking relatively safe sex with someone else.....but can you guarantee that they have done the same. and even if they have - what about the other people they have had sex with. And it goes on. You have assessed that risk in your mind and are comfortable with it. When it comes to relationships and sex, then you weigh up the consequences. If you know that the person you are with is not prepared to change their outlook, but you feel you are both happy with the other aspects of your relationship, why SHOULD you break that relationship up and go and seek better sex elsewhere, when you can be discrete and keep the harmony. Sex should not be the defining point in a relationship, it is just one aspect. One final question for those of you out there who are so vehemently against "cheating". If your partner told you they would never have sex again (perish the thought, but it could be as a result of some major health issue), but they couldn't bear the thought of KNOWING you were having sex with somebody else - could you abstain for the rest of your life?
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'MRSSWEETIEPIE' Yup, totally understand and agree, don't have a problem with the concept that people are not meant to stick to one partner only what I DO have a problem with is what makes it OK in your mind to put at risk the happiness of others for the sake of your own pleasure? Not just your spouse but children too, yours and the children of other women? Will never understand that bit. That is and has been my question all along. the selfish ones say its quite ok and reasonable that they cheat.... until its their partner doing the cheating I imagine.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Stalky and everyone else!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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DonnaBrett
14 years ago
Depends on your perspective we guess...but remember it goes both ways..many women cheat too. We don't believe in cheating but if your sex life is in trouble there are generally others reasons too why a couple is no longer "connected". Swinging may only make that worse. We believe that if a couple are so unhappy they should not be together but many people stay for financial reasons or the kids etc. But we both believe that sex is such an important part of life that if one partner for whatever reason says they are not interested in sex anymore but still wants to stay together then that partner should not be shocked when the other finds it elsewhere. The perfect scenario would be him or her giving the other person the go ahead to play elsewhere thus avoiding the lies & sneaking around. But alas...so many times it's a case of "I don't want sex so you can't have it either". We personally know of a couple that have been married for like 30 years but there's been no sex (her choice) for the last 16 years, but he doesn't get it elsewhere, he just complains to workmates. That's no way to live. He won't leave because they get along in all other aspects except she won't 'put out' for the lack of a better term LOL. We would not blame him if he found it elsewhere. Another workmate confided that his wife won't have sex so he's been going to brothels occasionally..can't blame him either. At the end of the day though it's up to the couple to either fix their issues or go separate ways....everyone is entitled to a healthy sex life if they want it and no one else, partner or otherwise has the right to deprive them for any reason.
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RHP User
14 years ago
LOYALTY IS THE KEY!!!!! IF THERE IS NO LOYALTY THEN THERE IS NO TRUST, AND WITHOUT TRUST THE THERE IS NOTHING..... That's why i will NOT do anything with any couple on here who especially are married, it's just NOT MY THING.....What if i was to fuck her better than him, FUCK THAT.....Don't need that kind of shit in my life..... PLAYFULGUY.....
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'MRSSWEETIEPIE' Quoting 'PlayfulGuy2011' LOYALTY IS THE KEY!!!!! IF THERE IS NO LOYALTY THEN THERE IS NO TRUST, AND WITHOUT TRUST THE THERE IS NOTHING..... That's why i will NOT do anything with any couple on here who especially are married, it's just NOT MY THING.....What if i was to fuck her better than him, FUCK THAT.....Don't need that kind of shit in my life..... PLAYFULGUY..... DO a worse job than him. One because you don't know her body like he does and two lots of guys get stage fright with the hubby there. aaah.... here we go with the 'competition' again. lol.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'MRSSWEETIEPIE' Quoting 'mikeandshel' Quoting 'MRSSWEETIEPIE' Yup, totally understand and agree, don't have a problem with the concept that people are not meant to stick to one partner only what I DO have a problem with is what makes it OK in your mind to put at risk the happiness of others for the sake of your own pleasure? Not just your spouse but children too, yours and the children of other women? Will never understand that bit. That is and has been my question all along. the selfish ones say its quite ok and reasonable that they cheat.... until its their partner doing the cheating I imagine. Yes, i've seen and heard that a lot too. " I've been fucking around on him/her for years but the bitch/bastard i have just found out has been cheating on ME and i'm sooooooooooo hurt, my life is destroyed, shattered and our family and children are ruined!!!!!." How DOES that work?It's ok for me to do it to you because you're not important but heaven help you if you do it to me.hmmmmmmmmmmm You've heard that too? Do we know the same people? I agree with what you are saying, some have dozens of reasons to justify their own infidelity, and can explain it away in the most insincere and contrite ways, But heaven help the person that betrays them! Then the hurt, horror and indignation gets played out like some afternoon soap opera!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'MRSSWEETIEPIE' Quoting 'PlayfulGuy2011' LOYALTY IS THE KEY!!!!! IF THERE IS NO LOYALTY THEN THERE IS NO TRUST, AND WITHOUT TRUST THE THERE IS NOTHING..... That's why i will NOT do anything with any couple on here who especially are married, it's just NOT MY THING.....What if i was to fuck her better than him, FUCK THAT.....Don't need that kind of shit in my life..... PLAYFULGUY..... DO a worse job than him. One because you don't know her body like he does and two lots of guys get stage fright with the hubby there. Except one i don't get stage fright and two, i don't want to sound like a pornstar, but i know a woan's body pretty damn, i've studied the female body quite extensively.....But i see what you're saying, i could always do worse job than him on purpose, but i'm not like that, i LOVE to please as best as i can so i just steer clear of couples..... PLAYFULGUY.....
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CrackUp
14 years ago
I can't speak for others, but, in my circumstances, I have a partner of many years whom I love very much. Why do I seek another and not wish him to know - well..partly I guess, cowardice but not of the ramifications for me. I am scared of hurting him unspeakably. How do you tell the loving partner who has been your rock all this time, that his sexual dysfunction is forcing you outside the marital bounds. Yes, there is viagra etc but if it is in part psychological, all you do by telling is make that even worse and no volume of stiffy pills can surmount a mental block. If no amount of 'discussion' changes the psychology which underwrites his problems - what then? Do you leave a good marriage for sex? Do you 'tell' and risk crucifying him and his esteem as a man? Do you sacrifice yourself to a life of inadequate and resentful sex? I don't think there are any easy answers. No one size fits all. As with all things, in which people judge others, you need to walk a mile in their shoes before you can even attempt to understand the complexities involved. There is I believe, an argument for the saying 'ignorance is bliss'.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I dont judge anyone. I am one of the lucky ones, my fiance and I are in an open relationship and it works. I had the cohunas to ask however. And had he said no, then i would have respected that. But I do beleive that it is not our nature to be monogamous to the same person. He could be a complete bastard yes, Or so could she.He might have talked til his was blue in the face about his fantasties and yet her idea of something different was to do it on the floor instead of the bed. There a plenty of women who withold sex on a regular basis for some slight infraction yet demand faithfulness from their spouses and spout off phrases like loyaly, respect, love. I believe sex is a basic human funciton. When you do it you feel alive, happy, energetic etc etc. When you are denied it from someone that is supposed to love you then you get cranky, don't feel attractive, etc.There are a million different reasons people cheat, I dont condone it nor have I done it but having been in a relationship previously where i was constantly rejected is a very very lonely place and can severly damage ones self esteem. Love is doing something for someone that you might actually not want to do, but will because it make the one you love happy. (within reason of course, swinging from the chandlier in a monkey suit whilst being stung by a bees might be a bit much for some) Its a big sticky mess, and ivariably it will blow up in their faces, but thats life. Lifes for living, not standing around waiting for something to happen one day."steps into flamesuit"
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'MRSSWEETIEPIE' Quoting 'PlayfulGuy2011' Quoting 'MRSSWEETIEPIE' Quoting 'PlayfulGuy2011' LOYALTY IS THE KEY!!!!! IF THERE IS NO LOYALTY THEN THERE IS NO TRUST, AND WITHOUT TRUST THE THERE IS NOTHING..... That's why i will NOT do anything with any couple on here who especially are married, it's just NOT MY THING.....What if i was to fuck her better than him, FUCK THAT.....Don't need that kind of shit in my life..... PLAYFULGUY..... DO a worse job than him. One because you don't know her body like he does and two lots of guys get stage fright with the hubby there. Except one i don't get stage fright and two, i don't want to sound like a pornstar, but i know a woan's body pretty damn, i've studied the female body quite extensively.....But i see what you're saying, i could always do worse job than him on purpose, but i'm not like that, i LOVE to please as best as i can so i just steer clear of couples..... PLAYFULGUY..... Well then young Mr Playful, I trust you will be joining a whole gaggle of single girls in sydney at our drinks and debauchery night on the 5th of feb then? I'm sure one, two or three of us can take you for a spin and test out these amazing skills of yours.xx Sweetie I just may do that, except the fact that it says on your profile that you're married, unless you're NOT talking about you yourself being involved, i just don't do the couples game, wayyyy too much trouble can and does come out of that kind of sexual experience and sexual expressionism..... But i just may be there.....Thank you for the invite Sweetiepie.....You really are a "sweetiepie" PLAYFULGUY.....
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RHP User
14 years ago
i had 2 r/ships 1 started when i was 17 he was the love of my life 6mths in2 the relationship he cheated not just with any1 but with my friend.i didnt know he was but years went on n he did it 4 10yrs i was shattered i spilt with him only 2 met sum1 else who i meet was with him 4 6 yrs he did the same thing.i know have b married 4 8 yrs my hubby would never do that 2 me as he knows what would happen but u know its always the friends that do it to u..i have lost a lot of friends 4 that reason so its more of a man thing i think as they just cant keep it in their pants...n they say us woman r cheaters i dont cheat or lie.even on here they r cheatig on their wife or parnters i just dont understand why they do it why cant they just b honset n up front they musnt b happy with what they have at home or they r bored.hubby says it takes 2 to tango..sorry but i know what its like to b cheated on n lied 2 ... rednwetpussy....xxxx
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'PlayfulGuy2011' LOYALTY IS THE KEY!!!!! IF THERE IS NO LOYALTY THEN THERE IS NO TRUST, AND WITHOUT TRUST THE THERE IS NOTHING..... That's why i will NOT do anything with any couple on here who especially are married, it's just NOT MY THING.....What if i was to fuck her better than him, FUCK THAT.....Don't need that kind of shit in my life..... PLAYFULGUY.....I know what ur saying, my ex wanted me to have a threesome with another woman to spice it up, i said what if she was better and i wouldn't do it, in the end he found someone anyway, hence he is now my ex.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'funfoxylady' Quoting 'PlayfulGuy2011' LOYALTY IS THE KEY!!!!! IF THERE IS NO LOYALTY THEN THERE IS NO TRUST, AND WITHOUT TRUST THE THERE IS NOTHING..... That's why i will NOT do anything with any couple on here who especially are married, it's just NOT MY THING.....What if i was to fuck her better than him, FUCK THAT.....Don't need that kind of shit in my life..... PLAYFULGUY.....I know what ur saying, my ex wanted me to have a threesome with another woman to spice it up, i said what if she was better and i wouldn't do it, in the end he found someone anyway, hence he is now my ex. That's it right there, that's why i could never get into the couples thing, just too risky, i mean like i have said, i'm DEFINITELY no pornstar but i do take pride in making a woman feel great when i am with her, so if there's any chance whatsoever that i could make her feel better than what her man could just in that moment.....NO THANKS!!!!! Sorry it had to happen for you the way it did.....Some are into it, some are not..... PLAYFULGUY.....
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RHP User
14 years ago
To Orallyaddicted. Short answer is YES! If my partner could no longer satisfy me, but i wanted sex, and that was not an option then I WOULD abstain forever. Seriously, cheating, deception and lies are all unforgivable in a relationship. Now my partner and I have discussed this as well as every other aspect of our sexlives, and I would like to say that with time etc we are actually both ok with the idea that the other still gets satisfied. However, to do what you know is cleary against your partners wishes shows you do not truly love them as you love yourself more. If your needs come ahead of theirs then you deserve kicking to the kurb! Also think of it this way, if you were on the receiving end of such a request, and told your partner no (not saying you would but hypothetically) if they went behind your back, disobeyed your wishes, and you caught them decieving you, how would you truly feel towards them! TRUST is the key element in all relationships, and cheating = loss of all trust. Simple solution is communication, discuss every aspect of your relationship, try and reach comfortable compromises on both sides, and talk about it. If the man in question here had discussed things with him wife then who knows, maybe things would have gotten better. Someone who lies and cheats and deceives their partner mustn't trully care if the relationship ends, cause ultimatelly the are killing it!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'MRSSWEETIEPIE' Quoting 'PlayfulGuy2011' Quoting 'MRSSWEETIEPIE' Quoting 'PlayfulGuy2011' Quoting 'MRSSWEETIEPIE' Quoting 'PlayfulGuy2011' LOYALTY IS THE KEY!!!!! IF THERE IS NO LOYALTY THEN THERE IS NO TRUST, AND WITHOUT TRUST THE THERE IS NOTHING..... That's why i will NOT do anything with any couple on here who especially are married, it's just NOT MY THING.....What if i was to fuck her better than him, FUCK THAT.....Don't need that kind of shit in my life..... PLAYFULGUY..... DO a worse job than him. One because you don't know her body like he does and two lots of guys get stage fright with the hubby there. Except one i don't get stage fright and two, i don't want to sound like a pornstar, but i know a woan's body pretty damn, i've studied the female body quite extensively.....But i see what you're saying, i could always do worse job than him on purpose, but i'm not like that, i LOVE to please as best as i can so i just steer clear of couples..... PLAYFULGUY..... Well then young Mr Playful, I trust you will be joining a whole gaggle of single girls in sydney at our drinks and debauchery night on the 5th of feb then? I'm sure one, two or three of us can take you for a spin and test out these amazing skills of yours.xx Sweetie I just may do that, except the fact that it says on your profile that you're married, unless you're NOT talking about you yourself being involved, i just don't do the couples game, wayyyy too much trouble can and does come out of that kind of sexual experience and sexual expressionism..... But i just may be there.....Thank you for the invite Sweetiepie.....You really are a "sweetiepie" PLAYFULGUY..... I am actually in a very happy, healthy open marriage yes. Hubby is not on the scene right now so i operate as a single, having lots of fun being a couples plaything right now :) There will be plenty of girlies to keep you amused i'm sure Great to hear your marriage is a healthy and lively one, and i'm sure there will be some lovely sexy women there to "AMUSE ME" as you say, i'll have to write down the date and try and get up there then..... PLAYFULGUY.....
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RHP User
14 years ago
Lol, such moral high grounders even within this environment..bit like honour amongst thieves I guess. The funny thing is, the moral high grounders who expound their opinions so piously here, in 'normal' society would be viewed with equally as much acrimony as they themselves have displayed towards those they find of 'poor' moral tone on rhp. Do you not ever consider that your own stand on 'free' love and 'open' relationships are just as morally and or ethically repugnant to other groups in our larger society. I'm not judging anyone here..I'm simply putting to you that - your opinion is subjective to your own thoughts, values, experiences and emotional state..the same way as the greater society is subject to similar processes of prejudice and bigotry...to judge others based on ones own internal mechanism of right and wrong is human but not always fair nor insightful.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'innerwestfun1' To Orallyaddicted. Short answer is YES! If my partner could no longer satisfy me, but i wanted sex, and that was not an option then I WOULD abstain forever. Seriously, cheating, deception and lies are all unforgivable in a relationship. Now my partner and I have discussed this as well as every other aspect of our sexlives, and I would like to say that with time etc we are actually both ok with the idea that the other still gets satisfied. However, to do what you know is cleary against your partners wishes shows you do not truly love them as you love yourself more. If your needs come ahead of theirs then you deserve kicking to the kurb! Also think of it this way, if you were on the receiving end of such a request, and told your partner no (not saying you would but hypothetically) if they went behind your back, disobeyed your wishes, and you caught them decieving you, how would you truly feel towards them! TRUST is the key element in all relationships, and cheating = loss of all trust. Simple solution is communication, discuss every aspect of your relationship, try and reach comfortable compromises on both sides, and talk about it. If the man in question here had discussed things with him wife then who knows, maybe things would have gotten better. Someone who lies and cheats and deceives their partner mustn't trully care if the relationship ends, cause ultimatelly the are killing it! from the mouths of babes..........well said and admirable. thank you.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'CourtesanAly'Lol, such moral high grounders even within this environment..bit like honour amongst thieves I guess. The funny thing is, the moral high grounders who expound their opinions so piously here, in 'normal' society would be viewed with equally as much acrimony as they themselves have displayed towards those they find of 'poor' moral tone on rhp. Do you not ever consider that your own stand on 'free' love and 'open' relationships are just as morally and or ethically repugnant to other groups in our larger society. I'm not judging anyone here..I'm simply putting to you that - your opinion is subjective to your own thoughts, values, experiences and emotional state..the same way as the greater society is subject to similar processes of prejudice and bigotry...to judge others based on ones own internal mechanism of right and wrong is human but not always fair nor insightful. Clicking the "Like" button
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RHP User
14 years ago
yes niceguy63 why did you cheat?and why do you lie?
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RHP User
14 years ago
communication is the key. when i was married, i asked my husband for permission to go elsewhere...he looked me str8 in the eye and said NO,...wanker....that really was the nail in the coffin.... sadly, i have chatted to/met many a man from here whose story is the same....and my answer is the same....have u discussed it with her...told her ur looking elsewhere and for permission....and guess what the answer is....oh no i coujldnt. she wouldnt understand. sadly, i see this as a marriage of habit/convenience or whatever u wish to call it, and its really really sad...grow some balls ppl....get a life.
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RHP User
14 years ago
cheated on me....which is partly why she is my ex. It killed the trust in the relationship, and once that went, the love/affection/respect followed. We were together for 13 years, married for just over 11, and the cheating went on and off for 10. Having kids in the equation made it incredibly difficult to walk away, as there were other issues at play that prevented me from leaving them behind, and I really had nowhere to go. As to why? Well, "because I can." It tore me apart when we finally split, not because she was going, but because I'd failed at my marriage. This wasn't supposed to happen when I signed up! Now, I realise how much better off I am without her, and I'm rebuilding my life with the kids.....and loving it! For me, the two things that are most essential to a relationship (whether it be just friends, FB or a commited relationship) are trust and respect. Without these, I don't believe you can have all the other necessary ingredients to make it work.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'MRSSWEETIEPIE' Quoting 'CourtesanAly'Lol, such moral high grounders even within this environment..bit like honour amongst thieves I guess. The funny thing is, the moral high grounders who expound their opinions so piously here, in 'normal' society would be viewed with equally as much acrimony as they themselves have displayed towards those they find of 'poor' moral tone on rhp. Do you not ever consider that your own stand on 'free' love and 'open' relationships are just as morally and or ethically repugnant to other groups in our larger society. I'm not judging anyone here..I'm simply putting to you that - your opinion is subjective to your own thoughts, values, experiences and emotional state..the same way as the greater society is subject to similar processes of prejudice and bigotry...to judge others based on ones own internal mechanism of right and wrong is human but not always fair nor insightful. I can afford to take the "moral high ground" i have never and will never cheat, i have never and will never take what is not mine but belongs to another woman only what is given, i have never and will never risk my own childrens happiness nor the happiness of another family with my selfish actions. I can therefore afford my opinion. I judge a person on who they are as a person, some of my dearest and most treasured friends have cheated on their partners or slept with married men and i adore the person not the action and i am fully entitled to that right and am completely unrepentant just as many who cheat are and just as entitled to my opinion as they are. It's just like i feel about my children, i dont' necessarily agree with their actions and choices in life but i adore and treasure them as individuals. Don't mistake my fervent disdain for the action as a personal judgement. go you moral watchdog you. I've got your back ok? lol
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RHP User
14 years ago
It appears that people are either in one camp or the other and can very rarely see the other side of the argument. Define cheating on your partner. Assuming all of the following are done without your partners knowledge. Sex - obviously, judging by the majority of the comments. Flirting? Chatting online? Having lunch/dinner/drink with someone else (depending on your gender/sexual persuasion)? Spending money you know and your partner you can't afford, or that had been earmarked for something else? Faking an orgasm??? Faking a "headache"??? Hiding a medical condition? Personally, I think I would have less respect for an ex partner if she HAD left me just because of wanting more/better sex elsewhere, as although I can't imagine life without sex, my moral imperative places sex way down the list of importance in a relationship. If I found out my partner had been telling someone else lies about me. I think I would find that much harder to accept. oh....and can someone please tell me how to get line breaks and paragraphs in my post, please? It's driving me nuts when it bunches it all together!
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RHP User
14 years ago
It appears that people are either in one camp or the other and can very rarely see the other side of the argument. Define cheating on your partner. Assuming all of the following are done without your partners knowledge. Sex - obviously, judging by the majority of the comments. Flirting? Chatting online? Having lunch/dinner/drink with someone else (depending on your gender/sexual persuasion)? Spending money you know and your partner you can't afford, or that had been earmarked for something else? Faking an orgasm??? Faking a "headache"??? Hiding a medical condition? Personally, I think I would have less respect for an ex partner if she HAD left me just because of wanting more/better sex elsewhere, as although I can't imagine life without sex, my moral imperative places sex way down the list of importance in a relationship. If I found out my partner had been telling someone else lies about me. I think I would find that much harder to accept. oh....and can someone please tell me how to get line breaks and paragraphs in my post, please? It's driving me nuts when it bunches it all together!
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RHP User
14 years ago
"cojones"
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RHP User
14 years ago
cheated on me, which is one of the reasons why she's my ex. We were together for 13 years, married for 11, and the cheating went on and off for 10. Once the trust was broken, the relationship was doomed. Without trust, there is no respect, and without those two, everything else that makes a good relationship goes as well. Were it not for the children, she'd have been my ex a whole lot sooner. As to why she cheated...."because I can."
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'MRSSWEETIEPIE' Quoting 'CourtesanAly'Lol, such moral high grounders even within this environment..bit like honour amongst thieves I guess. The funny thing is, the moral high grounders who expound their opinions so piously here, in 'normal' society would be viewed with equally as much acrimony as they themselves have displayed towards those they find of 'poor' moral tone on rhp. Do you not ever consider that your own stand on 'free' love and 'open' relationships are just as morally and or ethically repugnant to other groups in our larger society. I'm not judging anyone here..I'm simply putting to you that - your opinion is subjective to your own thoughts, values, experiences and emotional state..the same way as the greater society is subject to similar processes of prejudice and bigotry...to judge others based on ones own internal mechanism of right and wrong is human but not always fair nor insightful. I can afford to take the "moral high ground" i have never and will never cheat, i have never and will never take what is not mine but belongs to another woman only what is given, i have never and will never risk my own childrens happiness nor the happiness of another family with my selfish actions. I can therefore afford my opinion. I judge a person on who they are as a person, some of my dearest and most treasured friends have cheated on their partners or slept with married men and i adore the person not the action and i am fully entitled to that right and am completely unrepentant just as many who cheat are and just as entitled to my opinion as they are. It's just like i feel about my children, i dont' necessarily agree with their actions and choices in life but i adore and treasure them as individuals. Don't mistake my fervent disdain for the action as a personal judgement. I take what you are saying Sweetpie, and good on you for feeling so fervently on the subject. I still however, hold to my statement - for others (namely in this post 'cheaters'), your passion will be seen as judging them...not necessarily their action - same as the greater society would perceive your swinging activities as an indication of your personal character and not just a 'disjointed' action you perform. They 'judge' you, no matter how unfair this may seem and how little it relates to you as a person (and I base this on the fact that so many swingers, etc, seek fervently to hide it from family, vanilla friends, workmates etc, etc). I don't make the rules, it is just an observance of human nature that I offer.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I guess it all depends on which side you have been on.. People are like cats! If you are not feeding them someone else will. - to this i say people arent cats .. learn to feed yourself! if you cant feed yourself through the hard times, you cant expect to reap the benifits when the good and plentiful times return. My Ex's excuse - I wasn't tending to his needs so he found someone who would : So let me explain my situation at the time... my husband(sorry EX-Husband) started his affair when our second daughter was just 3 months old .. So I had a 2 year old and a newborn both bad sleepers, I was recovering from a c/section, trying to breast feed ( which never worked) , cooking, cleaning .. making his lunch for work everday etc. He used to wonder why i wanted to go to bed everynight as soon as the kids did and go to sleep .. I WAS TIRED!! and recovering ... yet still was expected to *FEED* his needs... so maybe you shouldnt think just about YOU not getting feed but rather WHY you arent getting feed. and before you think its just sex and you need your needs and desires meet , prehaps you should think about your mate .. you know the person you choose to marry ..and their feelings and their needs and just maybe what they are going through is at the time more important than getting your sexual desires meet and justifying your cheating by simply saxying you arent giving me what I need so ill go else where behind your back. Disclaimer : not directed at anyone .. I actually dont give a toss what YOU do in your personal life/relationship ( i dont judge) as long as it doesnt directly affect me, my family or my closests friends)
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'MRSSWEETIEPIE' Quoting 'CourtesanAly' Quoting 'MRSSWEETIEPIE' Quoting 'CourtesanAly'Lol, such moral high grounders even within this environment..bit like honour amongst thieves I guess. The funny thing is, the moral high grounders who expound their opinions so piously here, in 'normal' society would be viewed with equally as much acrimony as they themselves have displayed towards those they find of 'poor' moral tone on rhp. Do you not ever consider that your own stand on 'free' love and 'open' relationships are just as morally and or ethically repugnant to other groups in our larger society. I'm not judging anyone here..I'm simply putting to you that - your opinion is subjective to your own thoughts, values, experiences and emotional state..the same way as the greater society is subject to similar processes of prejudice and bigotry...to judge others based on ones own internal mechanism of right and wrong is human but not always fair nor insightful. I can afford to take the "moral high ground" i have never and will never cheat, i have never and will never take what is not mine but belongs to another woman only what is given, i have never and will never risk my own childrens happiness nor the happiness of another family with my selfish actions. I can therefore afford my opinion. I judge a person on who they are as a person, some of my dearest and most treasured friends have cheated on their partners or slept with married men and i adore the person not the action and i am fully entitled to that right and am completely unrepentant just as many who cheat are and just as entitled to my opinion as they are. It's just like i feel about my children, i dont' necessarily agree with their actions and choices in life but i adore and treasure them as individuals. Don't mistake my fervent disdain for the action as a personal judgement. I take what you are saying Sweetpie, and good on you for feeling so fervently on the subject. I still however, hold to my statement - for others (namely in this post 'cheaters'), your passion will be seen as judging them...not necessarily their action - same as the greater society would perceive your swinging activities as an indication of your personal character and not just a 'disjointed' action you perform. They 'judge' you, no matter how unfair this may seem and how little it relates to you as a person (and I base this on the fact that so many swingers, etc, seek fervently to hide it from family, vanilla friends, workmates etc, etc). I don't make the rules, it is just an observance of human nature that I offer. I can't be a shrink to everyone, how they see my opinion particularly since i continue to state that it is a judgement on the action not the person is not my problem. I think a lot of the feelings of being judged are tied up with guilt anyway. As for my choices, also not my concern as to how others see them. I havent' hurt, i'm not risking hurting, i have done nothing dishonest and i have not taken what is not mine. MY concience is exceedingly clear Quoting 'MRSSWEETIEPIE' Quoting 'CourtesanAly' Quoting 'MRSSWEETIEPIE' Quoting 'CourtesanAly'Lol, such moral high grounders even within this environment..bit like honour amongst thieves I guess. The funny thing is, the moral high grounders who expound their opinions so piously here, in 'normal' society would be viewed with equally as much acrimony as they themselves have displayed towards those they find of 'poor' moral tone on rhp. Do you not ever consider that your own stand on 'free' love and 'open' relationships are just as morally and or ethically repugnant to other groups in our larger society. I'm not judging anyone here..I'm simply putting to you that - your opinion is subjective to your own thoughts, values, experiences and emotional state..the same way as the greater society is subject to similar processes of prejudice and bigotry...to judge others based on ones own internal mechanism of right and wrong is human but not always fair nor insightful. I can afford to take the "moral high ground" i have never and will never cheat, i have never and will never take what is not mine but belongs to another woman only what is given, i have never and will never risk my own childrens happiness nor the happiness of another family with my selfish actions. I can therefore afford my opinion. I judge a person on who they are as a person, some of my dearest and most treasured friends have cheated on their partners or slept with married men and i adore the person not the action and i am fully entitled to that right and am completely unrepentant just as many who cheat are and just as entitled to my opinion as they are. It's just like i feel about my children, i dont' necessarily agree with their actions and choices in life but i adore and treasure them as individuals. Don't mistake my fervent disdain for the action as a personal judgement. I take what you are saying Sweetpie, and good on you for feeling so fervently on the subject. I still however, hold to my statement - for others (namely in this post 'cheaters'), your passion will be seen as judging them...not necessarily their action - same as the greater society would perceive your swinging activities as an indication of your personal character and not just a 'disjointed' action you perform. They 'judge' you, no matter how unfair this may seem and how little it relates to you as a person (and I base this on the fact that so many swingers, etc, seek fervently to hide it from family, vanilla friends, workmates etc, etc). I don't make the rules, it is just an observance of human nature that I offer. I can't be a shrink to everyone, how they see my opinion particularly since i continue to state that it is a judgement on the action not the person is not my problem. I think a lot of the feelings of being judged are tied up with guilt anyway. As for my choices, also not my concern as to how others see them. I havent' hurt, i'm not risking hurting, i have done nothing dishonest and i have not taken what is not mine. MY concience is exceedingly clear Good for you SweetPie.. Clear consciences rate right up there with moral rectitude I believe.
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RHP User
14 years ago
ah here we go again. the cheaters have a hundred reasons why its OK for them. they justify their actions in so many ways, but theres a commonality in all of these. Its always 'me,me,me' or doesnt anyone else see that? what about the other person? who looks after them if you are away and busy looking after yourself? oh bugger thats it, I cant 'judge' as i have no moral 'right', its not my business. I forget my manners. do what you please people, just dont bring it here, as we dont want to know you.
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Ifonly67
14 years ago
Or is that just until you meet a girl who has a partner that you just cant stop thinking about and intrigues you. One that you start to fantasize about and cant get them out of your head even when you are making love with your husband or partner. What would happen if you were into swinging and your partner was not. Are you certain that your longings would not get the better of you. If that other guy started showing you interest and continually complimented you and made you feel like the woman you really are. Not sure but I think we as humans are not designed to be with just one partner throughout our life. Have you only ever had one partner in your life. And my main point on all the morals on this site, a SEX site, as CourtesanAly says, who are we to judge others as we certainly do not admit to our work mates and families that we are members of a sex site because our partner just does not do enough for us alone. I started thinking I wasnt making sense and I wish to inform you all that I in no way intend to be having a shot at or making a judgement on any individuals on this site or any other sites. It is just my view that FOR GODS SAKE ITS JUST A SEX SITE so just enjoy
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'Donna_Brett'Depends on your perspective we guess...but remember it goes both ways..many women cheat too. We don't believe in cheating but if your sex life is in trouble there are generally others reasons too why a couple is no longer "connected". Swinging may only make that worse. We believe that if a couple are so unhappy they should not be together but many people stay for financial reasons or the kids etc. But we both believe that sex is such an important part of life that if one partner for whatever reason says they are not interested in sex anymore but still wants to stay together then that partner should not be shocked when the other finds it elsewhere. The perfect scenario would be him or her giving the other person the go ahead to play elsewhere thus avoiding the lies & sneaking around. But alas...so many times it's a case of "I don't want sex so you can't have it either". We personally know of a couple that have been married for like 30 years but there's been no sex (her choice) for the last 16 years, but he doesn't get it elsewhere, he just complains to workmates. That's no way to live. He won't leave because they get along in all other aspects except she won't 'put out' for the lack of a better term LOL. We would not blame him if he found it elsewhere. Another workmate confided that his wife won't have sex so he's been going to brothels occasionally..can't blame him either. At the end of the day though it's up to the couple to either fix their issues or go separate ways....everyone is entitled to a healthy sex life if they want it and no one else, partner or otherwise has the right to deprive them for any reason. This all makes a lot of sence, either party might feel like some variety and there is nothing wrong with their marrage, and think you are completely right it happens too often the wife will say no, you mustnt love me anymore blah blah blah......So the only option is left for the guy to cheat. We have had two instances now where talking with a couple and eventually the other guy says, how about a MFM threesome with us, My wife is having trouble with another female in the same room and me having sex with another female. So I ask the wife and she says No our rules are we play together. Thats no big deal because we swing anyway, but what guy would not be a little dissapointed...lol. I can see a way of thinking especially for the females, I cant agree to that, but if he is descreet and I dont know well what I dont know dont hurt. Like your wife is doing the washing and fiinds condom wrappers in your pockets, She confronts you and you say bloody so so, playing practical jokes trying to get me trouble. She accepts that because she can believe it and its not in her face.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'Orallyaddicted'I loved the cat anology! It strikes me that people are either cat personas or dog personas.....dogs tend to be fiercely loyal. cats go where they are treated best. One of the traits that has got me into so much trouble during my life, is that I can nearly always see two sides to any argument. It doesn't mean that I agree with both of them, but I can at least see them. I do understand the argument about selfishness, but sex is a very emotive subject. I defy anyone to tell me they have led a selfless life. Have you ever had one drink too many and driven home? Have you ever run a red light? What about not putting on a seatbelt...or speeding.Have you ever crossed a pedestrian traffic light when it was at red? Each of those actions COULD end up with devastating consequences for your loved ones. Did you bother to think about that before you did it? Where do you draw the line. Like most things in life it is about risk management.What are YOU prepared to risk? 99% of people on this site are risking their sexual health (yes, I know that has been covered under another topic). You may be undertaking relatively safe sex with someone else.....but can you guarantee that they have done the same. and even if they have - what about the other people they have had sex with. And it goes on. You have assessed that risk in your mind and are comfortable with it. When it comes to relationships and sex, then you weigh up the consequences. If you know that the person you are with is not prepared to change their outlook, but you feel you are both happy with the other aspects of your relationship, why SHOULD you break that relationship up and go and seek better sex elsewhere, when you can be discrete and keep the harmony. Sex should not be the defining point in a relationship, it is just one aspect. One final question for those of you out there who are so vehemently against "cheating". If your partner told you they would never have sex again (perish the thought, but it could be as a result of some major health issue), but they couldn't bear the thought of KNOWING you were having sex with somebody else - could you abstain for the rest of your life? i think i can answer some of that....the one thing i do on your list is.... sometimes i have been known to speed lol according to you im a dog (who would have guessed) so im quite happy there because sometimes i am too loyal for my own good if my partner come to me and said he could never have sex again...fine, im cool with that and im happy to never have sex again because no matter what they say....I COULDNT DO THAT TO THE MAN I LOVE....no matter what, id live without sex for the rest of my life before id hurt him that way roxxy
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RHP User
14 years ago
reading all these posts makes me want to comment for the first time ever!I was married to the love of my life for 15 years. we had a very good understanding and knew everything about each other. i traveled a lot and we always talked about everything openly. we are both Bi and loved encouraging this side in each other.I thought we had a great relationship and always spoke the truth! after she had 2 long term affairs i left a broken disappointed man! found out after it was 3!honestly, i am a rare bird, i didn't mind if she fucked other people, matter of fact turned me on!the fact that she lied and snuck around behind my back was the killer! My motto on life " The Truth told is easier than a lie discovered" once you discover one lie can you ever believe anything again. trust is almost impossible to rebuild! Anyway enough of this! i am great now and having the time of my life!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Your last paragraph sums it up beautifully. It's only sex, after all.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'screaming_orgasm' Sorry, but those of you who are throwing your arms up in the air and wondering why everyone else can't be as shiny and good as you are kidding yourselves.I've yet to meet any woman who takes the news well that she is a dud in bed, has let herself go, is unattractive, etc. And those are the reasons people cheat. There might be some people who just have no self-control, some who are unaccountably horny all the time, whatever. But the vast majority is that (1) the fulfilment isn't there in the marital relationship, and (2) the reasons why it isn't there are such that communicating them to the spouse would fuck the relationship anyway.And you will find that very few cheating partners - if any - have never expressed frustration with whatever it is in the relationship that is causing them to stray."Oh, but if you're not happy you should just leave," I hear the idiots chorusing. Yes, because divorce is so cheap, so convenient and so painless.You're all banging on that this bloke should be honest and tell his wife he isn't interested in fucking her any more. I think that's insane. He's an idiot for telling anyone - but high-horse Harry over there can take a seat. Walk a mile in the man's shoes before you decide you're better than him.In my personal situation, I don't want to lose my kids. I don't want to hurt my wife. But the fact remains that she has become undesirable - and not overnight - and has always been hard work to fuck. I hear the angry growls of keyboards rattling, telling me it's my fault and I should communicate. Guess what, I've done that. And guess what else, I'm an excellent communicator. It is impossible to be completely open and honest in regard to this without causing permanent damage to the relationship. I defy anyone to adequately communicate all of the following in ANY terms without fucking the relationship and precipitating a divorce. But tell me if you can. I'm all ears. Here's the message:"Honey I've put up with your eating and exercise habits for the last three years, and I just can't stand the sight of you naked any more. You really are in disgusting condition and I wouldn't look twice at you if I'd never met you. What really pisses me off about this is that you're the only person I'm allowed to fuck. You don't seem to care whether or not I enjoy a significant aspect of my life and happiness, you don't seem to agree that the imposition of fidelity also imposes a reciprocal obligation on each of us to provide one other with fulfilment, and seem to think that you're entitled to fidelity no matter how badly you abandon your responsibilities. "Meanwhile, you have no idea what you're doing in bed, even though I've been trying to teach you for the past five years what teenagers manage to learn all by themselves. I appreciate that you never had an orgasm before we met and that you're starting from behind the pack. But still, I'm all out of patience. It's not sexy when you try to turn sex into a joke when I try to start something other than the boring routine you seem unable to think past, your husband touching you is not something to giggle about and pull faces like a village idiot, and as a mature adult I really get frustrated that I have an apparent adolescent in bed with me. For fuck's sake. I am no longer fulfilled by having to hold your hand and teach you everything, and I think 5 years is long enough to hope that eventually you'll stop needing training wheels."By the way, I liked that you asked your friends for advice on blowjobs. But take it from a heterosexual man that he doesn't want to hear that he's getting his wife's gay friend's best tips. It takes the polish off, somewhat. Why the fuck did you tell me that?"Every single one of your friends is vastly better-looking than you. Several of them could be sportsmodels. Aren't they any kind of inspiration to you? You're on their netball team. Why the fuck are you so fat and frumpy, then? Many of their husbands are outright arseholes, and not a single one of them is as hands-on a Dad as I am. You constantly have family members and friends telling you how lucky you are. Do you think eventually you might stop to think that I could get a better deal than I have here? Or at least step up and be a *good* partner, rather than the bare fucking minimum?"The only reason I don't fuck off right now is that your shithouse cooking and tendency to prepare Yank cafeteria-style junk would doom my kids to malnutrition, and that's if your suicidal driving didn't kill them off before scurvy did. And I'm entitled to want to live with my kids - remember, I'm a good Dad, it's the most important thing in the world to me - so given you've entirely abandoned any pretence of providing me with the fulfilment a life-long, monogamous partner should be reasonably expected to provide, I'm going to find it elsewhere."Fathers have no rights, and it is fundamentally unjust that I will lose my children to you simply because you're too fat, stupid and useless to want to continue staying faithful to. So I'm going to fuck whoever I want and at least reclaim that aspect of my happiness. You've lost your entitlement to my fidelity, and I don't even feel guilty about feeling that way any more."Try telling someone that message. Good luck.Try telling me I'm wrong and that I should leave. Save your breath. Fathers do get the raw end of the deal when it comes to custody battles. Cheating comes in many forms, not just with other people.I think being taken for granted is much worse a predicament personally.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I do love the forums... so many Wowzers and Moral Police.. Hours of laughter here Please keep it up.
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xFunlovingx
14 years ago
This always is a dead end arguement....People cheat...men and women...It is their lives...you and I don't know why they do it! > To the OP...I just don't get it...he was your mate that came and talked to you about it...you are probably the first person who he had the guts to tell this to...but yet...you are not a real mate as you are judging him...ok, you gave him your point of view and gave him advice. The rest is up to him...Friends tell Friends EVERYTHING...because it is called TRUST! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'screaming_orgasm'Sorry, but those of you who are throwing your arms up in the air and wondering why everyone else can't be as shiny and good as you are kidding yourselves.I've yet to meet any woman who takes the news well that she is a dud in bed, has let herself go, is unattractive, etc. And those are the reasons people cheat. There might be some people who just have no self-control, some who are unaccountably horny all the time, whatever. But the vast majority is that (1) the fulfilment isn't there in the marital relationship, and (2) the reasons why it isn't there are such that communicating them to the spouse would fuck the relationship anyway.And you will find that very few cheating partners - if any - have never expressed frustration with whatever it is in the relationship that is causing them to stray."Oh, but if you're not happy you should just leave," I hear the idiots chorusing. Yes, because divorce is so cheap, so convenient and so painless.You're all banging on that this bloke should be honest and tell his wife he isn't interested in fucking her any more. I think that's insane. He's an idiot for telling anyone - but high-horse Harry over there can take a seat. Walk a mile in the man's shoes before you decide you're better than him.In my personal situation, I don't want to lose my kids. I don't want to hurt my wife. But the fact remains that she has become undesirable - and not overnight - and has always been hard work to fuck. I hear the angry growls of keyboards rattling, telling me it's my fault and I should communicate. Guess what, I've done that. And guess what else, I'm an excellent communicator. It is impossible to be completely open and honest in regard to this without causing permanent damage to the relationship. I defy anyone to adequately communicate all of the following in ANY terms without fucking the relationship and precipitating a divorce. But tell me if you can. I'm all ears. Here's the message:"Honey I've put up with your eating and exercise habits for the last three years, and I just can't stand the sight of you naked any more. You really are in disgusting condition and I wouldn't look twice at you if I'd never met you. What really pisses me off about this is that you're the only person I'm allowed to fuck. You don't seem to care whether or not I enjoy a significant aspect of my life and happiness, you don't seem to agree that the imposition of fidelity also imposes a reciprocal obligation on each of us to provide one other with fulfilment, and seem to think that you're entitled to fidelity no matter how badly you abandon your responsibilities. "Meanwhile, you have no idea what you're doing in bed, even though I've been trying to teach you for the past five years what teenagers manage to learn all by themselves. I appreciate that you never had an orgasm before we met and that you're starting from behind the pack. But still, I'm all out of patience. It's not sexy when you try to turn sex into a joke when I try to start something other than the boring routine you seem unable to think past, your husband touching you is not something to giggle about and pull faces like a village idiot, and as a mature adult I really get frustrated that I have an apparent adolescent in bed with me. For fuck's sake. I am no longer fulfilled by having to hold your hand and teach you everything, and I think 5 years is long enough to hope that eventually you'll stop needing training wheels."By the way, I liked that you asked your friends for advice on blowjobs. But take it from a heterosexual man that he doesn't want to hear that he's getting his wife's gay friend's best tips. It takes the polish off, somewhat. Why the fuck did you tell me that?"Every single one of your friends is vastly better-looking than you. Several of them could be sportsmodels. Aren't they any kind of inspiration to you? You're on their netball team. Why the fuck are you so fat and frumpy, then? Many of their husbands are outright arseholes, and not a single one of them is as hands-on a Dad as I am. You constantly have family members and friends telling you how lucky you are. Do you think eventually you might stop to think that I could get a better deal than I have here? Or at least step up and be a *good* partner, rather than the bare fucking minimum?"The only reason I don't fuck off right now is that your shithouse cooking and tendency to prepare Yank cafeteria-style junk would doom my kids to malnutrition, and that's if your suicidal driving didn't kill them off before scurvy did. And I'm entitled to want to live with my kids - remember, I'm a good Dad, it's the most important thing in the world to me - so given you've entirely abandoned any pretence of providing me with the fulfilment a life-long, monogamous partner should be reasonably expected to provide, I'm going to find it elsewhere."Fathers have no rights, and it is fundamentally unjust that I will lose my children to you simply because you're too fat, stupid and useless to want to continue staying faithful to. So I'm going to fuck whoever I want and at least reclaim that aspect of my happiness. You've lost your entitlement to my fidelity, and I don't even feel guilty about feeling that way any more."Try telling someone that message. Good luck.Try telling me I'm wrong and that I should leave. Save your breath.I salute you and completely understand. Yes. Some of us do understand exactly where you are coming from.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'CourtesanAly'Lol, such moral high grounders even within this environment..bit like honour amongst thieves I guess. The funny thing is, the moral high grounders who expound their opinions so piously here, in 'normal' society would be viewed with equally as much acrimony as they themselves have displayed towards those they find of 'poor' moral tone on rhp. Do you not ever consider that your own stand on 'free' love and 'open' relationships are just as morally and or ethically repugnant to other groups in our larger society. I'm not judging anyone here..I'm simply putting to you that - your opinion is subjective to your own thoughts, values, experiences and emotional state..the same way as the greater society is subject to similar processes of prejudice and bigotry...to judge others based on ones own internal mechanism of right and wrong is human but not always fair nor insightful.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'rcflyer69'Your last paragraph sums it up beautifully. It's only sex, after all. thats right and i would gladly live without sex for the rest of my life than ever hurt the man i love in that way roxxy
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'screaming_orgasm'Sorry, but those of you who are throwing your arms up in the air and wondering why everyone else can't be as shiny and good as you are kidding yourselves.I've yet to meet any woman who takes the news well that she is a dud in bed, has let herself go, is unattractive, etc. And those are the reasons people cheat. There might be some people who just have no self-control, some who are unaccountably horny all the time, whatever. i have been told all these things and a lot worse by the men that "loved" me and i still not once ever even thought about cheating i know its hard to tell someone that the sex your having isnt working for you...i told my exhusband and he beat the shit out of me for it....before you ask yes i was tactful and nice about it if your that concerned about your kids...take them with you when you leave...Sweetie is right your wife WILL find out, thats if she doesnt know already and things will be really bad after that... so the fact that you would prefer to just fuck anything moving instead of moving out with your kids tells me your gutless and that "horrible wife" of yours has your balls...maybe you should grow a new set and take your kids and get them out of such a horrid place because your not being a wonderful dad having them there in the first place roxxy
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RHP User
14 years ago
ok well to be honest CourtesanAly has missed the point completely. It is not about what is morally accepted, it is what the "Couple" considers acceptable. If someone wants you to cheat and to cheat on you "in the broadest sense by meaning have a polygamous or open relationship, even though its not cheating" and its agreed between the two then YES it is perfectly fine, there is nothing morally wrong as it is consentual between partners. However its not so much the particular nature of the act that we are saying is wrong (seriously as you point out, nobody here has the right to judge, or anyone period for that matter) more the fact that it is at the expense of someone whom you are supposedly committed to and love! We have no objection at all to couples ways of living their own sexual lives, and would expect nobody to object to our ways of thinking either, however if someone in the relationship is deceived or suffers at the hands of another, then you MUST question wheather there is even a relationship left (if you cant talk what have you got?) or if there is that it possibly shouldn't and maybe wouldn't exist if they were honest with their partner!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'Morticiaaa' Quoting 'CourtesanAly'Lol, such moral high grounders even within this environment..bit like honour amongst thieves I guess. The funny thing is, the moral high grounders who expound their opinions so piously here, in 'normal' society would be viewed with equally as much acrimony as they themselves have displayed towards those they find of 'poor' moral tone on rhp. Do you not ever consider that your own stand on 'free' love and 'open' relationships are just as morally and or ethically repugnant to other groups in our larger society. I'm not judging anyone here..I'm simply putting to you that - your opinion is subjective to your own thoughts, values, experiences and emotional state..the same way as the greater society is subject to similar processes of prejudice and bigotry...to judge others based on ones own internal mechanism of right and wrong is human but not always fair nor insightful. Clicking the "Like" button Me Too!
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CrackUp
14 years ago
I so hear what you are saying Screaming Orgasm. It's refreshing for someone to come out to say honestly how it is - brutal, ugly even, but this is the side of things that nobody wants to acknowledge. That sometimes, there are reasons for cheating, as abhorrent as I understand it is to the majority. It was gutsy of you to lay it down in such a candid way.
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xFunlovingx
14 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee' Quoting 'screaming_orgasm'Sorry, but those of you who are throwing your arms up in the air and wondering why everyone else can't be as shiny and good as you are kidding yourselves.I've yet to meet any woman who takes the news well that she is a dud in bed, has let herself go, is unattractive, etc. And those are the reasons people cheat. There might be some people who just have no self-control, some who are unaccountably horny all the time, whatever. But the vast majority is that (1) the fulfilment isn't there in the marital relationship, and (2) the reasons why it isn't there are such that communicating them to the spouse would fuck the relationship anyway.And you will find that very few cheating partners - if any - have never expressed frustration with whatever it is in the relationship that is causing them to stray."Oh, but if you're not happy you should just leave," I hear the idiots chorusing. Yes, because divorce is so cheap, so convenient and so painless.You're all banging on that this bloke should be honest and tell his wife he isn't interested in fucking her any more. I think that's insane. He's an idiot for telling anyone - but high-horse Harry over there can take a seat. Walk a mile in the man's shoes before you decide you're better than him.In my personal situation, I don't want to lose my kids. I don't want to hurt my wife. But the fact remains that she has become undesirable - and not overnight - and has always been hard work to fuck. I hear the angry growls of keyboards rattling, telling me it's my fault and I should communicate. Guess what, I've done that. And guess what else, I'm an excellent communicator. It is impossible to be completely open and honest in regard to this without causing permanent damage to the relationship. I defy anyone to adequately communicate all of the following in ANY terms without fucking the relationship and precipitating a divorce. But tell me if you can. I'm all ears. Here's the message:"Honey I've put up with your eating and exercise habits for the last three years, and I just can't stand the sight of you naked any more. You really are in disgusting condition and I wouldn't look twice at you if I'd never met you. What really pisses me off about this is that you're the only person I'm allowed to fuck. You don't seem to care whether or not I enjoy a significant aspect of my life and happiness, you don't seem to agree that the imposition of fidelity also imposes a reciprocal obligation on each of us to provide one other with fulfilment, and seem to think that you're entitled to fidelity no matter how badly you abandon your responsibilities. "Meanwhile, you have no idea what you're doing in bed, even though I've been trying to teach you for the past five years what teenagers manage to learn all by themselves. I appreciate that you never had an orgasm before we met and that you're starting from behind the pack. But still, I'm all out of patience. It's not sexy when you try to turn sex into a joke when I try to start something other than the boring routine you seem unable to think past, your husband touching you is not something to giggle about and pull faces like a village idiot, and as a mature adult I really get frustrated that I have an apparent adolescent in bed with me. For fuck's sake. I am no longer fulfilled by having to hold your hand and teach you everything, and I think 5 years is long enough to hope that eventually you'll stop needing training wheels."By the way, I liked that you asked your friends for advice on blowjobs. But take it from a heterosexual man that he doesn't want to hear that he's getting his wife's gay friend's best tips. It takes the polish off, somewhat. Why the fuck did you tell me that?"Every single one of your friends is vastly better-looking than you. Several of them could be sportsmodels. Aren't they any kind of inspiration to you? You're on their netball team. Why the fuck are you so fat and frumpy, then? Many of their husbands are outright arseholes, and not a single one of them is as hands-on a Dad as I am. You constantly have family members and friends telling you how lucky you are. Do you think eventually you might stop to think that I could get a better deal than I have here? Or at least step up and be a *good* partner, rather than the bare fucking minimum?"The only reason I don't fuck off right now is that your shithouse cooking and tendency to prepare Yank cafeteria-style junk would doom my kids to malnutrition, and that's if your suicidal driving didn't kill them off before scurvy did. And I'm entitled to want to live with my kids - remember, I'm a good Dad, it's the most important thing in the world to me - so given you've entirely abandoned any pretence of providing me with the fulfilment a life-long, monogamous partner should be reasonably expected to provide, I'm going to find it elsewhere."Fathers have no rights, and it is fundamentally unjust that I will lose my children to you simply because you're too fat, stupid and useless to want to continue staying faithful to. So I'm going to fuck whoever I want and at least reclaim that aspect of my happiness. You've lost your entitlement to my fidelity, and I don't even feel guilty about feeling that way any more."Try telling someone that message. Good luck.Try telling me I'm wrong and that I should leave. Save your breath.I salute you and completely understand. Yes. Some of us do understand exactly where you are coming from. I applaud you too. And I agree with Fiona..some of us do understand completely where that is coming from! xFunlovingx
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xFunlovingx
14 years ago
Ok...so I just now googled "Sites for Married Men"...and I found that RHP was listed as a Site for them to go to. Actually one of the first Sites. < Married men and women have every right to still have sex, they have every right to still have self-esteem, they have every right to find someone outside of the marriage who listens to them and loves the sex with them. They have every right to feel like they are wanted and liked. They have every right to feel like they are still alive. They have every right to be touched and kissed and caressed as any person does. They have every right to feel that longing and wanting. They have every right to have affairs. < If you do not like married men/women...then as Roxxy would say "DON'T FUCK THEM" < Simple really! < xFunlovingx - Running for the hills.....
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RHP User
14 years ago
First question: Never having been in the swinging scene when married, I am curious to know if all couples survive the experience. Has anyone heard of a couple into the scene where one of the members of the couple find someone they prefer to be permanently with? Just curious about the whole thing.Second question and this is directed at the OP: You said your mate, who is now getting a bit on the side is in the military right. Well if he is, he is well and truely screwed if he is fucking a person in the same work environment. He will get caught out, and it will turn bad. For starters, if he wrongs the woman at work, and he is senior in rank to her, all she has to do is say he used his rank to get her into bed. Simple and it works, and he will be out of a career. The military takes a very dim view on this time of situation because it knows how disruptive it is to well everyone there. Hell if your mate is serious about saving his marriage the Defence Community Organisation has expert and I mean expert people that can help. Damn even the chaplins are trained in this type of councelling. Yes I know I am ranting but I saw enough careers and families destroyed during my military career to make me very jaded on the whole thing. ANd just to add something, it isn't always the guys total fault, the women in question at his work would know he is married but yet is still willing to sleep with him, Both are as guilty as each other.Sorry sermon over Mooka
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'innerwestfun1' ok well to be honest CourtesanAly has missed the point completely. It is not about what is morally accepted, it is what the "Couple" considers acceptable. If someone wants you to cheat and to cheat on you "in the broadest sense by meaning have a polygamous or open relationship, even though its not cheating" and its agreed between the two then YES it is perfectly fine, there is nothing morally wrong as it is consentual between partners. However its not so much the particular nature of the act that we are saying is wrong (seriously as you point out, nobody here has the right to judge, or anyone period for that matter) more the fact that it is at the expense of someone whom you are supposedly committed to and love! We have no objection at all to couples ways of living their own sexual lives, and would expect nobody to object to our ways of thinking either, however if someone in the relationship is deceived or suffers at the hands of another, then you MUST question wheather there is even a relationship left (if you cant talk what have you got?) or if there is that it possibly shouldn't and maybe wouldn't exist if they were honest with their partner! The post was entitled 'why lie and cheat'. The body of the text related to a individual's friend and his infidelity and said friends discomfort over the subject matter. It was about 'a couple', it was about lying and cheating, it was about how good the beer was (although that wasn't really highlighted I know, lol - it is all about morals at the end of the day..even though that word was not expressly used. Ya know, the stand you are taking about 'cheating and betraying' - whether I agree on ur take or not, it is a 'moral' stand you are making, it's a moral stand I am taking and so is every other person commenting therein, so for you to say I have the wrong end of the stick..mm no..I think it is you who has missed the point. and i quotemoral - 'conforming to the rules of right conduct (opposed to immoral) Dictionary.Com
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RHP User
14 years ago
I agree with mooka completely, it takes two to tango and so its not entirely the males fault (and lets face it, who are the cheat's fucking, the opposite sex so statistically if they look in the same ages bracket they are likely to hook up with people in similar situations). we aren't saying what happens is entirely wrong, seriously were were given hormones and sex orgams for a reason. but xFunlovingx is way off, it is not at all about being ok cause its available to you easily, or being ok cause everyone is entitled to sex! At the end of the day you are in a relationship ITS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!!!! and if it is then you need to look in the mirror and ask yourself why you are still there! If you aren't happy with whatever in your relationship, TALK ABOUT IT! Have normal discussions that all healthy relationship would normally involve, not stay a silent wet fish and wonder why your miserable :( Im not saying be completely brutal, but think about the time you first met and where curious about orgies, or anal, or sex toys for some, at the end of the day you wouldnt say hunny lets have a gang bang, you'd sugar coat it slightly to guage the other reaction whilst not hurting them! But seriously if you can't talk, need to cheat to get off, and basically abuse your partners feelings and emotions then make sure you tell EVERYONE you want to sleep with about it, cause we wouldn't give you the time of day, and anyone who is thinking with anything other than their privates would feel equally horrified if the same happened to them (that's right, who says his wife hasent fucked the whole street while he was away :P). Communication is the key to all lasting relationships, and if you haven't got it then dont expect things to be peaches and cream. You can fuck who you want, sure, but imagine the feelings in reverse if it was your partner doing the dirty on you, and ask yourself if that small conversation is worth getting out of the way, who knows, maybe they feel the same and it will lead to something great for you both !
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RHP User
14 years ago
My mother said that you should never say never!!..I never..hehe...i never understood why she said that...but now i know. You should NEVER say you are going to NEVER do anything...causee...you NEVER know!!..haha Secondly..i agree..with so many people...jinked, wowwow, morticia, nameinuse...to name a few. Its none of our business what people do...and i dont judge either...i do agree that everyone has rights...EVERYONE...and we cant know for sure what the other needs...it is probably a very lonely life when you are cheating...you cant tell anyone... ALL i can say is...there are different reasons as to why...there is no one answer. Sally
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RHP User
14 years ago
I started looking at these sites a while ago because I felt I needed more, I am not a greedy person normally but I started looking. Yes I told my wife about these sites and she was not overly fazed, I talked with her for hours explaining my feelings etc.. Well a couple of years on and lots of window shopping and a couple of regular friends later, I have not changed my outlook. She is neither overly excited or bothered by my fascination with other women / couples, we have a small group or regulars that I play with and sometimes she plays as well, it takes her ages to be trusting of others, we have met a few people who were strange and that put her guard up. Like today, I was chatting to one of my women friends, I was home early, She came over and we jumped into each other in an instant. My wife came home and after seeing me with her joined in. Thing is we talked about this lots of times and she knew I was a total flirt in the beginning so it was not news to her. As long as I tell her before or after she is OK, If I started playing and not telling her that would be wrong.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'screaming_orgasm' Sorry, but those of you who are throwing your arms up in the air and wondering why everyone else can't be as shiny and good as you are kidding yourselves.I've yet to meet any woman who takes the news well that she is a dud in bed, has let herself go, is unattractive, etc. And those are the reasons people cheat. There might be some people who just have no self-control, some who are unaccountably horny all the time, whatever. But the vast majority is that (1) the fulfilment isn't there in the marital relationship, and (2) the reasons why it isn't there are such that communicating them to the spouse would fuck the relationship anyway.And you will find that very few cheating partners - if any - have never expressed frustration with whatever it is in the relationship that is causing them to stray."Oh, but if you're not happy you should just leave," I hear the idiots chorusing. Yes, because divorce is so cheap, so convenient and so painless.You're all banging on that this bloke should be honest and tell his wife he isn't interested in fucking her any more. I think that's insane. He's an idiot for telling anyone - but high-horse Harry over there can take a seat. Walk a mile in the man's shoes before you decide you're better than him.In my personal situation, I don't want to lose my kids. I don't want to hurt my wife. But the fact remains that she has become undesirable - and not overnight - and has always been hard work to fuck. I hear the angry growls of keyboards rattling, telling me it's my fault and I should communicate. Guess what, I've done that. And guess what else, I'm an excellent communicator. It is impossible to be completely open and honest in regard to this without causing permanent damage to the relationship. I defy anyone to adequately communicate all of the following in ANY terms without fucking the relationship and precipitating a divorce. But tell me if you can. I'm all ears. Here's the message:"Honey I've put up with your eating and exercise habits for the last three years, and I just can't stand the sight of you naked any more. You really are in disgusting condition and I wouldn't look twice at you if I'd never met you. What really pisses me off about this is that you're the only person I'm allowed to fuck. You don't seem to care whether or not I enjoy a significant aspect of my life and happiness, you don't seem to agree that the imposition of fidelity also imposes a reciprocal obligation on each of us to provide one other with fulfilment, and seem to think that you're entitled to fidelity no matter how badly you abandon your responsibilities. "Meanwhile, you have no idea what you're doing in bed, even though I've been trying to teach you for the past five years what teenagers manage to learn all by themselves. I appreciate that you never had an orgasm before we met and that you're starting from behind the pack. But still, I'm all out of patience. It's not sexy when you try to turn sex into a joke when I try to start something other than the boring routine you seem unable to think past, your husband touching you is not something to giggle about and pull faces like a village idiot, and as a mature adult I really get frustrated that I have an apparent adolescent in bed with me. For fuck's sake. I am no longer fulfilled by having to hold your hand and teach you everything, and I think 5 years is long enough to hope that eventually you'll stop needing training wheels."By the way, I liked that you asked your friends for advice on blowjobs. But take it from a heterosexual man that he doesn't want to hear that he's getting his wife's gay friend's best tips. It takes the polish off, somewhat. Why the fuck did you tell me that?"Every single one of your friends is vastly better-looking than you. Several of them could be sportsmodels. Aren't they any kind of inspiration to you? You're on their netball team. Why the fuck are you so fat and frumpy, then? Many of their husbands are outright arseholes, and not a single one of them is as hands-on a Dad as I am. You constantly have family members and friends telling you how lucky you are. Do you think eventually you might stop to think that I could get a better deal than I have here? Or at least step up and be a *good* partner, rather than the bare fucking minimum?"The only reason I don't fuck off right now is that your shithouse cooking and tendency to prepare Yank cafeteria-style junk would doom my kids to malnutrition, and that's if your suicidal driving didn't kill them off before scurvy did. And I'm entitled to want to live with my kids - remember, I'm a good Dad, it's the most important thing in the world to me - so given you've entirely abandoned any pretence of providing me with the fulfilment a life-long, monogamous partner should be reasonably expected to provide, I'm going to find it elsewhere."Fathers have no rights, and it is fundamentally unjust that I will lose my children to you simply because you're too fat, stupid and useless to want to continue staying faithful to. So I'm going to fuck whoever I want and at least reclaim that aspect of my happiness. You've lost your entitlement to my fidelity, and I don't even feel guilty about feeling that way any more."Try telling someone that message. Good luck.Try telling me I'm wrong and that I should leave. Save your breath.you're wrong and should leave. its what a 'man' would do. if you love your kids, leave. if you are afraid for them, fight for them, but leave. stop making excuses to stay, and find reasons to leave. leaving requires strength, courage, commitment, resilience, character and the ability to set a goal and the determination to drive yourself til you reach it. staying only requires fear. and hey, don't think others haven't walked in your shoes already, its the same old sad story that's been rewritten thousands of ways.........
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RHP User
14 years ago
I was just wondering why people deliberatly take the piss out of somebody else over and over again forthat persons beliefe with crap like quote and another quote after there quote if you search above you will see what im on about it seems like chidish bullshit to me, wake up people. We are not on this site to talk about the latest episode of home and away or something FFS. Stop acting like we are.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'mooka' First question: Never having been in the swinging scene when married, I am curious to know if all couples survive the experience. Has anyone heard of a couple into the scene where one of the members of the couple find someone they prefer to be permanently with? Just curious about the whole thing.Second question and this is directed at the OP: You said your mate, who is now getting a bit on the side is in the military right. Well if he is, he is well and truely screwed if he is fucking a person in the same work environment. He will get caught out, and it will turn bad. For starters, if he wrongs the woman at work, and he is senior in rank to her, all she has to do is say he used his rank to get her into bed. Simple and it works, and he will be out of a career. The military takes a very dim view on this time of situation because it knows how disruptive it is to well everyone there. Hell if your mate is serious about saving his marriage the Defence Community Organisation has expert and I mean expert people that can help. Damn even the chaplins are trained in this type of councelling. Yes I know I am ranting but I saw enough careers and families destroyed during my military career to make me very jaded on the whole thing. ANd just to add something, it isn't always the guys total fault, the women in question at his work would know he is married but yet is still willing to sleep with him, Both are as guilty as each other.Sorry sermon over Mooka Mooka, i can give you a list as long as my arm of couples who have ventured into the swinging world and not survived. Why?, because many unfortunately see it as a way to fix a broken relationship, and for that reason,it cannot and does not work. On the other hand, many couples, both on RHp and other sites, have one of them at some point, cheating on their partners.I have personally seen it many times.Some that would totally shock you.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'screaming_orgasm'Sorry, but those of you who are throwing your arms up in the air and wondering why everyone else can't be as shiny and good as you are kidding yourselves.I've yet to meet any woman who takes the news well that she is a dud in bed, has let herself go, is unattractive, etc. And those are the reasons people cheat. There might be some people who just have no self-control, some who are unaccountably horny all the time, whatever. But the vast majority is that (1) the fulfilment isn't there in the marital relationship, and (2) the reasons why it isn't there are such that communicating them to the spouse would fuck the relationship anyway.And you will find that very few cheating partners - if any - have never expressed frustration with whatever it is in the relationship that is causing them to stray."Oh, but if you're not happy you should just leave," I hear the idiots chorusing. Yes, because divorce is so cheap, so convenient and so painless.You're all banging on that this bloke should be honest and tell his wife he isn't interested in fucking her any more. I think that's insane. He's an idiot for telling anyone - but high-horse Harry over there can take a seat. Walk a mile in the man's shoes before you decide you're better than him.In my personal situation, I don't want to lose my kids. I don't want to hurt my wife. But the fact remains that she has become undesirable - and not overnight - and has always been hard work to fuck. I hear the angry growls of keyboards rattling, telling me it's my fault and I should communicate. Guess what, I've done that. And guess what else, I'm an excellent communicator. It is impossible to be completely open and honest in regard to this without causing permanent damage to the relationship. I defy anyone to adequately communicate all of the following in ANY terms without fucking the relationship and precipitating a divorce. But tell me if you can. I'm all ears. Here's the message:"Honey I've put up with your eating and exercise habits for the last three years, and I just can't stand the sight of you naked any more. You really are in disgusting condition and I wouldn't look twice at you if I'd never met you. What really pisses me off about this is that you're the only person I'm allowed to fuck. You don't seem to care whether or not I enjoy a significant aspect of my life and happiness, you don't seem to agree that the imposition of fidelity also imposes a reciprocal obligation on each of us to provide one other with fulfilment, and seem to think that you're entitled to fidelity no matter how badly you abandon your responsibilities. "Meanwhile, you have no idea what you're doing in bed, even though I've been trying to teach you for the past five years what teenagers manage to learn all by themselves. I appreciate that you never had an orgasm before we met and that you're starting from behind the pack. But still, I'm all out of patience. It's not sexy when you try to turn sex into a joke when I try to start something other than the boring routine you seem unable to think past, your husband touching you is not something to giggle about and pull faces like a village idiot, and as a mature adult I really get frustrated that I have an apparent adolescent in bed with me. For fuck's sake. I am no longer fulfilled by having to hold your hand and teach you everything, and I think 5 years is long enough to hope that eventually you'll stop needing training wheels."By the way, I liked that you asked your friends for advice on blowjobs. But take it from a heterosexual man that he doesn't want to hear that he's getting his wife's gay friend's best tips. It takes the polish off, somewhat. Why the fuck did you tell me that?"Every single one of your friends is vastly better-looking than you. Several of them could be sportsmodels. Aren't they any kind of inspiration to you? You're on their netball team. Why the fuck are you so fat and frumpy, then? Many of their husbands are outright arseholes, and not a single one of them is as hands-on a Dad as I am. You constantly have family members and friends telling you how lucky you are. Do you think eventually you might stop to think that I could get a better deal than I have here? Or at least step up and be a *good* partner, rather than the bare fucking minimum?"The only reason I don't fuck off right now is that your shithouse cooking and tendency to prepare Yank cafeteria-style junk would doom my kids to malnutrition, and that's if your suicidal driving didn't kill them off before scurvy did. And I'm entitled to want to live with my kids - remember, I'm a good Dad, it's the most important thing in the world to me - so given you've entirely abandoned any pretence of providing me with the fulfilment a life-long, monogamous partner should be reasonably expected to provide, I'm going to find it elsewhere."Fathers have no rights, and it is fundamentally unjust that I will lose my children to you simply because you're too fat, stupid and useless to want to continue staying faithful to. So I'm going to fuck whoever I want and at least reclaim that aspect of my happiness. You've lost your entitlement to my fidelity, and I don't even feel guilty about feeling that way any more."Try telling someone that message. Good luck.Try telling me I'm wrong and that I should leave. Save your breath. Screaming_orgasm, Your comment really hit home. I can totally see where you are coimng from, but i have this to say. Firstly, I am not judging you or your actions in anyway, just wanting to put a different perspective on it. No doubt, it would be very difficult, almost impossible to say those things to your partner. Why?, because if noting else it would hurt them. But , and i can tell you from personal experience, NOTHING, would hurt them more than to discover you are cheating on them.The pain, anger, disbelief, and total emotional destruction of discovering you partner is cheating on you, is, as many experts say, worse than that feeling of a loved one dying. It is not heartbreak, as the pain is not in your heart, its in your stomach. This never ending knot, pain that just sits there for day after day, days that are an emotional blur.Pain that is undescribable, and only understood by those on the recieving end. Many take years to recover, and some never do. Have a read of some of the stories, written by those on the receiving end of infidelity. Its heartbraking. Then there is the pain that your children go through, the often forgotten ones, the innocent victims.The ones who go to sleep, having hugged Mum and Dad goodnite, and wakeup to find that Dad(or mum) is gone. The first email, and phone call i received from my son after my marriage breakup, still makes me shudder...... Tell your wife what you have to. Tell her as you have told us.Give her the opportunity to rectify the situation. It may hurt her to hear it, but it wont hurt near as much as when she discovers what you are doing. You may be surprised. She might well respond positively, she might start taking care of herslef, be more attentive in bed. If she makes no effort, and the marriage does end, at the very least you can look back and say to yourself"I tried EVERYHTING i could". You wont ever look back and think"WHAT IF" At the end of the day, the potential positive outcomes, are well worth it. At the very least, your children deserve it. Good luck with it mate, and let me tell you, Seperation, is not something to look forward to. Cheers
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RHP User
14 years ago
Hi, We believe there are a large number of great comments and ideas suggested. Simply...........It takes a lot more to be honest and work together on improving the relationship than letting it fall. We can all walk away but most don't when they should. Give your partner/husband,wife/lover the support and confidence to leave you if you are not strong enough! B & C
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RHP User
14 years ago
If I'm reading your post right, you're in a relationship you don't want to be in, and using that as a reason to cheat. You say you don't want to lose your kids, you don't want to hurt your wife, and that divorce is not an easy process. To add a slightly different perspective, I put up with 13 years of crap from my ex - sure there were good times too, but I digress - with the end result being that we are now in the process of divorcing. Yes, it's been hard, stressful, whatever, and will continue to be so for a while yet, but at the end of the day, it is the right thing to do. I, too, have kids - 3 of them - and I have been fighting for them since we split (almost 18 months now..) They live with me because I took them out of a situation that I felt was unacceptable. Ultimately, it cost me a bloody good job, and I have no life, but I would do it again in a second. I am now in a position where I am fighting to take my kids back to Melbourne, where we come from, not to take the kids away from their mother, but to give them the best possible life I can, and hopefully better my own. If the situation is so bad - and just by the way you've written your post, it sure looks that way - that you don't want to leave your kids - suicidal driving, malnutrition (hope you're exaggerating!!) - then it is no longer about you and your needs, but about your kids and what's best for them. Getting back to the topic at hand, if your wife found out about your cheating, what would that do to the relationship? How would that affect the kids? Believe me, I stuck around for so long with my ex, knowing what was going on, because I felt that it was best for the kids.....it wasn't.
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RHP User
14 years ago
The people who have responded saying they would rather go without sex for the rest of thier lives than hurt the one they love. Just as well it is not being put to the test isnt it? The first three years are okay but after that the craving for another human's touch over rides all else. They desire to eat, the ability to sleep, all is nothing compared to the desire for comfort in another persons arms. Try going sleepless for a month or two because you do not have that touch. She / he is there beside you but you cannot touch.....you will give in.....after all......... you are only human too.
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RHP User
14 years ago
maybe strength of character has something to do with it, or depth of love and commitment. what about affection without sex? in my experience its very easy to hold the one you love tenderly and lovingly without it being about sex. being comforted in someones arms is exactly that, being comforted. there's no test at all. some manage it quite well, others just don't get it.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'rcflyer69' If I'm reading your post right, you're in a relationship you don't want to be in, and using that as a reason to cheat. You say you don't want to lose your kids, you don't want to hurt your wife, and that divorce is not an easy process. To add a slightly different perspective, I put up with 13 years of crap from my ex - sure there were good times too, but I digress - with the end result being that we are now in the process of divorcing. Yes, it's been hard, stressful, whatever, and will continue to be so for a while yet, but at the end of the day, it is the right thing to do. I, too, have kids - 3 of them - and I have been fighting for them since we split (almost 18 months now..) They live with me because I took them out of a situation that I felt was unacceptable. Ultimately, it cost me a bloody good job, and I have no life, but I would do it again in a second. I am now in a position where I am fighting to take my kids back to Melbourne, where we come from, not to take the kids away from their mother, but to give them the best possible life I can, and hopefully better my own. If the situation is so bad - and just by the way you've written your post, it sure looks that way - that you don't want to leave your kids - suicidal driving, malnutrition (hope you're exaggerating!!) - then it is no longer about you and your needs, but about your kids and what's best for them. Getting back to the topic at hand, if your wife found out about your cheating, what would that do to the relationship? How would that affect the kids? Believe me, I stuck around for so long with my ex, knowing what was going on, because I felt that it was best for the kids.....it wasn't. well said and yes i agree. your story is not unfamiliar. my separation and divorce was a nightmare and to 'win' an equal arrangement through the family courts is very demanding, expensive and almost soul destroying. my 'win' cost me many tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees, but in the end my life and my childrens lives have been much much happier and fulfilling. the bonus is and was being able to be in control of my own finances and have an equal share of time with my kids.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'mooka' First question: Never having been in the swinging scene when married, I am curious to know if all couples survive the experience. Has anyone heard of a couple into the scene where one of the members of the couple find someone they prefer to be permanently with? Just curious about the whole thing.Sorry sermon over Mooka I believe you are right, some of the books we have on swinging warn about this , but have not seen it first hand. The authors suggest if a couple goes out and looks for that exclusive special couple and no one else it has a 80% chance of failure which they have witnessed impacting of the marrages concerned, which worries me when some suggestions on here for safe sex = an exclusive arrangement of two couples. The safety net to stop this, is the basic idea of swinging we do it for variety of having sex with others not to build life long friendships. Thats why we take the attitude we are ethical sluts with standards. We both have called off seeing couples when we see then too often its a if warning bells are going off. We believe the norm in the lifestyle is to swing every 4-12 weeks and not play with the same couple more than twice in one year. We honestly believe when we swing our communication levels are excellent we can talk about anything, where if a partner is cheating or thinking about cheating not a lot of communication will be going on. And why should we cheat when we allready have the variety and who better to play the game with than your spouse? Hopefully some other swingers might come on and put thoughts on what you have raised, its worthy of another thread. The two most important things is our the primary relationship and variety. This is a adventure or game married husband and wife play together its fun.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'screaming_orgasm' Sorry, but those of you who are throwing your arms up in the air and wondering why everyone else can't be as shiny and good as you are kidding yourselves.I've yet to meet any woman who takes the news well that she is a dud in bed, has let herself go, is unattractive, etc. And those are the reasons people cheat. There might be some people who just have no self-control, some who are unaccountably horny all the time, whatever. But the vast majority is that (1) the fulfilment isn't there in the marital relationship, and (2) the reasons why it isn't there are such that communicating them to the spouse would fuck the relationship anyway. There's another reason that a lot of people cheat, but you've got to ask yourself a really tough question to know whether you fit that category. I didn't cheat because the woman that I was interested in was committed to someone else, but in hindsight, I definitely fit this description.You cheat because you want out of the marriage, but don't have the balls to bring it to a head. Go back and read your two points and think about whether you might be suffering from this. Part of you wants to get caught, as it would be easier for her to freak out and have an excuse to end it than for you to deal with her another way. You're willing to wear the blame if it means freedom - anything to get out. You can't stand the thought of living with her, but you're wracked with guilt about the kids and you're frozen. The only thing you can think of is something big and drastic - it may be stupid, but you're pretty sure it will be quick and effective. Besides, your ego has taken a shit-kicking lately and you really need a win...None of this was obvious to me until I'd left my marriage and had some time to step back and have a proper look. The complexity and my inability to recognise it for a long time is one of the reasons that I've mostly stayed out of this thread - I think too many people are looking for too simple an answer one way or the other.We do cheat and we always will... for lots of different reasons. It's all part of how we choose to muddle our ways through life.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'mikeandshel'maybe strength of character has something to do with it, or depth of love and commitment. what about affection without sex? in my experience its very easy to hold the one you love tenderly and lovingly without it being about sex. being comforted in someones arms is exactly that, being comforted. there's no test at all. some manage it quite well, others just don't get it. To hypothesize but the bare facts are........this has not been asked of you and until it is.........dont say what you would do as you realy have no idea of what it is that you will do at the time. All you can say is what you would like to think your actions would be.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee' Quoting 'mikeandshel'maybe strength of character has something to do with it, or depth of love and commitment. what about affection without sex? in my experience its very easy to hold the one you love tenderly and lovingly without it being about sex. being comforted in someones arms is exactly that, being comforted. there's no test at all. some manage it quite well, others just don't get it. To hypothesize but the bare facts are........this has not been asked of you and until it is.........dont say what you would do as you realy have no idea of what it is that you will do at the time. All you can say is what you would like to think your actions would be. there is no hypothesis here. I speak from experience, and yes have absolute knowledge of what my actions were. having been there and done. I dont need to walk an imaginary mile in anyone elses shoes, as I've trudged the whole damned journey on my own. pull your indignation back in an stop making assumptions on what other people lives have been like. I don't add my little bit just to have a say, its added to share an actual, living breathing, real life experience. My wife Michelle is not my first. i have what you would call 'baggage' that's not even a little pleasant to remember and discuss.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'screaming_orgasm' I guess the answer is to be very thorough and follow some fundamental rules. Love it, "A Guide for a married man to cheat successfully" Will certainly keep your rules in mind . Thankyou!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee' Quoting 'mikeandshel'maybe strength of character has something to do with it, or depth of love and commitment. what about affection without sex? in my experience its very easy to hold the one you love tenderly and lovingly without it being about sex. being comforted in someones arms is exactly that, being comforted. there's no test at all. some manage it quite well, others just don't get it. To hypothesize but the bare facts are........this has not been asked of you and until it is.........dont say what you would do as you realy have no idea of what it is that you will do at the time. All you can say is what you would like to think your actions would be. Quoting 'mikeandshel' Quoting 'fionabee' Quoting 'mikeandshel'maybe strength of character has something to do with it, or depth of love and commitment. what about affection without sex? in my experience its very easy to hold the one you love tenderly and lovingly without it being about sex. being comforted in someones arms is exactly that, being comforted. there's no test at all. some manage it quite well, others just don't get it. To hypothesize but the bare facts are........this has not been asked of you and until it is.........dont say what you would do as you realy have no idea of what it is that you will do at the time. All you can say is what you would like to think your actions would be. there is no hypothesis here. I speak from experience, and yes have absolute knowledge of what my actions were. having been there and done. I dont need to walk an imaginary mile in anyone elses shoes, as I've trudged the whole damned journey on my own. pull your indignation back in an stop making assumptions on what other people lives have been like. I don't add my little bit just to have a say, its added to share an actual, living breathing, real life experience. My wife Michelle is not my first. i have what you would call 'baggage' that's not even a little pleasant to remember and discuss.Not feeling any indignation at al. Maybe you fel a little superior...like the ex smoker...I did so why cant he?
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'screaming_orgasm' Quoting 'mikeandshel' Try telling me I'm wrong and that I should leave. Save your breath.you're wrong and should leave. its what a 'man' would do. if you love your kids, leave. if you are afraid for them, fight for them, but leave. stop making excuses to stay, and find reasons to leave. leaving requires strength, courage, commitment, resilience, character and the ability to set a goal and the determination to drive yourself til you reach it. staying only requires fear. and hey, don't think others haven't walked in your shoes already, its the same old sad story that's been rewritten thousands of ways......... You missed the "save your breath" bit. The ordeal of fighting to even have my kids stay with me is a painful and massive load of bullshit. I have a choice between:1 - cheating on a spouse who has abandoned her "responsibility" to give me fulfilment2 - Putting myself, my kids through enormous stress, pain, anguish, and financially ruining myself for lifeWhat does option 2 get me that option 1 doesn't? Freedom? If I'm fucking who I like, am I not free?Do you think I owe it to my spouse to fuck myself over for the next several decades?You think that's what a "man" would do? It's what an idiot would do. no its not. but hey you don't need our help. stay where you are and be miserable, but keep it to yourself though OK? you obviously have all the solutions. those of us who have already been through the wringer have no idea of what we speak about....just know though, that its your wife and children we feel sorry for. they deserve better.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting "fionabee'Not feeling any indignation at al. Maybe you fel a little superior...like the ex smoker...I did so why cant he? superior? how did you get that? did you again read something I didn't write? its not me that comes across all superior and opinionated luvvie. lol you crack me up .
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RHP User
14 years ago
Sorry Mikeandshel, but the concept of a pair of swingers gobbing off to people about fidelity and riding around on a moral high horse is just so breathtakingly hypocritical and arrogant I am not sure whether to laugh or cry.You realise that 99% of the population wuld call you guys 'cheaters' right?No amount of handwaving away 'oh but we know so it's ok' would really convince the average punter.If people want to cheat, then thats their bag... go ahead. They have their reasons.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Well this thread has got a little emotive and angry hasn't it!I think we can all agree on two facts:1. Those that cheat will always have an excuse, they can always justify it to themselves and they truely think no one is being hurt. They don't think of any consequences of their actions.2. Those who don't cheat can't understand why someone would. To them it is incomprehensible and will always end in sorrow and pain (both emotional and financial pain)!Mooka
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