M46
"Discretion": Is it code for cheating?
September 24 2017
Comments
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The_Antichrist
7 years ago
It's both.... But it's up to you to determine which one is relevant in each situation.... - Posted from rhpmobile
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MrPlayful
7 years ago
Either. And probably fair to say there's plenty of each.
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inspirit
7 years ago
Either. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
...I've often thought of it as one those ''throw away'' lines that is often over-used in profiles. Could be that some is a relative high profiler in a smaller community? Could be that someone doesn't want their name/how they met bantered around the water cooler? Could be that you don't want to be with someone who absolutely screams out ''Holy Mother of Jearzus I'm coming again'' and wakes up everyone three floors down at the Grand Hyatt? *shrugs*....I don't kiss and tell so that must mean I'm discrete? Best...... CM
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raisintoast
7 years ago
Discretion is a must for my wife and I. Definitely no cheating here. We are protecting our family from pointy fingers in a small community. - Posted from rhpmobile
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DynamicCouple36
7 years ago
If we were to use it, it would be about privacy and not " talking out of the bedroom", and keeping names, identities and other personal & private details, confidential at all times. For us, at this moment in time, cheating does not feature, nor will we ever want to be complicit to it. - Posted from rhpmobile
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FredAndGinger2
7 years ago
I assume your question is only to the singles. There are many reasons for a swinging couple wanting discretion.. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
I am open about my life, so there's no panic about people finding out. Zero concern about that. What I do care about is privacy. Just because someone has been with you, doesn't give them the right to, as CM said, gossip around the water cooler. I have unfortunately encountered one or two low lifes who even passed my name on to others. Crossing a major line as far as I'm concerned. Who wants to meet someone who is likely to gossip or associated with people who do. I avoid them like the plague. Experiences and buddies can be discussed with others, detail is fine, so long as that detail doesn't include my real name or my user name/handle, along with pictures being kept private. Our faces certainly should never be shown but other pictures that might identify us, no. There are unfortunately men who like to brag, the locker room talk. I protect myself somewhat from gossip by avoiding clubs and parties, and the social element. Popular choice or not, it's my life, I like being free to enjoy this without my life being everyone's business. I'm not paranoid about it, it has happened, but if I find out, I spit chips 😉
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RHP User
7 years ago
I get challenged for displaying my face on here, that is my choice because I don't care who knows I'm doing this, re RL people, still doesn't connect me to anyone unless I choose to show them on my friends list, and that rarely happens anyway unless I trust them
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RHP User
7 years ago
Oh dear, please do tell. Why is it couples have many reasons to require discretion, over singles that is? Fascinating. I find you fascinating as fuck 😯
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RHP User
7 years ago
Not too long ago titled something along the lines of " we are professionals discretion is a must" if you can find it it's probably worth a read - Posted from rhpmobile
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Seachange
7 years ago
Depending on their circumstances. I always assume people need and want their privacy and in no way will violate it by inviting myself into their space and worse make their identity know to public if they do not instigate it. Lots of people who display their face pics on here are not concerned about about privacy and that is their prerogative. I still will not publish their details to all and sundry as that just over steps the line and makes them vulnerable to unwanted scrutiny and abuse. Respect their space even if we may not get along for any reason. doing so just can negativity affect their lives. That is all about one having control over the others, isn't it. I made a mistake early on here trusting some people which I early on thought were 'friends' with my pics and number. I'm sure info dug up on me and some info dispersed. That's more telling on the people who did it and complicit to the act. Nothing I can do now but learn from these 'friends' and now cautious. I was naive then.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting 'some87sheila' Not too long ago titled something along the lines of " we are professionals discretion is a must" if you can find it it's probably worth a read - Posted from rhpmobile ..you beat me to the punchline.I was going to say that "Discretion" is code for "We're Professionals.."
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RHP User
7 years ago
Op, this was your question "When people talk about needing to be "discreet" in their profiles, does that mean that they have a partner whom they're cheating on? Or can it just mean that they prefer to keep the swinging aspect of their life private?" Why would you assume, and you're not on your own it seems 😉 but why would you assume it's one of these reasons. So I offer and require discretion, where does that place me? I'm single so not cheating, even when I'm not single, I'll play with whoever I want, whenever I damn well want, so will my partner, so the 'cheating' issue and the knicker twisting furor it causes, makes me lol That leaves not wanting to be found out re lifestyle, that bird has already flown 😊 What I find really interesting is those who agree, make the same assumption/judgement, but why? Worse, Fred is suggesting if you're a single, you'll be gossiped about or offered less discretion because apparently you don't need it? Seriously hope you don't find yourself single soon there Fred 😉 your wife deserves a standing ovation Fascinating 😯
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RHP User
7 years ago
That's it, you're a genius. Options or reasons discretion is required are: A. You're cheating B. Hiding your lifestyle 😎 C. You're a professional 😜
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The_Antichrist
7 years ago
I didn't read Fredandgingers post to be elevating couples over singles.... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
I'm just being funny, that's all..
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RHP User
7 years ago
Well that makes one of us 😉
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RHP User
7 years ago
Care to enlighten me? 💡
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AnnieWhichway
7 years ago
OP was discretion on profiles in general, single, married, attached, open, Poly, trans......... Why did Fred split from the herd......?
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RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting 'AnnieWhichway' OP was discretion on profiles in general, single, married, attached, open, Poly, trans......... Why did Fred split from the herd......? I guess in general. Like if it's code which means "discreet affair" in swinging culture. But when I think about it, it's obvious that it'll be very context dependent.... In polyamorous culture, discretion is almost a dirty word, just for how much it tends to be code for cheating. As in, "I'm poly but my wife doesn't know, so we have to be discreet". People don't even use it much any more for how tainted it is. It's more common now to talk about "not being out", or "being in the poly closet", or something along those lines, and avoid the word discretion altogether. But yeah, I guess over here the meaning is a bit more context dependent. I guess I was just checking if it's code or not, since I'm pretty new to the scene.
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3someparties
7 years ago
But I think in most couples cases discretion is required for obvious reasons and most are hiding the lifestyle from other people in their lives. Most singles I know don't require such discretion and talk openly about being on RHP, POF, Tinder (insert various oither apps/sites in here). Another reason could be if they have children (singles and couples) and wish to keep their sex lives private. But I personally know a number of men and women who use "discretion" as code for "I have a partner who doesn't know". Best way to avoid being involved with someone who uses this code is to simply ask.
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RHP User
7 years ago
So was I, trying to be funny, the emphasis on 'trying' 😉
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The_Antichrist
7 years ago
I don't see where it's confusing.... All Freddy and ginger has said is that there are plenty of reasons why couples would want discretion.... Given it's a couples profile then I think it's a pretty benign comment....and to be honest I'm sure there are plenty of reasons why people, including couples, would ask for it.... You and I don't seem too fussed about if people know what we are involved in, yet I also wouldn't like someone to kiss and tell...but other couples/people/groups might care.... That's hardly anyone else's business as to why they see discretion is important to them.... - Posted from rhpmobile
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MrPlayful
7 years ago
Not sure why singles would not necessarily desire any less discretion than a couple. Some want it, others don't care as much. Doesn't matter if you're single or attached in some way, it's whether you care about what general society, family, friends, work colleagues, or nosy neighbours think.
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AnnieWhichway
7 years ago
What a single bi guy/woman may want less discretion than a couple? So it's socially less acceptable to engage in heterosexual activities than same sex activities? I wish.... There are some people here are so full of themselves and their self importance..
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The_Antichrist
7 years ago
Who are you addressing ? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting 'the_antichrist' All Freddy and ginger has said is that there are plenty of reasons why couples would want discretion.... There are plenty of reasons why single people might want discretion, and that should be obvious to most. It's the, shall we say, underlying tone / meaning behind FredandGinger's comment that indicates that it's not just an innocent observation. Plus that that profile has a history of expressing, shall we say, a certain level of disdain for single people (you might have missed previous comments that were made before you returned / were resurrected ;-) )
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RHP User
7 years ago
Annie yes wtf difference does it make what our status is. The_antichrist - firstly I couldn't give a crap about what they personally require, that's their business, but that wasn't what they said. They stated they expressed couples need more discretion, same same whatever, and to others who have said many reasons or more reasons a couple would want discretion, it makes no sense and to me, offends me that anyone would think that way. Discretion is respect, and should automatically and unconditionally be given to each individual, regardless of whether one individual happens to be in a couple with another individual. Seriously, how hard is that to understand? Okay, so let's break it down. Couples might want discretion because> kids, family, friends, jobs, jealous randoms in RL lol who can cause you problems, yep that's not uncommon, plain old watercooler gossip, the list goes on Singles might want discretion because> kids, family, friends, jobs, jealous randoms in RL lol who can cause you problems, yep that's not uncommon, plain old watercooler gossip, the list goes on So the difference is????? 🐒
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RHP User
7 years ago
yes a bi single needs less discretion than a straight couple? haha Is there a ranking scale somewhere? Maybe near the richter scale for sex? 😛 Just offensive and a red flag
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RHP User
7 years ago
A couple is simply two individuals placed together, all individuals have a right to discretion, according to their own needs. And I respect those individual needs 😃
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The_Antichrist
7 years ago
I see.... - Posted from rhpmobile
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AnnieWhichway
7 years ago
Were aimed at FredandGinger and to anyone that shares that view. Which puts Antichrist amongst it. Myself being a bi trans, I would therefore require no discretion that might prevent any friends and family from discovering my lifestyle. As long as FredandGinger can fuck in secrecy, we should all be 😊
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MrPlayful
7 years ago
👍👌😉
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The_Antichrist
7 years ago
Just typical girly stuff to me.... I still don't get why your knickers are twisted up.... Touchy has confirmed that couples could want discretion for a variety of reasons which was the statement made..... And it seems that because they didn't mention every gender permutation and relation dynamic whilst making their statement, annie feels as though that they've said everyone else outside hetro-sexual couples aren't deserving of the same discretion.... Which again wasn't the statement made.....but I'm happy as a pig in shit that I was never blessed with an ability to have the vision they do.....saves me a lot of need for ulcer medication :) Lol - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting 'some87sheila' Not too long ago titled something along the lines of " we are professionals discretion is a must" if you can find it it's probably worth a read - Posted from rhpmobile In the other thread on this topic, I drew attention to an article in 'Wired' which made reference to work by Prof. Vladen Joler (amongst others). There is a vast amount of information available to inform debate. In light of certain facts, you might consider appeals for 'discretion' (whilst not unreasonable) are now entirely unrealistic. It's highly likely your horse has already bolted...
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bonefide
7 years ago
Yes can see who they won't when they won't. Discretion can be from being shy, shouldn't ready a book by its cover but allow people to be people and thinking outside the box don't get rapt around the axles over different peoples version or interpretation of a word phase or description unless u have communicated with them.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting you "Touchy has confirmed that couples could want discretion for a variety of reasons which was the statement made..... " Hahaha that's not what I said at all 😂😂 Nice try 😉 what I actually said was all individuals should automatically get discretion and that a couple was simply two individuals placed together?? So don't make it up as you go along. Care to explain to the readers at home, more so the singles, why they should be offered less discretion? You keep skirting around that but it's that simple really
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RHP User
7 years ago
👍👌😉
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RHP User
7 years ago
I only just saw your comment. I would have replied at the time had I seen it. But let me be VERY clear. I have had some shitty assholes break trust, and no, not guys I've met, not the hot young things, before anyone wants to throw that at me. Never had a problem with them, more the weak of the litter, the ones I might offer to help or whatever. They are the ones I always end up regretting contacting and no longer do. One fat guy from the forum who I offered support and friendship decide to use our association as bragging rights?? Even though it was only by text. Comes out because questions get asked (point at which smoke comes out of ears). Also associates with a certain local group, you get the picture? I offered him empathy, support and friendship and he threw it back in my face. Angry doesn't even begin to describe my reaction. I would NEVER do that to anyone. Would you? Would Fred? That is like a ticking time bomb. At any point, a person's life could be damaged/hurt/turned upside down, just because someone couldn't keep their trap shut, men do love locker room talk, women gossip too hell yes, but I would urge everyone to leave out personal detail. But because I'm not married it doesn't matter? wtf
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RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting 'the_antichrist' I see.... Your last comment would indicate that you don't. P.S. that belief that stress causes stomach ulcers has been debunked
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RHP User
7 years ago
I have had long standing assiciations with guys I suspected were attached/married, they never told me, I never asked, they trust me 100% and I trust them, regardless of my status or theirs or personal opinions about cheating. How we choose to engage, who we choose to engage with, or status, all makes zero difference when we're talking about discretion. It just should be given, no exceptions. They know I will never reveal their identity. It will go to the grave with me. THAT is discretion
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RHP User
7 years ago
It's code for none of my colleagues business what I do in my life in my private life. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
YES!!! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
I'm still trying to get my head around the "ethical monogamy" statement.. Oxymoron much.
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justlook2500
7 years ago
Generally in my experiences, the need for discretion by people (both by couples and singles) has been to avoid other people in their lives finding out. Also it generally isn't because the people are ashamed/embarrassed to be on here or in the swinging scene. Usually it is because of family/work reasons. Unfortunately not everyone is as open minded or accepting and some people will use the information of others being on here in a bad way. I think a few people in posts above mentioned things similar to this.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Let's say you see me in the market with my mother, you arent going to come up and say "oh hey, elle, loved jizzing on your face during that gang bang the other night. Lets do it again soon" 😂 Let's say we bump into each other at a conference (on the off chance) and work friend asks how you know me, you arent going to say "oh yeah, I know her from a swingers club". . Discretion is just not kissing and telling. Every decent human being should practice discretion especially when it comes to sexual escapades. - Posted from rhpmobile
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swingalingson
7 years ago
To see naked chickens. Hmmm... to be discreet.. Could it mean please be discreet and not tell everyone at work they are swingers. If they live in an apartment building. Are you discreet or Do you get on the intercom and ask everyfloor which floor is the gang bang happening. Could that mean be discreet to respect others for doing what some folks do. At the casino, would you walk up to a group of people that you do not know and tell them what you did last summer? If a mother has kids, ask you to come over for a play after they go to sleep, would you wake the kids up and say.. hey kids when you go to sleep your mother and I are going to have a play. Or better yet say...kids your dad and I will roast your mum. Best for the kids not to know, have respect for both parties and be discreet. Discreet seems to have a negative stereo type on here.
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FredAndGinger2
7 years ago
My statements were simple personal preferences for meeting couples only and that we require discretion for reasons such as family, religious and employment reasons. Many other genuine couples we meet have similar requirements. Any comment from any individual that suggests 'disdain' is their personal view and not mine. Please refrain from further personal attacks on our character. Your attacks are not warranted and do not comply to RHP forum rules.
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RHP User
7 years ago
And I want discretion. I dont want my family, friends or colleagues knowing I am on sex sites. That is my business. People in the world judge women who like sex so that is why I need dicretion. Have fun everyone😁 - Posted from rhpmobile
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markgreggson
7 years ago
Can be interpreted in many ways and used both ways I am sure. For me discretion is respect that most people aren't wanting to announce to the non understanding majority population of their private lives. As for determining whether it is hiding unknowing partners a little intelligent conversation and intuition will soon bring light to the truth. Unless it's a one off spontaneous experience and in that case I feel most aren't really that concerned anyway.
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The_Antichrist
7 years ago
Was “There are many reasons for a swinging couple wanting discretion..” Had the comment been something like :- “Unlike other people, there are many reasons for a swinging couple wanting discretion..”. Then I would agree that there’s a separation and a very clear implication... But it’s not....It’s quite clearly polarised from a couples perspective....there was no gender or singles bias associated to suggest any one deserved less discretion.... But I should honestly invite you and Annie up for the weekend to help me juice a bag of oranges, cos you two could extract blood out of a stone with what you’ve extracted out such a benign comment....
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The_Antichrist
7 years ago
I do see....really I do....I get that there’s obvious history with their postings that I’ve obviously not read.....but to a anyone who doesn’t or hasn’t read their previous postings won’t see where the history is in that comment...cos it’s not obvious at all to me...
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RHP User
7 years ago
Im single never married nor any kids but still add to my profile as I like my privacy and respect others so no telling tales out of school. Some women and guys dont want to be found out by their GF's or mates that they use such a site , are very reserved or even possibly find it a little risque ( meaning a turn on ) .I dare say alot of people are also up to mischief from others halfs too so its not plausible to read to much into it. - Posted from rhpmobile
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The_Antichrist
7 years ago
That if we use history as a means to extract malice in comments, imagine what could be attributed to me?? And.... Given the overtly sexual postings of touchy in the past, could we not be forgiven in assuming discretion really isn’t much of an importance to her given that people don’t need to be a member to read about said escapades??? Rhetorical question....of course we can’t assume that, so then how can we assume about Freddy boy in this instance??
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daniel05
7 years ago
i think both.. highly suspicious i say!
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RHP User
7 years ago
anti...even without knowing the history, Fred's comment contained a clear indication that there are some biases / issues at play. If you can't conceive of why single people might want / need discretion, then you either a) don't have much of an imagination, b) have very little ability to empathise / put yourself in others' shoes, or c) think that single people don't have the same standing as couples when it comes to participating in a 'non-vanilla' sexual lifestyle. I'm not going to comment on which might be at play here, because I really don't know. We are obviously not going to agree on this particular issue so I'm bowing out now.
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RHP User
7 years ago
It's not hard to work out when an open couple mentions the word discrete , but when a single guy says discrete it could mean one of two things , cheating or protection of privacy , you work it out champ - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
Yes it maybe someone is playing away from a partner. It may be someone proffessional. Might be someone with kids. Bi, Swinger what ever cooks your goose. I just respect that my info isn't going to be blabbed. And I'm certainly not blabbing about who I've met. If it did happen I'd be pretty upset. I'm single try and avoid cheaters mainly after being in a long term relationship and being regularly cheated on. Not cool. But simple common respect of another person costs nothing. Cheers 😎 - Posted from rhpmobile
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The_Antichrist
7 years ago
We’re talking about 2 different things....in my view... My confusion isn’t with the justification of discretion as I agree with touchy in every reason she’s listed as to why people in general would want discretion....I also happen to agree that there shouldn’t be a disparity of entitlement when it comes to being discrete. My confusion lies with how on earth Freddy boys comment is seen to be dismissing singles(and others) of the same rights to discretion, when there’s no such mention of it.... That’s the only thing I cannot see as to me they’ve made a very general comment without any implication or suggestion that singles etc are less entitled to the same discretion as couples are..... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
Im options 1,2 & 3. Does that make me an arsehole. Probably, but that's my choice and who is anyone to judge Touch. You're my type of girl. A straight shooter. You crack me up - Posted from rhpmobile
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bonefide
7 years ago
"I dont want my family, friends or colleagues knowing I am on sex sites." It individual thing.
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bonefide
7 years ago
It's individual thing. Oopps
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RHP User
7 years ago
How quick people spoil for a fight. And then whinge about the moderation ! How this got to 4 pages is remarkable. So discretion, does your boss know your on here ? Your mum ? What about your kids ? No ? Then you would appreciate discretion. And if your a cheater, surely that's fucking obvious.
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AnnieWhichway
7 years ago
My use of gender/bi was as an example to illustrate. That everyone is entitled to discretion Wether straight, bi, gay, single, married, defacto, Poly. It was to highlight Freddy's comment about more reasons that couples have more reasons to need discretion. They have no extra reasons requiring discretion than anyone else, even Joe Bloggs down the road who may be humping his silicone doll up its arse every night. God bless him.....
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RHP User
7 years ago
This "Given the overtly sexual postings of touchy in the past, could we not be forgiven in assuming discretion really isn’t much of an importance to her given that people don’t need to be a member to read about said escapades???" Um, excuse me but I don't say their names??? You seem hell bent on defending Fred's comment, though with no logic. I'm also bowing out. I give up, I've given my opinion, you seem to be avoiding the fact that Fred assumed the op's question was for couples? Why would he assume only couples need discretion sigh 😏 I'm out. Whatever you say 😉
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RHP User
7 years ago
I will say before I do, where is Fred? Why hasn't he shed some light on this. Speaks volumes in my opinion
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RHP User
7 years ago
Hadn't done enough reading, about to now
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RHP User
7 years ago
It's code for cheating you say? So who am I cheating on, my bullet vibe?
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swingalingson
7 years ago
is getting alot of responses. Seems very popular. 4 pages. lets see where it goes
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ruby_blossum
7 years ago
Have come across that a few times over the years. I havent read the previous pages, just want to say that I value discretion, rarely kiss and tell unless that is part of the deal agreed on by both parties. My view of discretion...met up with a guy off another site a few weeks ago for a coffee. Man that guy could talk!I think the few words I said were my coffee order and that I wasnt interested in what he had to say. All he wanted to talk about were the people he has met, which is ok in general terms except he was telling me their profile names, real names (first and surname), streets they lived in, what they had indulged in, medical conditions, business they were involved in, the girl who was pimping him out to her friends...it all just came gushing out! I think it was partly down to nerves and he wanted to "impress" me with his sexual prowess. All it did was make me finish my coffee and say I had to go. I wanted no part of being his spiel to others down the track. He sent a message that night that he would like to catch up and what did I think of him....I was very polite with my reply and suggested that maybe its not a good idea to tell a stranger all that he told me in that 10-15 mins. May be a bous for him if he was a little more discreet. His reply was basically I was a frigid bitch with no idea of adventure. Yep, dodged yet another bullet :)
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couplecourious
7 years ago
Discretion: May be more important for people in small/smaller communities, than those lucky enough to live in the city. You are far less likely to have a public profile picture noticed in Melbourne than you are in say a small regional town by another member. Professional and Personal lives can be compromised unfortunately by those who are not discreet. Live in small country town to discover how gossip can be far more important than discretion and then ask the question again. Do I wish I had to be discreet? No. Do I need to be? Hell yes. everyones different, so horses for courses, but seriously? being discreet puts you into either a cheater or ashamed of your sexual habits category? Life is a broad bean of pull of many pods.
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The_Antichrist
7 years ago
No argument there at all...as let’s face it, even joe blogs the latex lover still doesn’t need his privates plastered over every notice board....lol Karly latex might get jealous, which could end up less errrr....than flexible ?? :p I’m a firm believer in that everyone’s journey is the individuals business to advertise as they see fit, not by anyone else. But I don’t believe Freddy boy was aiming at dismissing anyone, which I believe has been the centre of the issue for you and touchy in this instance. - Posted from rhpmobile
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The_Antichrist
7 years ago
I’m happy to discuss my comments when they’re quoted correctly, and in context. But I gotta say chick, you've bastardised my comment to change its context entirely, which really isn’t fair or supportive of logic either is it? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
Omg good for you. I would have done a runner too 👎
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MrPlayful
7 years ago
Clean up in aisle 4. 😂
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MrPlayful
7 years ago
I think the general objection revolves around the assumption in one post that the op was to singles only, and after reading the rest of the same post some of us perceived that it inferred that it was obvious why a couple needed discretion and hence conversely that singles didn't necessarily require it. Shall we agree to disagree about said post and move on, though agree that all members deserve discretion regardless of attachment status?
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MrSuit
7 years ago
The problem with trying to label "discretion" as a sure-fire code-word for "cheating" means it will then mean something somewhere it's not supposed to. Hmm, that sentence got away from me there... let me explain. If you categorise everyone who asks for "discretion" as a "cheater", you will often be wrong. As responses on this thread have shown, there are a bunch of non-cheating reasons to request and expect discretion. So back to the OP question, does discretion request = cheater ? I think we can safely say the answer there is "No".
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FredAndGinger2
7 years ago
How can we discuss discretion with those who choose to show their faces in their public profile - clearly having little concern or consequence for being found out? - Posted from rhpmobile
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Great_vibes
7 years ago
In my mind discretion and respect are one in the same. Although I’m in this lifestyle I don’t need my private life broadcast all over town and to colleagues. Unfortunately respect and manners are things that some people seem to be devoid of these days. In the end does it really matter why? If they have taken the time to meet then respect their wishes and keep it under your hat. - Posted from rhpmobile
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AnnieWhichway
7 years ago
Plenty of couple profiles are involved with cheating, so yes the topic involves couples, like it or not
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RHP User
7 years ago
Following ruby's post, I once had a man message me bitching about a woman he'd appatently been with, not only did he go into a great long story about what he claimed had played out, but he gave her profile name and told me to have a look? I didn't look, blocked him and blocked out the name he had given me from my memory. That's an example of privacy lines being crossed and not for me
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RHP User
7 years ago
This "How can we discuss discretion with those who choose to show their faces in their public profile - clearly having little concern or consequence for being found out?" Discretion isn't only about being 'found out'? I couldn't care less if family and friends know I'm on here, some do, some might, I don't care, however how do think I would feel if a guy went into great detail about how our meet went, outing my identity, perhaps my real name, or consider there are two sides to every story. What if the guy was crap sexually but tells people I was, or lashes out after being rejected, remembering rejection can happen at the point of meeting. Gossip is one person's word and can be very damaging. Why would you assume everyone is worried about being visible on the site? I'm proud of my sexuality but still require discretion. I seriously don't understand your comments
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RHP User
7 years ago
According to your way of thinking, singles and people showing their faces are open slather? 😏
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RHP User
7 years ago
I wouldn't meet someone who I knew had a general disregard for discretion or an inability to grasp the meaning of it, and/or didn't offer it equally to every person, regardless of whatever stereotype they have had put on them. It would be a big no 😉 You seriously need to get over yourself mate
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RHP User
7 years ago
Any thoughts on this latest development? 😉
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RHP User
7 years ago
popcorn in the world for this guy
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AnnieWhichway
7 years ago
Deary me. So now I'm single and show my face, I basically fucked.....
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FredAndGinger2
7 years ago
Clearly we have a very different perspective about discretion. For a newbie swinging couple like us, we have great fears about being found to be swinging around. As I've said several times before, we have job, family and religious reasons that mean that we have a lot to lose if found out to be experimenting with swinging as a couple. Singles: from my perspective you're simply on a dating site and meeting people for completely "normal" dates. What happens on your dates is entirely your business and of course you have the right for discretion at your dates, as we all do. From my newbie couple perspective then, discretion starts right at the beginning of having an online profile that doesn't go viral in our many social networks - both online and offline. The impact to us of being found with a swinging profile is potentially huge. That's the difference between being ok with showing your face picand choosing to hide our identity. BTW I refer only to genuine couples and exclude those many fake couples profiles that are single men or cheating men who hope to get a good perve or something more. Those fake profiles have a very high chance of infidelity and are not the topic of my argument. They are also a giant pain in the arse for all of us genuine members and they should be blamed, shamed and deleted. Please now stop hammerimg my personal view and feelings and keep to the original forum topic. Instead of hearing from the same 2 or 3 single profiles, how about we get some fresh views into this discussion? Why is it that there are very few couples participating in any RHP forum topic? I suggest it's because they wish to remain completely discreet! This is my final post on this topic. Best wishes to all. - Posted from rhpmobile
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close_cpl
7 years ago
We come from families and work settings where this would not be understood amd where we would be looked down on for our engagement in it. Right now, at the newbie stage, we aren't prepared to be trailblazers and change the world. Maybe later. But for now, we like discretion - Posted from rhpmobile
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The_Antichrist
7 years ago
Lol not going there....lol But to answer honestly, I have plenty of thoughts, just not enough time or energy to invest in buying into this discussion.... Which of course can be taken many ways of where my views could or could not lay.. Thanks for the offer though :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
I'm really enjoying this topic. It's been very enlightening. Another classic Fred quote "Singles: from my perspective you're simply on a dating site and meeting people for completely "normal" dates" How 'normal' are your dates Annie? lmao this is seriously funny stuff. You see Fred, just because you're terrified someone you know will find out you're a swinger, that in your mind elevates your need for discretion, above everyone elses, bottom line is you don't deserve it any more or less than any other person. Until you understand that, well you need to understand that and realise it's not all about you/your needs
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RHP User
7 years ago
translate sexually 😎
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RHP User
7 years ago
In the interest of establishing who deserves discretion, I think we need to examine normal and abnormal sex 😯 Firstly, I'm almost afraid to ask, but what do you call normal sex? As far as I'm aware, a couple who don't trust each other, get jealous, so play only occasionally with strict rules, heady stuff. You're a couples snob and very unappealing, boring to me, your sex life would bore me to fuckin tears mate 😇
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AnnieWhichway
7 years ago
I'm just your average normal single girl just finding my way to a few dinner dates which may lead to a kiss or 3. Perhaps I'm on the wrong site and should move on to RSVP to find my future hubby, the father of my children..... Love your work x Normal Annie
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bifungirl77
7 years ago
Whether a profile states discretion or not, it simply goes without saying, regardless of anyone's situation.
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RHP User
7 years ago
I know that when I was on here as a couple, we used to have discretion on our profile without thought of how it reflected on other people on RHP (aside from the fact I think it is/was offered as a template and we simply clicked on it as a choice). We just didn't think that far ahead because we had young kids at the time and for sure did not want what we were up to coming home to roost. On the other hand, having had a lot to do with dating sites since they first became a thing back in the 1980s (in my experience at least) I didn't think a lot about an unattached single needing to have discretion!!! I am an example of the many different perspectives we might be coming from... Never easy to tell really. PeachyPearL
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RHP User
7 years ago
Surely you jest?
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DynamicCouple36
7 years ago
Some good points raised and discussed. We agree with you completely, and having met you in person, understand exactly where you are coming from. We too, would not want our identity, as swingers, to be divulged to friends, family & anyone one else for that matter. That is our choice and our right to privacy. Which is why, if and when we meet anyone from here ( even if just for drinks) we prefer not to use our real names, nor to even give our our mobile number. We would also never invite anyone from here (or other swinging sites / within the swinging scene) to come to our house. Why? Because (a) we value our privacy and anonymity (b) we have children (and value their safety & security ) We thus prefer to keep our real lives and our swinging lives completely separate where possible. - Posted from rhpmobile
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PatchworkGirl
7 years ago
It’s sad that it has become a dirty word on here. I will say, however, it’s one of those “red flag” phrases on a profile, particularly when it’s found on a single male profile with “attached” as a relationship status. It then tends to mean one of two things - either I don’t want my wife to know I’m looking for sex with other people, or we have an open relationship and she is ok with me pursuing other connections but we don’t want everyone at work / our next family bbq to know. A little bit of examination of context/ flat out asking helps clear up any semantic confusion usually. I know it’s just as likely for those interpretations of discretion to be present in any profile. I tend to assume when I see it on a couples profile that it relates to privacy not secrecy, but that’s not already the case, particularly on those fake couples profiles designed to make us think both people are active and consenting. As for single women - same applies. And I don’t think that there’s any reason for a single woman to be less desirous of privacy than anyone else on here. I will say what annoys me the most is when people are looking for “discrete” relationships. Ugh.
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